Secrets She Could Never Tell
by HB rules
Summary: It is 1 year after the war and a new Panem is rising from the ashes, celebrating its new found freedom. But something is stirring in the shadows. Old memories reawaken, old adversaries return and the new Panem is soon fighting against an unexpected enemy. Finally finished and complete!
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so this is the story which has taken up most of my non-working hours for the past 2 weeks. I wanted to create a story which had layers to it, and I think that many different elements come into play with different characters and all sorts; plus I love writing extremely long stories which this promises to be!**

**Updates should be pretty fast as I have written ahead and am just checking over chapters, but I would really love to get some reviews and see if what I am writing is any good and if people want me to continue with it; plus it drives me to write more, faster, and is generally just nice :) Thanks to all of the people who inspired me to publish this by reading and reviewing my other story.**

**As usual, Suzanne Collins is the source of characters and storylines as such, and having just watched the film again I am determined to write and keep this story going! Rated T but may change to M for later chapters, by the way, most probably for violence and not very nice things.**

**Brief intro before I shut up and leave you to read. This is set 1 year post-war, and is centred mostly around Effie but with a lot of the other main characters involved too. It has many elements to it, so is not strictly following one path, but I hope you like it! Happy reading (and may the odds be ever in your favour lol!)**

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**Secrets She Could Never Tell**

**Chapter 1**

She woke up screaming. To anyone else it would have sounded as though she was dying, the pained and desperate cries of a woman barely hanging on to the edge of life; she knew that no-one would come to her aid even if they could hear her. She wasn't worth it.

Alone in her room, the faces framed on the wall seemed to stare at her. Their eyes were unforgiving, their looks of disgust and pity telling her what she already knew. They blamed her for what happened to them, and in her mind they were right to. She should have done more. They didn't deserve to die.

Slipping down into the soft silk sheets her entire body trembled, not with cold but with fear. She couldn't escape them. They would always watch over her, punish her every night and taunt her every day. It was not a life worth living, but what other choice did she have? There was no easy way out, not even in death; she knew that she was going straight to hell.

It was another night spent staring into nothingness, tears staining her pillow as she wished for the darkness to swallow her into the abyss. At least then she might find peace. The voices of the dead whispered in her ear, hissing curses and begging for her blood to avenge their souls. They would not rest, they would never quieten, and she feared that she was slipping slowly into madness.

In a few hours she would rise, cover her face with enough white power to hide the truth, and spend her day beaming at people as though all was right with the world. There was no-one to love her, not even anyone to care. They all thought her bright and bubbly, smiling even if crisis took over, when inside she was dying.

Xxx

Katniss sat by the lake, watching the sun overcome the darkness and rise up above the horizon victorious. She did not know how long she had been sitting there, but by the way her nose tingled with the morning chill she could guess that it had been a while. The sky had not even been tinged with light when she had woken, settled in Peeta's warm embrace in the comfort of their bed. There she was safe, sometimes happy, but that morning she had needed to get out.

It hadn't been a nightmare as such, not one of the usual ones anyway. Usually, Katniss dreamt that she was back in the arena, forced to watch as all of those who she had loved over the years slowly die one by one. Those she was used to. It was one of the crueller dreams which had driven her to the woods before dawn broke into a symphony of birdsong, one which would play on her mind for the rest of the day.

She had been sitting at the edge of the Meadow, the houses of District 12 busy with life behind her as though the bombs had never fallen. The air was sweet with the smell of honeysuckle and the distant aroma of freshly baked bread from the baker, yet it was calm and unmoving – peaceful. Katniss lay back in the long grass, her head cushioned by her hunting bag, watching Primrose laughing and playing before her.

She was younger than when Katniss had last seen her, a memory from when times were hard but before everything went so terribly wrong; before the explosion. Her blonde plaits bounced around her shoulders as she ran, the sound of her voice like the coo of a dove ringing through the still air. She was not alone.

Rue was with her, chasing her through the long grass without a care in the world and occasionally whistling her four note tune to the mockingjays which immediately answered her call. It looked as if they had been friends for years, though of course they never could have been. In a different time in a different world, perhaps it could have been, but not in this lifetime. Both were lost, far too young, and that would play over in Katniss' head until the day she was finally allowed to die.

In one way, it was welcome relief to not wake drenched in sweat and fearful for her life. It was even comforting to watch her little sister play and imagine her as she was: happy. But that was the part which she found the most unbearable. It was knowing that she could never be happy again, that she would never laugh or smile because the world had taken that from her; that Katniss could not stand.

She had stopped trying to convince herself that it wasn't her fault a long time ago. She knew it, in her heart, yet she was just as certain that the guilt would never leave her no matter what she said or believed. She just had to get on with things as best she could, and live the precious life that so many others never had the chance to lead.

Katniss waited until the sun was high in the sky, the warmth of spring spreading through the air and the animals surfacing from a good night's sleep, before starting back towards her home. Peeta would worry, that she was sure of, but he knew where she went and would never dare to follow her. He understood, when so many others would not, and for that she was grateful.

Xxx

She noted the sense of relief in Peeta's eyes when she walked through the door.

'Katniss!' he said, as though surprised to see her. 'Are you hungry? There's freshly baked bread, right out of the oven.' Not finding the strength to argue, Katniss only smiled and nodded, sitting down at the table as he laid a plate of cinnamon-scented bread still warm before her and made a mug of hot chocolate to dip it in.

They sat across from each other, in silence at first but not one which was hostile or unwelcome; sometimes nothing needed to be said. Peeta knew exactly where she had been, and why, so there was no need to question it. It was only when he realised the date that he spoke up.

'Oh, I'd almost forgotten she was coming today,' he remarked, reminding Katniss of their impending visitor.

In three weeks time, the Republic of Panem would celebrate one whole year of freedom from President Snow and the old regime. It was a momentous occasion, with special events planned in every district leading up to the big day and a huge party in the Capitol on the night itself with feasts, speeches and dancing which would surely last all night.

Katniss had been invited to attend by President Paylor herself, though it was more of a request than an invitation. The girl on fire, the Mockingjay, had been the figurehead for the rebellion one year ago and had lead the country to victory; that's how she put it anyway. Katniss did not quite see it like that, but she had not argued. Though she hated playing up for the cameras, she knew that it was necessary for the somewhat desperate people of Panem.

In a year a lot can change, but it takes far longer than that to build a country back up from ruin. After the war ended, most of the districts were left with little housing or land and barely had enough food or water to survive. Even with help from the newly formed government, one which included a representative from every district, poverty took over and life became simple and often hard.

But the people came through. The freedom which came with this new era was enough to keep them going, and slowly each district was beginning to reform. That said, many places still did not have enough. The celebrations were not just designed to mark an anniversary, but to give hope to a nation that could easily lose sight of what it is fighting for. It is a glimpse of the better future which everyone strives to achieve, and will, if they have that spark of belief that things can get better.

So Katniss agreed, needing little persuasion, to be seen at the televised ceremonies and make her presence known in the Capitol. Even after everything became peaceful and the role of Mockingjay seemed pointless to her, President Paylor reminded Katniss that she was remembered and loved for her actions; her sacrifices would never be forgotten.

'Even if you don't agree with them, let them believe in you,' Paylor had said in her kind but inspiring tone. And she would.

'What time does she arrive?' Katniss asked, unsure whether to be apprehensive or glad of the impending visit.

Effie Trinket had always been a bit of a puzzle to Katniss. She was coming to help her, for a day or two at least, to prepare her for the upcoming visit to the Capitol. Although seeing Effie brought back memories of the Hunger Games, the thing which scared Katniss more than almost anything else even now, there was something about her which meant that she could not hate her. Surely someone raised in the Capitol during Snow's reign, who played a key part in the games themselves, should be an enemy? But Katniss, for some reason, could not see her like that. She did not understand why, but for some reason she trusted her and would be glad to see her when she arrived later that day.

'Twelve, I think,' Peeta replied. 'Is Haymitch up yet?' She let a small laugh escape her lips and raised an eyebrow.

'Fair point,' said Peeta, laughing with her.

Haymitch rarely surfaced before midday, and if he did it was never for very long. Although he and the rebel leaders had fought to keep Effie alive during her imprisonment in the Capitol, there was no love lost between them. They were polar opposites, who disagreed on almost anything, and Katniss was sure that wherever Haymitch was he was keeping his distance from the explosion of bright colours about to invade their quiet lives.

Xxx

Twelve o'clock came around quite quickly, and almost exactly as the clock began to chime there was a knock on the door. Katniss opened it, barely able to suppress a smile as she knew what was coming.

'Oh Katniss, how good to see you!' Effie beamed, giving the startled young woman a light hug and kiss on the cheek. 'You're looking well.'

'So are you,' replied Katniss with a smile, but there was something odd which she could not quite place about Effie's arrival. She dismissed it, however, and accepted the hug which felt somewhat meaningful.

She took a moment to look at Effie as she stepped into the house, having not seen her in several months since her last hastened visit to the Capitol. She was wearing a wig of white curls tinted with pink, and a deep purple jacket and skirt which flowed like water as she moved. Her heels, as always, were slightly too high and her face was very heavily made up, even more so than usual.

Very few of those living in the Capitol still had the wealth and comfort which had come to them with ease before last year. Effie must have some sort of private money, Katniss thought, to still appear so wealthy though her high ranking job in the new government mostly likely provided her with a suitable income.

After Katniss had ensured that Effie was in no danger of prosecution for crimes she was not really accountable for, Effie was offered the position of personal advisor to the President. One of many, of course, but still valued for the organisational skill for which she was famous. She did well out of the tragedy, but Katniss knew that she had earned it. Not many of the residents living in the Capitol during the war would have dared to rebel, but one of the people Katniss would have thought least likely to complain risked her life to speak up.

'And Peeta!' Effie shrieked, as he came into the room from the kitchen. She greeted him with more enthusiasm than he was expecting, and he caught Katniss' eye grinning from ear to ear. She pulled away as soon as her mind turned to business.

'Now, there are a lot of things we need to discuss,' she began. Her tone changed as she spoke of the one man who was not present. 'Where, dare I ask, is Haymitch?'

'He's next door,' Peeta told her, as if she didn't already know. 'I'll go and get him.'

'Excellent! Now, where's the kitchen? I think we could do with a cup of tea before we begin.'

'Through here,' Katniss said, gesturing through the archway and following as Effie led the way into the bright, sunlit room. Finding her way speedily around the kitchen, she started making a pot of tea as Katniss sat down, watching in awe. The woman Katniss had met what seemed like a lifetime ago looked as though she didn't know how to do her hair, let alone make her own tea. It was something so small, yet so significant.

Setting out cups for them all at the table, Effie began to pour the brewed tea leaning over slightly. That was when Katniss noticed something unusual. It was barely large enough to see, mostly covered by the jacket sleeve, and had she not been paying attention she would have easily missed it.

The end of a deep scar was visible on Effie's arm, glinting pearly white as it reflected light from the sun. It would not have seemed out of place, given that the country had been at war only twelve months ago; but this didn't seem like a battle scar. And, after all, Effie had not been directly involved in the fighting.

Knowing scars, Katniss could tell there must have been awful pain inflicted when the flesh had been broken, and blood flowing readily from the wound as vessels broke and spilled their contents. It was an ugly scar, not neat like the ones Katniss had from having surgery in the Capitol or District 13, and clearly branched up Effie's arm where the rest was hidden from view.

'Effie...' Katniss started but Effie had realised what she had seen and pulled back hastily, spilling tea across the mahogany table as she slammed the pot down.

'Oh, that silly thing,' she dismissed with a girlish giggle, 'no need to worry yourself with that, Katniss! There are for more important things to discuss.'

Their eyes only locked for a second. Katniss thought back to when she had first seen Effie after the fighting had ended, and she remembered that vacant look in Effie's eyes which had said so much and yet had been largely ignored with so much else at stake. She saw it again now. Those once dazzling blue eyes which emitted such powerful brightness were dull, and the only emotion Katniss could sense was fear. It was not the anxiety of embarrassment at her secret being discovered, not even the feeling Katniss drowned in every time she woke up having dreamt of the arena. No, this fear was pure and deeply haunting, causing damage no-one could repair, and it was tainting the unbreakable image Katniss had always associated with Effie.

But it soon became clear. She had sensed it, as soon as Effie had walked through her door that afternoon; something wrong. Her tone was too bright, even for her, her make up too thick; she was hiding something. This went far deeper than a scar. Effie turned away, busying herself with organising the large handbag she had brought with her, and Katniss knew she was fighting back tears.

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**Thank you so much for reading, and if you would leave a review, even a few words, then I would be grateful and let's be honest I would write and update faster too!**

**This is only the beginning, the very beginning, and there is a lot more to come. I am not planning on giving a thing away though, so you will have to wait and read on to find out! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, and who has read it. Have dropped the rating down to T for now but it is likely to change later as I have amended in chapter 1. **

**Hope you enjoy and please leave a review, more to come soon**

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**Chapter 2**

Peeta walked in with Haymitch on his arm, barely awake and not completely sober from the previous night's heavy drinking. He collapsed heavily into the chair at the end of the dining table, grunting with the effort as he did so and trying to push his greasy blonde hair out of his face. Peeta sighed, taking the seat next to Katniss.

When Effie turned back to them, it was almost as if nothing had happened. She tutted at the mere sight of a half drunken Haymitch and wiped the spilt tea from the table, pouring what was left in the pot into cups. Katniss couldn't help but watch her, analysing her every move as though it would answer all of her questions.

She wasn't sure why she was making such a fuss over a small scar which could have been caused by any number of things, none of which were any of her business; but it was that look in her eyes. The fear she had seen lying there, so deep and painful, was not something Katniss had seen in a very long time. Besides, she had never seen Effie frightened before, not even when everything around her was falling apart. There was something that she was scared of, something which overruled her natural brightness and forced her into a very dark place; Katniss didn't want to imagine what could lurk there.

'Oh no,' Haymitch mumbled eventually, beginning to emerge from his intoxicated haze, 'not you again.' His words were directed at Effie, though she was not surprised by their unkindness.

'Yes, Haymitch, it is me. You have work to do before you got to the Capitol in precisely...nineteen days, four hours and fifty three minutes and I will see that you do it,' she commanded, her hands placed authoritatively on her tiny hips. Katniss suppressed a smirk as she watched Haymitch try to keep up with Effie's fast flowing words in his stupor. She noted that they were leaving two days before the anniversary celebrations. It made sense, she supposed; one day to get there, an evening to relax and be prepared and then the big day. It seemed far more important to everyone else than it did to Katniss.

'Do you ever shut up?' Haymitch spat harshly. Effie was slightly taken aback by the callousness of his words, not sure how to respond in a way which would not anger him further. To avoid any greater confrontation, Effie stayed silent and took her seat with almost regal dignity. Katniss suspected that he had hurt her feelings, but he wasn't about to apologise for it.

'First things first,' Effie began quietly after a moment's silence, 'have you two written your speeches yet?' Katniss stared at Effie in awe as though she was speaking in a foreign tongue.

'I'll take that as a no...'

'I didn't know we had to give speeches!' Katniss gasped, her mind suddenly blank and unable to think of a single word to say to an audience who expected so much of her. She had always been terrible at that sort of thing, stumbling over her words when she had to read aloud in school; this was her idea of a nightmare.

'Oh it's nothing much,' encouraged Effie. 'President Paylor will be giving the main speech, along with Commander Heavensbee and a representative from each district. You will both only be expected to say a few words; how the country is pulling together, vying for a better future something like that.' It seemed the simplest thing in the world, yet at the same time completely impossible. Katniss only nodded swiftly to show that she understood, looking to Peeta who also seemed to have lost confidence in his oratory skills. At least he had a way with words, a way to win people over; Katniss just had pressure weighing down on her shoulders.

'Am I not going to give a speech?' Haymitch laughed. Effie shot him a dangerous look.

'The government does not want to make a complete fool of itself! If it did, you would be the first one to speak.' It was enough to silence Haymitch, who got bored very quickly and seemed to drift off into his own little world.

Xxx

It took a very long time for the sun to begin to dip below the horizon, and Katniss' stomach was rumbling for the lamb stew waiting patiently in the cupboards to be heated up. Somewhere between the flower arrangements and the colour scheme for the President's Ball, Haymitch had found a bottle of white liquor in the cupboard and begun to drink from it. It had been kept there by Katniss and Peeta for him, as he well knew, and the others let him drink as it was at least something to stop him from verbally abusing Effie more than he already had. After her request that he wear a tailored suit for the evening, he had called her a 'stuck up Capitol bitch,' and she had refused to even acknowledge him for the rest of the conversation.

'Oh goodness, look at the time!' Effie noticed as the daylight faded into darkness. She closed the thick book in which she had written the various schedules and plans for the next few weeks and secreted it away in her bag.

'Where are you staying?' Peeta asked. He had been very patient with her, given his obvious disinterest in which fanfare the marching band would be playing, and his true feelings had not even registered on his face. Katniss could not say the same. She detested such pointless details, though had held her tongue for Effie's sake; she had not managed to wipe the scowl from her face at times, however.

'Not with me,' Haymitch half shouted, taking another swig from the half empty liquor bottle.

'I wouldn't dream of it,' Effie replied with a hint of sarcasm in her tone. 'No, I am staying in one of the other houses in Victor's Village.'

It struck Katniss as a very lonely place to stay the night, a house which had never been occupied. This coupled with the concern she felt could not help but feel for Effie pushed her to say something unexpected.

'You could always stay here,' she suggested a bit too quickly, 'we have enough guest rooms to house several families.' Peeta looked at her for a moment, not because he wouldn't be happy for Effie to stay but because he didn't know why Katniss would ask her to.

'That's very kind of you but not necessary,' Effie replied warmly. Her eyes caught Katniss' again, trying to hide what they had given away before.

'At least stay for dinner,' she tried again but Effie shook her head, rising from the chair.

'There is a lot of work I must attend to and I wouldn't want to intrude.'

Before Katniss could protest, Effie wished Peeta and Haymitch goodnight with her winning yet faltering smile and walked to the door. Katniss followed her, catching up just before she left. When Effie turned to her though, she didn't know exactly what to say.

'You're very bright,' said Effie softly, 'but you sometimes see what isn't there. There is no need to look any deeper into what you see.' With a smile, she walked out of the door into the night and Katniss felt defeated. She had grown up with an instinct to take care of those who depended on her, and make sure that no-one went without. She could have done more and she knew it. Katniss was still young, just eighteen, and had no right to pry into others' business, but she felt that on this occasion she should if only to make sure everything was as it should be.

_Leave her be_.

It was a small voice in the back of her mind, one she usually chose to ignore, but this time Katniss knew it was what she had to do. There was nothing that she could do anyway, no reason for her to worry, so she decided to listen to the misguided voice of conscience as she closed the door.

Xxx

Returning to Peeta and Haymitch in the kitchen, Katniss suddenly felt very tired and wanted little more than to eat her dinner and go to bed. Her early morning was beginning to take its toll.

'Has she gone?' Haymitch asked.

'Yes,' Katniss replied quietly.

'Good,' he answered, getting unsteadily to his feet, 'I can't stand that woman. I've had to deal with her for what, seven years? Her voice...how can she be that happy all the time? Even when she watched tributes she had come to know die on a screen before her, she never seemed upset about it.'

'If she cried for every tribute she lost in public, then she would not be very good at what she does and probably wouldn't have survived the rebellion,' Peeta pointed out wisely. Katniss noted how he said 'in public,' as though he, like her, suspected that it was not all as clear cut as Haymitch would like to think.

'I don't know why I wasted my time getting her out of that prison cell,' he muttered, 'she's not worth it.'

'That's terrible,' Katniss shouted up at once. It wasn't just about Effie any more, it had strayed far deeper than that.. 'How could you even think of leaving someone to their death when you have the capacity to save them? It would make you as bad as Snow.'

For a moment, the fiery anger in Haymitch's eyes suggested that he was about to launch into a heated argument, but for some reason he softened quickly and shrugged, retreating. With nothing more to be said, Peeta guided him to the front door. He staggered back to his house, barely making it to the porch before he tripped and landed on his face.

'He doesn't mean it, you know,' Peeta assured Katniss. 'He's just drunk, as always.'

'I know,' she admitted, 'but after so many people died, even thinking of leaving someone who could be saved...it just makes me angry.' Peeta took the lamb stew from the cupboard and poured it into a pan to heat it up.

'Is everything okay?' he asks after a moment's silence.

'Yes, yes,' insisted Katniss, though her mind was still buzzing. Her conscience still warned her to let the woman be, but part of her could not quite allow her to.

'Did you notice anything...odd, about Effie?'

'What do you mean?' Peeta inquired.

'I mean...I don't know exactly,' she admitted, feeling sheepish. She couldn't explain it exactly, but she had to try and explain to Peeta what she had seen.

'She was a bit thinner, I suppose,' he remarked. Katniss recalled an image of Effie to her mind, suddenly realising how her clothes had not fit quite as they should and how her makeup had not been able to hide hollow cheekbones. She felt guilty that she had not noticed it earlier.

'I just felt as if something was wrong,' sighed Katniss.

'She seemed her usual self to me,' Peeta remarked, trying not to upset her.

'You weren't there before the meeting started,' Katniss explained, 'you didn't see the look in her eyes. I don't know, maybe I'm worrying over nothing.' She had decided not to tell him about the scar; somehow, it seemed a little too personal to share.

'Maybe, maybe not,' Peeta said diplomatically, ladling the soup into a bowl and handing it to Katniss. 'I'll keep an eye out, see if I notice anything.'

'Thanks,' was all she could manage to reply as she felt her eyelids begin to droop. This conversation was not going to get anywhere with her mind so hazy, so she decided to leave it and change the topic slightly.

'Haymitch was a bit harsh today,' she pointed out. Peeta nodded.

'I don't think he was quite prepared for Effie after all this time.' Katniss managed a smile as she agreed. Her eyes heavy, she quickly finished her stew and went upstairs to bed with Peeta following close behind; she would be safe in his arms tonight and her worries would melt away.

Xxx

As soon as she entered the cold, eerie house three doors down from Katniss and Peeta, Effie regretted turning down their offer. Of course, it was not her place to intrude in their home and she would never have dared to accept. But at the same time, the house was so cold and empty; anywhere had to be better than this. Anywhere, perhaps, except the hovel that Haymitch called a home.

They had never exactly been good friends, but they had formed some sort of civil acquaintance over the years of working together in District 12. He always threw insults her, and she always criticised his atrocious manners, yet somehow this time it had seemed more personal. She hated to admit it, but his words earlier had stung her.

Kicking off her seven inch heels as she entered the master bedroom, Effie sat down on the king sized bed. This was the part of the day she dreaded most, the slow descent into night which she could not escape from and being forced to confront the realities which lay hidden away for the rest of the day. She retrieved a silk dressing gown and night dress from the case which had been delivered earlier, a stunning emerald green lined with perfect white lace.

Effie shuddered as she began to undo her jacket, sliding it over her pale skin and folding it neatly on the nearest chair. Her thin, bony fingers struggled to unbutton the soft purple silk blouse as her hands shook and she felt the tears welling up in her eyes.

It was a torturous yet unavoidable task which seemed to take a lifetime to complete. As her skirt slid to the floor and she removed the wig from her head, Effie was bordering on hysteric. As soon as she began to take off the clothes she wore, the mask she hid behind during the day, everything started to fall apart. She was exposed to the terrible reminders all over her body, the memories flooding back with her powerless to stop the unyielding effect they had on her. She tried to block out the vivid images which flashed across her vision, but they would always resurface to punish her further for trying to send them away.

Walking slowly to the bathroom, Effie bent over the marble sink and scrubbed her face clean of the toxic powder she despised yet couldn't live without. Drying her face with a cloth, she stared into the basin of the sink for a moment knowing what was coming. She could never leave the bathroom without looking. Every night, she promised that she would not put herself through it again, but when the next night came it was a different story. Her tears spilling from her eyes and gracing her cheeks gently, Effie raised her head and was confronted at once by her reflection.

She couldn't bear it, yet she could not pull away. A gaunt, lifeless face only brightened by panic stricken eyes stared back at her. The dark circles beneath her eyes told of the many nights where she had gone without sleep, hoping to avoid the nightmares, or those where she had managed to close her eyes only to be tormented until she woke screaming for help which would never arrive.

Turning away, Effie staggered from the bathroom with nausea rising and burning her throat. She sat on the bed, trying to stop the world from spinning, and looked down at her arms. Katniss had barely caught a glimpse. The scar she had caught sight of was one of hundreds, if not thousands, which tainted her porcelain skin. That particular affliction she remembered, the night that the rebels had managed to break into the airwaves and portray their propaganda. They had asked her question she could not possibly have known the answers to, and punished her for sport. She could still feel the curve of their knife as they carved her skin and fed her flesh to the angry dogs when she traced the scar with her finger.

It hurt to breathe. Her tears would never be enough. They could never express the pain which stayed with her, the memories of everyone and everything she had lost the only ones which her mind could recall. Effie crawled into the bed, feeling no comfort from the crisp warm sheets. She would not sleep, she knew that already, but she would scream. She could hear him, talking to her as if her was still there lying next to her; it was unbearable. Closing her eyes, she tried to block him out but his voice only whispered louder in her ear. Wondering how she had not yet succumbed to insanity, Effie listened to the clock tick as dead men hissed at her in the darkness.

Xxxx

She screamed. She had to. Effie put her hands over her ears to block out the terrible sounds, her fear and anger starting to drown out their voices. When she stopped they were only a distant memory, but they mocked her still.

Pushing away the duvet, she walked over to the window and opened it wide, closing her eyes as she felt the dawn wind caressing her tear-streaked face. For a moment it was clear in her mind, the only thought in her hand and the only hope in her heart; she was going to jump. The house was high enough, and though there was always the chance that she would do nothing more than break her back somehow she knew that this was her chance to end it all. The window was large enough for her skinny frame to fit through and she sat for a moment on the windowsill, with her legs dangling in the air and the curls of her hair, her true hair, blowing gently in the breeze.

Effie sat there for what could have been hours, until the sun was high and the birds had ceased their early morning song. She was late. For the first time in her life, she was late and that made her cry. She couldn't do it. She wasn't strong enough, a coward too afraid to end her suffering because she didn't know what death would bring. And now she had to spend another day pretending to be someone she despised. She had to cover her face with the blasted powder, which stung her eyes and smelt like ash. This was her punishment, for everyone who she could have saved yet didn't out of fear or cowardice; she was forced to be as miserable as a person can be, and act the fool for others to mock her.

Xxx

Katniss' eyes flew open. She grabbed her robe and removed herself from Peeta's arms, walking over to the window and opening it. The early morning was still, no sound other than nature's calls to disturb the silent district; yet she had heard it. Faintly, yes, but she had heard it nonetheless. Someone screamed.

Xxx

Effie came to the house ten minutes later than scheduled, which immediately put Katniss out of sorts. In any other circumstances she would not have cared about the daily plan in the slightest; but Effie was never late. Five minutes taken from her day caused her to panic and start shouting at people, but she was unusually subdued as they worked in the dining room again.

They ploughed through the rest of the itinerary relatively quickly, but after they broke for lunch, without Effie eating a single bite, and Effie insisted on them practising writing their speeches and performing them, it was still evening time before they finished. The sun had long since departed and it was almost eight o'clock before the final legal details were seen to. Haymitch had not joined them.

'I will go over to Haymitch and drop off the itinerary and anything he needs to know, though anything of great importance I can go over when I return two days before you are scheduled to leave for the Capitol. Is there anything else you need?'

'No,' Katniss admitted, 'I am pretty sure that we have been over everything.'

'Good,' Effie said finally, 'then I will be back in just over two weeks.'

'Effie,' Peeta interrupted, 'isn't it a bit late? Why don't you stay another night here and go back in the morning?'

'No,' Effie snapped, a little more forcefully than she had intended. She couldn't stay another night in that house; it felt too much like where she used to live. 'I mean, no thank you. I have already spent quite a while away from my job, on President Paylor's orders of course, but no-one else in her advisory team is particularly organised. I am needed.'

She left with a swift hug for both Peeta and Katniss, who looked at each other and knew that they would be having a conversation about her tomorrow. Katniss couldn't help fearing that the scream which had woken her had been Effie's.

Xxx

Knocking lightly on Haymitch's door, Effie was unsure why she had come. She could have asked Katniss or Peeta to drop off the documents, though it wasn't as if he was going to read them anyway. Something had drawn her to his house and now it was a little late to back out. He answered the door with a grunt and left it open, retreating back into his squalor.

Effie followed him cautiously, and placed the letters on the nearest clear surface; she could sense that she was not welcome in this house.

'I just needed to drop these off for you to look at,' she told him, receiving no reply. 'I will be back in just over two weeks for the final preparations.'

'Of course you will,' said Haymitch gruffly, picking up another bottle and collapsing into a worn armchair. She couldn't take it anymore, she had to ask.

'What is it?' she asked directly. He looked at her, confused. 'Why, all of a sudden, am I so despicable that you can't even talk to me properly?'

'Oh, it's not all of a sudden sweetheart,' Haymitch replied cruelly. She swallowed, refusing to leave until this had been settled.

'But something is making you more angry with me than usual.' He looked at her. She genuinely didn't know. Haymitch decided that the least he could do was be honest with her, though she wouldn't like what she heard.

'Okay,' he started. 'It's you. Just...just you. You come back here, after everything that's happened, after everything people died trying to make right and you're the same! You have the same stupid Capitol wigs and make up, even your clothes scream of the way things used to be. And yet, even though everyone should hate you for being the epitome of what we fought to destroy, they pander to your every word. They give you money, a nice house, freedom to do and wear what you want even though they must know what you represent. You're disgusting.'

She hadn't been ready to hear it. Part of it Effie could understand, his anger at the old Capitol and how in a way she was still using the image of the enemy; but that wasn't what brought tears to her eyes. He called her disgusting – that hurt. She had been called that before, as a child refusing to wear the wigs her mother gave for her and she had changed, only to be called by the same name again. They had called her it when she was forced to sleep in a pool of her own blood, knowing she could hear their words through the bars. Perhaps she was disgusting.

But worse than that, worse than his hurtful words, he thought that her life had been easy. Haymitch hated her because of how much everyone else had suffered and died whilst she had lived quietly and happily, without a care in the world; it couldn't have been further from the truth. Effie would not say that her pain was undeserved, but there were those who had lost far less than she had. If only he knew.

'You think that I lost nothing, in the war?' she asked him. He scoffed at her.

'I know you did. You gained more than anyone else by barely lifting a finger.'

'You didn't see me,' she whispered, tears threatening to fall.

'What?'

'When th-they found me, when the w-war was over. You...didn't see me.'

Haymitch thought back, knowing what she meant. He had been part of the mission to save her, but he wasn't there when they found her. He knew she had been taken to the hospital, but thought that she would be fine. Lots of people were imprisoned, it wasn't much to shout about. But...was she trying to tell him something? Her sobs were not falsified, not overly dramatic. They were the tears of someone who was scared, and had memories so haunting that they couldn't sleep at night. Memories like his own. His resolve began to falter, but his anger would not die as he willed it to. He felt sorry for her, and something told him that he didn't even know the half of it.

'I wasn't,' he admitted, 'but you got out. Many didn't.'

'I did,' she agreed, lowering her head in shame. 'They took y-your family. The Capitol, when you won the Hunger Games, didn't they? They-'

'SHUT UP!' Haymitch roared, throwing the chair aside. He couldn't talk about them, not to anyone. Very few even knew. He stormed up to her and raised his hand as if to hit her, but even in his drunken rage he couldn't. He watched as she flinched and cowered away, believing that he would do it, that he would hurt her. Why didn't he stop? He knew that look. It was the look of someone who had been hit before, many times, and was terrified of reliving it again. If only he could stop himself.

'I'm sorry,' Effie said honestly, upset that she had caused him pain, but it wasn't enough for him. Her tears, which sparkled like diamonds as they fell, were not enough.

'You haven't the right to talk about them,' he raged, the fire in his belly burning with an intensity which frightened even him as he paced the room. 'You are nothing, less than nothing, and they...You spent your life sending tributes, children, into that arena and I never once saw you bat an eyelid. The woman before you cried every night when her tributes died, but you just hoped for better stock next year at the reaping; I swear it was your favourite day of the year.'

'STOP IT,' she screamed, clapping a hand to her mouth. He didn't know, how could he, yet he had crossed a line. 'Please...p-please st-stop...'

'I don't know how you can bear to look in the mirror,' he spat, turning away from her.

'I can't,' she whispers, unsure if he can hear her. Effie moved to the open door, but just before she stepped out, she swallowed her pride and said one final thing.

'You aren't the only one. Other people lost their families to the Capitol. It wasn't just you who lost everything.'

He turned, remorse heavy in his heart. He knew that he should apologise, and all he wanted to do was to hold her in his arms and ask her the questions which she hadn't quite answered; but she was gone. What had she told him? Nothing, it seemed, and yet everything. She hadn't said the things she had for no reason, they meant something to her.

Haymitch couldn't help but think back to when they found her imprisoned in one of the high security cells below the Capitol city centre. He was part of the team, but she was right: he never saw her. He made sure that she was safe, but after that thought nothing more of her until she was out of hospital. He had thought that because she was a Capitol citizen, part of the Hunger Games, then she would have been safe. They hadn't killed her, so surely they had just kept her locked away...that's what he had believed anyway.

Had they tortured her? The thought alone sent shivers down his spine. He had nearly hit her. Oh God...He wanted nothing more than to beg her forgiveness, but she was on the next train back to her home, the place where they had hurt her and apparently taken everything. Haymitch had never heard Effie speak of family. Was that because she had no family left? Had he accused her of being part of something which had ultimately destroyed her life? So many questions, so many apologies, and no time to think it over.

Haymitch wondered why he cared so much. Of course it was tragic if she had been hurt, or her family killed, but many others suffered the same fate. He only knew that thinking of her face, her distraught and sobbing face with makeup ruined by tears, made his heart ache. He didn't like this feeling, he had only felt it once before and she was gone. To drown his sorrows and take his guilt away, he took another bottle of liquor and turned out the lights.

Xxx

Effie sat on the train, staring at nothing in particular. The train was too big, too empty, and she knew that she would have to lock her doors tonight as she would not sleep a wink. He didn't know. She thought that he knew where she went on a night when the Hunger Games commenced. It was the same every year. The first night of the games, she would retreat at exactly 11pm and spend twelve hours sobbing into a silk pillow.

When she returned, every tribute that died was etched in her memory. She had been to 6 Hunger Games in total, including the Quarter Quell, which meant that she had watched more than a hundred tributes die. There were some still alive; Peeta and Katniss, Johanna, Beetie, Enobaria...She couldn't name any more. So many lives, such a waste, and she had been party to it. No wonder every time the mirror stared back at her she shied away.

Knocking back four bright pink tablets with a glass of hard scotch, Effie had to hope that her nightmares would come to her, for the alternative was far worse. If she couldn't sleep, she would force herself to. Something seemed off. She was alone, but was she? A shiver ran down her spine as the odd, but assured thought ran through her mind...someone is watching me.

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**Is someone watching her? You will have to wait and see :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed and favourited. Unfortunately Effie won't be getting much of a break soon so you will have to keep on reading!**

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**Chapter 3**

'Peeta? Are you awake?'

'Yes,' he replied. It was very early in the morning, but Katniss hadn't slept a wink in hours and she needed to get a few things off her chest.

'Do you want to talk?' He always knew the right thing to say.

'It's just Effie, I suppose. I know I went on about it before-'

'Don't be silly,' Peeta assured her, 'if it's worrying you this much then there is probably something to it. You have such good instincts.'

Katniss turned slightly in Peeta's arms, so that their eyes connected. He could see that she was worried.

'I...I saw something,' she whispered, 'on her arm when she bent over. It was the edge of a scar, a deep one, one you wouldn't forget in a hurry. I stared asking her about it but she pretended not to hear me. It was the fear, Peeta, the fear in her eyes. It scared me to think of her that frightened of anything. She always seemed so strong.'

'What could she be afraid of?' asked Peeta.

'I don't know,' Katniss admitted. 'That scar...I haven't seen anything that bad before. It looked deep and ragged, as if it went on much further than her wrist and I can't imagine how she got it.'

'Katniss...what happened to Effie during the war?' She had never had cause to think about it, but her mind was flung back to the day where she had first seen Effie...that vacant look in her eyes.

'The Capitol imprisoned her, for being part of a rebel group,' she remembered. 'Haymitch and Plutarch had to fight to keep her alive.'

'Do you think they could have hurt her, when she was in prison?'

'Do you mean did they torture her?' Katniss asked, receiving a nod of understanding from Peeta. She had never thought about it, not even considered the possibility before. It was Effie, bright and bubbly Effie who was always on time with perfect hair and perfect clothes. To imagine her in pain was...unthinkable.

'Did you not see her when you were...' She couldn't bring herself to say it, but Peeta saved her the trouble without flinching.

'Tortured? No, I didn't, but I heard certain things. Where I was kept was only one of the places they used, and it was reserved for those they were holding on behalf of other people; in my case you.' She still felt guilty, but he smiled at her.

'You don't have to feel sorry about it; that was a long time ago.' She returned his smile, and waited for him to continue.

'There was another place where they kept Capitol traitors, those they had left alive, and tried to get information out of them. She could well have been kept there.'

'I don't like to think of her like that, I can't imagine it,' Katniss said, airing her thoughts aloud.

'You said there was fear in her eyes; I know that the experience isn't something you get over in a hurry. I consider myself to be lucky really.'

'How so?'

'They spent all of their time trying to alter my memory, so much so that they didn't really hurt me as such,' explained Peeta.'

'But tracker jacker venom hurts!'

'At first, but they injected it into me to give the best effect. It wasn't much worse than the prick of a needle. That's nothing compared what they did to some people.'

'You can't let people worry about you, can you Peeta?' Katniss scolded with a smile. Whatever she said, he would try and keep her from worrying about him and she would always lose the battle.

'Do you think that was it then? That she has nightmares about her time in prison?' Peeta asked.

'Yeah, maybe,' Katniss whispered. She wasn't completely convinced. That fear had seemed fresh, raw, rather than the fear of memories. But Peeta was probably right; those experiences never leave you. The games never left her memories, after all.

'Poor Effie,' yawned Katniss as she drifted back to sleep in Peeta's arms. He felt for her too; having seen hand what the Capitol could do to people, and he wondered how deep Effie's scars really went.

Xxx

_Effie was lying naked on the cold hard ground, with nothing to protect her body against the bitter chill which never seemed to cease. She didn't know how long it had been since she had last woken, but the stiffness of her joints suggested a day or two at least. _

_Learning to ignore the terrible thirst and hunger was one of the hardest things about what she had come to call her life. Every few days, someone left half a piece of mouldy bread or a dead animal for her to eat. If she wanted water, she had to pay for it. They only way to get water, was to have a tall, overweight Peacekeeper come into your room with a small bucket of water and thrust your head into it so violently that every time you wanted a drink you came close to drowning. It wasn't worth it, for the small amount you could drink before the world went black, but if you refused they would only force it down your throat until you were sick and that was so much worse._

_As she did every day, she tried to work out how long she had been there. It had progressed from days to weeks to, dare she say it, months. She couldn't bear the thought, because if no-one had come for her in more than a month then no-one was coming._

_Effie heard the clink of a metal key in the lock on the door to her squalid cell, and tried to move; her first instinct was to get as far away from that door as possible. But she couldn't do it. Her body refused to do as she asked, her hands curling into fists but her limbs lying hopelessly as she felt the fear rise in her tight chest. All she could manage was to prop herself up a little higher on her unbroken left arm, enough to make her seem stronger than she was at least._

_It was Gray Freeman, one of the high ranking Peacekeepers, accompanied by a few lower down the food chain. What she couldn't stand was the way they stopped for a moment, just to stare at her body as though she was a piece of meat, laid out for their entertainment._

'_Now then, bitch,' Gray spat, his eyes glinting in the darkness like a cat's eyes, 'are we going to talk today?' He asked Effie this every day, and the best part of this hell was the look on his face every time she said no. _

'_Why haven't they just killed her?' asked one of the younger guards. 'She doesn't look like she's worth much and she's been her for more than two months.' Gray chuckled menacingly._

'_Oh, I think Catrio has a soft spot for this one,' he grinned, referring to the Head Peacekeeper of the prison unit. 'Likes the way she cries when he hurts her, not even trying to be brave anymore.'_

'_Does she know anything?' It was another of the younger recruits. He sounded barely eighteen._

'_Yes, we're sure of that. What she knows is of more use than anyone else we have captured, but the bird just won't sing...yet. If she won't, we'll cut out her tongue and use her as a plaything until there's nothing left. She's little more than a pet as it is.'_

_They laughed, such a cold and cruel laugh._

'_So, what will it be today Effie?' She looked at him with as much dignity and courage as she could muster, but the threat of becoming an avox locked away at the mercy of a building full of men wouldn't leave her mind._

'_Because we have to make that little bird sing, don't we boys?' Gray pulled a knife from his belt and stroked the metal edge against her cheek, drawing fresh rubies of blood. Her arms were wobbling. It was all she could do not to just lie on the floor and wait for the pain._

'_Maybe she needs a reminder of just who exactly she is,' Gray teased, kicking her arm so that she crashed back to the floor. He bound her wrists with a swift movement and crouched beside her, bloody blade drawn._

'_A dirty whore.'_

_She couldn't stop herself from crying out as the knife pierced her skin, cutting deep into the flesh of her chest and scraping against her ribs. Each letter seemed to take a lifetime, his work meticulous because he knew that it hurt her more. She was barely conscious by the time he had scrawled 'whore' in capital letters across her chest. He grinned, admiring his handiwork before leaning close and whispering to her, 'I'll be back later to see if you're up to the job.' _

_She didn't know why she did it. It was her own little act of rebellion, which achieved nothing but a moment's satisfaction. With all of the energy and saliva she could muster, Effie spat in Gray's face and watched his disgust and horror at what she had just done with a weakened smile. He was unforgiving. With the knife, he slashed across her stomach as she screamed to the heavens until her torso was bathed in a pool of red. He finished by opening the cuts on her inner thighs, which acted as his calling card. He would, indeed, be back for her later._

'_But sir, won't she die? She's losing blood fast,' piped up one of the young Peacekeepers._

'_Don't worry,' Gray said as he stood to leave, 'she's not allowed to die. Someone will be along just before the end to revoke the right she has to a dignified death and I'll be back tomorrow to fulfil my promise.'_

_With hazy eyes, she watched them leave and wondered what her point was in the world. What was this for? Why didn't she just tell them what they needed to know? But she never would. She couldn't sell Katniss, Peeta, Haymitch and the rebels fighting for a better future down the river just for her own sake. The pain was worth it, to know that people like Gray would die alone and defeated. As the last young Peacekeeper, the one who looked no older than a teenager, made to close the door he dropped something. Their eyes met for the briefest of moments, and she could swear that he was trying to say that he was sorry. _

_She could smell the bread, not mouldy or stale but real fresh bread. It took her an hour of struggling to realise that she couldn't reach it. He had meant well, but she was far too weak and was losing more blood by the second. Everything hurt. She was on fire, and she coughed a spatter of blood across the stone floor. Effie began to choke on the metallic tang, rasping and screaming as she spluttered more blood across her body. Darkness came after three painful hours, and as her eyes closed she wished for peace...but she saw them coming in. They would stop her from dying, replace some blood perhaps, but when she woke her wounds would not be healed. And he was coming for her in a few hours. This was worse than death, it was hell._

Effie felt herself being shaken awake, and that terrified her even more than the dream had. It felt like she was back there, someone holding her down as they hurt her over and over again. She screamed, flailing and crying until she was forced back into the waking world. Her eyes flew open. She saw that she was clinging on to a poor avox girl, who had only been trying to ease her from her nightmare. The poor girl looked scared, but more than that she looked worried. She knew that there was something wrong, that people didn't scream like that unless they were in a very dark place, but she could say nothing.

'Oh,' Effie started, trying to pull herself together, 'I...I am sorry. Must have just had a, er, a bad dream. If you would be so kind, I would really love a glass of water.' Unable to refuse, the avox girl nodded with that sympathetic look in her eyes until she left. That girl must have nightmares too, Effie thought.

She soon noticed that she had fallen asleep in her clothes, and moved into the bathroom to get out of the tight fitting dress which seemed to be choking her. Unzipping it and letting it fall, Effie knew she had to look. Removing her white silk undergarments, exposing her bare flesh, she saw the words written in scar tissue in a jagged hand. Whore. A dirty, disgusting whore. Wasn't that what Haymitch had called her, disgusting? She was. In his eyes she would be, with the half healed wounds still tainting her once perfect unbroken skin.

She took the pills from the cabinet, the ones she used as a last resort. They weren't exactly legal, and she knew as she tipped five down her throat that she was going to quickly become dependent on them, but she didn't care. To have them prescribed would to be to admit it; these drugs only came from a psychiatrist's office. They were only given to those too traumatised to carry on without them, or to someone with enough spare money that no questions were asked. What had her life become?

Xxx

Katniss wandered through the near empty streets of District 12, wondering if the few that had returned to live there after the war would ever be able to make it feel like home again. She found herself making her way to Haymitch's door, to check up on him after his refusal to attend Effie's planning session yesterday and ask him to at least look over what she had left him.

Opening the door, knowing full well that if she knocked there would be no answer, Katniss noticed the mess. It wasn't just the general scene of clutter and empty bottles, but one of rage and carnage. There was broken glass covering the floor, every piece of furniture overturned and the curtains drawn against the sunlight.

'Haymitch?' Katniss called out. She heard a feeble groan from the kitchen, where she found him sitting at the table, his knife wedged into the wood.

'What the hell happened here?'

'That woman,' replied Haymitch simply.

'What, Effie?' Katniss took a chair and sat across from him. Haymitch was an angry man; after the life he had been forced to leave he was allowed to be, but this wasn't him.

'Yes,' he muttered.

'What did she do?' she asked, thinking it unlikely that anything Effie could say would cause such rage.

'Nothing,' Haymitch grumbled, 'it was just...her. She pissed me off.'

'So you destroyed your house?' He offered an empty smile.

'What can I say? She just has that effect on me.'

'Do you want to-'

'No, Katniss, I do not want to talk about it. It was nothing really; I got mad, she shouted, I threw things, she left and I destroyed my house,' Haymitch explained as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

'Did she say something to you?' pressed Katniss gently.

'She tried to tell me that everything I...that the rebels lost during the war was nothing in comparison to her poor sorry life. She's rich, she has a job and people still respect her so what does she have to cry about?'

Looking at him, Katniss sensed that he didn't want to think about what she could have really suffered. It was much easier for him to believe that Effie was just complaining, that she was making herself into a martyr, so that he could stop her from bringing up his own terrible memories.

'She didn't look well,' Katniss started, unsure of how this was helping Haymitch who seemed disinterested in the whole situation.

'No? Well too bad for her.'

'I think...I mean I don't know, but I...'

'Spit it out!'

'I don't think she suffered nothing, Haymitch,' Katniss said sternly. 'I think that she was tortured when they took her prisoner, and she still hasn't quite been able to get over it. There were terrible scar-' Haymitch cut her off.

'Why should I care? Hundreds of people were tortured, to within an inch of their lives, and most didn't make it but she did. I don't see why I should have to give a rat's ass whether she's hurting or not. If she would just keep her nose out of my business, then we would get along just fine.'

It was all bitter lies, of course. He didn't mean a word of what he said, but keeping his true feelings of regret and aching sympathy inside him was how it had to be. If he said what he meant, then he would have to believe it and he wasn't ready for that. Venting his anger and his frustration in this way at least cleared his mind, but Haymitch knew that Katniss would think him a terrible person for it.

Katniss knew that this would be where the conversation ended. Something in his voice told her that he had already suspected, if not know for certain, Effie's fate and he was trying to block it out of his mind. She stood up and made to leave, only saying one more thing.

'You can't be angry at her for what happened to you, Haymitch. It's not her fault they died.'

Xxx

It was nightfall before the Capitol train stopped at the station. Effie knew what she must look like, makeup barely assembled across her face and a simple blue dress thrown on with heels which didn't quite match; she hated to be seen this way, but it was all she could manage to do. As she went to leave the train, the avox girl who had woken her from such a terrible slumber caught her arm lightly. Her dark, hazel eyes were trying to tell Effie something which her lips could never betray.

_You can't go on like this, find someone to talk to_

It was as if the avox girl's thoughts were transmitted into her head, but Effie just gave her a brief smile and left the train. There was no-one she could talk to, and no-one she would.

Her apartment was small, a simple kitchen and living room with deep purple walls where she used to sit and watch the games, hating every minute of it, and a single bedroom where her nightmares wreaked havoc. It was always too cold, too empty when she returned and wished that someone could share it with her; as if any man would ever touch her now.

She flicked at the light switch as she kicked her shoes aside, finding it useless as the rooms were still bathed in darkness. District 5 must be running short again, she thought, and moved into her house dropping her case in the hallway. Usually Effie went straight to put her things away, neat and organised, but last night had taken everything out of her and she just wanted to lie before the television, hoping that it would keep her awake and preoccupied.

Walking into her bedroom, she knew something was wrong. There was a cold chill in the air, as if something did not belong. She saw the shadow move a second too late, and as she tried to run a large hand caught her wrist and twisted. Effie felt the bone break and her limp body being dragged backwards despite her screams. She wished that the people who lived next door could hear her, but they were away visiting family. The men knew that.

There were more of them now, moving around her in the darkness; nothing more than shapes. One held her hands behind her back, and three stood before her.

'Hello again sweetheart,' the largest figure said. Her heart turned to ice, her blood pumping burning poison through her veins. She was speechless. It couldn't...it couldn't be him. He was dead. He had to be dead.

'No,' she whispered, unable to believe it. He moved closer to her and forced his lips onto hers, smiling as she squealed and tried to pull away. Gray Freeman. He was the person who had made her life so worthless that every night she wondered if death would keep him away. And he was there, before her now, obviously not alone.

'I think we need to have a little chat, don't you?'

'Please,' was Effie she could manage. Her life shattered before her eyes, what was left of it anyway, and her last scream died as she felt someone punch a needle deep into the pit of her stomach. Their laughter was the last thing she heard before it all went black.

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**Lots more to come, thank you for reading. Please leave a review on the way out, they meant a lot.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed so far; it means so much and makes me work faster!**

**I apologise to Effie as a character and Suzanne Collins for the coming chapters; sorry guys, love you really xD**

**So anyone who didn't think it could get worse for Effie after the last chapter...they were wrong. Very wrong. In fact, so wrong, that in a few chapters I may have to bump the rating up to M, probably for chapter 5 so watch out for that. I am not very kind to my characters xD **

**Enjoy reading and please leave a review and I promise I will be speedy with chapter 5!**

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**Chapter 4**

Haymitch felt like a caged lion in the confines of his house; he needed to get out. Slamming the door behind him, with a bottle in one hand and his knife in the other, he left in the afternoon sun. He had no idea of where he was going, nor what he hoped to achieve, but for now the feeling of the wind against his face was enough.

It had been another nightmare which had woken him that morning – only this one was different. Usually, when he wasn't too out of it to dream, he was back in the arena or watching as some other poor children were playing the game his life and been devoted to against his will. But not that night.

He dreamt of the burning Capitol streets, the fires engulfing the brightly coloured buildings and reducing them to rubble as the city fell. He was following a group of people dressed in white, medics most probably, though he didn't know where he was going. Haymitch was taking no notice of his movement through the broken city, instead watching the fighting between rebels and Peacekeepers going on around him. For a moment he felt wonderful; this was the sight of victory.

But when he found himself in a cold, dripping hallway with twisted corpses littering the floor, the warm feeling of elation and pride disappeared. He heard a scream, a woman's voice, and walked slowly to the end of the corridor. Medics had surrounded the screaming woman, trying to calm her as she begged for them not to hurt her. She didn't know who they were. That was when he had seen who it was. Effie.

She was screaming at the top of her voice, her hair matted and dirty with no wig to hide it and grey tattered clothes which were not her own. The floor was stained with blood and her face was purple with bruises. He didn't know what to do. As he was pulled back from Effie, forced into the waking world before he had the chance to get to her, he found himself reaching out and calling to her, aching to tell her that everything would be okay.

And then he had woken, the sound of birds too loud and the sun too bright. He had spent all morning with his whisky, trying to forget about that dream and wondering why he had cared enough to have it at all. As he reached the borders of District 12, he still didn't know why he had dreamt of her. He hated her. She didn't deserve his sympathy.

Sitting down heavily in the grass in the Meadow, Haymitch took a deep swig from his bottle and felt the soothing burn as it slid down his throat. He would forget her if it took a hundred bottles, a thousand or more; he had to forget her. He remembered that she was coming back and heaved a great sigh, though not one of relief. Yet, there was a small part of him that wanted her to come back. He wanted to see her, but he hated her. Or did he? His mind was a mess. Probably the alcohol, he thought as he took another drink.

She would hate this, and he knew it. She would call him rancid and disgusting and that made him feel better. Whenever he thought of her, he referred to her as she. Why could he never say her name, not even in his private thoughts?

Effie.

Something sent a shiver down his spine, and Haymitch prayed that it was the cold and nothing else.

Effie Trinket.

It was a ridiculous name, so typical of the way things used to be, yet he liked the way it sounded.

Rage built up inside of him again. He couldn't like her; he was supposed to hate her. Effie Trinket was the epitome of everything which had gone wrong in his life. She symbolised the people who had taken away his family, his girl. But hadn't she tried to tell him something, that evening where he made her cry?

What Katniss had said all but confirmed that she had been tortured whilst she was in prison. A scar on her arm...Haymitch couldn't help but think that was only just the beginning. But it was what else she had said, about families being taken away. That pain was something he could understand, something he would not wish on his worst enemy; not even her. Effie had never mentioned a family, but everyone had somebody who mattered. He had never seen a wedding ring on her finger, but perhaps her parents? A sibling? He didn't want to think about it. It was far easier to pretend to hate her than admit that her life was probably worse even than his sad excuse for one. As long as he didn't admit to himself that he had been wrong, then he could still try to convince himself that he was right.

Xxx

President Paylor sat at her desk and sighed. There was a mountain of paperwork to do, so much that it covered every inch of the wooden surface before her; it filled her with dread. Fighting she could do, leading she could do, but organising papers seemed to be beyond her capabilities.

She had called her advisors over the past few days, but most of them were only useful for strategies or legislation; she needed someone to just get on with it. She needed Effie. Looking at the calendar, President Paylor was relieved to see that Effie should have been back the previous afternoon and was scheduled to work today. She wouldn't have to worry about what were probably very important documents, as to her they were nothing but rubbish.

Walking out to her secretary's desk, she looked back at the ever-growing mountain and smiled; she was waging war once again.

'Carmen?'

'Yes, President Paylor?' the bright, bubbly secretary replied. Paylor wondered how she kept that smile on all day; it was catching.

'Could you call Effie and ask her to come to my office please.'

'I'm sorry,' Carmen said apologetically, 'but Effie isn't in yet.'

President Paylor looked at the clock. It was after nine, and Effie started work at half past eight. She had never been late in her life. It struck her as more than odd; it was worrying.

'Well tell her to come straight up when she gets here, and inform me if she isn't in by ten.'

'Of course ma'am,' Carmen chirped and Paylor could not help but scowl. She hated that word, she hated authority, but she knew that she was what this broken country needed and one word wasn't going to get in the way of that.

Xxx

Effie stumbled into the government building at five past nine. She knew that she was late, and that would normally have been enough to put her into a state of hysteria, but she did not have the energy. Her excuse...she would need an excuse. The train didn't come in until late, perhaps? It would have to do. She was valuable enough not to be fired for such a rare discrepancy, though in all honesty she couldn't have cared less.

'President Paylor would like to see you in her office, as soon as possible,' said the woman at the front desk as Effie signed in. That was just what she needed. Without completely knowing where she was going, Effie made her way up to the President's office and knocked three times on the door.

'Come in.'

Effie had always liked this room. It was light and open, the sunlight streaming through the glass windows which covered the whole of one wall giving the best view you could have of the city below.

'President Paylor, I-'

'Look Effie,' Paylor interrupted, her eyes kind despite her straight tone, 'I don't care why you're late. You never have been before, and I know that you will have the perfect excuse lined up.'

'Well,' started Effie, 'the train-'

'But I know that whatever you tell me will probably be a lie.' Effie blushed crimson beneath her hastily applied powder, and her words faltered. Her eyes shone with anxiety, and as sapphire blue caught dark brown she knew that lying was going to get her nowhere.

'If I hear nothing more of this then that is fine with me,' Paylor continued in a hushed tone, 'and you will not be punished for it. But I just have to ask; are you all right, Effie?'

The immediate response would be a trill of 'Of course I am!', but it wouldn't come. Effie's cheeks burned as she felt tears rise in her eyes and her eyes sparkled even more brightly than usual. She swallowed painfully, and tried as best she could to stop herself from falling; her legs were little more than sticks to hold her weight.

'I...' she stuttered, trying to pull herself together. 'I am f-fine, thank you.' Effie knew that she did not believe her, but also knew she would not ask.

'Okay then,' the President smiled, rising from her desk to go to her first meeting of the day. It was about grain prices in District 9, her least favourite subject. She was also not the best at hiding her disdain for the subject, as her colleagues well knew.

'If it isn't too much trouble, then I was wondering if you could sort out this mass of paperwork. I don't even know what half of it means, but I trust you will know what to do with it.'

Effie smiled and nodded eagerly, though her heart sank. It was all she could do not to burst into tears and run, as far and as fast as she could, until she found someone. Anyone. But no-one would be standing there, arms open wide to hold her, no matter how far she ran.

'Take care, Effie,' Paylor warned her with a comforting smile before leaving Effie to her nightmare.

There were hundreds of papers littering the desk, each one pertaining to a different part of Panem or a different law being forged as they began to draw up to long term constitution for the country. Sitting at the desk Effie spent hours piling them separately and marking them as she went, losing herself in the simple, brilliantly tedious work. Until she found it.

Her heart stopped and her chest became tight; if she hadn't found it, then her future would be slightly less grim than she knew it now would be. In her mind she always knew that she would come across it; fate wasn't kind enough to spare her the agony. The piece of paper was thick, with the Capitol seal on the bottom and Panem's new symbol at the top. The words were few, but of the highest importance; Effie guessed that no more than three people could have seen it until that moment. Knowing that she was alone, she allowed a tear to escape from her eyes, washing away some of the powder which hid the deep red slash in her cheek. She would sort that out later. For now, she just wanted to cry.

Xxx

The entire building was silent. Only a handful of people were still left two hours after the working day had ended. Effie knew that she couldn't hide there forever, but those two extra hours in safety and near solitude had at least been comforting. She picked up her handbag and walked to the door only to be met by Arielle, one of her old Capitol friends who had hid during the war and resurfaced to find her wealth and status still waiting. The woman who had once been so close to Effie now turned her stomach.

'Effie, darling!' Her voice was almost as sickeningly bright as her sunshine yellow hair and matching dress, but Effie forced a smile and went over to her.

'Hello Arielle,' she managed weakly.

'Oh dear hun, you look terrible! Wasting away and...what's that on your cheek?' Effie's heart pounded nervously, her eyes darting around the room nervously as she watched the movements of the shadows.

'Nothing, nothing,' she insisted, 'just a bit of a slip with the tweezers yesterday.' It was suspicious, it didn't even make much sense, but enough for Arielle who launched into a lengthy story about how her own tweezers had broken the other week and she had cried for days, unable to pluck her brows. She really didn't know what it was to cry.

'Anyway, are you coming out tonight? Looks to me like you need a break.'

'No,' Effie said a bit too quickly. 'I...have some work to catch up on.'

'Oh come on,' Arielle moaned, grabbing Effie's wrist to pull her to whatever bar or cafe she had in mind. But it was the wrist that had been broken, the one mottled with bruises hidden beneath the spring green jacket sleeve, and she couldn't help but yelp in pain like a wounded animal and pull her wrist away.

'What is it?' Arielle asked, almost angry at her.

'Sorry,' Effie mumbled, nursing her throbbing wrist. 'I'll see you tomorrow, I'm not feeling too well.'

'Do you want some pills? I have a load in my purse...' she started but Effie stopped her and bid her a hasty goodnight.

When she got home, Effie allowed the tears to come to her eyes, leaning back against the door and sliding down until her head was resting on her knees. It was a long time before she found the courage to get to her feet. She wiped her eyes hastily and tried to walk with dignity into the darkened living room. They were there, she could feel it.

'You get it?' one of those asked in a gruff, manly tone.

'Yes.' She hated herself.

'That's my girl,' Gray grinned, moving towards her. Effie closed her eyes, knowing she would get no more sleep than she had the day before. She missed her nightmares.

Xxx

'Effie?'

President Paylor knocked on the door of her apartment for the third time, calling out her name. Normally she would never even think of making house calls, but for her best assistant she would make an exception. The door finally opened after the fourth knock, just enough for her to make out the silhouette of Effie's face in the darkness.

'Yes?' Her voice was nothing, weak and terrified. She hadn't been to work in a few days, and now she had handed in her resignation without giving a reason why. Paylor knew there was something else going on, and she needed to know what it was.

'Can I come in?'

'I...I don't...'

'Please?'

Effie opened the door to let President Paylor through, taken aback that she would receive such a prestigious visitor at such a busy time. The anniversary was just days away.

Paylor walked into the darkened house, the curtains all drawn and no lights turned on. Effie showed her through to the living room, but on her way she caught sight of the bedroom through an open door. There was a case hastily packed and a broken mirror on the wall with the pieces still scattered across the floor. Someone had pulled the dressing table over and its contents, broken perfume bottles and powders, were staining the carpet.

Sitting on the couch as invited, Paylor looked through the hazy darkness at Effie who had turned away from her. She was wearing a simple silk dress and thin cardigan, exposing her impossibly thin frame and her natural dark red hair spilled down her back; she was a different woman.

'Effie?'

'I'm fine,' she answered automatically, though she couldn't stop her words from trembling as her body did. Her good hand reached out to the sideboard, her bony fingers grasping onto a small bottle of pills as though they were the only thing keeping her from falling apart. Effie had been right; they were very addictive. Taking one of the nearly empty bottles of whisky from a low shelf, she poured herself a glass and washed down three pills with the burning brown liquid. She smiled a vacant smile as she looked at the many empty bottles which now littered her house; she was getting to be worse than Haymitch.

'We both know that is not strictly true,' President Paylor replied gently. Effie had almost forgotten that she was there, and jumped slightly before realising that she was safe; for now. 'What happened to you?'

'Nothing,' mumbled Effie, 'I just haven't been very well.'

'I can see that,' Paylor admitted, 'but a fool could see that you're scared of something. Why did you resign from my office?' Effie still refused to turn to her, which worried Paylor slightly. What did she have to hide?

'Because I can't stay here anymore,' the broken women confessed. 'I will help escort Katniss, Haymitch and Peeta for the anniversary as it has all been organised but after that I can't come back. I'm just n-not strong enough.'

'Effie...look at me,' requested Paylor gently. 'Please?'

Reluctantly Effie drained her glass, wincing at the horrible taste, and turned to face the President. She could hardly deny the woman who, instead of leaving her destitute as most of the old Capitol women employed by the games were, gave her a job. She had told Effie that she earned it, and they had both known what she meant.

President Paylor stifled a gasp. She had seen many things in her time, things too horrible to describe, but the broken look in this woman's eyes was something new, something worse. There was a fading cut across Effie's cheek, poorly stitched by someone who didn't know what they were doing, and she held her bandaged left arm gingerly in her right. Her dress was torn at the hem and the neck, revealing the very tip of a horrific scar and she couldn't even stand straight she was so weak. Paylor wondered when she had last eaten. Something was very wrong with this picture.

'Effie, what happened?' Paylor asked jumping to her feet but Effie waved her down, shaking her head and sitting carefully across from her. She couldn't look at her as her lips began to waver.

'Who did this to you?'

'I...I can't...' Effie stuttered. She couldn't let anyone else get hurt because of her. She was already endangering this woman's life by letting her in, and panic rose in her throat. Her head fell into her hands.

'Oh God,' muttered Paylor, finding fear in her own voice as she knelt beside Effie, a woman who had always been so strong, and watched her tremble as she sobbed. She waited there for a while with her, saying nothing but placing a hand on Effie's shoulder as she battled her demons.

After a few minutes, Effie suddenly stopped. She raised her head and looked around, terrified.

'What, what is it?' Paylor asked.

'Time...what time is it?' The President looked at her watch.

'Quarter to ten. Why?' Effie stumbled to her feet, almost falling over and wincing as her broken wrist slammed against the arm of the chair.

'You have t-to go,' she stuttered, staggering across the room and disappearing for a moment.

'What do you mean I have to go? I'm not leaving you like this,' Paylor shouted to her.

Effie walked back to Paylor and grabbed her arm, with enough force for her to know that it was serious but without hurting her.

'You can't stay here; I have to leave before...well before they find me. '

'If you tell me who they are, then I can help you. I do have a little influence here you know,' Paylor pointed out but Effie shook her head. Her eyes were almost rabid with fear.

'There's nothing you can do. And I...I'm s-so sorry I didn't mean to I...they were going to k-kill me,' she started to break down, her face contorted with indescribable sadness. Paylor didn't understand what she meant, though alarm bells were ringing in the back of her mind.

'You...didn't mean to?'

'They made me, they forced me, but I won't let them...' She was babbling as though she had lost her sanity, her words jumbling together as she tried not to say too much. Effie took a deep breath and led Paylor to the door.

'I can't let you leave without an explanation,' Paylor insisted. Effie looked around her, back into her house, and then stared straight into Paylor's eyes. She knew what she was being told; someone was watching them. Listening too, perhaps, but definitely watching them. There were so many things that needed to be said, so many questions and Paylor felt as though leaving Effie would be abandoning her to whoever was doing this to her.

'Be safe,' Effie whispered, her lips barely moving, and she took Paylor's hand in her own.

Pulling away quickly, Effie ran back inside with tears in her eyes. President Paylor went back to the black town car across the road, sitting in the back seat and waiting until they were over two streets away before instructing the driver to black out the windows and seal the window between them to give her some privacy. Once sure she was alone, she opened her hand to read the miniscule piece of paper Effie had handed to her. Her face went pale.

Xxx

Katniss was sitting in the garden when she heard it. The sound was huge and powerful, but very far away so rang faintly in the early evening sun.

'Peeta?' He came running, as he always did.

'Did you hear it too,' he gasped, catching his breath.

'Yes; what could make such a sound?'

'Only something very powerful. I think it came from the Capitol.'

'But that's hundreds of miles away!' Katniss reminded him. Peeta nodded.

'I know, but that wasn't just a bomb Katniss, it was much bigger than that.'

'Nuclear?' she suggested in a hushed tone.

'Possibly.'

'What's all this noise?' Haymitch shouted, returning from the Meadow where he seemed to spend most of his days now. Better than being cooped up inside, thought Katniss.

'We don't know,' Peeta admitted. 'Sounded powerful, and I think it's coming from the Capitol.'

'Sounded nuclear to me,' Haymitch mumbled, confirming Katniss' earlier thought.

'Come on, there has to be something on television about it,' said Peeta.

He was right. All of the usual programmes had been stopped in favour of a running news broadcast. All Katniss could see was flames.

'Wh-what happened?' she asked, unable to understand the mumbled words of the man on the television.

'Someone detonated a nuclear bomb on the outskirts of the Capitol, one of the one's left from the war just abandoned in a military base,' Peeta explained

'Was anyone hurt?' she gasped, panic stricken.

'Ten people working in the field nearby didn't make it, three in the base itself, with a few nearby injured. With the power that bomb holds, it's a miracle thousands weren't killed.'

'A miracle?' shouted Katniss, tears in her eyes as so many memories flooded back to her. 'Thirteen people are dead!'

'I know,' Peeta whispered apologetically, sitting beside her and putting an arm around her shoulders.

'They weren't looking to kill people,' Haymitch pointed out, 'it was supposed to be a diversion. The bomb went off exactly as President Paylor was about to give her public address in the city centre, and the moment everyone turned to look where the bomb had gone off someone shot at her.'

'They tried to kill her?' Katniss repeated, horrified. Haymitch nodded.

'Unsuccessfully, I might add. The second she heard the bomb, she ran off the stage the back way and no bullets even got close. If I knew any better-'

'You'd say she knew,' Katniss finished. How could the President allow people to die like that? That was the world they were leaving behind, not the new one trying to recover from the ashes. But watching the footage, she could see the look on Paylor's face and had another thought.

'I don't think she knew about the bomb,' Katniss remarked. 'I think she knew that someone was going to try and kill her, and that there would be some sort of trigger but the look on her face...'

'She didn't know the bomb was coming,' Peeta concurred, his eyes staring at the screaming people running and crying, not knowing what to do as their world fell apart.

Katniss released herself from Peeta's grip and turned away, disgusted.

'I thought we fought to end this.'

'We did, sweetheart, but clearly someone has a different idea,' Haymitch stated bluntly.

'What do you think it was?' she asked him, her eyes pleading for honestly.

'Let's hope that it was just a few mindless idiots wanting revenge,' he replied, evading her question with a cautious smile.

'The government has people on the inside now,' Peeta assured Katniss. 'From what President Paylor said on our last visit, they know who to watch and they move swiftly. It will all be over in a couple of days.'

'It has to be...' Katniss whispered, mostly to herself. She couldn't go through that again.

Xxx

'..Yes, that's fine. Okay, see you then.' Peeta put down the phone as Katniss walked into the room.

'Who was it?'

'The President herself,' Peeta answered with a grin. 'They've caught the people who did it.'

'Really?' exclaimed Katniss, running up to him and hugging him without a moment's thought.

'It was someone who used to work for the old Capitol, so knew how to crack the combinations to the nuclear weapons. He was working with a few anti-government agents, just a small group, and they've all been imprisoned.'

Katniss breathed a huge sigh of relief.

'I...I thought for a moment, that...' Peeta answered with a nod.

'We all did.'

There was a moment's silence as the air cleared, the bad thoughts dissipating into the morning sky.

'Oh, and she also said if we are up for it then they are still planning on holding the celebrations at the Capitol. It has been moved inside and scaled down slightly, just to be safe, and about a thousand different new security protocols have been invented just for this event. It's the safest place in the world.'

Katniss laughed.

'Does that mean I still have to give my speech?' Peeta joined her laughter.

'I'm afraid it does. We will only have a day or so until Effie arrives, won't we?'

'Yes I suppose so,' Katniss thought. She hoped that she was not quite as fragile as she was before. It hurt her to see someone that frail and afraid.

'I think I might make her a cake,' Peeta said brightly, 'bright pink icing and flowers, what do you think?'

'A brilliant idea,' Katniss agreed smiling.

Xxx

Peeta was just finishing the piping on the last flower for Effie's cake when he heard the knock at the door. He watched Katniss go to answer it, wondering who it could be.

Katniss opened the door to a rush of evening heat and a figure in bright purple.

'Effie!' she exclaimed, grinning, 'what a surprise! We weren't expecting you for another day or so.' Effie stepped hurriedly through the door and walked into the house, setting her case to one side and the ragged pile of paperwork in her hands down on a table.

'Yes well, unfortunately there's been a change of plan. After the incident in the Capitol, they have decided not to risk transporting people from other districts in for the celebrations. I've already spoken to Annie and she and the baby are going to get away for a few days, to somewhere safer.'

Katniss struggled to take it all in, and noticed how Effie could not quite look her in the eye. Her face was without much makeup, just a dash of lipstick and eye shadow on an otherwise clean face. When she turned to her, Katniss noticed the cut on Effie's cheek and her heart began to pound.

'But Effie,' Peeta interjected as he came in from the kitchen, 'we got a call from President Paylor this morning. She said that they were still holding the ceremony, indoors and with fewer guests, and asked if we wanted to come along.'

'Effie,' Katniss added, her voice catching a little in her throat, 'what's that on your-'

'Oh never mind that,' she dismissed too quickly. 'I'm sorry but you can't go. It's too dangerous. Anything could go wrong that they don't know about and I don't want you putting yourselves at risk for the case of some stupid celebration.'

Her tone had turned almost at once, to a desperate rage. Peeta's eyes caught Katniss', and he could see she was thinking the same as he was. Something wasn't right here, something in the way she leaned heavily on the table and held one arm close to her body; the way she could barely stand.

'Effie,' Katniss tried again, 'I'm sure there is nothing to worry about.'

'But there is,' shouted Effie desperately, tears forming in her eyes, 'they're everywhere, all of them and they won't stop...they...'

Something silenced her for a moment, as she lost her capacity for words and gripped the table harder. She had to stop them from going, without telling them too much; they didn't need to worry about what they couldn't prevent, but it hurt. Why did it hurt? Her hands began to shake, her heart pounding ferociously in its cage of bones and she felt it come, again and again. Whether the wound was old or new, the pain was intense and crippling. She saw spots of light dancing before her eyes as she tried to continue, to explain, but there was nothing which could stop the agony searing through her abdomen.

Bending over double Effie let out a strangled cry, staggering forward a few steps and coughing blood onto the floor. She was scared. She hated to admit it, but she was absolutely terrified. It stabbed into her, pain like she hadn't felt since those dark and lonely nights at the mercy of Gray; so many nights. All she could do in the end was succumb to the darkness, paralysed with fear, and allow her broken body to fall gracefully to the floor.

Katniss watched as if behind a glass screen, unable to act and only to watch. Effie had stopped in her tracks, her face contorted in pain she could not hide. She doubled over, screaming in agony before letting go and allowing herself to fall. Katniss knew that she should have done something. She watched as Effie staggered and blood dripped from her mouth, helpless and frightened. Her fear was an excuse, a reason for her not acting sooner and preventing the dull thud as Effie's body it the ground, but she knew Effie must have been frightened too. Terrified.

When she ran, crashing to her knees at Effie's side, Peeta was at her side.

'Oh God...'

Up close, Katniss could see the hollow cheeks of Effie's face, how her makeup could no longer hide her pain, and cursed herself for letting it go when she had first suspected something to be wrong.

'Katniss,' Peeta asked gently, 'what do we do?'

'I...I...' It was all that she could manage. She was still in shock, wondering what had happened and why it had to be someone already so fragile that suffered the wrath of God.

'Katniss?'

'I DON'T KNOW,' she shouted, feeling tears hot and wet streak down her face. 'I don't know what to do, Peeta. There's no doctor here anymore, not even my m-mother...what can we do? Peeta...I don't know...' Thinking on his feet, Peeta came up with a quick solution: Haymitch.

'I'll get Haymitch, okay? He'll know what to do.'

Xxx

Haymitch moved sluggishly to the door, bottle still in hand, and was confused when Peeta stood before him trying to catch his breath.

'What do you want?' he asked bluntly.

'Katniss needs you. It's Effie, she-'

'Oh not her again,' Haymitch complained a bit too loudly. 'If I never see her again it will be too soon.'

'She's in trouble.'

'I bet she is,' smirked Haymitch.

'No,' Peeta said, holding up his bloody hands, 'she is really in trouble.'

He was struck dumb for a moment. Why? Why did the boy have her blood on his hands? Every sense other than fear left his body, and he pushed past Peeta half running to the house next door. When he burst into the room, he wasn't prepared to see her lying unconscious on the floor. He wasn't prepared to think; what if she dies?

'What happened?'

Katniss was sobbing silently, her hand on Effie's lifeless arm.

'I d-don't know exactly,' she started. 'She said something about not going to the anniversary. She was talking fast, shouting, but then she screamed. She c-coughed up some b-blood on the floor and fell...'

Haymitch crouched next to her, wishing he knew what they could do to help her.

'She looked so scared,' whispered Katniss. 'Can you help her?'

'I can try,' Haymitch said honestly, though he didn't know what they expected him to do.

He sent Peeta, who wasn't particularly good with patients, to get some water, blankets, and any first aid they had handy. Pressing the back of his hand lightly to Effie's forehead, he felt the heat almost sting his hand.

'She's burning,' he announced. Haymitch looked at her clothes, a tweed skirt and ruffled silk blouse beneath a lavender tweed jacket.

'If we can take off her jacket, and get some cold water on her head, then she might start to cool down. Can you take off that god-awful wig, Katniss?' Despite her anger at his jibe, Katniss bent over and released Effie from her golden beehive to reveal her true bright red hair. She had never imagined Effie as a redhead, but then there was so much that escaped her nowadays.

Haymitch undid the front buttons to Effie's jacket, and made to slip her thin twig-like arms gently through the sleeves. He noticed a bandage on her wrist, and was careful not to twist that arm too much. When her jacket was off, he folded it and used it to cushion her head; that was when he heard Katniss gasp.

He saw it too. Her arms were covered in pearly white with scars, some deep and jagged which surely reached the bone and others which told a more horrific story. There were small burn marks on her shoulders, little circles where someone had used her to put out their cigarette; it made him angrier than he had ever been in his life. But that wasn't the worst part. There were far darker deeds at work.

'H-how did she...I mean...how could anyone do that to her? She did n-nothing wrong, never hurt anybody,' Katniss sobbed quietly.

'Oh sweetheart,' Haymitch told her through gritted teeth, 'it's far worse than that.'

'What do you mean?' Katniss asked, looking at him begging for answers.

'The war ended a year ago.'

'And?'

'Some of these wounds are new.'

* * *

**Sorry. I was a bit cruel, but don't worry...it could get better for Effie. Doubtful, but it could ;)**

******Thanks again for reading and leave a review on your way out and there will be more very soon!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing this story! You have all been so fab and I am trying to keep updates coming as quickly as I can. Reviews do help though, make me write more and faster :)**

**Not my longest chapter but not quite short either...and a lot happens xD I have to say sorry to Effie again; she doesn't really deserve this but what the hell it could be worse. Decided to put off increasing the rating to next chapter but this carries a little warning with it; mind you, it isn't really worse than previous chapters. I don't think anyway xD Will have to be chapter 6 for the increase though as it is going to get worse. I know, it shouldn't be able to, but it might.**

**So happy reading people, though not so happy for Effie, and please leave reviews and comments etc. they really make my day.**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

'New...how can they be new?' Katniss didn't understand. Effie had suffered when she was held captive, yes, but as Haymitch had pointed out that was more than a year ago. Her wrist, clearly broken, had not yet begun to heal and the cut on her face was newly stitched. Katniss hated herself for ever thinking ill of this woman. No-one deserved this.

Taking one of Peeta's damp cloths when he returned, Haymitch dabbed the blood away from Effie's mouth and sighed. Her breathing was slow, but stable at least and her pulse was only a fraction quick.

'There's not much more I can do,' he said with a heavy heart. He took Effie's undamaged hand in his and stroked his thumb gently over her soft skin. Though he didn't want to admit it, but he was feeling guilty about their last encounter. Haymitch didn't remember everything, but he knew that he had been out of line. He had called her...what was it? Disgusting. His heart ached; that was a terrible thing to say, even before he knew what he did now. He had accused her of representing a world that had caused her such pain, told her that she had not suffered. She had shown him without words that he was wrong.

He was sorry. Haymitch was very rarely apologetic for anything he did, but for what he had said to her he was truly sorry. His breath caught in his throat as her breathing slowed, but it returned to normal quickly enough. He could watch her all night. Even looking like death's fallen angel, she was staggeringly beautiful; particularly when not hiding behind that wig and makeup.

She woke with a start, catching them all by surprise. Her eyes blinked a few times, adjusting to the light, but she began to breathe fast and Haymitch could feel her desperate grip on his hand.

'No...' she mumbled, 'no they're going to kill me.'

'No-one is going to hurt you Effie, we promise,' Katniss soothed. It was harder to see her this distraught than it was to see her in pain, because she could sense how much deeper this fear ran.

'I can't...I didn't mean...oh God they're coming to get me!' Effie screamed and began to thrash about on the ground, weeping and pleading for her life. Katniss stood up and backed away, her eyes filling with tears. She couldn't bear it.

But Haymitch was strong, stronger than she was at least in this instance, and he stayed.

'Shh, darling, no-one is going to hurt you,' he assured her firmly. He put his arms around her as she pummelled at his chest and pulled her close, whispering in her ear until she finally went limp, sobbing into his shirt and holding onto him as though her life depended on it. Peeta went over to Katniss, picking up Effie's jacket and putting it on the side.

'You okay?' he whispered.

'I've never seen anyone act like that before,' she confessed, 'and it scared the hell out of me.'

'Me too,' Peeta pointed out. 'I was hardly helpful back there. Oh...what's that?' He picked up something small from the floor near where Effie's jacket had been.

'Must have fallen out,' he pondered, bringing it close in the dim light to see what it was. Katniss watched his face turn a very scary shade of white.

'Peeta, what is it?' He handed her the very small square of card, a picture. As she looked at it closely, she understood why he had turned pale and felt the colour fade from her own cheeks. It was a scan, the scan of an unborn baby, with the name Effie Trinket in tiny letters in the top right hand corner. Her baby.

'Haymitch,' Katniss hissed, trying to catch his attention.

'What?'

'Will you be all right for a few minutes?'

'I think I've got it covered,' Haymitch said sarcastically, but not unkindly. Katniss took Peeta's hand and they disappeared into the kitchen, closing the door so that they could speak without being heard.

'What the hell, Peeta?' It was all she could say.

'Do you think she's...pregnant?' he asked. Katniss shrugged.

'I don't know, do I! But this is her scan, with her name on it, in her pocket. She felt the need to carry it with her, so it must mean something.'

'Is there a date on it?' Peeta suggested, turning another light on so that they could see the photo better. They squinted, but the picture was too small.

'I don't understand what's happening here,' Katniss sighed, sitting at the table with her head in her hands. 'At least when we saw her before she was composed, even if she was having nightmares. Now...I can hardly recognise her. She was so strong, Peeta, nothing ever fazed her not the games, not the war, nothing.'

'She's scared of someone, or some people, trying to kill her,' Peeta muttered. 'What if she's right?'

'Peeta!'

'No, but what if she knows that someone is going to try and hurt her and that why she is so catatonically scared right now? You saw those marks on her as well as I did; some of those weren't old, Katniss.'

'So what,' Katniss asked, anger creeping into her tone, 'now, for no apparent reason, someone is hurting and threatening to kill harmless Effie Trinket? Why would anyone do that? What's the point?'

'I think only one person can tell us that,' Peeta gravely pointed out.

'Well I wouldn't dream of asking her in the state that she is in. Still, Haymitch is looking after her. I didn't think he would be very good at that sort of thing,' remarked Katniss.

'All I know is that when I told him that Effie was in trouble, really in trouble, he set off like a man possessed and there was genuine fear in his eyes.'

'Maybe he doesn't hate her,' Katniss yawned, wishing that this night could be over.

'Maybe he loves her,' grinned Peeta weakly.

'Now that's a thought...'

Xxx

It was quite a while before Effie stopped crying. She held on to Haymitch, breathing in his strong and manly scent and not quite understanding why it made her feel safe. She knew that her mind was a mess, and it embarrassed her, but knowing what she did and with everything at stake she couldn't stop her mind from running into overdrive making everything feel ten times worse.

'I'm s-sorry, H-Haymitch,' Effie whispered, giving a little cough.

'That's all right,' he reassured her, stroking her soft red hair, 'I don't mind.'

'D-did they find my p-pills?'

'Where are they Eff?'

'Case,' was all she could muster before she let her head go limp in his arms again and tried to conserve what little energy she had. Something was warning her that if she fell asleep then she might not wake up.

'Katniss?' She appeared as her name was called, apologising for not being of help.

'That's fine, I'm all right here, but I can't reach her case and she says there are pills in there. Could you find them?'

Opening the small pink case, Katniss looked through the few possessions Effie had brought which were mostly clothes until she found a small pink bottle. She brought them to Haymitch, who looked at the name; his eyes widened.

'Oh God...Effie...'

'What is it?' Katniss asked, wondering what harm could come from a very small bottle of what looked to be a doctor's medication.

'What did you do that for, hmm?' He was still talking to her, though she could only mumble in reply. Effie knew that he would know what they were, even though she had hoped that Haymitch wouldn't think to look at the bottle's label. Her eyes began to close and she could do little to stop them.

'Haymitch, will you please tell me-'

'It's nightlock.'

'What!' Katniss felt her heart stop beating. Nightlock...but she'd be dead in minutes.

'Not what you're thinking of,' he explained, 'a weaker form, much weaker, but powerful in its own right.'

'What is it used for?'

'A last resort,' Haymitch whispered, stroking Effie's hair and feeling her fall asleep in his arms. He lay her gently on the ground, daring to place a kiss on her forehead. He knew now more than ever that they were not such different people.

Standing up, he turned to Katniss. Peeta was still in the other room boiling water.

'I know people who tried it,' he told her. 'They said it hurt it was that strong, the price not worth what good it did but it explains why she's so ill.'

'Why would she take that stuff?' He was avoiding her gaze and Katniss knew it. She just wanted a straight answer. 'Tell me.'

'All right,' he said gruffly, giving in. 'Nightlock is given to those who cannot function without it. Unless you are wealthy enough to purchase it, only a psychiatrist would prescribe it.'

'A...psychiatrist?'

'Yes,' Haymitch continued. 'This is used only when someone is so traumatised, so haunted by what they have been through, that it doesn't just invade their nightmares anymore. It becomes their reality.'

'That's terrible,' Katniss gasped, horrified. How long had Effie been forced to take these pills? How long since she decided that life wasn't worth living without something to numb her senses, to take away the pain? Then Katniss remembered.

'What effect does nightlock have on the body in this form?'

'Well, it affects the mind to no end. Physically, it can cause lack of appetite, stomach ulcers, all sorts of internal shit. Nothing that can't be cured of course, but it isn't pleasant.'

'What if she was pregnant?'

He hadn't been ready for that.

'What do you mean? How could she be pregnant?' Haymitch faltered, stumbling over his words. A baby...she couldn't be having a baby...

'Peeta and I, we found a picture in her jacket – a scan with her name on. We couldn't see the date, so we don't know if she is pregnant or she was.' Haymitch felt dizzy. He knew exactly what nightlock would do to an unborn baby but Effie probably wouldn't have known, having acquired it through non-medical means. He was sure that she would have done it that way, not wanting to admit to a professional that she couldn't cope. Had she lost it?

'We'll... just have to ask her, when she wakes up,' he reasoned, though to him all reason was gone. 'She won't sleep long, that nightlock has a nasty bite to it.'

'Is there anything we can do?' Katniss asked. Haymitch nodded.

'There's a herb, usually grows in the wild, which should help her. It won't undo what's been done already but it should stop her body from willing her to take them again. You know your plants, don't you?'

'Yes,' Katniss assured him. He described in great detail the leaves she had to find, and told Peeta to go with her as the sun had now completely disappeared.

'I wouldn't ask, it being so late, but she won't do well without them.'

They left quietly, leaving Haymitch alone with a still sleeping Effie. He sat down beside her, his hand gently placed on hers as he watched every breath she took to make sure that it was enough. He had been right. It wasn't long before she woke, slightly less panicked than before bit when he caught her eyes he hardly recognised the woman before him.

'You okay?' asked Haymitch simply. She gave a weak smile.

'No.' She wasn't going to lie. When she tried to sit up, she moaned in pain and let herself fall the few inches back to the floor. Looking around she noticed that her arms were bare and closed her eyes in shame, turning away from Haymitch.

'Hey,' he said reassuringly, 'you don't need to do that. I don't care what you look like; hell, I'm not one to talk.' Reluctantly, she turned back to him, her eyes glazed with tears.

'It's all such a mess,' she whispered. Haymitch put a warm and gentle hand to her face, wiping away her tears with a swift movement of his thumb and stroking her cheek.

'Why did you do it, Effie?'

'What?'

'The nightlock.'

'Oh...' her voice faded away into the darkness and she refused to look at him. Effie didn't like the feeling of him knowing that she couldn't cope.

'Look, I understand okay? Heck I've been offered it myself, almost bought some a few years back, but you...You have so much going for you. You've got a job, a life, money and a pretty face.' She laughed coldly.

'I have nothing' she hissed. 'I don't have the security of knowing that I'm safe, I don't have hope or love or happiness; my life was destroyed the moment they took me away and I can't forget, because it's like I'm still there. My mind never left that cell, and every time I close my eyes I am back there. I have nothing, Haymitch, and I have no-one to care whether I live or die. That...is why I took the nightlock.' For a moment, he didn't know what to say, but he gave her hand a squeeze.

'I care,' he admitted with an honesty in his eyes she could hardly deny.

'You have to say that.'

She started to shiver, her body reacting as the fever began to break. Haymitch touched a cold cloth to her head, but it didn't seem to make a difference.

'Effie...'

'Y-yes?'

'I don't know how to ask you this, but are you...I mean, are you going...er, have you-'

'Did you f-find the picture?' She cut his jumbled attempts at the awkward question short.

'Yes.'

'Y-yes?'

'I don't know how to ask you this, but are you...I mean, are you going...er, have you-'

'Did you f-find the picture?' She cut his jumbled attempts at the awkward question short.

'Yes.'

'Don't worry,' whispered Effie, 'you w-won't have to deal with a pregnant nutcase.' He faltered, needing to ask her why but unable to as he saw the broken sadness in her eyes. She was trying not to cry.

'What happened?'

'My fiancé happened,' she explained. 'Gone now, of course, but before the Quarter Quell we were going to start a life together. He found out I was pregnant, and he dropped to one knee at once; said I made him the happiest man alive.'

But there was no baby. Haymitch knew that much, and so he didn't know if he would be able to hear what was coming. It was killing her to tell him, but she had to tell someone.

'When the Hunger Games were stopped and everyone left the Capitol, he took me to a place we both thought was safe on the edge of the city. He left, to try and help others when the Peacekeepers started arresting people, but he never came back. I was left on my own, with a few others who had managed to get out, and we tried to contact the rebel leaders; anyone who could help us. We didn't come forward when the Capitol started logging everyone, but it was only a few weeks before they found us.'

'But you hadn't done anything wrong,' Haymitch growled, his anger building up as he pictured Effie's life falling apart.

'They didn't see it that way. I managed to warn a few of the others when I saw them coming, but I couldn't get out in time. They dragged me kicking and screaming, knowing who I was and that I knew too much not to capture, but I wouldn't tell them anything. It was two days before they came into my cell with a knife...' She was crying steadily now, tears spilling down her cheeks and her hands trembling.

'Effie, you don't have to-'

'No,' she insisted, 'I do. They hit me a few times before I screamed that I was pregnant, and then they didn't know what to do. It puzzled them for a few days, and they sent in a healer of some sort to confirm what I'd said was true. I knew what was going to happen when they sent in the Head Peacekeeper, and he almost looked sorry about what he had been told to do. I...I don't remember everything. Just a small room with a metal table, and some man with his hand over my face as they took the metal wire and...'

She couldn't take it anymore. It was her worst memory, the one which every dream she had began with. Effie had never even thought about being a mother until she found out she was going to be one. Watching so many children be taken to their deaths had taken its toll, but she wanted to be different from all of the Capitol mothers. There would be no Hunger Games in her house, no extravagant operations to make her child beautiful; somehow she had known that it would be a girl. She was going to call her Belle, after her late mother.

Haymitch felt tears spill down his own cheeks, such an unusual and foreign sensation. Effie reached out to him, and he helped her to sit up so that she could wrap her arms around him. He had been so wrong about her.

'It'll be all right,' he promised her, 'they can't hurt you here, sweetheart.'

She stopped, jerked away from him and tried to stop herself from slapping him hard around the face; he didn't know.

'What is it?'

'Don't...' she trembled, 'don't c-call me s-sweetheart.'

'I'm sorry, Effie, I didn't mean anything by it,' Haymitch assured her. She was scared of that word, it reminded her of something he could tell.

'He called me sweetheart,' she whispered, to herself though Haymitch caught it and his brow wrinkled in confusion.

At just the wrong moment, Peeta and Katniss came back. Though still shaken, Effie put on a smile and apologised profusely for all of the fuss that she had caused.

'Don't be silly Effie,' Peeta dismissed at once, 'we're just glad that you are feeling better.' He handed her a glass of water infused with the herbs they had collected and she sipped at it gently. The feeling overtook her at once – a healing sensation which gave her strength and calmed the frantic beating of her heart. It wasn't enough to undo everything which had been done, but it at least gave her the energy to pretend to be normal.

'I was...somewhat out of sorts when I arrived,' Effie explained in completely lies. 'I think it was those stupid pills making me act as I did; without any manners at all.'

'How do you feel now?' Katniss asked, concern deeply embedded in her dark eyes.

'Much better,' Effie smiled, 'though a little tired I must admit.'

'Stay here tonight,' offered Katniss but Effie shook her head, taking Haymitch's arm as he helped her to stand.

'I really am fine, Katniss, there is no need. I'll stay where I stayed last time, if Haymitch would be so good as to walk there with me?' He agreed without hesitation, closing and lifting her case.

'You take care, Effie,' Katniss told her. Effie smiled back at her.

'Of course I will, dear.'

When they were out of ear-shot, walking slowly with Effie clinging quite desperately to Haymitch's arm, her expression fell.

'Why do you pretend in front of them?' asked Haymitch.

'Because their lives have been difficult enough, without them having to worry about me,' Effie said wisely. He couldn't argue with that, but knew that her secrets were going to ruin her if she wasn't careful.

'Let me stay,' he almost begged, 'I'll sleep downstairs on the couch, no funny business, but I don't think that you should be alone.' Her laugh was hollow.

'I've been alone my entire life, Haymitch, I am sure that I will manage. But there is one thing that I need you to do for me.'

'Anything.'

'Stop them from going to the Capitol.' Her voice was deadly serious, her eyes flashing with insistence.

'What? Why?'

'I'm afraid that you will need to trust me on this,' she apologised, 'but they didn't understand me when I tried to tell them, they thought I was mad which wasn't a great leap of the imagination. If you never do another thing I ask, stop them from going.'

He wanted to question her further, but she was beginning to stumble as tiredness took over.

'Okay,' he said quietly, 'but one day you're going to have to tell me what all of this is about.' She smiled sadly.

'You'll know soon enough. Will you come to Katniss and Peeta's tomorrow? I'll probably go over there in the morning.'

'I'll be there. You need any help?' Haymitch offered as they reached the front door. She shook her head.

'I will be fine.' Effie reached up, kissing him gently on the cheek before going inside. As he walked away, he realised he was smiling.

Xxx

Effie let out a very deep sigh of frustration as she closed the door. She hadn't meant to tell Haymitch anything, not about Belle, but he was there when she needed someone to talk to. Staggering up the stairs she ran to the bathroom, coughing and spluttering as blood burned her throat. She knew the nightlock hadn't been a good idea when she had first tried it, but they had stopped screaming at her. Nooka, the only man she had ever loved, had stopped begging her to come back to him and her unborn babies cries had fallen silent. Of course, the nightmares still crippled her when her eyes deigned to close, but that was only the beginning. Now she knew that she would hear them again and she didn't know if she could bear it.

It was only as she saw herself in the mirror when she realised how the others must have seen her. Broken. No wig or makeup, her arms jagged and ugly with scars which would never fade and a desperate hunger in her eyes for someone to help her. No-one could. Haymitch was the only one who knew anything about what her life was like, and even he didn't know everything. Effie wondered why she had chosen him. Katniss would have understood, she would have been kind and listened, but the old drunk had been the person she had turned to. She didn't think that it was just because he was there.

Shedding her clothes and finding a robe in her jumbled suitcase, she climbed into bed and stared at the wall until her eyelids became heavy. Effie Trinket. Who was she? Was this who she really was, a woman haunted by fear and barely surviving, or was she the person who had only felt alive in the buzz of the Capitol talking to her friends until they envied her status as escort? She didn't know who she was anymore.

Closing her eyes, Effie wondered if she would have been a good mother. She had loved enough, that she could feel deep in her soul, but would she have been just as pitiful a parent as her own two had been? Had everything stayed the same, would her daughter have hated her for the role she played in the Hunger Games? So many questions. Slipping into a world of fractured dreams, Effie let a word escape her lips.

'Belle.'

'Who's Belle, sweetheart?'

Her eyes flew open, her heart stopped, and she knew that she wouldn't have time to scream.

* * *

**Oh God, sorry Effie. Can't say it enough. So...thoughts? Next chapter should be up fairly soon and trying to keep ahead in case of work calling and not being able to write. Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Back once again, hanging my head low in shame at what poor Effie has had to go through so far. It is probably slightly wrong that I love writing this story, but it's interesting at least xD**

**Thank you soooo much to all of those who have favourited and reviewed, it means the world, and please keep on reading and I will keep on writing! **

**Bumped up to M as promised for violence and such, probably should have been a bit earlier but oh well, so I am still here just in a different rating. Hope you enjoy this chapter and stay tuned for more Effie related angst!**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Katniss hadn't slept a wink. She replayed the moment when Effie had fallen over and over in her mind, when she had screamed and thrashed on the ground in such panic and fear that it had terrified her. She knew when Effie had left, insisting that she was perfectly fine, that she was lying to her. She had clutched Haymitch's arm with desperation. Katniss figured that he must know something about what she was going through, and decided to ask him later that day.

Walking down the stairs, leaving Peeta in bed, she walked into the kitchen where the bright pink cake was towering tall. It seemed so wrong, so out of place, that Katniss found herself growing angry just at the sight of it. With one swift movement of her hand it fell to the floor and crumbled, the ornate pink flowers breaking at her furious touch.

'I didn't realise it was that bad,' Peeta grinned. Katniss spun around and started to explain herself but Peeta stopped her.

'You don't need to say anything,' he assured her, 'I know what happened yesterday scared you, heck it scared me too. It's just a cake.'

'But it was a nice cake,' Katniss told him. He smiled at her.

'I can always make another.'

They cleaned up the remnants of the sponge and put it in the bin; such a waste.

'Do you think Haymitch asked her about the baby?' Katniss asked. Peeta nodded.

'The look on his face when he realised...he would have wanted to make sure.'

'What if she lost it?' Katniss gasped, horrified at the thought. Tears welled in her eyes at the thought; Effie would be distraught. Peeta put a hand on her shoulder.

'Then there is nothing that we can do about it.' She knew that whatever had happened was done, and her crying wouldn't change it, but she felt so sorry for Effie. She didn't know the details of her pain, but she could sense that it was great. Watching others suffer had never been her forte.

'We can ask Haymitch about it when he comes over later,' Peeta suggested. 'I'm sure that he will be around at Effie's this morning to check on her.'

Xxx

After spending the morning walking around the woods, Katniss returned home to the smell of freshly baked bread for lunch. Sitting at the table, she savoured the soft goat's cheese half-melted into the warm loaf and let her mind wander. As she took her last mouthful, she heard Haymitch come in through the front door. He didn't bother to knock, as she didn't when she visited his house.

'Haymitch,' she said smiling, 'you look...almost sober.' He managed a small chuckle.

'I wasn't much in the mood for drinking last night, so you got me there. How's Effie?' Katniss' brow furrowed.

'I don't know, I thought that you were going over to see her this morning.'

'No,' Haymitch explained, 'she said to meet her here. She was supposed to be coming over this morning.' Katniss looked at the clock and it was after one.

'Maybe she just needed a lie in?' Peeta suggested. No-one believed that.

'I'll go over there,' Haymitch offered at once, angry with himself for not going sooner, 'see if she's okay.' He stormed out of the door without another word and Katniss looked at Peeta worriedly.

'She's okay, isn't she?'

'I hope so...' was all Peeta could say. Something about this all felt very wrong.

'Let's follow him,' Katniss decided, not waiting for a reply before half running out of the front door and heading for Effie's temporary residence.

Haymitch's mind went blank. He looked at all of her things scattered across the floor, her rumpled bedclothes and the broken window. Where on Earth could she be? He heard Katniss and Peeta come in behind him.

'Where's she gone?' Katniss asked.

'Maybe she went for a walk,' thought Peeta. Haymitch shook his head.

'None of her clothes are gone.' He spied something in the bedding, and moved forwards taking the duvet in his hand and ripping it from the bed. Katniss buried her face in Peeta's chest. The sheets were stained red.

Xxx

Marching from the house, Haymitch was so furious that he was ready to kill anyone who stood in his way. He had let her stay there by herself. He had offered, of course, but he hadn't insisted; and now she was missing. Katniss and Peeta walked out of the house slowly, silent and terrified.

'What do we do?' Katniss mumbled, her voice heavy with worry.

'She can't have gone far,' Haymitch stated.

'But what if someone-' Peeta started only to be silenced by a look from Haymitch.

'If she's here, I am going to find her no matter who thinks they can stand in my way.' Peeta didn't argue.

Katniss went into the small village, to the few houses and shops which were still just starting to be rebuilt, and asked anyone she could find whether they had seen Effie. Their reply was always the same, always as disappointing as when she first heard it. She started searching the edge of the woods, looking for any signs that Effie had been there; a drop of blood, a scrap of clothing. It was all that she could do to not break down and scream with frustration.

Peeta took to the borders of the district, checking the rubble and the mine shafts or anywhere large enough for a person to hide...or be hidden. Haymitch was just storming about, running from place to place with no apparent path in mind; he was so angry.

Coming to the Meadow, Peeta almost missed it. The grass was long and thick, the flowers growing tall and wild with a few small trees and not much else. He walked around the perimeter, his eyes scanning for any signs...and he saw it. A hand. A hand with light pink nails chipped and bloody, but a hand Peeta knew well.

'Haymitch,' he whispered. He didn't want to leave her, but he couldn't force himself to move closer either.

'HAYMITCH!'

Haymitch heard Peeta call his name, and his mind turned to the only thing he cared about. He ran as fast as he could until he saw Peeta staring down at something in the long grass. As he came closer, he saw her. The grass around her was stained scarlet, almost the colour of her hair, and she looked...as though she was already gone. He refused to believe that.

Dropping to his knees, his eyes looked over her again and he found nausea rising in his throat as he saw what someone had done to her. She was still wearing her robe, though it was little more than a rag to cover her grace and it too was bright red. Her face was not peaceful as one should be in sleep, but still holding the expression of agony it had held before she fell unconscious. Most of her wounds were covered by what was left of her nightgown, but what they had done to her face was clear.

There were cuts either side of her mouth, small as though she had been fighting a blade aimed at her face, and her neck was purple where a hand had choked her. Scratches on her cheeks could only have come from where someone had hit her, hard, and there were patterns traced on her shoulders and forehead, like those the Capitol residents had tattooed onto their faces in the old days, only these were carved. It was terrible. Well, it was more than terrible, but there were no words to describe what it was, and Haymitch could never forgive himself.

'We need to take her back to our house,' Peeta stated rationally.

'It's far,' Haymitch countered, 'I don't want to hurt her.'

'I'll go and get Katniss. If we use some sort of sheet as a stretcher, then it won't move her as much.' He disappeared when Haymitch gave no reply.

'I'm sorry,' Haymitch whispered, barely able to force the words from his lips as he choked on tears. 'I should have stayed. I meant what I said, Effie, I care about you.' He didn't want to touch her, fearing that whatever he did would cause her more pain, but he kissed her hand gently, holding it in his own.

Katniss and Peeta returned swiftly with a large piece of thick, waterproof material. She hadn't known what to expect, but fell silent when she saw Effie's bloody face. She didn't say a word as they carefully placed the sheet on the ground and edge Effie's body onto it so they could carry her as though they had a stretcher. The walk back to the house was silent and heartbreaking. It felt too much like a funeral procession.

Xxx

They took Effie through to the study, not wanting to risk the stairs, where there was a large clear desk big enough for her to lie on. Katniss found a white sheet and covered the wood with it, as her mother had when Gale was brought to their house following his whipping.

Katniss went to get her mother's old stocks of medicine and bandages, leaving Peeta and Haymitch alone with Effie who still would not stir.

'We have to see what the damage is,' Peeta instructed Haymitch who nodded. He knew what Peeta meant. They had to remove Effie's robe, taking what dignity she had left to see how much more torment she had been subjected to. Haymitch undid the loose knot at her left side and eased it away, revealing her body.

He turned Effie gently on her side, with Peeta's help, to release the sodden material, relieved to see that they had not taken a whip to her skin. Easing her onto her back again, Haymitch didn't know where to look. Her thighs were bleeding with thick cuts, which looked like old wounds reopened again, and her ankles were swollen. One of them was broken. He noticed the old scars across her chest, from less than a year ago, the word carved into her flesh that couldn't be further from the truth.

Peeta found another white sheet and used it to cover Effie's lower body, granting her at least some privacy. Katniss returned, white as winter snow, and laid what she had found on the table in the corner. She took a flannel cloth, soaked it in water and handed it to Haymitch.

He dabbed gently at the cuts on her face and shoulders, cleaning the blood which quickly soaked through the flannel. Katniss bandaged up the broken wrist she had noticed the previous day, and used a wooden splint made by her mother to support the badly broken ankle. She looked at Effie's shoulder, trying to avoid looking at the writing on her chest, and sighed.

'It's dislocated,' she said quietly. 'I can't put it back while she's asleep; I barely know how to do it at all. Have you cleaned the blood?' Haymitch nodded, putting the flannel back in the red water. Some of them were deep, but most were not serious; they had been used to make a point. Katniss placed small gauzes over the worst of them, using salve so they would not become infected, but knew that they would never heal completely. She noticed the sheet covering Effie's legs was beginning to stain red.

The gashes on her thighs were losing blood fast. They looked like they had been reopened many times, and the tissue around them was a dangerously dark colour. Katniss did the best she could, but it wasn't much. They needed a real doctor, but there wasn't one around for hundreds of miles.

'I can't do any more,' Katniss sighed, trying not to sound as guilty as she felt. Unlike yesterday, Katniss knew some of what she was dealing with and had pulled herself together, but her lack of medical knowledge made her feel as if it wasn't enough.

'It's more than any of us could do,' Haymitch pointed out. He had pulled up a chair beside Effie and held her hand, caressing the pale skin with his thumb.

'I'll prepare some sort of pain relief for when she wakes up,' Katniss announced, before taking the few small bottles she had brought into the next room. Peeta followed her.

'It's okay, Katniss, she's going to be fine,' he reassured her.

'No, she isn't,' Katniss hissed at him, not wanting Haymitch to hear her shout. 'I'm no healer. She could get an infection, or have some other injury that I can't see, and she could die. She could die, Peeta!' Her angry expression melted as he pulled her close to him, resting his head on hers as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

'I thought we were safe,' she mumbled into his chest.

'So did I.'

Xxx

They waited around for hours, Haymitch saying nothing and staying beside Effie refusing to move. Katniss brought him tea, which he always accepted, but he would not budge an inch. After a while, Katniss remembered.

'Haymitch,' she asked.

'Yes?'

'Did you ask her? About the baby?' He nodded slowly.

'It's not something we need to worry about.' Katniss stared into her lap, allowing a million scenarios to play out in her mind each ending in tragedy, but she would never ask.

She first began to wake as evening fell, her eyes fluttering open as Haymitch drained another cup of bitter tea.

'Hay...' she tried, but she could barely keep her eyes open let alone find the energy to speak.

'I'm here,' he whispered to her, gripping her hand to let her know that she was safe.

'Haymitch, I need you to leave for a moment,' Katniss asked him.

'No chance.'

'I wouldn't ask, you know I wouldn't, but her shoulder...if I don't try and fix it now, then I honestly don't know what will happen and I can't do it with an audience.' Torn, Haymitch took a moment and bent close to Effie, whispering to her.

'I'll be back princess, I swear.'

He left the room, staying near to the door but not wanting to see as he knew exactly what happened when you dislocated your shoulder. Having it put back in place was more painful than dislocating it in the first place. Peeta had stayed, with Katniss needing someone to hold Effie down. The thought of that alone made Haymitch nervous.

Hearing Katniss count down from 5, Haymitch knew what was coming and braced himself. She screamed, so loudly that it rang through the whole house. It was so desperate, so full of pain, that he put his hands over his ears to try and block it out. She screamed for almost a minute before it stopped and she fell silent.

Reluctantly, Haymitch went back into the room. Peeta had been left to place the arm in a sling, as Katniss had left. He wasn't about to question her decision.

'That bad?' Haymitch asked, taking his seat once again.

'Worse,' Peeta admitted. 'It wouldn't go back in, but once you've started trying you can't stop. It was...horrible. Katniss had to give her something to help her sleep afterwards because she wouldn't stop crying. She went out after that and I don't blame her.'

Haymitch could still see the tears glistening on Effie's cheeks, though in slumber she looked safe and peaceful.

'You should tell her, you know,' Peeta advised him.

'Tell her what?'

'That you care about her.'

Haymitch gave a small laugh.

'I tried, and she didn't believe me,' he revealed to Peeta who was surprised even at that.

'Then maybe you have to prove it to her.'

'Hey,' warned Haymitch, 'just because I give a damn about the woman it doesn't mean what you're implying.'

'Of course not.'

Katniss returned after half an hour. She had taken a walk outside, but it was obvious that she had been crying.

'She still sleeping?'

'Yes,' Peeta confirmed. 'You okay?'

'Fine,' Katniss cut him off quickly, 'I just needed a minute.' Feeling Effie's ice cold forehead, Katniss took a blanket and covered her body taking care not to put pressure on any of her broken bones.

'Do we have any idea what happened?' asked Peeta. Haymitch and Katniss both shook their heads.

'Did Effie say anything when she was awake?' Haymitch inquired.

'She was in and out of consciousness until we tried to fix her arm,' explained Katniss. 'She begged us not to hurt her, but I don't think she knows where she is.'

'Do you think all of this could have anything to do with the bomb?' Peeta's suggestion seemed so unusual, that the others looked at him as though he had said something completely insane.

'Why would it have anything to do with that?' Katniss questioned.

'I don't know,' he admitted, 'but it was only a few days ago and she was trying to tell us not to go to the Capitol because we are in some sort of danger.'

'She told me not to let you go,' Haymitch confessed, 'when I walked her back last night. She made me promise.'

'Well I don't think that we will be going now,' said Katniss. 'And she certainly isn't going anywhere either.'

During the early hours of the morning, Haymitch persuaded Katniss and Peeta to go up and get some sleep. It was useless them all sitting around and waiting for Effie to wake up, so they had agreed with the promise that they would be back shortly. Katniss knew that she wouldn't sleep a wink anyway.

Despite knowing that she couldn't hear him, Haymitch talked to Effie as though she were sitting before him.

'I got you wrong, Effie. I saw the Capitol in you and assumed that was who you were, but I think that you have proven me to be very wrong. But I stand by one thing; you don't need that wig and those clothes, Effie, you're perfect enough without any of it.' He laughed, realising something.

'And you know what? I haven't had a drink all day thanks to you! That's a first, I can tell you.'

Katniss came down as dawn broke and Peeta followed moments later. Haymitch could tell that they hadn't really slept.

'Do you want some breakfast?' Peeta asked. Haymitch shook his head. They disappeared into the kitchen.

Haymitch wanted to beg her to wake up, but he didn't want to scare the others who could hear him with the doors open. It was unbearable to wonder what she dreamt of, if she dreamt at all, and he could only hope that her nightmares were not haunting her as she slept.

An hour later, Effie woke up. Her eyes darted around the room as she wondered where on Earth she could be, still fearful for her life, but seeing Haymitch calmed her down.

'Welcome back,' grinned Haymitch, though his happiness was false. He knew that her being awake didn't change what had happened to her.

'How do you feel?' asked Katniss, knowing that whatever answer she received couldn't even be part of the whole truth.

'In pain,' she whispered, closing her eyes for a moment to breathe through the shooting pains which plagued her every breath. Katniss took a syringe from a packet in the corner and inserted it into Effie's arm, wincing as she heard her moan with the agony of it.

'Sorry,' mumbled Katniss, but Effie looked at her trying to smile.

'Th-thank you.' Her voice was so weak it was barely there, but she was calm and talking which was a good start. Katniss gave her a pillow to prop up her head.

'Maybe we should let you get some rest,' suggested Peeta.

'No,' said Effie quickly. 'I can't sleep. I have to go.'

'You aren't going anywhere for a while, I'm afraid,' Katniss told her. 'I doubt you could even stand up.'

'But I can't stay here,' she tried to explain. 'As long as I am here, you're in danger.'

'We're not going to let anyone hurt you,' Haymitch assured her.

'If they come for me, then you won't have much of a choice; they'll kill you too.' She tried to sit up, wincing as the pain became too much until Haymitch helped her gently, supporting her feeble frame with his strong arms.

'Who is it?' Katniss asked; what they all really wanted to know. 'Who's after you?'

'There are so many of them,' Effie remembered. 'They're everywhere, led by...' Her voice trailed off. She couldn't say his name, not after what he had done.

'Led by who?' Peeta pushed. Haymitch shot a dangerous look at him, warning him not to be quite so blunt.

'Gr-Gray Freeman.'

Haymitch refused to believe it. He would have turned and hit the wall in his rage, but Effie's body was shaking dangerously as it was and he had to help keep her balanced where she sat.

'But they said he was killed,' Haymitch babbled, 'in the bombing before the Capitol fell.' Effie shook her head.

'Who is Gray Freeman?' Katniss asked, feeling stupid for not knowing though she recognised the name.

'A Peacekeeper,' explained Haymitch. 'He was one of the highest ranking Capitol Peacekeepers, head of the imprisonment officers.'

'He was in charge where I was held last time,' Effie told them, her voice wavering as she remembered every time he had come to her cell. 'I assumed he was dead or in prison when they got me out, but then when I got back to the Capitol after my last visit he was waiting for me.'

'God Effie...' Haymitch muttered. He couldn't imagine what it must have been like to see the face from her nightmares back in her apartment.

'I didn't know the others, but he was always there when I came back from work. They wanted information.' She looked down into her lap, shame washing over her.

'Information,' Katniss repeated, 'about what?'

'Government defences, the Districts and thirteen in particular, power lines that sort of thing,' mumbled Effie.

'They wanted to know how to take on the government,' Katniss realised, sitting down before her head exploded with this new information. Members of the old regime rebelling against the new, rebels against a rebel cause, and if Effie had told them what they needed to know...'

'Did you tell them?'

Effie let the tears spill down her face.

'Oh my God...' Katniss whispered, 'the bomb?'

Effie's tears turned to sobs as she clung on to Haymitch, who was immediately ready to comfort her.

'I d-didn't have a choice. They were going to kill me and I h-had to give them something or they would know what I was t-trying to do. I tried to find one away from people, so they wouldn't get hurt; no-one was supposed to be w-working in that field!'

'But ten people were,' Katniss remembered, 'and three more in the weapon centre.' Effie couldn't bear it any longer. The guilt was too much, the blood of thirteen people on her hands. She buried her face in Haymitch's chest as he comforted her though he was too stunned to say much else.

Effie's tears turned to sobs as she clung on to Haymitch, who was immediately ready to comfort her.

'I d-didn't have a choice. They were going to kill me and I h-had to give them something or they would know what I was t-trying to do. I tried to find one away from people, so they wouldn't get hurt; no-one was supposed to be w-working in that field!'

'But ten people were,' Katniss remembered, 'and three more in the weapon centre.' Effie couldn't bear it any longer. The guilt was too much, the blood of thirteen people on her hands. She buried her face in Haymitch's chest as he comforted her though he was too stunned to say much else.

'The President,' Peeta reminded them. 'Effie, did you know about the President?' Forcing herself to answer, Effie nodded.

'I tried to warn her, but I didn't know what to do so I just scribbled it down on a piece of paper. _Speech, guns, run; there'll be a sign_. She must have worked out what I meant.'

'It's not your fault,' Peeta told her, but the mortified expression on her face said that she didn't believe him. Even Katniss found it hard to sympathise with her, knowing that thirteen families wouldn't do so.

'The other bombs were in the city centre,' Effie explained, 'the ones I knew about anyway. Hidden in residential areas where no-one would think to look; thousands would have died.' And then it was Katniss' turn to feel guilty. She saw what Effie had been trying to do. They had forced her to give them the details of a bomb, as a distraction, and she had made sure the loss of life was as small as it could be. How could she blame her for that?

'The details, the government details, what about them?' Katniss asked. Effie's eyes grew dark.

'That's why they came the other night,' she said in a hushed tone, 'as a warning. Everything I told them was a lie, except the things they could work out themselves like where the main power sources to the Capitol came from. They must have worked out I wasn't helping them. That night...that was just a warm up. They're coming for me.'

'What can we do?' Haymitch hadn't spoken in a long time, taking everything in. He had watched Katniss' disgust at the thought that Effie had caused the Capitol bombing, but he didn't care what they thought. Peeta would understand. When someone is hurting you, threatening you for information, it takes more than simple courage to defy them. Effie was the bravest person Haymitch knew.

'Well,' Effie sighed, 'you can leave.'

'What?' Peeta exclaimed. 'How does that help?'

'They know that I tried to keep you away from the Capitol,' Effie explained. 'I don't know what they're planning, but I know that it coincides with the anniversary; perfect time to start an uprising. They know you're here and they won't leave you be.'

'All right then,' Katniss said decisively, 'where do we go?'

'District 13, perhaps? Though it will probably be one of the next targets. I would go and hide somewhere extremely inconspicuous until the worst of it is over with. Then it will just be a case of whether they can be stopped.'

'When do we leave?' Haymitch asked.

'You should probably leave tomorrow,' Effie suggested, 'call in any favours you can with District 13 and get a hovercraft sent in.'

'Wait, we should probably leave tomorrow? What about you?' insisted Haymitch. Effie avoided his glance.

'Well I'm not going anywhere, am I? And I told you, as long as you are with me then you are in danger.'

'And as long as there's breath in my body, I'm not going to leave you here,' Haymitch told her.

'Don't be ridiculous Haymitch,' said Effie, a hint of her old bright tone in her angry voice.

'Just come with us to District 13,' persuaded Katniss. 'They have the best defences I've seen, they won't let Gray just walk in and take you.'

'They will find me,' Effie assured her, 'and I won't let any more people die because of me.'

'Nor will I,' Katniss announced, 'and that includes you. Haymitch, can you get hold of anyone in District 13?' He nodded.

'I won't be long princess,' he whispered to Effie, who gave him a weak smile as he left. Her good arm wobbled with the weight of holding her in sitting position. She wanted nothing more than to sleep, but she knew that Gray would be there in her dreams.

'You can't blame yourself,' Peeta said to Effie. 'You were just doing the best that you could do.'

'Which wasn't enough,' Effie muttered, wishing she was strong enough to wipe her eyes. Even sitting up was exhausting. 'People died.'

'Yes,' admitted Peeta, 'but how many lived because of what you did?' The question startled Effie, who hadn't allowed herself to think like that.

'Peeta's right,' Katniss insisted. 'I shouldn't have said what I did, Effie, I'm sorry.'

'Don't be, I deserve it. There's nothing you could say about me that I haven't thought myself.'

'You saved President Paylor,' Katniss reminded her. 'You refused to give them information to fuel their uprising. I don't know anyone who could manage all of that under threats.'

'More than threats,' muttered Effie, before she realised that she was thinking aloud. 'You should probably get some things together. If we're leaving, it will probably be under cover of darkness if 13 thinks there's someone watching them.'

'We?' Katniss repeated. 'So you're coming with us?'

'Do I have a choice?' Adjusting herself on the desk, Effie lay her head back onto the pillow and was suddenly impossibly tired.

Xxx

When she woke again, it was getting dark outside. Katniss and Peeta were nowhere to be seen, but Haymitch was sitting in the corner.

'You have a good sleep?'

'Yes,' lied Effie, not wanting to burden him with the horrific nightmare she had just woken from.

'You're a terrible liar,' he said seriously. She offered a weak smile. Her body ached again now that the medicine from before was beginning to wear off, and every time she tried to move she had to bite down on her lip to prevent a scream escaping from her lips.

'You okay?' Haymitch asked, rising to his feet.

'Fine,' Effie lied again. 'Haymitch?'

'Yes?'

'Will you do something for me?'

'Anything in the world.'

'Anything?'

'Whatever you ask.'

Effie swallowed, looked deep into his eyes and her heart beat faster as she saw the emotion laced within them. She whispered two words.

'Kill me?'

* * *

**Minor cliffhanger perhaps? **

**Hope that you enjoyed reading the chapter and please leave a little review on your way out. Next chapter should, all being well, be up tomorrow. Thanks for the continued support everyone!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Back again with more disasters and tragedy! **

**Thank you so so so much to everyone who has favourited and particularly those who have reviewed, you genuinely make my day worthwhile. **

**I went back and corrected the repetition in last chapter, and have taken care to actually proof-read this one! My previous proof-reads have clearly not been that good so I took care with this chapter. Moving into the crux of the story, but still looooads more to come as this is just the beginning. Things starting to tie a little bit more together I hope.**

**So enjoy reading and please leave a comment, there will be more soon and a big surprise coming up in a couple of chapters! **

* * *

**Chapter 7**

He knew she was serious. It wasn't a desperate plea, it had been thought out over a period of time and decided with earnest. He couldn't believe she would ask such a thing.

'No,' he whispered, turning away from her.

'Haymitch, I-'

'No, Effie,' he shouted, not caring who heard.

'I know it's a lot to ask,' she admitted, sitting up painfully and regretting her decision soon afterwards. Haymitch turned back to look at her, disgusted.

'A lot to...Effie you're asking me to kill you. How could you ask me to do that?'

'Because I'm not strong enough to do it myself,' she confessed, another of her darkest secrets falling before the man she used to hate.

'Why,' asked Haymitch, 'why would you want to die?'

'I don't want to die!' Effie squealed, tears running down her face. 'I am terrified, absolutely terrified, of dying. Even after going to hell and back, it still scares me more than anything else.'

'Then why?' Effie took a deep breath and tried to stay strong.

'I have to, because if I live more people will die for me and I can't bear that,' she reasoned.

'People have died before,' Haymitch pointed out, 'and they will die long after you've gone from this world. So why do you want to die?' He could sense that there was something deeper, something she was trying to escape from.

'I lied,' she told him. 'I lied because I wanted to hide from the truth. I said they would come and kill me, but that couldn't be further from the truth. If they find me, Haymitch...if they take me away...my life will become so unbearable that I think I'll go insane.'

'They won't find you,' Haymitch insisted, moving towards her, 'I won't let them.'

'But they will,' Effie persisted, 'they know where I am wherever I go; I wouldn't be surprised if I had a tracker on me.'

'I won't let you die, Effie, I can't let you die.'

'FINE,' she screamed, unable to hold it in any longer, 'don't help me. We'll go to District 13 and everything will be great, until one day I go out for a walk and I never come back. It won't take long for you to realise where I am, and then you will feel terrible. They'll lock me up, rape me and cut me until there's nothing left and they won't let me die until I'm old and battered. They'll rip out my tongue like they tried to the other night, and treat me like a pet or a slave or the whore that I am.'

He silenced her as he pressed her close to his chest, feeling her body moving rapidly as she sobbed hopelessly into his shirt. The grip she had on his jacket was so desperate that Haymitch wished that he could grant her what she wished for. He had sworn never to kill again after the Hunger Games, but she was so broken and so terrified of what she thought would happen to her that he couldn't deny that he hadn't thought about giving in to her.

Haymitch kissed the top of her head and held her close. He wished that he could save her from her hell, but no matter what he did she would only end up crying. He had wasted all of those years hating her, and now he couldn't let her go.

'I can't kill you,' he whispered gently when she had fallen silent. 'But I can make you a promise.' She looked up at him, eyes bright red and bloodshot.

'If they find you, even though we will do everything we can to stop them, then I won't let them take you.'

'You...you mean...'

'Yes,' he said, stroking her cheek gently, 'if they come for you, I'll kill you.'

Xxx

It was only a few hours into the morning when Katniss and Peeta dragged what little they had down the stairs. The hovercraft would land in the Meadow at four, in twenty eight minutes time, but it wasn't going to wait for them. If they weren't ready, then it would be gone and it was not coming back.

Haymitch was in the study with Effie, at her request trying to help her into some of the clothes they had recovered from the other house. He had his arm around her waist, lifting her into a red chiffon gown which looked more like evening wear than something you would escape in. She stifled a cry of pain as he pulled the dress over her bruised body.

'I'm sorry,' he said gruffly, 'but your clothes aren't exactly the easiest to handle.' He zipped the dress up over her ribs at the back, worried by how much they stuck out against what little flesh she had. She barely weighed a thing when he lifted her.

The dress was beautiful, even if several sizes too big against her weakened frame. The material almost reached to the ground and flowed like water when she moved. Haymitch helped her to navigate her dislocated shoulder into a long red waterfall cardigan, which though it didn't offer much warmth helped to cover up most of her body. He knew she was self conscious at the best of times, let alone in such a state physically, so he didn't complain.

'Shoes...' sighed Effie. 'I can't exactly wear my heels with a broken ankle, can I?'

'I'm afraid you're just going to have to go for it,' Haymitch told her. She didn't look pleased. The medicine Katniss gave her didn't seem to make a dent in her pain, but it allowed her to speak and act with conviction which meant more to her than true pain relief.

'Could you help me stand please, Haymitch?' He knew it took a lot for her to ask, and without much effort at all he swept her into his arms and helped her to stand on her own two feet; but it was not for long.

She tried to walk, but with her first step unaided she cried out and almost fell, before Haymitch caught her.

'I wouldn't do that again if I were you,' Haymitch warned her. She scowled.

'How useless am I,' Effie said, cursing herself, 'can't even stand up properly.' Haymitch sensed her genuine sadness at being so weak, and put her arm around his waist so that she could support herself on his shoulder.

'Try now.'

It was slow going, but she could just about manage to walk if she leaned heavily on Haymitch and she appreciated the gesture.

'Thank you,' whispered Effie.

They walked slowly into the front room where Katniss and Peeta were waiting with a few things packed in two bags.

'We only have fifteen minutes,' Katniss pointed out. Haymitch looked at Effie in way of an apology.

'May I?'

'If you must,' she replied, but he knew it was her way of giving him permission. He swept her from the ground in one easy movement, trying his hardest not to hurt her though a small groan still escaped her lips.

'Let's go.'

They arrived moments before the hovercraft landed in the meadow, a door opening to allow them access. Once inside, the hovercraft disembarked at once leaving no trace of its presence. Plutarch Heavensbee was there to greet them.

'Plutarch!' Peeta smiled, going up to him at once, 'I thought you were in the Capitol?'

'I was,' he agreed, 'but I was on business in thirteen when I heard you were coming and thought I would be part of the welcoming committee. Katniss, Haymitch, nice to see you again and...Oh dear, Miss Trinket?'

Haymitch looked down at Effie whose breathing was a little too fast and noticed that her eyes were closing and her body trembling.

'Where can I put her?' Haymitch asked with a sense of urgency. Plutarch led them to an on-board bedroom, designed for long flights, with a single bed to lie her down. Her chiffon skirts spilled over the sides, giving the appearance of rivers of blood. Her chest heaved in short sharp breaths, her skin as white as pure Dover chalk.

'Is there a medic?' Plutarch looked at him and shook his head, a hint of regret in his eyes.

'WHY NOT?' screamed Haymitch, causing even the impossibly calm Plutarch to jump at his words.

'You only said that she was in a bad way,' Plutarch reminded him, 'we thought that she wouldn't need a medic just to get back to the district.'

'How long?' Peeta asked. Plutarch swallowed.

'An hour.'

Haymitch ran his fingers through his greasy hair, looking down at Effie who was too weak to respond.

'If she dies,' he hissed, 'I will kill you with my bear hands.' Plutarch didn't take kindly to threats, and would have said something if he hadn't seen the fear in Haymitch's eyes as he spoke. He was just scared, scared of losing her, and he couldn't reprimand him for that.

'Understood,' he replied calmly.

Haymitch bent down and stroked Effie's soft red hair. He hadn't let her bring a wig, telling her that it would only weigh her down when her neck was fragile, but she hadn't been happy. He didn't understand why, her hair was beautiful. Beautiful like her.

She's burning,' Haymitch stated as he felt her forehead, 'is there any ice on this godforsaken thing?' Plutarch disappeared, returning with a cloth and a small bowl of ice cubes. Katniss placed a few cubes in the cloth and tied it together, giving it to Haymitch who placed it gently on her head, moving it across her face to cool her down.

'What did you give her before we left, Katniss?' Haymitch asked her, not quite accusingly but treading a dangerous line.

'I...I don't know exactly, but I think that it is just a herbal remedy. There's nothing in there that could do this.'

'She was fine before, if a little pale, but I don't know what could be causing this,' Haymitch thought aloud in desperation.

From nowhere, Effie gasped and the room turned its attention to her.

'Effie?' Haymitch was at her side in seconds, crouching down so that their eyes met as she opened hers.

'Who...who is it,' she groaned.

'It's me, Effie, it's Haymitch,' he said, wondering why she couldn't quite recognise him.

'Where are we?'

'We're in the hovercraft, on our way to District 13 remember?'

'Why is it so dark,' whispered Effie, her eyes threatening to close as she suddenly became very tired.

'It...it's not dark,' Haymitch stuttered, not sure how to react as her confusion escalated. 'Effie...Effie don't close your eyes, talk to me.' She turned to look at him, her eyes searching.

'So cold,' she whispered, her body trembling, 'it's so cold.' With that her eyes closed and she slipped into unconsciousness.

'Damn it,' cursed Haymitch. How could she be cold? Her skin was slick with sweat, her muscles in spasm; he had no clue what to do. Katniss had an idea.

'Pulse, Haymitch, check her pulse,' she instructed him. Struggling at first to find it, Haymitch took Effie's wrist gently in his own and searched for the soft thud of her blood.

'Describe it to me,' Katniss told him.

'It's weak,' he explained, 'I can barely feel it but it's fast. I don't know how to say it exactly but it seems too fast.'

'Thank you, Haymitch, that's very helpful.'

'What is it, Katniss?' Peeta asked her.

'We need to check her dressings,' explained Katniss, trying to fend off the guilt at her incompetence, 'I think she might have an infection.'

'Surely an infection couldn't do this,' Haymitch said. Katniss nodded quickly, sensing that their time was being quickly wasted.

'If it gets into her bloodstream it can.'

They checked the cuts on her face and shoulders to find only the red raw skin of normal healing, but the wounds on Effie's thighs told a different story. The skin around each laceration was bright red and swollen, hot to the touch though Katniss stopped herself from doing so after Effie woke up screaming in pain when her fingers came into contact with the swelling. There was pus oozing from the open wounds as well as blood, and what Katniss feared was confirmed.

She had no choice but to cover up the infected wounds. Katniss knew a bit about infection from her mother's work, but how exactly to cure such an advanced stage was beyond her.

'Her leg wounds are badly infected,' Katniss told them. 'With her breathing, pulse, fever and confusion my best guess would be sepsis.' She was relieved that at least this was something she knew; many of those who survived the mine explosions and were cared for by her mother had lived only long enough to die slowly from infection.

'Blood poisoning,' Peeta recognised. He had suffered from a milder version during the 74th Hunger Games, but they found medicine by the time he needed it. Now, they had nothing.

'How bad is it?' Haymitch asked. Katniss shook her head.

'I don't know exactly, but if she doesn't know where she is then she may have gone into shock. If we can't get her to medics...'

'No,' Haymitch whispered, shaking his head. He knelt by Effie's side and took her limp hand in his.

'How long until we land?' Peeta dared to ask.

'Even if we speed up it will be another twenty minutes,' Plutarch sighed regretfully.

'Just hang on princess,' Haymitch whispered into her ear, 'I'll get you there.'

They were coming in to land when chaos ensued.

'Katniss,' Haymitch said very slowly.

'Yes?'

'She's not breathing.'

Katniss watched Effie's chest for a moment and saw that Haymitch was right; it wasn't moving. She searched for a pulse, but found nothing and began to panic. As Finnick had done for Peeta in the Quarter Quell, Katniss breathed air into Effie's lungs and pumped her lifeless chest. Haymitch couldn't bear it.

'NO,' he shouted, standing up and backing away as he watched the colour drain from Effie's cheeks, her lips tinged blue, 'THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!' Peeta tried to calm him, but he was hysterical. He had seen people dying before, but not so close and not someone he cared about.

They landed. Medics ran in with a stretcher to take her away after Plutarch called ahead, one taking over from Katniss to keep her alive. The last thing Haymitch saw was the end of her chiffon dress flowing behind her as she disappeared.

Xxx

Haymitch paced outside the hospital doors for what seemed like hours, refusing to sit by Katniss and Peeta who could only watch him. Their hands were intertwined as they held onto each other for comfort. After the past few days, this just seemed like one more travesty added to the growing pile.

A doctor came out after more than an hour.

'She's alive,' he started. It wasn't the most encouraging beginning. 'We had to operate to remove the damaged tissue, give her two blood transfusions and antibiotics, but she's going to be all right.'

'Thank God,' Haymitch whispered, mostly to himself. 'Can we see her?'

'Yes' the doctor confirmed. 'She will be weak, and on strong morphling for at least a few days, but she is over the worst of it. I'll come with you; I need to talk to her myself.'

Walking through the hospital ward, Haymitch couldn't look at any of the other patients. He had only one thing on his mind.

'Effie,' he gasped when he saw her. He was relieved to see that she looked much better, though still with skin so pale she almost disappeared into the white sheets. She was awake, and turned her head to meet his gaze.

'Now Effie,' the doctor said to her, 'we're going to keep you in for a few days on morphling, but it's mostly just a precaution. Your broken bones are still healing, but that shouldn't take long to fix. We also managed to remove most of the scar tissue from the old injuries on your arms and chest.'

Effie looked down at her arms, barely believing they were her own as the skin was flawless once again. She lifted the neck of her hospital gown and almost cried with relief; she was no longer branded with that terrible word.

'Th-thank you, 'she whispered in disbelief. The doctor smiled.

'The only things we couldn't repair were the marks on your face and shoulders. Some sort of chemical in the cuts means that nothing can be done to cover them, I am afraid.'

'Do you have a mirror?' Effie asked him quietly.

'I don't know if you should-'

'Please?' He couldn't deny her simple request, though was sure that she wouldn't like what she saw.

Holding the small compact mirror to her face, Effie's eyes were transfixed. She hadn't been able to see them until then, and they were almost worse than the scars across her chest. They were a reminder, that she was marked territory, and one which she could never be rid of. The marks were an ugly red, forming a twisting swirling pattern down the side of her face like flowered vines. They reached from her forehead down her neck to the top of her shoulder, where they would always be seen. They mocked her with what used to be Capitol fashion, and her image blurred as she realised the mirror was shaking in her hand.

Effie put the mirror down and closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears back. She was better, healing, almost free of the pain they had put her through, but they couldn't let her forget it.

'Effie?' Haymitch stood by Effie's side and took one of her hands. 'It's okay, they aren't that bad.' She opened her glassy eyes, brimming with tears, and looked at him.

'Yes they are,' she whispered.

'Effie,' Katniss said, unable to stay silent any longer, 'I'm sorry, it's all my fault. I should have been more careful, I should have checked if they were infected...'

'It's not your fault, Katniss,' Effie assured her gently. 'It doesn't matter anyway, I'm fine now and I know that you did more than enough for me; I would be dead without you. Thank you, Katniss.' Offering a feeble smile, Katniss went over to Effie and gave her a light but assuring hug which she graciously accepted.

Xxx

Katniss adapted back to life in District 13 surprisingly quickly. It was still much the same as it had been during the war, though without the military training and severe rationing, as it had become a secondary government stronghold of sorts with a small population and many important offices. She had been placed in one of the apartments in the old part of the compound with Peeta, similar to the one she had lived in with her Mother and Prim, and later Johanna.

She watched the anniversary celebrations on television, which went without a hitch, though were very limited in their extravagance. Effie had been surprised at first that nothing bad had happened, but had decided it may have been too risky to launch an attack when they were at risk of exposure. Katniss thought that it might have been because she and Peeta had been the real targets.

Haymitch had, at first, been very displeased with their situation as the no alcohol rule still stood strong. When Effie had been in danger, he had run on adrenalin alone, but now that they were settling in to the District he craved his usual source of happiness. Without a place to drink, he spent most of his time either sulking or visiting Effie in hospital, or later her accommodation when she was released. Katniss was relieved that she was looking better, almost her old self again, but still tainted by vulnerability. She thought that it made Effie even more likeable. She didn't have to pretend quite as much anymore.

Plutarch, as an apology for his handling of the hovercraft situation, had ordered a case of Capitol clothes and accessories for Effie who despised the grey uniforms or the hospital wear which were her only other choices of clothing after her chiffon gown was destroyed. It was a little shallow of her, but no-one would deny her something which made her feel a bit better after the horror she was trying to leave behind.

It was two weeks after the anniversary when Haymitch knocked on Effie's door, invited in by her call. He came to her house many times, but he had never caught her curled up on top of her bed with a book in hand. Usually she was staring out of the small window, or bustling around cleaning to hide the fact that she had been crying again.

'What's that?' he asked, going to make himself a cup of tea in the kitchen.

'An old classic,' she explained, finishing the last page. 'I can't remember the last time I read a book. It's so easy to get lost in the pages, into another world much better than this one.' Haymitch looked around her kitchen for the sugar, which she only kept for him, and noticed that despite the food she had delivered in favour of going down to the dining hall her cupboards were bare.

'Effie,' he said in a lightly scolding tone.

'What?' she asked, looking genuinely confused. It was easier to see her expressions now that she used very little makeup, though she would never go without it completely. It was no longer an act of vanity, but one of vulnerability as she went silent if she saw anyone looking at the red marks across her face.

'Have you been eating?'

'Of course,' she answered, though her eyes were betraying her again.

'Effie, you can't stop eating again,' Haymitch warned her. In hospital she had refused to eat a thing, forcing the doctors to keep her in and give her intravenous nutrients.

'I know,' she sighed, putting her book down and tucking her legs up closer to her body, 'but I don't feel like eating half of the time. It's not as if I want to make myself any more ill.'

Effie looked down into her lap, her eyes glazing over as she tried not to drift off. It was her natural defence mechanism, to block the rest of the world out and lose herself, but she found herself using it just to get away. Haymitch noticed and walked over to her, using a gentle finger to lift her chin so their eyes could meet.

'It will be all right, you know,' he assured her. 'It's been weeks and no-one has even come close to District 13.'

'I know,' she sighed, 'but you can't blame me for thinking that they still might.' Haymitch perched on the edge of the bed and put an arm around her.

'I wouldn't blame you for anything.' She gave a small chuckle.

'A month ago you would never have said anything like that to me,' Effie reminded him.

'True,' he admitted, 'but I'm not going to kick you when you're down. Besides, I quite like the wigless Effie Trinket!' He admired her flaming red hair, natural hair, knowing that it was a sign of the real Effie. She only ever wore wigs if she left the room, which was a start at least.

'Was I that bad before?' she asked him directly.

'No,' Haymitch said honestly, 'but I was mostly too drunk to care who you really were. I saw the Capitol clothes and wig and judged you from the start, which doesn't make me the best of people.'

'But you made up for it,' Effie whispered, nestling her head against his chest as she felt her eyes begin to close, 'you kept me safe.' He kept her close, waiting until her breathing slowed to know that she was asleep.

'I'll always keep you safe.'

Xxx

'And where are you off to?' Haymitch asked surprisingly brightly as he saw Katniss and Peeta walking towards the edge of District 13

'We're going out for a walk,' Katniss answered, 'and a bit of hunting practice. I don't mind this place but it can be a bit...stifling at times. Effie's?' Haymitch nodded.

'I'll see you later,' he called as they walked past him.

Letting himself in after knocking, Haymitch found Effie fiddling over a lavender wig topped with a bow which she was trying to manhandle over her feisty red hair.

'Want some help?'

'Please,' Effie accepted, so unused to handling them after almost a month of only wearing them on occasion. 'It used to take me half a second.'

'I don't know why you still insist on wearing these things,' Haymitch said, holding the wig as Effie stuffed the rest of her hair into a bundle and clipped it in place.

'You know why,' she muttered, guiding his hands so that he placed it perfectly straight on her head. He did. It wasn't just because she was used to wearing them, but they hid some of the scars on her cheek and distracted from the faint red lines still apparent after layer and layers of foundation. He sighed.

'People don't care, you know,' he told her for what had to be the one hundredth time. 'It's not just what you look like that matters.'

'Yes,' she huffed, frustrated, 'but they're ugly. And they remind everyone that I'm nothing more than a victim, which I would rather people forget about.'

'You aren't just a victim,' Haymitch assured her, 'you are strong and brave and still fighting when so many others would give up.'

'Perhaps,' whispered Effie, pushing the subject aside as she finished with her dark red lipstick. She turned to him. 'How do I look?'

Stunning. To face the world, Effie had decided to wear the most dazzling shade of indigo Haymitch had ever seen. Her pencil skirt cut off just above her knees, shaped to her thin figure, and a ruffled white blouse had been tucked into it. Her tailored jacket was cropped so that it didn't quite reach the top of her high skirt, with three quarter length sleeves and bright silver buttons. The pearls hanging around her neck shone like her eyes. Though she teetered a little in her shoes which made her tower almost to his height, Haymitch thought she was radiating beauty and confidence, which he knew meant a lot to her.

'You'll knock 'em dead,' he confirmed with a grin and she smiled brightly back at him.

The meeting that morning was between Effie and the heads of the District 13 army. Effie had agreed to tell them everything that she knew, and they would on behalf of the Capitol start searching for those trying to bring down the government. Other smaller incidences within the districts had caught the military's attention; they knew now that Effie was not just paranoid or haunted, but that she had some information of critical importance.

Coming to the last room in the hallway, room 24, Effie told Haymitch that she wanted to go in alone.

'I have to,' she explained, 'to show them that I can.' He understood what she meant.

'Effie?'

'Yes, Haymitch?'

Suddenly he didn't know what to say. Seeing her so striking had caught him off-guard and though there were things he wanted to tell her, he knew this was the wrong time to do so.

'I'll see you later, won't I?' Effie nodded.

'Of course.' She turned and went into the room, leaving Haymitch to wonder if he had mucked up what could have been a golden opportunity.

Xxx

Effie had been sitting for almost ten minutes when the first person walked in through the door. He was one of the lower military commanders, one she didn't know by name but had seen around. He was followed by about four others of lower rank than him.

'Good morning, Effie,' he said pleasantly, 'I am Commander Hartman.'

'Nice to meet you,' she replied with a winning smile. She watched as he closed the door behind them, and her brow furrowed.

'Is Plutarch not going to be joining us? Or the Head of Command?'

'Not just yet,' he explained ,'they were caught up with an incident in District 2 and asked me to apologise on their behalf. They are going to try and come along a little later.'

'Oh,' smiled Effie, 'okay then. Where do you want to start?'

'What exactly did the people you say threatened you ask you to do?' She noted that he was on the verge of accusing her of lying, but she let it go.

'They asked me to give them government information,' Effie answered.

'What kind of information, specifically?'

'Locations of the government's defence systems, the main power lines and the combinations for the nuclear weapons; that sort of thing,' she remembered. The way Commander Hartman's piercing blue eyes were bearing into her made her feel uncomfortable.

'How did you know these things in the first place?' he asked.

'I didn't,' she admitted, 'but they knew that I worked with the President and often filed her papers so could have access to any of the government's records.'

'And did you give them the information they wanted?'

'I gave them false documents and co-ordinates, knowing that by the time that they found out what I had told them was useless I would be able to get away.'

'You feared for your life?' Effie wanted to shout at him. Yes of course he feared for her life; had he not heard that she arrived in the district with a man pumping her chest to keep her alive? Trying to keep her manners together, she took a deep breath.

'Yes,' she replied simply.

'What made you think that you were in any danger from these people?'

Another ridiculous question, and her temper was wearing thin. This seemed more like an inquisition into her private affairs than she was doing to help the commanders.

'Well, I knew one of them from when I was imprisoned by the Capitol during the rebellion. I knew what he was capable of doing, and when he first approached me in my apartment he warned me what the consequences of disobeying him would be.'

'Did he hurt you, that night?' Hartman pressed, sounding almost eager to hear about her pain.

'Y-yes,' Effie stuttered, being forced to remember what he had done.

'What did he do?'

'Is this really necessary?' Effie burst out, tears threatening to surface and ruin her makeup.

'Yes, Miss Trinket, I am afraid that it is.

'He...he broke my wrist,' she mumbled.

'Anything else?' How did he know there was something else? He couldn't possibly know.

'No,' she replied, trying to conceal her lies.

'I think that you are lying to us, Miss Trinket,' Hartman warned her.

'Well I don't understand,' she shouted. 'I am supposed to be telling you about these people and all you want to know is how they hurt me. Can't I just tell you what they told me? What they needed things for, the dates they mentioned, things like that?'

'We will get to that,' Hartman assured her slowly.

'No,' Effie said finally, standing up in defiance. 'Plutarch can come and talk to me about this himself if he wants any more, but I am not going to discuss this any further without him or Haymitch present.' Hartman chuckled, a cold and cruel sound which seemed out of place for a man of defence and safekeeping.

'Oh Effie, I underestimated you,' he hissed. 'Still strong despite everything that has happened to you. But more than that you still have some dignity left, some warped sense of pride even though everybody knows what you are.'

'I...I don't...' she stuttered. She couldn't understand what was happening. Effie started to back away, one step at a time, but Hartman stood too and the four silent men were still standing as though poised to take action.

'Yes, dignified enough not to admit that he pressed his lips against your own and took you to your bed screaming to show you who was in control.'

Effie lost all of the colour in her face at once. She could hear nothing but the pounding of her heart against her ribs.

'I'm n-not going to l-listen to this,' she trembled, heading for the door and finding the cool brass knob would not turn in her hands. She let out a small moan as her nightmares came true and tears fell down her face. She had been happy again, for the first time in months. Still scared, yes, but happy. Why now?

'Did you really think that we would let you go?'

Xxx

Haymitch walked along the corridor and bumped into Plutarch, who seemed to have lost something.

'I thought you were in the meeting with Effie?'

'Well I would be,' he explained, 'if Effie had come to the meeting. Have you seen her?' Haymitch felt his heart stop beating in his chest.

'Yes, I just took her to the meeting room ten, maybe fifteen minutes ago.'

'I just came from room 6 and she wasn't there.'

'Room 6?' Haymitch repeated. Plutarch nodded. 'I took her to room 24.'

'But the meeting was scheduled for room 6,' insisted Plutarch, 'there must have been some mistake.'

'Someone came to Effie's room yesterday and told her that it was definitely in conference room 24,' growled Haymitch.

Even several corridors away from the dreaded room 24, Haymitch heard an ear-splitting scream. He knew that tone anywhere, and she was screaming his name at the top of her lungs. At the same time, a loud bang knocked Haymitch to his feet. The sound was followed by another, and then another; bombs raining down on an unprepared district.

The lights went out and Haymitch's mind began to slip into a foggy abyss, but through the cannon-like boom of the ground shaking he could still hear her, fading away, screaming for him to help her.

* * *

**And for a few paragraphs it had been going so well... Sorry Effie. Sorry Haymitch. Sorry Suzanne. Sorry to all of those who are thinking oh no, what more could possibly go wrong (a lot!)**

**Should be updating very soon and thanks for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you so so much to everyone who read and reviews this story, it is a great feeling to know people are actually reading it and liking it!**

**This is the last pre-written chapter, so uploads will still be fairly soon but perhaps not quite every day. Of course I am spurred on by your comments and will try and get as much done as soon as possible!**

**As usual sorry to Effie. Cannot promise that her life gets much better, but a bit of a turn from what she has suffered in previous chapters to a new kind of battle. It explains itself, lol. **

**Enjoy reading!**

* * *

**Chapter 8**

'Haymitch, please!'

In the chaos and the darkness, he could still hear her voice calling to him. He wondered if it was really her, knowing that the sound of bombs should drown out the screams of one woman, but he heard her as though she were in his mind begging him to help her. He had promised her that he wouldn't let this happened. He had promised.

Stumbling to his feet, Haymitch tried to make his way through the darkness as fast as he could but every so often the entire compound shook, and he was forced to stay still. It seemed like it took him forever to reach room 24. The lights came on after the last bomb fell, the emergency generators kicking in, and Haymitch saw the room where he had left Effie to her worst nightmare.

The chairs were scattered around the room, the table overturned and glass picture frames once hanging on the wall lay smashed on the floor. Haymitch felt his heart break as he saw the shining pearls scattered all over the carpet.

'What happened here?' Plutarch asked him when he finally caught up.

'They took her,' he said simply.

'Who took her?' Haymitch couldn't contain his rage as he turned back to Plutarch and moved dangerously close to the man.

'The people you were supposed to be protecting her from,' he snarled, 'the people who just bombed your precious district, who tried to assassinate President Paylor and who gave her scars which will never heal just to prove a point.'

'There was no way they could get in,' Plutarch insisted.

'Then where is she gone?' It was a simple enough question, but one which was only answered when a young boy of around fourteen came up to Plutarch. He was a messenger, sending word from the hovercraft bay.

'Sir, one of the crafts is unaccounted for,' he informed Plutarch, whose face lost all of its colour.

'Which?'

'The high speed cruiser,' he said quickly, 'taken by Commander Hartman, sir.'

'Thank you Dara, run along.'

'How could you let this happen?' Haymitch shouted, trying to displace his own crushing guilt by blaming Plutarch. 'One of your own took her to them, how is that even possible?'

'I...I don't know,' Plutarch replied honestly. He felt the weight of Haymitch's burden weighing down on him, the pain of a man who didn't know what to feel, and he was ashamed that he could not offer a better answer.

'We have to get her back,' Haymitch said at once, turning and walking away from the room he couldn't bear to be near.

'We don't know where she is,' Plutarch pointed out, but Haymitch wasn't listening to him.

'I promised her,' he muttered as he walked, though he had no idea of his intended destination, 'I won't let her down.'

Xxx

Effie gave a yelp, the desperate sound of a wounded animal, as she was thrown hard against the floor of the hovercraft. Her voice was hoarse from screaming to Haymitch, her eyes sore from the tears she couldn't help but shed, but she wasn't giving in that easily. One of the four unnamed men who had held her as they dragged her to the hovercraft carrier came towards her and she knew that it was now or never. She wasn't completely unprepared. Reaching behind her to a small pouch secreted beneath the waist of her skirt, Effie pulled out a small knife and held it behind her until the opportunity rose.

A bald headed man dressed completely in black bent down to force her up but she was ready for him. With a swift movement of her hand, she brought the knife up to the man's face and cut across his cheek forcing him to move back. He came again, knocking the knife to the floor and grabbing her wrists. She struggled, flailing desperately to break free but he was too strong and pinned her to the ground. He smiled.

'Not this time, sweetheart,' he whispered to her, his face so close to hers that she could feel the warmth of his rancid breath on her face. She wanted to cry, to scream and call for anyone to help her but she would not give them the satisfaction of knowing just how scared she was.

Pulling her up by her wrists, the man with the bald head threw her onto a chair and bound her arms tightly to it, grinning as he did so. The cut on his cheek was deep, blood dripping down his unshaven chin, but Effie hadn't been aiming for his chin, she had been aiming for his throat. Another inch or so and she would have caught it too, though the thought of knowingly and willingly killing another human being sent a shiver down her spine. That wasn't who she was; in spite of everything that people had done to her, she didn't think that she had it in her to murder someone.

Noticing the blood dripping from his wounded face, the man picked up the bloody knife which had fallen to the floor in the struggle and held the blade to Effie's face, just lightly enough to not break the skin.

'If it was up to me,' he breathed, 'I'd cut your pretty neck until you choked.' He laughed coldly. 'Though I see someone has already had a go.' She blushed, knowing that he was talking about the burning red scars, but let the breath she had been holding go as he moved away from her.

'Was it one of ours?' he asked Hartman grinning.

'Some of the finest we could offer, Bolton,' he replied, finally naming the bleeding soldier. 'Trust me, I would love to add a little more...colour to her face too, but we need her just as she is.'

They had plans for her, Effie thought gravely as her heart beat furiously in her chest. However many of them there were, these secret rebels, they all wanted her blood for betraying them and making them look weak and incompetent at what was supposed to be their life's work. Hartman walked up to Effie and grabbed her chin, forcing her to look into his cold and soulless eyes.

'You'll wish you had never been born,' he laughed.

Xxx

Katniss met Plutarch outside one of the command centres, where many high ranking officials had gathered to discuss what had happened and how some of who they now knew to be the enemy had infiltrated the high security district. There was, however, one small problem. The room where this meeting was scheduled to be held was where Haymitch had decided to take out his rage, throwing everything that he could find at the walls and banging his fists on the table.

'We are not entirely sure what to do with him,' Plutarch explained. 'I understand why he's angry, but he seems to be spiralling out of control. I would rather not sedate him, as the consequences of that would be...unpleasant to say the least. Do you think that you could try and talk to him? I know that he would listen to you.'

'Don't get your hopes up,' Katniss warned, though she agreed to try. A commander had come to find her after the bombing had stopped, asking for her assistance with Haymitch. She didn't understand why he would be acting in such an aggressive manner, but Katniss sensed that there was something which they weren't about to tell her. She would find out soon enough.

When she opened the door a glass ash tray narrowly missed her head, shattering as it collided with the wall.

'Sorry,' Haymitch mumbled, 'I thought you were...one of them.'

'Well, I'm not,' Katniss pointed out, holding up her hands as though surrendering before closing the door behind her, 'and you can stop throwing things now that I'm here. What's going on?' Haymitch snorted.

'Did they not tell you?' Katniss felt her cheeks burn red.

'No, they wouldn't would they. They wouldn't want to admit that they were wrong and that they're to blame, for all of this!'

'They said that the bombs were fired by the same group that tried to kill President Paylor, but they didn't do much damage to the compound.'

'No, they didn't, because they were just meant as a distraction. One of their own, a commander nonetheless, and a few of the low ranking soldiers...they took Effie.'

'What!' gasped Katniss. 'Why...why would they do that?'

'Don't you see?' Haymitch asked desperately. 'They were working with them, the people who dropped the bombs and tried to assassinate Paylor. Hartman and the others were working in district 13, right under their noses, when all the time they were part of the new rebellion. She tried to warn me that they were going to find her, and I told her that I would keep her safe and that if the time ever came, I would make sure that they couldn't get to her.'

'There was nothing you could have done,' Katniss assured him, 'they would have taken Effie whether you were with her or not.'

'She knew that too,' Haymitch said sadly, 'which was why she asked me to...to kill her rather than let them take her.'

'Kill her!' Katniss shouted in disbelief. 'Why would you even agree to that? How could you promise her that you would murder her?'

'Because she reminded me of the alternative, of a life where she wouldn't be allowed to die and would lose herself. Last time they just wanted information and now they want revenge; they won't be kind. And I've left her to that fate.'

'Would you have done it?' Katniss asked him in a hushed tone. 'If you had been there and she asked you, would you have been able to watch the life drain out of her eyes?' He faltered. When he first made the promise, Haymitch had fully intended to keep his word, but could he have done it? Stuck a knife in her stomach and bathed his hands in her blood as she cried out in pain? No, he didn't think that he was capable of that.

'No,' Haymitch admitted, 'but I could have tried...tried to be brave for her.'

'I understand,' Katniss said gently, 'I do. When they had Peeta and I didn't know what they were doing to him...it almost broke me, as you well know. But you are no use to anyone throwing things. We need to think this through, work out where they could be and create some sort of plan before we contemplate going after her; no-one can do that if you refuse to help them.'

'I just don't want it to be too late if...when we find her,' Haymitch corrected himself, not allowing those thoughts to enter his mind. They would find her, they had to.

'Then we should start right away,' Katniss suggested, opening the door and letting the others in. Though scowling Haymitch took a seat, ready to fight to the end for what he believed in: her.

Xxx

Effie could feel them watching her. They had been travelling for a few hours, though she had lost count of the time, and every second of that time she could sense their gaze burning into her skin. It was as if history was repeating itself, the violence and humiliation of the past changing to become her present.

The craft seemed to slow, Hartman returning to the flight deck as they prepared to land and Effie was ready for another fight. If there was anyone decent within half a mile, they would hear her screaming. Unfortunately, by the way Bolton was staring at her, it was as if he had read her mind.

'Hey, Hartman?' he called.

'Yeah?'

'How are we going to get this one off the ship without bringing the roof down?'

Hartman walked back out into the open, eyeing Effie up with a glance which lingered far too long on her breasts. It made her feel physically ill.

'There shouldn't be anyone close enough to hear her,' he contemplated, thinking aloud.

'No, but if there's even a chance,' Bolton reasoned and Hartman nodded.

'No blood,' he muttered, 'just do it fast.'

'With pleasure.'

Bolton walked up to Effie, his face twisted into a terrible smile, and she tried her best not to look as terrified as she felt. He was going to enjoy this.

'Goodnight, sweetheart,' he smiled, raising his huge hand back. She couldn't prepare for the pain. He slapped her, hard, across the face so that her cheek was on fire and her mind terribly confused; but she was still awake. For a moment, Effie thought that he had failed in knocking her out but the grin on his face confirmed her fear; that was just for fun. She opened her eyes just in time to see a hairy fist come up to her face and collide with her head before everything turned to darkness.

Xxx

When she began to wake, all Effie could see were the fluorescent lights of the ceiling moving past her as they walked along. She realised that someone was carrying her in their arms, too close to their chest, and the smell of sweat and alcohol invaded her senses causing her to gag. When her eyes opened properly, she saw another of the men's faces glaring down at her with a hint of laughter in his eyes at her weakness. She despised it.

Though she felt weak and her head throbbed with every beat of her heart, Effie pounded at his chest with her fists and forced him to stop. He shouted at her, spittle from his disgusting mouth landing on her face, but she persevered trying to release herself from his grasp.

'In here,' another one suggested, 'I think she needs to calm down a bit before she sees him.' Despite her protests, Effie was carried further along the corridor to a room with a huge, thick metal door. Someone opened it, and before she realised what was happening Effie was flying through the air. It only lasted for a moment, before she crashed hard into the wall and a jolt of pain shot up her spine.

They had thrown her into a small, windowless room made of concrete with only one metal door. There was no way light could get into the room, so she knew that once the door closed it would be pitch black. They were laughing. Why were they laughing?

'Enjoy your company,' one of them called to her, and Effie realised that she wasn't alone. Turning her head, she saw the first body. She screamed, trying to move away from it before she realised that they were piled high around the room – corpses fresh and old, stinking with the wretched smell of death and decay. The sockets where their eyes had been stared at her, and she was powerless to do anything than empty the contents of her stomach.

They closed the door. Now Effie was alone, but not entirely, and unable to see. The smell was overpowering, assaulting her senses and forcing her to gag on the acidic substance her stomach kept trying to bring up. This was hell, surrounded by the dead and screaming for no-one to hear, and this was only the beginning.

Xxx

'No,' Plutarch said tiresomely for what had to be the tenth time, 'Haymitch we cannot simply storm into the Capitol and rampage about until we find her.'

'Well all of your suggestions so far have been shit,' Haymitch pointed out, with no disagreement from the other men and women sat around the table, 'we need to find her and fast.'

'I am not suggesting that we don't find her,' Plutarch assured him, 'that is our priority, but we have to take into account the escalating danger here and the wider problem facing Panem. These rebels are clearly skilled at what they are doing and could have their people anywhere, but we know nothing about them! If we go in with all guns blazing not even knowing where to start looking then they will know we are coming and our efforts will be wasted.'

'I'm not arguing with you there,' Haymitch growled, his anger building, 'but we don't have time to just wait and hope that we can figure out where she is.'

'We're getting nowhere,' announced Plutarch with a sigh. 'I suggest that we put every available person onto surveillance and send a few eyes out to the Capitol – not you, Haymitch, you would cause havoc.' He hadn't even had the chance to open his mouth and volunteer before he was shot down.

'I was thinking people from other districts who would cause less suspicion to be raised,' Plutarch finished. 'We will meet tomorrow at 3pm.'

'Tomorrow,' snarled Haymitch as the others began to fan out of the room, 'that's an entire day wasted. You know as much as I do that every second counts.'

'Look,' Plutarch reasoned, 'we know they're not going to kill her, not yet anyway, so we have a little time to do this right. I know you want to rush out and get her back, I do, but it isn't that simple. Sorry, Haymitch; I really am sorry.'

'Tell her that,' Haymitch he said quietly, walking out of the room and slamming the door behind him.

Xxx

Effie couldn't stop the tears falling soundlessly down her pale cheeks. Even after what must have been hours she was still in shock, her body trembling in the cold. She sat braced against the wall hugging her knees, willing herself to be strong when she knew that it was hopeless; this was more than a nightmare.

It wasn't just knowing what was going to happen, what they would do to her, it was having to accept that whatever she had managed to salvage of her tattered life was about to be taken away. Not simply her freedom, or her dignity, but her soul; it wouldn't be long before she couldn't even remember who she was.

The things which came to mind as she closed her eyes often surprised her. She expected to dream of her quiet, Capitol life before any of this had happened; but no. Whether it was in memories or fractures dreams, Effie's thoughts were dominated by those she had thought of as little more than familiar acquaintances; at least until recently. She thought of Peeta and Katniss, wondering if they were safe and would manage to get out of thirteen in time; she hoped that one day they could finally be happy.

Despite herself, she thought of Haymitch. She thought of the hatred in his eyes when he had shouted at her, almost hitting her, but then of the way he had listened and cared for her when she was too weak to support herself. Effie couldn't quite work out if he despised her or loved her.

Even the thought of the latter sent a shiver down her spine. Love. She hadn't even considered the word since Nooka, since their baby was so cruelly taken away. She couldn't love Haymitch. It was improper, absurd, but was it the truth? Effie knew she would not have the time to find out. She was too far from his comforting arms now, no matter how hard he tried to fight for her if he fought at all. He had no reason to, but hadn't he already proven that he cared? Even if he would never love her, then at least she could be sure that he cared.

Despite the cold and the stench and the dark, that thought brought her some warmth, some safety; until the door opened and she felt the angry grasp of a man without conscience on her arm.

Xxx

'Where are you taking me?' Effie asked as they pulled her down a thin corridor, the floor and walls made of the same thick concrete which made her feel as if she could be suffocated at any moment.

'You'll see,' one of the men said, grinning terribly. They came to a door at the very end of the corridor, made of the same thick steel as the others, and opened it pushing her in.

She fell to her knees, the floor at least cleaner than the terrible place she had just come from. Effie saw the stains of blood on her jacket and skirt, wondering if they were her own but shuddering at the thought that this blood may once have pumped around the body of a soul now departed. At least this room had light, and a bit of room to move; she could have stood, if she had the energy.

A door on the opposite wall to the one she had just come through opened, and a tall uniformed Peacekeeper came out.

'Three minutes,' he said gruffly. At first, Effie didn't understand, but then she saw another man being thrown into the room and backed away hurriedly. She didn't have much to fear from him, a poor broken soul who looked to have been badly beaten, but she wasn't about to take risks with what was left of her life.

'Ef-Effie...'

Her heart stopped. How did he know her name? They could have told him, of course, but the way he said it seemed familiar, scarily so. He raised his head weakly from his crumpled for, his deep brown eyes catching hers, and she knew.

'Nooka?'

Xxx

'Oh my God...'

Effie held her head in her hands, everything she knew coming into question. He was dead. He had been taken in the rebellion, murdered as the Peacekeepers enjoyed reminding her every day; yet he was there. Battered, broken, but there just the same.

'Effie? Is...Is it r-really you?' Nooka fell back against the wall, barely managing to keep his eyes open as he took in the vision of the woman he hadn't seen in almost two years.

'You're dead,' she whispered, tears falling from her eyes, 'they told me you were dead.'

'No,' he countered, 'I survived, but they kept me here. I lost count after a while, but the months seemed to turn into years; I was lucky that they didn't need me for information, but it didn't always stop them.'

'How do I know,' Effie stuttered, still unable to believe it. 'How do I know that it's you?'

Nooka looked confused for a moment before he realised what she meant and smiled. It was weak, barely recognisable, but she remembered that smile.

'Effie Amelia Trinket,' he stated, his eyes sparkling with tears. 'We met when you started working as an escort, and you couldn't find your way back to the penthouse after the pre-Games party; I didn't leave your room until morning.' She blushed a little, remembering that night. She had been very drunk, trying to numb the pain of her first Hunger Games with alcohol, and he had been quite the gentlemen.

'You tell everyone that your favourite colour is pink, but it isn't,' he continued, 'it's the bright sparkling blue when the sunlight hits the ocean. You love to read, always carrying a small book in your bag for when you travel, and you sing when you're happy. I proposed to you the night I found out you were carrying my child.'

Effie's gaze dropped to the floor. She couldn't look at him, knowing that he would ask and not being able to bear the thought of having to tell him.

'Effie?'

'I...I can't, Nooka,' she whispered, trying to make him understand. He moved himself a little closer to her, though he didn't have the strength to stand.

'What happened?'

He had a right to know. He was...had been the father, after all; but she couldn't bear the thought of telling him.

'After you left, they came for me,' Effie started. 'I got a few people out, but they found me and took me as their prisoner. They assumed I knew something about the rebellion, but I wasn't going to tell them what I knew. When they found out I was pregnant...well there was only one thing they could do.'

'Oh Effie...'

Watching her expression melt as she allowed herself to succumb to her emotions, Nooka moved next to her and put an arm around her shoulders. Effie turned to him, taking in the features she hadn't seen in forever: long dark hair, huge brown eyes and an expression which always assured her that she was wanted. She couldn't help herself. She reached up, and their lips met.

'30 seconds,' the guard called, and they were forced to pull away, their hands locked in a desperate comfort.

'Listen, Effie, you have to listen to me,' Nooka said seriously. 'We don't have much time. I don't want you to get hurt.'

'They'll hurt me anyway,' she mumbled. Nooka shook his head.

'No,' he assured her, 'they won't, but they need you for something, just one thing and we can go. You have to promise me that you will say yes.'

'What is it?' Effie asked, her heart pounding in her chest.

'You trust me?'

'Always.'

Nooka took a deep breath.

'They want you to kill President Paylor.'

* * *

**Dun dun dunnnnn...Bit of a cliffhanger which should be addressed very soon ;) Hope it was an all right chapter and would love to hear what you thought of it. More to come soon and Effie has a big decision to make, but will it be the right one?**


	9. Chapter 9

**I apologise for this chapter being slightly shorter than usual, but in fairness this was going to be about 500 words of the next chapter which blossomed into one of its own thanks to a review which got me thinking! Speaking of which, thank you all so much. It makes my day when people read and review this story, and keeps me writing so big thanks!**

**This chapter is centred completely around Effie, but don't worry Haymitch and co will be back for more next chapter. Also bit of a warning for violence and not particularly happy content; sorry Effie, but it was necessary!**

**Please read the A/N at the end as will explain one or two things in response to reviews. Thanks everyone and enjoy the chapter. I promise I will stop being so mean eventually, things will get better! One day...**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

He was deadly serious. She could see it in his eyes; he wouldn't lie to her.

'No,' she stuttered, 'I...I can't, I won't.'

'You have to understand,' Nooka begged, knowing his time was short, 'they're dangerous. They will do anything to get what they want; it doesn't matter who gets hurt in the process. They need you to kill Paylor, but they have time. What they could do to us both...'

Guilt rose in her throat like scorching acid. She didn't want him to be hurt because of her, not now that she had found him. But to kill another human being, after all of the savagery she had seen in her life...she couldn't. She couldn't even contemplate it.

'Time's up.'

Three Peacekeepers came in and took Nooka by the arms, dragging him away despite Effie's screams of protest.

'Don't play their game,' he shouted to her. 'Stay safe. I lo-' But the door closed before he could say it, leaving Effie alone in her grief. In a matter of moments, she had gained more than she ever could have hoped to gain and lost it all at once.

Xxx

She was alone. They would come for her soon, that much she knew, and ask for her answer but she didn't know what to say. Effie hated feeling so powerless. Whatever she did, no matter how honourable her intentions, somebody was going to die. If she tried to escape then they would kill Nooka; if she killed herself then they would still kill him and they would both end up dead. But when she thought of actually doing it, of murdering the President in cold blood to save herself from guilt and torture, then Effie couldn't bear it. She had known President Paylor reasonably well. She had cared about her enough to see her before she returned to District 12 when she thought that something was wrong; how would her kindness be repaid? In blood.

If it was just for her own sake, then she would have refused without a second's thought, but it wasn't just about her anymore. Seeing Nooka had thrown everything she knew to be true into question. She couldn't quite describe the feelings welling up in her chest; some were new, and some so comfortingly familiar. Effie knew that it was wrong to even consider agreeing to what they asked of her. It went against her every principle. After everything she had been through, to bow to them now would make all of her efforts to stay alive and true to herself pointless. How could he even ask such a thing of her?

There was only one reason he would, she realised – if he knew exactly what the consequences would be. Nooka knew, though he couldn't say, what would happen if she said no and that fear in his eyes opened Effie's mind to a thousand new possibilities. The question that she had to ask herself was, did she still trust him? Did she still love him?

Before she could give herself the comfort of an answer, the door was thrown open. Gray was there, accompanied by two others whom she had not seen before, and his eyes were bright as he looked at her tear-stained cheeks. Though it took all of the strength that she had, Effie forced herself to stand. She didn't like the way he looked down on her. It gave him power before he even had the chance to speak a word, power which he did not deserve, and that made her feel weak.

'It's been a while,' Gray said, his voice thick with malice. Effie swallowed.

'Yes,' she agreed, 'not quite long enough.'

'Ooh, the little bitch has a bit of fight left in her,' he mocked. 'After everything you have been through, everything we have done to you, you still think that you can win?'

'No,' she admitted honestly, 'but if I go down I am taking every last one of you with me.'

Her courage surprised and frustrated him; she could see it as he glowered at her. Gray moved a step closer to her, knowing it would cause a shiver to run down her spine, and smiled as he saw the fear she was trying to keep from showing in her eyes.

'I always did like that spark you had,' he hissed, moving slowly closer. Effie countered this by stepping back until she was pressed against the wall with nowhere left to go.

'It was that spark which made it all the more enjoyable.' By now she could feel the warmth of his breath on her face, and her mind was overrun with memories she would rather forget and images of exactly what he could do to her.

'We have a little job for you,' Gray reminded her. 'As I am so generous, I am willing to say that if you comply with our demands then I'll let you both go; you and lover boy.' He reached out and stroked her cheek lightly with the back of his hand, his skin course against her smooth features. She could hardly suppress a whimper which played on her lips.

'As much as I would love to keep you here, the orders come from above,' whispered Gray, his face inches away from Effie's. 'So...what will it be sweetheart?'

The silence which lasted no more than a few seconds seemed to last a lifetime. She stared into his cold, heartless eyes and saw her own reflection staring back. Effie could almost hear what he was thinking, the terrible things he imagined doing to her plain to see in his gaze. It would be so easy to give in, to get away; she sighed before she spoke.

'No,' she whispered. Seeing the look on Gray's face was satisfying, despite what she knew was about to come.

'What do you mean?' he asked stupidly, as though he didn't understand.

'I said no,' Effie repeated, 'and if you ask me again, I will give the same answer.'

'He will die,' Gray shouted, his spittle falling on Effie's cheek, 'and I'll make you watch. You'll see the colour drain from his face and the fire die in his eyes before I slit your throat and watch you choke.'

Effie had never been more terrified. She wasn't even trying to hide it anymore. She drew strength from a place deep within her and took a breath.

'No,' she said for a third time, her breath shuddering as she trembled. Gray knew that she meant it, for now at least, but he wasn't going to take it without a fight.

'You two, leave us,' he snapped, turning swiftly to the other silent Peacekeepers dressed in simple white uniforms. They complied without another word, closing and locking the door behind them and leaving Effie at Gray's mercy.

'I like you,' he said, anger bubbling in his tone, 'so I am going to give you a chance; but you only get one.'

'M-my answer will be the same,' Effie insisted, trying not to give in and crumple to the floor.

'Well,' Gray answered, the anger receding as a smile crept onto his face, 'we'll have to see about that, won't we?'

In a swift movement he took hold of Effie's upper arms and slammed her hard against the wall, pinning her down with his strong grip. She let out a small cry as pain rippled down her body, but tried to stay silent; he knew that he enjoyed it more if she screamed. Gray ripped Effie's blouse at the neck thrusting a hand down to her bra and forcing his lips against hers. The weight of his body kept her pinned to the wall, and fear ran through her as she felt him against her leg.

Suddenly, he pulled away and stared at her terrified expression. He took his hand back from her blouse and curled it into a fist, bringing it hard into her stomach so that she doubled over in pain. Gray took her wig and threw it to the floor, grabbing a fistful of her real hair and yanking her upright. He drove his fist deep into her abdomen again and watched as a shuddered scream fell unwillingly from her lips. His grip still strong on her hair, he bashed her head against the wall until it left a stain of blood against the tiles and threw her violently to the floor.

Effie coughed, blood spattering across the floor and her body shaking from the shock of the trauma. Her head pounded, her vision blurring, but she could feel every prick of pain covering her body as her mind refused to succumb to darkness.

Bending over, Gray pulled her to her feet and forced her back against the wall. He took a blade from his belt and ripped her skirt.

'P-please,' Effie whispered, hating herself for having to beg. She couldn't take it. She couldn't go through this again.

'Say yes,' he spat, bringing the blade to her throat.

'I c-can't.'

'Then you leave me with no choice,' Gray said finally.

He tore the jacket from her body as she screamed, not caring who heard. She felt his blade graze her arm and watched as her blood fell to the ground. Gray pressed himself against her, keeping her against the wall, his hands exploring her body greedily. Effie felt herself die a little inside as she screamed for anyone to help her.

Xxx

He let her drop to the floor after an agonising hour. She was bruised, a rib broken from where he had hit her and her entire body in pain; he knew that he had made his point.

'You should have said yes,' he growled, tightening his belt.

'N-nothing you can e-ever do t-to me will m-make me say y-yes,' Effie stammered, spitting blood from her mouth.

'I thought as much,' Gray sighed, 'that was just a warm-up.' Her eyes widened. She was just about holding onto her strength, but control over her fear had long since left her. She could be strong and scared, but it was a dangerous combination, leaving her exposed and vulnerable.

Instead of leaving through the door he had arrived in, Gray opened the other door which Nooka had been taken through and drew his knife, flashing it at Effie with a grin before closing the door. Oh God, she thought, they've gone for him. A minute of silence passed with Effie holding her breath and praying; she hadn't had cause to pray since she was a child. Then the screaming started.

It was him, Nooka, without a doubt. Effie didn't want to imagine what they were doing to him, what could cause him such pain, but her mind was not compliant. Images flashed through her mind and Effie put her hands over her ears to try and block out the terrible sound, closing her eyes as if that would make it all go away.

It was because of her. It was her fault that he was screaming, crying out in such pain that he could not control the sounds escaping from his lips. Gray had known as much. What he had done to her was horrific, unspeakable and violent, but it was just to weaken her. Effie could just about deal with what she would have to go through due to her saying no, but the knowledge that someone else was being hurt because of her actions was killing her. His blood was on her hands. He must hate her, or if he didn't then he should. The hours slipped slowly by and his screams never ceased, not for a moment, and the tears which fell across her face were haunted by her threatened insanity.

Xxx

'Five minutes.'

Effie's eyes almost refused to open, but the sound of someone else in the room forced her to pull her eyelids apart. She hadn't been able to sleep, but lying on the ground in silence had been the closest she could get to relief. When the screaming had finally died down, she had curled into a ball despite the protests from her aching limbs and closed her eyes.

As the brightness from the light died down and she was able to see, Effie watched a Peacekeeper throw someone into the room who collapsed a metre or so away from her; she didn't need to be able to see who they were, she already knew.

'N-Nooka?' Effie whispered, blinking the blurred images from her eyes so that she could see him properly. He looked terrible.

His white shirt was stained red where he had been whipped, his face swollen and bloody. He could barely move, but when he heard her call his name he forced himself to sit up though his head lolled dangerously on his shoulders. There were marks on his bare arms, small like needle punctures, and Effie shuddered to think of what exactly he had been subjected to. She wondered how he was still alive.

Slowly, he crawled his way over to Effie who couldn't find the energy to even lift her head. Tears welled in her eyes; what had she done?

'Oh my goodness Effie what did they do to you?' he asked, his voice shaking with worry and vulnerability.

'I'm f-fine,' she lied avoiding his question, her body trembling. Nooka noticed the pool of blood cushioning her head and began to panic.

'Your head,' he gasped, 'we need to try and stop the bleeding.'

Ripping a piece of what was left of his sleeve from his shirt, he applied pressure to the back of her head wincing as she shook from the pain of it. He found her jacket at the other side of the room and bunched it up, fashioning a pillow. That was when he saw the way her blouse was ripped at the neck, and how her skirt had been slit at the side.

'Effie,' he said quietly, tears building in his eyes, 'Effie they...they didn't, did they?' She looked at him, knowing what he was asking and unable to hold back the sobs as she confirmed his worst fears.

'Oh Effie no,' Nooka cried out, refusing to believe it. 'I shouldn't have left you; oh God how could they hurt you like this?'

'They hurt you too,' she reminded him, reaching a weakened arm to his swollen cheek, 'you must be in pain.'

'It's not too bad,' he dismissed with a lying smile, 'I knew that at least while they were hurting me, then you were safe.'

'I'm so s-sorry,' Effie whispered.

'It's okay,' Nooka assured her, stroking her bloody hair, 'you don't need to-'

'No, I do,' she insisted. 'It's m-my fault you got hurt, I wouldn't say y-yes...' He told her to hush, wiping the tears from her eyes.

'I should never have asked you to do such a thing,' he admitted. 'It was wrong of me to even suggest you listen to them.' She shook her head.

'It was wrong of me to say no,' she replied. 'I just don't think I could do it...kill someone. I didn't want to believe that I was capable of something so barbaric.'

Nooka's hand rested gently on hers, and she felt safe for the first time since she had arrived. With his help, she managed to sit up though her head injury made her feel dizzy.

'I never got the chance to say,' he said quietly, 'I love you, Effie, so much. You've kept me strong throughout my time here, and at least in all of this mess I got to see you again. I'm thankful for it. It's worth anything they could ever do to me.'

'I...I love you too,' Effie whispered, a smile passing across her dry lips. 'I w-wish we had longer.'

'I'll get you home,' Nooka promised her, 'if it takes every breath in my body.'

'Don't say that,' she warned him, unable to think of losing him again so soon.

'I will get us both home,' he swore. 'We can get a house, live by the sea and watch the sun set every day under a blanket. You can sing again, and we can forget all about this place and what has happened to us. We could have a family...'

The thought at first made Effie nervous, but a child was all that she had ever wanted and for Nooka to promise her such a thing made her happier than she had dared to be in a very long time. Hope was something worth living for.

'We could have a baby,' she whispered, hardly daring to believe it. She leaned in close to kiss him. Their lips met softly, their tears falling as they comforted each other's broken bodies in a warm embrace.

'Time's up.'

It was all too soon. Effie's hands clenched into fists and she looked at Nooka, her eyes wide with fear.

'Please baby, I can't bear to see you hurt again,' he pleaded, cupping her face in his hands for one last kiss. It was too short. All too soon, the guards had him by the throat, pulling him away from here.

'I love you,' she screamed, 'oh God Nooka I love you.'

The door closed. She was alone again. It only took a minute for Gray to appear at the doorway, not even needing to ask. She knew the question.

When she closed her eyes to breathe, Effie couldn't help but see a small cottage on the beach. She was sitting on a chair in the dying evening sun, a baby girl in her arms with her sapphire blue eyes and a young boy with scarlet hair running around by the water's edge.

But it wasn't just that which she had to consider. She knew in her heart that it was a fantasy, that even if she and Nooka both survived this then there was no going back; she would never be happy. Even with the children she wanted more than anything, her life would not be fulfilled with the blood which would never wash off still on her hands. It was not the impossible dream which brought her mind to question her earlier decision, but the thought of the others who were being hurt by her actions.

Effie had never so much as killed an insect in her life. The thought of killing another human being was beyond her; she didn't know how anyone could do such a heartless thing. But she thought of all of the people who had been hurt so far due to her refusal to comply. Nooka, her baby, those who had been working beside the bomb which detonated by her word...It wasn't just the pain they had suffered due to her, it was knowing all of the people who would miss them when they were gone; mothers lost their sons, husbands lost their wives and children would grow up without their mother or father.

Although he had tried to hide it, Nooka was terrified. He didn't want to ask her, that much was clear, but he had; he had never asked her for anything else. They would kill President Paylor anyway, wouldn't they? Whether she did it or not, Paylor was going to die, but she could still save him. He would forgive her, care for her and tell her that it would be all right. At least that was what she would tell herself.

Effie wasn't strong enough, that much was certain. Maybe someone else would have been brave enough to fight it, to think rationally in the face of fear and pain and make the right decision, but they knew she was weak. She had lost the fight within her; Gray had taken it from her when he violated her body and tortured the man she loved. She couldn't face it anymore, she just didn't have the strength, and though it made her such a terrible person she didn't really have a choice.

_I'm so sorry_.

She didn't know who her thoughts were directed to, but Haymitch's face appeared in her mind. He would hate her. She couldn't blame him. She hoped that he was happy, though she wasn't sure why that thought crossed her mind.

She let go.

'Yes,' Effie whispered, part of her soul dying inside her as she made the biggest mistake of her life.

* * *

**Okay, so for those who would say that Effie wouldn't say yes this chapter was because in part I agree. She had been through too much just to say yes straight away without a fight, but she has been through so much that she eventually has to break. She is confused about her feelings and everything has been thrown into question with Nooka being back in her life, but most of all she feels guilty knowing that people are dying because of her resistance and she doesn't know what to do.**

**So you may have to forgive her a bit, but this poor woman has been through hell! **

**Also, do not be concerned. Haymitch will be back, and even with Nooka back it is not all set in stone so watch this space!**

**This chapter has been rewritten 3 times and has stressed me out, so I hope that it is okay and would love to know how people think it has turned out. The next chapter should be up shortly, if all goes to plan, though my original plan has been somewhat altered due to this darn chapter!**

**So thanks for reading, more soon when Effie has to confront her worst nightmares and Haymitch talks honestly with Katniss for the first time. Please leave a review and thanks for reading; I will stop talking now!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Really sorry for the delay in updating this chapter. Not only have I suddenly become rather busy it seems, but this was a difficult one to write as you will see so I hope it turned out okay. Not completely happy but I think it is as good as it is going to get xD**

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, you are all brilliant and stick with me because there are many more revelations to come; the one at the end of this chapter is nothing. Well...it is ;) But reviews really do make my day so please leave a comment when you've read.**

**Bit more of Haymitch coming into this chapter, some people were getting a bit concerned at the lack of love going on but as you will begin to see it is not all as clear cut as it seems.. Don't lose hope xD**

**So that is me, will try to update sooner and that shouldn't be too much of a problem. Lots to do but the next chapter is relatively imple in comparison if logistically difficult at times. Anyway, enough from me read on and enjoy! Thanks!**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Effie didn't remember falling asleep, though as she woke with a heavy head she feared that her unconscious state had not been consented to. Only a thin paper gown covered her pale skin, useless against the freezing cold air in the room. As her eyes adjusted to the bright light Effie realised that she was lying on a hospital bed and though she felt slightly light headed, the pain which before had consumed her body like a raging fire had numbed to nothing.

Sitting up, she looked around the room and saw nothing but a full length mirror, a clock on the wall and a door without a handle. It would have been easy to break the glass, to use the shattered pieces to end it all and finally let the darkness consumer her, but she wouldn't. If her life ended, then so did Nooka's and she could not be responsible for that. She wondered if they had put it there just to spite her. Something twisting in her stomach made her think it more than likely.

Her arm, where once there had been a gaping wound, was now only marked with a scratch and though she still felt weak Effie was certain they would have erased almost every trace of what they had done to her. She was well enough to perform the task which could set her free, yet still broken enough to be reminded of the consequences of defiance.

She hadn't eaten in more than a day, her abdomen cramping as it demanded food she could not provide. Her lips were dry, her throat sore from lack of water, but she would not complain. It felt like a punishment and that felt right to her, given what she had agreed to do. A small voice of reason in the back of her mind told her she would never forgive herself, and that others would never forget. It was hard to remember why she was doing it at all. The thought of losing her morals, her soul, to these people made her ill but she hadn't the strength to say no; not when she had Nooka to think of.

A tall woman with natural blonde hair walked in followed by two Peacekeepers. She had an unusually bright smile on her face, similar to the one Effie plastered on every Reaping day, but her eyes were cold and dark with secrets hidden deep within them. Effie slipped from the bed, wanting to stand before those who were ruining her life even if she was unsteady on her feet. If she appeared strong, then perhaps she would feel it.

'Hello Effie,' she said quietly, 'I am Flora.' Effie didn't reply. Her hands gripped the metal frame of the bed as she felt her resolve waver.

'Why are they here?' Effie almost whispered nodding at the Peacekeepers, her voice little more than a breath on the summer winds.

'Well we can't have you acting up now, can we?' Flora smiled a little too enthusiastically. 'Now I am going to need you to take off that gown.'

Effie looked at her, knowing that she was not being given a choice, and her eyes dared to flicker towards the Peacekeepers; they were smirking. Reaching a trembling hand to the back of her gown, her fingers found the loose knot which was the only thing separating her body from the people before her. She felt worthless, little more than an object for them to gawp at, though she probably deserved it. She could no longer claim the moral high ground.

Xxx

No-one had disturbed Haymitch in hours, and he was grateful for it. He sat alone in his room, staring at nothing in particular, and wondering how on Earth he had ended up here. Though there had been many situations in his life that he wanted to run away from, he had always had a comforting bottle to help him forget what he had done. Now there was no way of quashing the terrible memories, no liquor to dull his pain. Haymitch was forced to confront what he had done, and he wasn't prepared for the feelings coursing through his veins and taking control of his mind.

It was late, more like morning than evening, when he heard a gentle knock at his door. Haymitch let a groan escape his lips as he was forced to move from where he had been sitting, though his bubbling anger waned a little when he opened the door to see Katniss.

'Can I come in?' she asked, her tone serious but calm. He grunted in reply, opening the door wider and allowing her entrance.

'Haymitch, I can't pretend to know how you're feeling,' Katniss started, 'but I need you to listen to me for a moment.' He ushered for her to go on, walking around her and collapsing back onto the sofa.

'We need to get out of here,' she said bluntly. Haymitch looked at her as if she was insane.

'No,' he replied simply, not meeting her eyes. 'If I am going to find her, then this is the place that I need to be.'

'It's not that simple,' Katniss sighed. 'Us being here won't make them work any faster.'

'Why do we have to go?' complained Haymitch. 'And even if we did leave, where are we supposed to move to?'

'Don't be angry,' Katniss began tentatively, 'but a few days ago, Effie came to me and told me that we had to leave as soon as possible. She couldn't explain why exactly, but she said that we could not afford to stay in District 13.'

'What?' Haymitch spat, sitting bolt upright. Why was this news to him?

'I would have told you,' Katniss quickly assured him, 'but she said I should only tell you when you needed to know, which I am guessing meant-'

'If she wasn't here,' finished Haymitch, running his fingers through his hair. 'Did she say where we have to go?' Katniss nodded.

'There's a group of people in District 2, just outside the main town, who we need to find. My guess would be that they know much more than we do about what has been going on, and possibly how to deal with them; it could be our best chance to get her back.'

Haymitch stood up, pacing for a moment as he allowed his thoughts to roam freely. It made sense getting out of thirteen, particularly with the danger surrounding it; if Effie had specifically told Katniss to make sure they ran, then she knew something. But it was a risk. A few days of travelling, two at the least, and precious time and resources wasted; could they afford to wait that long? One thing Haymitch could not deny was that no progress was being made here, not with the indecisive meetings and the lack of knowledge or surveillance; someone needed to do something.

'When do we go?' he asked quietly.

'I've talked it over with Peeta, and he thinks maybe in two or three days, when the heat on this attack has died down a bit,' Katniss told him. Haymitch nodded.

'I know that it's a leap of faith,' she said, 'but Effie knew what she was talking about. She assured me that no matter how bad things could get, she would ensure that we were safe; even if it cost her life. I didn't quite understand the need for such promises at the time, but I suppose she was saying that she won't tell them where we are.'

'Problem is that they must already know,' pointed out Haymitch. 'Hartman was here when we arrived, he brought us tea when we were waiting outside the hospital; he could have taken us out easily.'

'Then why didn't he?' Katniss gulped.

'Too risky,' Haymitch considered. 'He had one objective and little else on his mind; the fact that we were here only served as a bonus. They won't wait long to try and attack again.'

Katniss understood and breathed out heavily with the weight of realisation bearing down on her chest.

'I thought that this was finally over with,' she admitted. 'I didn't think that I could bear to fight anymore after Prim...' Her voice trailed off, the memories still too raw and painful.

'Seems I've been fighting all my life,' Haymitch said gruffly, 'can't catch a moment's rest. I'm too old, too tired for all of this.' Katniss looked up at him, her usual defences lowered to warrant an open conversation.

'Does she know?'

'Who?' muttered Haymitch, feigning ignorance. He knew exactly what she was asking. Katniss smiled as he avoided her gaze.

'You know what I mean,' she said lightly. 'Does she know that-'

'No,' Haymitch cut her off quickly. 'No, she doesn't know.'

'Why didn't you tell her?' Katniss asked him frankly. Haymitch shrugged.

'When's the right time to admit such a thing?'

'Effie feels the same way,' Katniss assured him.

'How could you know that?' He was not convinced. She smiled.

'It's the way she looks at you,' she explained, 'how her eyes sparkle when you meet her gaze. She started to realise that you care about her when you stayed by her side in hospital, but she thinks that's as far as it goes.'

'I...I can't even explain it,' Haymitch confessed. 'Something inside me just snapped when I saw she was hurt; I couldn't bear it. I always thought, with her being from the Capitol, that I had dislike her; I realise now that I've always felt the same way. It just took a tragedy to wake me up to my own feelings.'

'Even more of a reason to make sure that she is safe,' Katniss added. She could see the pain in Haymitch's eyes, the longing to say the words that were reserved for Effie only.

'I wish I'd told her,' Haymitch whispered, as if it were a forbidden thought leaking from his mind. Katniss rested a hand gently on his arm.

'You still can,' she promised. 'The moment you see her again, you tell her the truth.'

'Yeah, I might just do that.'

The moment was broken as Katniss realised the time.

'Tomorrow night,' she said in a hushed tone. 'There's no time to wait.'

'We'll need to talk to Plutarch,' Haymitch thought aloud, 'we can't get anywhere without a vehicle.'

'We can tell only him, and get a hovercraft back to 12; from there we can take a train without raising too much suspicion,' Katniss decided. She turned as she reached the doorframe, watching a sad and lonely man flopping back onto the sofa and sighing heavily. She felt for him, but Katniss knew that the best thing that she could do now was to get them to District 2.

Xxx

When they were finally done with her, Flora left the room taking the satisfied Peacekeepers with her and Effie was forced to wait in the cold inescapable room until they were ready to go. It was impossible to miss the reflection glaring back at her in the mirror, sending a shiver down her spine. They had dressed her all in white, in a flowing taffeta gown which almost reached her ankles with long sleeves of lace covering the scratch on her arm. Her hair was simple, the wig she had worn when she was arrived discarded and her scarlet locks coiffed and pinned atop her heard. The makeup she wore was minimal, enough to just cover her face, yet her scars were burning brighter than ever before in burnished red.

To anyone else, Effie was sure that she would look beautiful; she appeared sophisticated and simple, her true self revealed for all to see with all of the Capitol attire abandoned. She felt terrible. The corset beneath the thick material pulled her already skinny waste in too tightly, her heels pinching at her feet; but it was more than that. They had dressed her up to humiliate her further, to make what she was about to do all the more prominent and painful. It was too awful to bear.

When they came for her, it felt as though they were taking her to her execution. The fear was almost paralysing, so much so that two guards had to grab her wrists to force her to move when her legs failed her. Effie had never felt more alone.

Xxx

Walking with purpose, Haymitch ignored anyone who attempted to exchange pleasantries with him in the corridors. He could hear it, every second of every minute – the ticking of a clock in his head. It frustrated him how little time they had, and how no-one else could see it but him. Her life was in their hands and they weren't doing enough; that was all going to change. It wasn't much but now they had a lead, somewhere to go, and Haymitch was wasting no more of her precious time.

He didn't even knock on Plutarch's door when he entered, finding him as usual at his desk reading through various files and papers. Plutarch was startled to see a clearly disgruntled Haymitch storming into his office, but did little more than raise his eyebrows; nothing ever seemed to break his calm facade. That is all it ever was, yet no-one would ever see the truth which lay beneath it.

'Haymitch,' he said in way of greeting, laying the papers he had been holding neatly down on the desk in their correct position and turning to the man before him.

'I need your help,' Haymitch admitted reluctantly, 'and I need you not to ask any questions.'

'I'm assuming that this has to do with her,' Plutarch inquired gently.

'_She_ has a name,' spat Haymitch, trying not to raise his voice to the only person who could help him.

'I apologise,' Plutarch said quietly. 'What is it that you need me to do?'

'We need to get to District 2,' he replied, 'Katniss, Peeta and I and we need to slip out of here unnoticed; the fewer people who know about it the better. If we can get to District 12 then we can get to the train to avoid suspicion, even if it takes a bit longer, but the only way to get that far is for someone to fly us to twelve.'

Plutarch regarded Haymitch for a moment, considering his options. It would be easy to say no, to assure Haymitch that they were already doing as much as they could to find Effie, but he was tired of lying to good people. The truth was that they didn't know what to do. It was difficult to start a rebellion, that much he knew, but discovering one and trying to fight it was another thing entirely. These people had come from nowhere and they could be anybody, even people within their own organisation. To find Effie was to find answers, to find the people who were plunging Panem into chaos. If Haymitch had any idea of what he was doing then Plutarch would not feel right refusing him the chance to find her. And after all, he owed Haymitch for his own incompetence.

'Okay,' Plutarch said after some time, 'we leave tomorrow morning, 2am without fail. I won't ask questions; I think it best that I know nothing more than I need to. No-one else is to know.'

Haymitch felt a weight lift from his chest and it was all he could do to stop his face from breaking into a dangerously hopeful smile; even then it twitched at the corners of his mouth.

'Thank you,' he mumbled, though Plutarch knew what he was trying to convey when his words were not powerful enough to do so.

'I believe that you will find her, find Effie,' Plutarch said, correcting himself.

'I know,' Haymitch agreed, 'I just hope that I find her in time.'

Xxx

The car was of government issue, a black town car with thick windows to ensure no eyes pried on private business and a compartment between the driver and the passengers. In this case, however, the driver was part of the unspeakable act so it did not need to be closed.

Effie sat by the door, her wrists shackled to one of the thick metal bars covering the back window. She hadn't said a word. Gray was sitting across from her, dressed in crumpled civilian attire with his thinning, greasy grey hair hanging over his shoulders. She knew that they were getting close when Gray sat up straight to brief her.

'So sweetheart,' he said coldly, 'here are the rules. You walk into reception and make any excuse to go up to your old office. The bag contains everything you need, and go straight from the lift to Paylor's office. You have five minutes maximum from that point to do it and get out, and the car will be waiting for you; don't even think about running. Do not speak to anyone unless you absolutely have to, do not engage with others, do not try to ask for help or tell anyone what you are doing; any disobedience to these instructions will result in your fiancé's untimely and sticky demise, as well as your own. Got it?'

Effie nodded, her eyes void of emotion. One of the other Peacekeepers sitting beside her took what appeared to be a small injection gun and placed it on her left hand, punching something into her flesh. She winced, noticing Gray smile at her pain.

'A tracker,' he explained. 'We will know exactly where you are headed once you leave the car and trust me, we will be watching you. We can also hear you, so there is no opportunity for you to tell anyone what you are there for. It also has a remote detonator; a micro-explosive so powerful that it could take off your hand without a problem. Do we understand each other, Miss Trinket?'

'Yes,' she whispered. 'And afterwards?'

'As long as you two are all loved up and agree, we'll take you to some remote district and drop you there with no questions asked. This is your only chance.'

The car stopped, and a Peacekeeper undid the shackles binding Effie's wrists to the car. She opened the door, stepping out into the sunshine, and Gray handed her a small purple handbag before closing the door and driving away.

Xxx

She was there, she was home, but it didn't feel as safe and comforting as it once had. The feeling of the sun on Effie's face was indescribable, its natural warmth so tender and untainted; it was as though she was feeling it for the first time. Looking up at the great building before her, a place where only a few short weeks ago she had worked amongst friends and felt almost normal, Effie closed her eyes and called silently for help. Knowing they were listening she couldn't say what was really on her mind, but she could hope that someone would hear her prayers; anyone.

A few precious minutes of time had been wasted, and they would know that she had not moved an inch since stepping from the car. When Effie first tried to walk she stumbled, almost falling flat on her face before managing to recover herself. There were so many things she wanted to do, even the weakest form of freedom intoxicating to her deprived system, but she could only walk through the front doors of the government building. She was even more trapped now than in her cell.

Walking up to reception, Effie tried to appear confident though her hands were trembling. She clasped her right in her left, trying to stop herself from shaking, but it was hopeless. The girl at the desk could not have been more than twenty five and completely oblivious, a bubblegum pink wig on her head and a dress so green it was almost painful to her eyes.

'Hello,' she said cheerily, 'how can I help you?'

'It's me, Alicia, it's Effie.' Her voice was surprisingly calm given how she was just about falling apart on the inside. Fortunately she knew Alicia well enough to know that she would not be questioned by her; an argument with the receptionist would only expose her sooner.

'Oh my!' Alicia shrieked, her face bright with glee, 'I hardly recognise you Eff, you look so...different! Lovely dress by the way, I –'

'Thank you,' Effie cut her off quickly. 'I just need to get a few things that were left in my office if that's okay, but I am a little short on time.'

'Of course,' Alicia assured her, 'go right up. Here's a key for the lift and you know all the codes. Nice to see you Effie!'

'And you,' she replied, taking the card and walking past her. It was scary how easy it was for the lies to spill from her lips. She knew that she could not dwell on it, she couldn't afford to, so she carried on to the lift which would take her to President Paylor knowing that she would burn in hell.

Xxx

Effie stood before the great mahogany door, hearing every beat of her heart pounding against her ribs. She couldn't move, her limbs paralysed in fear, but she didn't have time to stop. It had taken her fifteen minutes to get this far and she knew Gray would be growing impatient. Too much longer and she could wake up back in her cell missing her left hand.

She knocked lightly on the door, half hoping that she would receive no answer, but as Paylor called for her to enter Effie knew that this was it. This was how it would end. Clutching the small purple bag almost desperately, she walked into the office and was confronted by the tired, forlorn image of the President of Panem sitting at her desk.

'Effie?' Paylor asked, carefully regarding the woman before her. Something, an instinct deep within her soul, told her that something was wrong. Effie was different, the way her face was expressionless but her eyes were terrified and how she tried not to stumble as she walked.

'I...I'm sorry,' Effie stuttered, wishing the ground would swallow her up and take her away from this hell.

'Are you all right? You look awfully pale,' the President stated, her voice laced with concern.

'No,' Effie answered, 'I'm not all right, nothing's all right, it's all so wrong.' She couldn't stop the tears from falling down her cheeks. Paylor was trying to be kind, her expression contorted with worry and confusion, and Effie would not be able to repay that kindness.

'Effie...' Paylor started, standing up behind her desk and starting to move towards the trembling woman.

'NO,' Effie screamed, staggering back a few steps and putting one hand to her mouth whilst clutching the bag ever tighter. Paylor held up her hands in surrender.

'Sorry, sorry,' she said, 'but I need to know what is going on here. I can't help you if you don't tell me.'

'Nobody can help me,' Effie countered, 'I am beyond help; I don't deserve it.' She reached into the bag and pulled out a small handgun, already loaded; she just needed to pull the trigger and it would all be over. Paylor's eyes widened.

'Effie, what...why...' She couldn't find the words to ask.

'I'm sorry,' Effie cried, 'I am so sorry but they're making me...they're making me do it. I tried, tried to stop them, tried to be strong but they had him...they have Nooka.'

'Nooka? But...but he was dead, Effie, you told me that he died in the war.'

'They had him, all of this time they held him there in the cold and the dark,' babbled Effie, words flowing from her lips almost without her consent. 'They hurt him, tortured him, tortured me...'

'You don't have to do this,' Paylor assured her. 'I can help you, please-' Effie shook her head.

'I'm going to hell, straight to hell,' she whispered, 'I know that you don't deserve this. You have been so kind to me, cared for me when everyone else couldn't give less of a damn, and if there were any other way...'

The small tracker on her hand began to flash a dangerous red, the colour of blood and death, and Effie knew that it was a warning. She raised her head, tears flooding her hand, and pointed the gun in her trembling hand at the President.

She knew. Paylor knew that this was her time, that despite all of the things that she had been through this was her moment to die. She wasn't scared; she didn't fear the pain which was sure to come or the feeling of her life draining away, but she worried for the broken woman before her. She should have been concerned for herself, but she could only die; Effie was suffering, had been for a long time, and her own pain would only last a few seconds whilst Effie's was sure to continue. It wasn't her fault. Paylor knew that even if she was the one to pull the trigger it was not her that would kill her. They didn't have much time.

'Effie,' Paylor whispered, lowering her hands and breathing deeply with her last breaths, 'I forgive you.'

The shot rang through the building, marking the end of an era and the floodgates opening to chaos and anarchy. There was a scream, but it was not Paylor's. She was dead before she hit the ground.

Xxx

Haymitch opened the door to his room abruptly as he heard shouting and running in the corridors. Everyone was pushing, trying to run though to where he did not know. Something had happened. Something big.

Luckily, despite his years of wasteful alcohol consumption and lazing about, Haymitch was still strong and he cut quite easily through the crowds barging up to the central command room where he knew the real answers would lie. The others around him didn't appear to know what had happened exactly, but they seemed to be rushing to find a television screen. Whatever this was, the whole of Panem would know in a matter of minutes.

Without bothering to knock, Haymitch crashed into the room where a select few were gathered around a screen which spanned an entire wall. A newsreel was playing over and over again, with a frantic Capitol newsreader commenting every so often to update those watching. Haymitch couldn't process the words and images on the television. Something in his mind was preventing him from understanding what was going on and all he could hear were the recorded screams echoing around the room.

Katniss looked at him, her eyes wide from a shock that hadn't begun to register fully and a fear she had not quite accepted. Peeta was beside her, but he was glued to the images before him. Haymitch noticed Plutarch in the corner, refusing to meet his gaze, and fiddling absentmindedly with the pocket watch in his hands.

'What?' Haymitch asked bluntly, not mixing words when time was so evidently short.

'President Paylor has been assassinated,' Katniss informed him.

At first the words refused to sink in. Haymitch had known Paylor well, if only for a brief amount of time, and the thought that the one woman who had been able to lead a broken country lay dead on the floor sent shivers down his spine. This wasn't supposed to happen. He didn't understand how, or why, but he knew who was behind it.

'They know it was the same people who detonated the bomb,' Katniss explained quietly, her eyes flitting downwards, 'the people who took Effie.'

'How could this happen?' roared Haymitch, knocking a chair over in his rage. 'She was supposed to be protected after last time, and now this? How did they even get in?'

'Someone on the inside,' Plutarch mumbled.

'Who are these people?' Haymitch growled. 'Why now, after a year of relative peace?'

'The government is still unstable,' mused Plutarch aloud. 'With Paylor out of the picture the entire country is susceptible, ready for the taking with little fight left in them. We aren't prepared, and this past year has given us a false sense of hope and security; that is why they have chosen to strike now. They have probably been ready for months.'

'So what happens now?' Katniss asked, turning her attention to Plutarch.

'I don't know,' he admitted, 'but we don't have much time. If the Capitol falls, the Districts have no chance.'

'Haymitch?'

'What is it Peeta?'

'Look...'

Peeta pointed to the screen which was playing new footage taken just after the shooting. The first shot fired smashed the window of the top floor, so the sound echoed throughout the nearby roads as Paylor was gunned down with the next three shots. The street was filled with people screaming, mothers taking their children to safety, terrified people running nowhere in particular and overall panic ensuing; no-one knew what was going on.

'...The police believe the shooting was carried out by a group of people, one of whom had access to the government building itself, and this new footage shows the suspects grabbing a woman believed to have fired the fatal shots and driving off with her. Her identity is yet to be confirmed.'

Haymitch stared at the flashing images, watching what the broadcaster was describing. A woman dressed in white staggered out of the building's entrance, her dress spattered with blood and a gun still in her hands. She was screaming, almost delirious with fear as she fell to the ground crying. Several men dressed in black soon came for her with guns of their own, grabbing her arms despite her protests and dragging her to a car as helpless crowds watched, unable to do anything.

'Wait...' Haymitch said suddenly, 'can you rewind that?' Plutarch's brow furrowed slightly with confusion, but he found a remote control and rewound the footage to see the screaming woman fall to the floor once more.

'Oh my God...'

He recognised those screams, that flaming red hair, the curve of her body...It was Effie. His heart sank and Haymitch didn't know what to think as he watched her being dragged away and forced into a car. He could almost feel her terror with every beat of his heart, and the image of her crying and fighting her captors would haunt him for many nights to come.

Xxx

Effie didn't remember anything much after she fell. There was a rough red needle puncture on her arm where she assumed that they had injected her, forcing her into the world of dreamless sleep until they could lock her back up like a worthless animal. She was trembling despite the relative warmth of the concrete room, in a state of complete shock to such an extent that when she tried to move her limbs refused to respond. All she could do was sit there, broken, waiting to die or be released; either would be a welcome relief.

They had left her in the long white gown, now covered in the blood of the innocent woman she had just murdered. Effie's mind could not process rational thought. She couldn't think, couldn't breathe, and all that she knew was that she would never be able to forget the look on Paylor's face as her life slipped from her bloody fingers and the colour drained from her face. Effie wondered if she would go mad. She could already feel what sanity she had managed to conserve losing the battle against her own self loathing and horror. What had she done?

The door opened. Though her thoughts were not clear, Effie knew that once she was out then she would have the time and space needed to think. She would have someone to care for her, to help her, and maybe one day she could start to forget. But fate was never going to be that kind. Gray Freeman stood in the doorway, his eyes sparkling as though he knew secrets no-one else could ever know.

'Am I...am I g-going now?'

She knew that she sounded pathetic, but it was all that she could manage to say. Effie wanted to see the sky again, to have Nooka hold her in his arms again and tell her that it would be all right, otherwise she would never be able to believe that it could be. His laughter cut through her paper-like skin and chilled her to the bone.

'Sorry sweetheart,' Gray grinned, 'no such luck.'

'You swore to me,' Effie hissed, enraged and desperate. She didn't want to believe that she had been stupid enough to fall for their tricks, but her sinking heart told her that it was true.

'I did,' he agreed, 'as long as you and your fiancé both wanted to leave.'

She didn't understand. Of course they both wanted to leave, what was he talking about? He was just playing games with her, he had to be; only he wasn't. A man in an expensive suit stepped up beside Gray; tall and clean shaven with long, dark hair slicked back and not a blemish to spoil his beaming face. Those huge brown eyes which had once been such a comfort were now glistening, not with happiness but with the essence of pure untouched evil. This wasn't the man she knew.

'Nooka?' she whispered in disbelief. He smiled at her and Effie felt her world crumble.

'Sorry Effie,' he said calmly, smiling as tears cascaded down the face of the woman who thought that he loved her, 'I don't think I feel like leaving just yet. I quite like it here.'

* * *

**Oooh cliffhanger! I would love to know people's theories on what is going on at the end of the chapter, much kudos to anyone who can guess exactly xD**

**Thanks for reading, please leave a review oh kind readers and more to come soon! Poor Effie; can I hear an aww?**


	11. Chapter 11

**Firstly, I would like to thank you all so much for your support particularly through the last chapter. I woke up to a full inbox and it made my day, and though it wasn't quite as quick as I would have liked I got this chapter up as soon as I could despite exams as a mini thank you :) Particularly thanks goes to Shikabane-Mai who slogged through the whole thing in one go, and to Savysnape7 for the best reaction to evil Nooka I have ever read; made me laugh out loud! I wish I could write the names of everyone who consistently reviews down because I am so grateful to you all, but I am rambling again and rather tired so I will find time to thank you all by allowing you to read!**

**So here is Chapter 11 and I hope you enjoy. Please keep on leaving reviews, they mean so much, and the next chapter should be up soon given that tomorrow is Friday. Might be Monday or Sunday after that but we will just see how it goes! Thanks everyone, sorry to Effie as usual but a bit of light coming, and enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

Effie's mind went blank. Even the haunting face of President Paylor, her words of forgiveness which would never be enough, were momentarily wiped from her consciousness as everything she knew fell apart.

'I...I don't understand,' she whispered, her heart aching as she watched him grin at her confusion.

'I think you do,' Nooka offered, 'but you don't want to believe it.'

'I saw you,' Effie insisted, tears silently slipping from the corners of her eyes, 'you were hurt, bleeding; I heard them torture you.'

'I can't deny that we all played our parts very well,' he admitted, 'but all the same I wasn't sure you would fall for it. I asked you to kill someone and you jumped at the chance, like a pathetic lapdog fawning after its master. A few hours pretending to be in pain and we had you hooked.'

'What did they do to you?'

Nooka laughed at her naivety, a sound so alien to the man Effie had once known as a lover and a partner; the father to her child.

'Of course,' he grinned, 'I've been brainwashed. Tracker jacker venom or worse, I suppose?' She tried to hold his gaze, her wide blue eyes locked in his darkened pools of brown.

'No, that's not how it works here. I was never taken, Effie, don't you see? When I disappeared it wasn't because I was a traitor to the Capitol, it was because I was its loyal foot soldier. I wasn't captured, I walked happily into the fold to play my part and fight against the rebellion.'

Effie shook her head.

'No,' she stuttered, 'n-no it can't be true.'

'Do you remember when we met?' Effie's heart turned to ice. She feared more than anything what he was going to say next.

She could remember every second of that night, from the first words he had spoken to her to the look in his eyes as he kissed her for the very first time. It was one of the few happy memories which had not yet been spoilt by everything that had happened to her, and Effie watched in horror as it shattered before her eyes.

'Silly little escort from District 12, lost after getting too drunk to find her way back to the penthouse during her first week on the job; I couldn't resist. I'd been watching you all night, and when I realised that you thought that I was attracted to you...well it was just too easy. Did you know that every Capitol citizen who had anything to do with the Games was kept under observation?'

'Wh-what?' stammered Effie, her words catching in her throat as she held back her broken sobs.

'It's true,' Nooka promised her, 'the Gamemakers, the stylists...even the escorts have someone to keep an eye on them; to make sure that they are under control and abiding by government law. I was just contracted to watch you at first, to see where your allegiances lay, but after that night in the penthouse I optimised my position. You were a good source of information and despite your constant whining about unimportant gossip you were useful, so I stayed. Keeping you close at hand, lying beside you when you slept, I could watch every little move you made.'

'NO,' screamed Effie, trying to ignore what he was saying. It couldn't all have been a lie. Years of her life had been spent blissfully happy with the man before her. Effie had trusted him completely, trusted him with her life, and if what he said was true then he had given her to them when the rebellion broke out. He had left her to rot in a small dirty cell, thinking him dead, and moved on with his life.

No, it couldn't be true. He had loved her, hadn't he? He had always made a point of telling her every day, just to make sure that she knew. Everyone who had known them envied their happiness; they were the perfect couple. Everything had just been starting to fall into place. They were living together, they were engaged, she was pregnant...

'We were getting married,' she persisted, 'I was going to have your child, Nooka. You can't tell me that wasn't real.'

'Technically yes,' he confessed, 'I asked you to marry me when I found out that you were having my child. I had no choice; I had to make sure that you weren't going anywhere, to ensure that all was in place before the rebellion began. I don't know how it happened. I'd been slipping you pills for weeks to make sure it couldn't, but somehow you ended up pregnant.' He spat the last word from his mouth as if it was offensive.

Effie could see it, even though she tried to deny it to herself. Those cups of special tea he brought her on an evening, tasting of bittersweet blackberries; to take care of her health, he had said. Everything was lies, everything she had known.

'Fortunately I didn't have to worry about it for long. My boss suggested taking you in for questioning, thought you knew something about the rebels given you were close to several of them, so I left you where they could find you and took up arms in the Capitol. But of course, I made sure that when they had caught you that the little...problem at hand was resolved.'

She went numb inside. It was one thing for him to tell her that he had never loved her, that their relationship had been based on nothing but lies and his intentions were purely malicious; but that had been her child. He had murdered her baby, their baby, ordering its destruction without blinking an eye.

'I thought that you loved me,' she whispered, not caring how weak and pitiful it sounded. When your world comes crashing down, sometimes all that you can say is the most obvious statement that comes to mind.

'Sorry,' Nooka said heartlessly, shrugging it off as if he had just made a simple error of judgement.

'I love you,' Effie mumbled, burying her teary face in her hands.

'That's what made it easy.'

Xxx

Haymitch was still staring at the blank screen after Plutarch turned off the television, the room deadly silent. No-one knew quite what to say, nor what to think. Whatever they had expected to come from the latest rebellions, it was not this.

Katniss stood silently, shaking her head in disbelief. She turned away, running her fingers through her hair as she fought to control her anger. Peeta put a hand on her shoulder but she shunned his touch, too furious and terrified to accept his comfort. She couldn't believe it – she wouldn't. She had fought on Effie's behalf, shouted at Plutarch more than once when she thought that they weren't doing enough to save her, and now this? Her feelings bubbled and mixed inside of her, her mind racing too fast for her to follow. Betrayal. That was the only thing in her muddled head that she could understand. She felt betrayed.

For Haymitch, it clicked into place almost at once but he knew that the others would not see it. No matter how hard he tried to explain, most of the people in District 13 would not completely understand what they had just seen as the distressing images and raw emotion were too powerful for his words to counter. He had to act quickly and he knew it.

'You two, with me now,' he mumbled to Peeta and Katniss, opening the door and ushering for them to follow. Katniss wouldn't move, though whether this was an act of defiance or a reflex Haymitch was not certain.

'Now,' he insisted, catching Peeta's eyes. He saw at once that Haymitch was serious, that he wouldn't take no for an answer, and quietly coaxed Katniss into following him.

The corridors were silent now. Everyone had found somewhere to watch the coverage on the news and they weren't about to leave the action. Haymitch found an empty room not caring what its function was and locked the door when they were all inside.

'We need to go,' Haymitch told them seriously, 'now. We need to find her.'

'Are you serious?' Katniss looked up at him with tears glistening in her eyes. She was strong enough not to allow them to fall, her anger keeping them at bay for now, but they still swam there all the same.

'That woman just murdered the President, in cold blood, and you want us to help her?'

'Katniss, think about it-' started Haymitch.

'NO,' shouted Katniss, 'it wasn't as if she had been hijacked, Haymitch, she hasn't been gone long enough. Effie is working with them to save her own skin, can't you see? She doesn't deserve to be saved.'

Haymitch bit back the savage insults and screams building up in his chest, knowing that it would do no good to argue with her. In a way she was right, but then again she had got it so wrong. He needed to show her.

In a swift movement, Haymitch lunged forward and grabbed Peeta by the neck, pinning him against the wall. He pulled a blade from beneath his belt and held it close to the terrified boy's throat.

'STOP!' screamed Katniss, her hands flying to her face in horror.

'I have a knife to his throat,' Haymitch stated. 'If I said to you that I would slit Peeta's throat and make you watch unless you did something for me, what would you say? Would you do it?'

'I...I don't...'Katniss stuttered, still in shock.

'Would you do it?' shouted Haymitch forcefully.

'Yes,' she replied without another moment's hesitation.

'Anything I asked?' he pressed. She nodded at once.

'Anything.'

Katniss' eyes caught Peeta's, her resolve breaking down as she saw the terrified glint to his light blue eyes. She couldn't live with the thought of knowing he was being hurt because of her, even though she knew it wasn't real, and she began to see what Haymitch was doing. Peeta breathed heavily as Haymitch let him down, tucking his knife back into his belt before walking away, not able to look him in the eye. He hadn't done anything which would cause damage, that he knew, but he hated seeing someone look so scared and helpless.

'Do you see what I am trying to say?' asked Haymitch.

'Yes,' Katniss admitted.

'Effie doesn't have anyone,' he explained, 'she was left alone after the war. But if they found someone who she cared about enough to risk everything for, then they would be all she had in the world; we can't blame her for this.'

'He's right,' Peeta agreed. 'If it were you, Katniss, I would do anything to know that you were safe. Effie may have pulled the trigger, but she didn't kill Paylor. It wasn't her fault.'

Katniss nodded, but did not speak. She knew that they were right, with everything that they had said, but somehow she couldn't wholeheartedly accept it. Katniss had never taken lightly to being hurt by others, particularly those that she trusted, and over these past few weeks she had come to like and trust Effie even more than she had before. If someone had threatened Peeta's life she would have acted in an instant, killing anyone and everyone they asked her to; but it wasn't her and it wasn't Peeta. It felt wrong in her mind to sympathise for a murderess, under any circumstances.

'What else could they make her do?' Peeta inquired, thinking ahead, but Haymitch had already thought of it.

'They won't use it against her again,' he assured them, 'it's too risky. This sort of technique works well, very well, but only the once. If you promise the safety of the secondary hostage only to break the promise every time you want something, the trust is lost. Effie would realise that they had no intention of sparing her life or the life of whoever it is she cares about so much and stop responding to empty threats.'

Was there a hint of jealousy in his tone? No, he didn't want to believe that there was. What had he to be jealous about? It could be a relative, a friend from the Capitol; somehow Haymitch knew it was a lover. Why was it so hard for him to imagine her with someone else? Why did it make him so angry?

'Are we still safe to leave?' Katniss asked. Haymitch knew what she was implying. She thought that Effie was in a position to tell the rebels where they were heading.

'Yes,' assured Haymitch, 'they know we're in thirteen anyway, but won't be expecting us to make a move just yet. She won't tell them, I know she won't; otherwise she would never have suggested going.'

'You trust her?' Katniss whispered, asking for conformation.

'I do,' admitted Haymitch, 'I have faith in her, knowing what she has been through, and I trust her judgment. Effie's stronger than we think but you saw her on the screen; she was starting to fall apart. They still have her, and if that was all that they wanted her for then she doesn't have much time.' Saying her name brought a lump to his throat; the thought of her suffering and dying before he could get to her was unbearable. Haymitch knew that it would register on his face, these conflicting and terrible emotions, but no-one mentioned it. They knew what he was thinking.

'We leave tonight, then?' Peeta suggested. Haymitch nodded.

'I'll speak to Plutarch, he said 2am before and I am sure that he will still be up for it,' he informed them.

Katniss left without another word, but before Peeta went after her he turned to Haymitch.

'I'm sorry,' he sighed, 'she's just angry. She knows it wasn't Effie's fault.'

'Yeah,' Haymitch mumbled, 'I know how it must seem, but I know that woman. She was so frightened before, so hopelessly beaten down, and she still held strong and lied to them to protect people. Perhaps she snapped, just for a moment, but who can blame her? We'd all do the same...'

'I know,' Peeta agreed with a weak smile. He left, knowing that although Katniss would not let him in that she needed someone. The morning would bring a wealth of new challenges.

Xxx

They had finally left Effie alone when she had refused to speak anymore, burying her heavy head in her arms and sobbing quietly whilst they watched her. She knew what they could have done to her, had they wished to, and she was in no position to fight back but they were biding their time.

At first, she had thought that they would kill her or leave her to waste away, but they had brought a little food and water to her concrete cell as the day wore on to its definitive end. She had done their bidding, she wasn't able to tell anyone what they were doing; it would have been easier to let her die. The fact that they hadn't done so told Effie that they still needed her for something. Whether it was information, insurance or entertainment...they weren't going to let her go just yet.

Broken wasn't a word powerful enough to describe how she felt. Effie felt guilty, selfish even, as she mourned her own existence despite all that had happened. All of her life she had been lonely, ever since her parents passed at a young age and she was left to make her own way in the world. She was the little girl in the playground who sat alone on the swing, perfectly likeable but choosing solitude as it was kinder and easier than the disappointment of broken friendships.

With Nooka it had been different. After being on her own for so long, refusing to bear her soul in fear of it being broken, it was a welcome relief to finally be able to let someone in. The dreams she had kept secret from everyone else were finally falling into place; having someone to bring her flowers, someone to come home to on a cold winter's night, someone to start a family with.

Her life after he had been 'taken' had been almost unbearable, learning to live without the man she had loved more than anything, but at least she had the memories. She always carried the picture of her unborn child with her, no matter where she went, so that she could hang on to that happy part of her life when everything else seemed too much. It was one thing to live without happiness, it was another to realise that you had never had it in the first place.

Putting a hand to her stomach, Effie could almost feel the ghosting shape of the curve to her abdomen where her baby had been. Though long gone now, taken away from her by the very same people who had given her the gun and taken her to the Capitol, she liked to remember how it felt. It had taken her time to get used to the idea of becoming a mother, not because she didn't want to be but because it had always been nothing more than a fantasy. At first, she hadn't thought herself capable, but the love which filled her chest whenever she thought of her child assured her that she was ready. She had dreamt of holding her baby in her arms, of cradling them and singing them to sleep, but it had never come to pass. Now it never would.

Effie's soul had indeed been broken, fractured beyond repair by a love not just lost but poisonous, and now she had nothing. Her family was all gone, her friends long since departed, and now even her memories betrayed her. As empty as she felt inside, she could only think of President Paylor's family. She had never married, but she had a sister living in District 8 and a few young nieces and nephews who visited when they could.

She knew that her selfishness would shatter their lives, taking away someone they loved and cherished, and it hurt Effie more than her own tragedies. Knowing that her life had been nothing more than a sad and lonely lie was hard to deal with, but it was worse to know that she had inflicted such pain on others. In her mind there was no punishment great enough for what she had done. There was no chance of redemption, nor of forgiveness, and no possibility of a life where she could forget and move on.

Some would say that they had forced her hand, that she had no choice, but in Effie's mind it was no excuse. She had said yes. No-one had pulled the words from her lips without her permission; she had knowingly and willingly agreed. There was no self pity in her heart, only hatred. It was Haymitch's voice in her mind, though she wasn't quite sure why, and he was shouting, screaming at her, asking what she had done and why. He told her that she didn't deserve to live, that what she had done was too awful for words, and that even the promise of fiery hell was not punishment enough.

As she screamed and cried in the darkness, Effie wondered if this was what it felt like to succumb to madness.

Xxx

When Haymitch found Plutarch again, it was almost completely dark outside. He took him to one side in the corridor, away from prying eyes or ears, and asked what he needed to know.

'Are we still on?' Haymitch whispered. Plutarch gave a swift nod.

'We haven't much time,' he answered, 'it needs to be tonight. This is only the beginning, Haymitch, and it won't be long before we don't have the luxury of waiting.'

'It wasn't her fault,' he blurted out, feeling the need to defend Effie in her absence to anyone who would listen. Few had sympathetic ears.

'I know, Plutarch replied honestly, 'but not many see it that way. They're after her blood, searching more desperately for her now than they were before...but not to help her. If you don't find her, then I cannot save her.'

Haymitch searched his eyes for any hint of deception, but saw nothing. Plutarch was on his side, he felt it deep within him, but there was only so much one man could do.

'What are they doing now Paylor's gone?'

'Emergency government action,' Plutarch explained. 'The existing representatives from each district and Paylor's advisors have formed a committee to run the country under contingency law until a new President can be elected, but I don't think that whoever is trying to take over is going to wait until a replacement is found. If they are going to strike, then it is going to be now.'

'So it's war?' asked Haymitch bluntly. Plutarch nodded.

'Even if people can't see it, or are refusing to believe it, we are indeed at war again. We have to stop it before it gets too far, and I believe that is what you can do in District 2.'

Xxx

Katniss and Peeta met Haymitch by the hovercraft hanger just minutes before 2am. They had what few possessions they had brought packed in a bag, and were waiting to be given the all clear to board the craft.

Haymitch disappeared to find Plutarch, and Katniss and Peeta were left waiting.

'Are we doing the right thing?' she whispered, asking him honestly.

'Yes,' Peeta assured her, 'we can't stay here. They know where we are and we are easy targets.'

'I know,' Katniss agreed, 'but...' She wasn't sure how to explain it. Sneaking off in the dead of night seemed wrong, not that anything about their situation seemed right, and it didn't sit well in her mind.

'Is this about Effie?' he asked. Katniss didn't reply, but the answer lay in her deep and thoughtful gaze.

'I know that you can't forgive her,' Peeta said quietly, 'not yet anyway, but we can't just leave her there. You saw how she was on the screen after the shooting, she was terrified.'

'But Paylor would have been terrified,' Katniss argued, 'when she shot her through the heart and left her to die.'

'You killed President Coin,' Peeta reminded her gently.

'I know that,' snapped Katniss, feeling betrayed that Peeta would bring it up, 'but I wasn't right...not after Prim.'

'And what if Effie isn't quite right either?' he suggested. 'What if something scared her so much that she couldn't think straight anymore, and had to say yes? We can't blame her for that. I know what they can do, you've seen what they have done to her already. I'm not asking you to sympathise with her, Katniss, but I am just saying that we should keep an open mind and not condemn her just yet.'

Such a way with words; Katniss wondered how he did it. Even though she was slightly hurt that he would bring up President Coin, she could not be angry with him. She knew that he was right, but she hadn't quite accepted it yet. She would not argue, not speak her mind, and if they found Effie then she could make her decisions then. Still, that burning sense of betrayal refused to fade.

Haymitch's head appeared behind one of the doors and he ushered them in. They boarded the craft for District 12, Haymitch and Plutarch acting as pilots, and left the doomed District 13 behind them.

Xxx

'Thank you, Plutarch, for everything,' Haymitch said as they stepped off into the Meadow of District 12 with dawn breaking overhead.

'No trouble,' he dismissed with a smile, shaking Haymitch's hand. He swore that he saw something in Plutarch's eyes, a flicker of emotion where usually there was nothing, and wondered what exactly it could mean. 'I hope to see you again very soon, when all of this is over.'

'Count on it,' smiled Haymitch as they parted ways. They waited until the craft had disappeared from view before walking quietly through the deserted streets, making their way to the train station. It was going to be a long time before they could safely rest their eyes again.

Xxx

It could have been hours, minutes, days or years. They had stopped leaving her alone, often coming into her cell to hurt or taunt her. Though she was past caring for her own loathsome self, Effie still screamed whenever she heard to door click open.

Fear was the only thing she still knew how to feel, consuming her like an ever burning fire. It wasn't the fact that they hurt her, marred her porcelain skin with bloody gashes and defiled her just because they could; it went deeper than that.

Sometimes, Effie would hear the door unlock and see men walk into her room. She would close her eyes and scream, wrapping her arms around her body as if it could keep them out, but when she dared to open her eyes they would be gone and the door would still be closed. It was the fear that she was losing her grip on reality, that she could not trust her own eyes and mind, which was slowly eating away at what was left of her resolve.

The dress she had worn, white taffeta and lace, was now unrecognisable. It had turned from a beautiful pure white to a dirty grey, the sleeves torn and the skirt ripped, even more bloodied than before. Her scarlet hair hung over her pale face, matted and thin from where she had pulled at it in her terror, and there were scratches on her hands and arms where she had tried to make the voices of those she had once cared about stop shouting in her head.

They all laughed at her. They could easily have killed her, left her to her own madness, but it was more interesting to keep her alive. She had become their object to play with as they wished, until the order was given for her to be silenced. Even the Peacekeepers didn't know why they were supposed to keep her alive. They only knew that she was essential to their plans, that she was insurance if ever anything went wrong, but it meant nothing to them. She was a source of amusement when things became dull.

Xxx

Effie saw her mother, bending down to kiss her on her cheek on her first day of school. As she walked through the gates, a five year old Effie turned back to wave goodbye but her mother was walking away, her back turned against her only child. She called to her, begging her to come back, but eventually she faded into the distance. She never saw her again.

Breathing heavily, Effie woke from her nightmare. It was difficult to tell what was dream and what was reality, but when her oldest memories revisited her she knew that she had slept. Some of the things she encountered she wished were only nightmares, but the way they felt to her confirmed her worst fears that they were in fact real.

Effie heard the door click, but hadn't even the energy to scream. She was lying on the cold stone floor, her ripped dress barely covering her freezing limbs, and she tasted the tang of blood in her mouth where she had bit her tongue in her frantic slumber. She closed her eyes, her entire body trembling, hoping that this was just another figment of her imagination. It was all right to admit that she was slipping into insanity if it spared her every once in a while.

No-one touched her. After a minute or so, Effie reluctantly opened her eyes and saw a man standing before her. He held no knife in his hand, no bloodied whip or bucket of cold water, but simply stood there. He wasn't dressed in uniform but instead wore a tired grey suit. His thin blond hair stopped just above his shoulders and he was smiling fondly at her. Wait, smiling?

Blinking sleep from her eyes, Effie focused on his face. Her heart stopped. She pinched her arm hard, drawing blood, to make sure that she wasn't still dreaming; it couldn't be true. She had never even allowed herself to hope...

Tears came quickly to Effie's eyes as she tried to reach out desperately to the guardian angel standing before her.

Haymitch had finally come to rescue her.

* * *

**Thoughts? Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it and much more to come!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

'H-Haymitch?' Effie whispered, her voice so weak that the words were barely audible.

'It's me, sweetheart, I'm here,' he said comfortingly, walking towards her and dropping to his knees beside her. He looked clean despite his crumpled suit, with a shaven face and glistening eyes. She didn't really care what he looked like. He could have staggered in drunk and she would still be over the moon.

She tried to lift herself from the ground but her weak arms would not support her.

'Hey,' he whispered gently, 'you just take it easy, okay?' Effie nodded slowly, unable to prevent a weakened smile twitching at the corners of her dry and cracked lips. Haymitch put a hand to her face, stroking her cheek gently with his thumb.

'Oh princess, what have they done to you?'

Effie's eyes darkened as the tears began to flow, sliding down her cheeks. She could no longer look him in the eye, turning her head to the side to avoid his gaze. It had been his voice that had screamed at her in her mind, telling her how disappointed he was and how he could never forgive her and she didn't want to hear him say it aloud.

'What's wrong?' he asked, his expression emanating concern.

'Y-you shouldn't l-look at me,' she stammered.

'Why not?'

'B-because of what I did,' Effie mumbled, 'because I can never be f-forgiven. You should j-just leave me h-here.'

'I'm never going to leave you,' he promised, tilting her head gently so that he could look her in the eyes. 'I don't blame you for what happened. There was nothing that you could do.'

'I c-could have been strong,' Effie persisted, choking through her strangled sobs.

'You are strong,' Haymitch told her, 'the strongest woman I have ever known. Despite everything, you're still here and I'm going to make sure that they never find you again.'

Haymitch helped Effie to sit up, supporting her weakened skeletal frame with his strong arms and propping her against the wall.

'I'm s-so sorry, Haymitch,' she said after a moment's silence, 'I should never have gone to District 12, I put you all in danger.'

'Shh,' hushed Haymitch, 'it's okay. We would have been in danger anyway, you tried to warn us.'

'Where are Katniss and Peeta?' she asked, her tone laced with worry.

'They're both fine,' he assured her.

'Are they still in thirteen?'

'Yes, they stayed behind,' he replied, 'they know what they're doing.' Effie breathed a sigh of relief, but she also knew that as long as Katniss and Peeta were in District 13 they were in danger.

'Thirteen...we need to warn them...' she stuttered.

'Why?' asked Haymitch.

'They d-don't know,' Effie explained, 'I was going to tell them that they're coming for them, that they are going to attack, but I never got the chance to.'

'They have no idea?'

Effie shook her head.

'I know that they are on alert, but they might not be able to take action in time. We need to get to them.' Haymitch pulled her gently into a warm embrace as her breathing started to quicken, her fear returning to overwhelm her as it always did. She let go at once, sobbing quietly into his shoulder. When she pulled away her eyes were red and bloodshot, and she was glad that he was still holding her arms to prevent her from falling.

'C-can you get me out of here?' Effie asked, her eyes pleading with him.

'Yes,' Haymitch answered with a smile, 'of course. You won't have to stay here any longer than you need to. I'll keep you safe.'

'Thank you,' she whispered, taken aback by his kindness. He was free of anger, free of alcohol and part of her started to believe that he really did care about her.

'You're still beautiful you know,' he assured her, stroking her hair gently with one of his hands. 'There was something that I needed to tell you, that I always wanted you to know but never got the chance to say.'

Effie's heart felt as if it could burst from her chest, beating hard against her ribs. She wondered if he meant what she thought that he meant, and found herself having to hold back from begging him to say it. Instead of words, he said it with actions. Haymitch leaned forward and kissed her, his lips lightly touching hers at first before he pressed them more firmly to deepen the kiss.

As soon as they connected, it was bliss. She had wanted nothing more in her life, and she felt completely safe and almost happy. But it all went wrong. He became forceful, his tongue fighting to enter her mouth as he became more savage and pushed himself against her. Effie tried to gently urge him away but he was stronger than she was, his hands on her body and her powerless to stop him.

A whimper escaped from her lips and Haymitch pulled back, grinning.

'I needed to tell you that you really are one stupid bitch,' he laughed, his eyes wicked and dancing in the half light leaking in from the open door. 'Really? Me, coming to rescue you? I don't think so sweetheart. You're not going anywhere for a very long time.'

She didn't understand. Her heart was breaking all over again. Haymitch, the hope he had brought and the joy of feeling a familiar presence; it had all been so perfect, but only for a second. Now something had gone very wrong. How could he do this to her?

Haymitch brought his hand down hard against her cheek, causing Effie to yelp and crash to the floor, her head hitting the stone hard and disorientating her.

'No-one is coming to save you,' he spat angrily, 'and you've just told us all that we need to know.' He turned, not bothering to look at the mess he was leaving behind, and slammed the door behind him.

When he was in the corridor, Haymitch looked down at his watch; only it wasn't a watch. He tapped the face twice with his index finger and felt a cold sensation run through his entire body as his physique began to change. In less than a minute Haymitch was gone, and a tall scrawny thirty five year old man with dark brown hair was grinning to his colleagues.

'We've got what we need,' he said happily, 'she told him everything. No wonder she screams his name at night; she must actually love the man.' They all laughed. It had been simple to manipulate her into telling them what they needed to ensure the plans for the thirteen raid went ahead undisturbed. Every night she called his name, every time she closed her eyes, even if she didn't realise it. It had been too easy with the new technology to hand, and it had been a very useful exercise.

'How was she?' a small, balding Peacekeeper asked as they walked away from her room.

'I can see why the boss likes her,' the man who had once been Haymitch replied. 'Even in there she still has a certain...soft attractiveness about her. I might go back to her later.'

Effie heard them walk away laughing, though she couldn't hear what they were saying. Their words were lost as she cried out to no-one in particular; she knew that no-one could help her. She suspected that it was their doing, their trickery, but even so the thought of Haymitch abandoning her there scared her to death. It made her feel worthless, sure of the terrible lonely future she had lying ahead of her if they refused to let her die, and she let the bloody darkness consume her when her head grew heavy; even her nightmares were better than this.

Xxx

Plutarch sat in the empty conference room, enjoying the wonderful sound of silence. He knew that he was unlikely to be disturbed, given the late hour, and every peaceful moment he could steal felt precious; he knew that a storm was coming.

It had been two days since he had dropped Peeta, Haymitch and Katniss off in District 12. Their sudden departure did not go unnoticed, but with the entire government threatening to collapse around them it was not looked upon as unusual. They had been free to come and go as they pleased, and with everything that was going on it was no surprise that they had chosen to leave.

He wondered how no-one else could see it coming. It wasn't just about the bomb or the assassination, it was so much bigger than that, yet the other commanders couldn't see the big picture yet. They saw rebellion, yes, but they didn't see war. Plutarch knew that it was just a matter of time.

When his thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, Plutarch knew at once what was wrong. A junior commander, no older than twenty five, walked in with wide eyes.

'Sorry to disturb you, Sir, but you're needed in defence,' he said quickly, the words falling fast from his lips. Plutarch nodded and followed him, not needing to say a word.

Commander Scanlon was in charge of surveillance in the defence centre of District 13. She was small, barely five feet in height, but feisty with authority held proudly in her every word. She could gain respect from a single glare.

'Ah, Plutarch, good of you to come,' she thanked him briefly. Scanlon was watching the many screens before her, hands poised over a great board of buttons and dials, her eyes not even blinking.

'I almost expected it,' mumbled Plutarch, mostly to himself. His peace had finally reached its end.

'We're having trouble communicating with the computers down in weapons,' Scanlon explained, 'and there seems to be some sort of craft formation heading our way.'

Plutarch looked at the small, dark dots on the radar heading slowly but surely towards them.

'Incoming,' he told her, a hint of regret in his tone.

'What?' she shouted, ripping her wide eyes from the screens and turning to him. 'We would know if they were a threat, we would have received warnings.'

'And if those warning systems were disabled?' suggested Plutarch. Scanlon was almost lost for words.

'No-one could do that, could they?' He sighed.

'I'm sorry, Trisha, I really am, but there's nothing we can do,' Plutarch apologised.

'We still have weapons, short range missiles-'

'Push any button,' offered Plutarch, 'I doubt you will get a decent signal. They are going to come, they are going to land, and District 13 will fall.'

Commander Scanlon looked at Plutarch as though he was a madman, but his sad expression suppressed her anger. He was telling the truth.

'How long have you known?' she whispered.

'It has always been coming,' he answered wisely. 'There will be a war, but we won't get to see it.'

Staring at the useless dials, Scanlon desperately tried something, anything, to ward off the approaching crafts but nothing worked. The phones on the wall were ringing, every other department who had noticed the incoming vehicles wanting to know why they hadn't acted; she could offer them no answers.

'So...this is it?'

'I'm afraid so,' Plutarch nodded slowly. 'I don't know what will happen, whether they will keep us alive or kill us all, but there is still hope.' Scanlon snorted.

'It doesn't seem that way.'

Plutarch lifted her head with his hand so that their eyes met and she could see the honesty glinting in his pupils.

'Trust me, there is always hope,' he said, kissing her gently on the cheek before walking out of the room. The bombs came a moment later. Then came the screaming and the guards dressed in white, forcing people from their homes and pointing a gun at whoever stood in their way. It was over before it had begun. District 13 had been left powerless, unsuspecting of an attack and what defences they had disabled; it fell as soon as the ships landed. Plutarch knew that it would be a long time before he could relish in the sound of silence again.

Xxx

As Katniss, Peeta and Haymitch stepped off the train and onto the hard ground of District 2 they were greeted by the comforting warmth of summer air and the smell of growing plants and flowers. The last time Katniss had been there it had been anarchy. The height of the war had brought so much bloodshed, but the district was unrecognisable in comparison to the place where wounded men had fallen and died in the square without anyone batting an eyelid.

The town was recovering fast, with most buildings being used as homes or shops with few abandoned or boarded up as was the case in District 12. People walked freely and happily through the town centre, taking little notice of those foreign to their community, and it gave the impression of...wonderful normality.

'It's so different,' Katniss whispered as they made their way through the square.

'District 2 recovered well after the war,' explained Haymitch, 'they got themselves sorted pretty quickly. It's smaller than it used to be, much simpler, and it's a pretty harmless place. Not sure exactly what we are looking for here.'

That was the problem. Katniss knew that there were those in District 2 who could help them, who knew about what was going on and could start work on the counter attack; the only problem was that they didn't know enough. There wasn't exactly going to be a sign instructing them where to go, and as half an hour passed of them walking through the streets of District 2 Katniss started to wonder whether it had been a good idea to come at all. Until she saw him.

'Gale?'

He ran up to her, a smile spreading quickly across his face as he lifted her into a hug. Gale noticed the jealous twinge in Peeta's expression and laughed lightly.

'Sorry Peeta,' he said, putting her down, 'she's all yours I promise.'

'Yes,' Katniss agreed, blushing slightly. 'Gale, you've seen what has been happening I'm sure; there are some people we need to find, though we aren't exactly sure who...'

'I think I can help you there,' Gale suggested. 'I'm one of them, not quite head of command but a leader nonetheless. We were hoping that you might come.'

Xxx

They walked further through the town at fast pace, leaving the bustling centre for the outskirts. A forest towered over the few small houses, and barely anyone walked through the dusty streets.

'Ever since the first attack on Paylor we knew something was wrong,' Gale told them. 'There has been contingency planning in place ever since the war was won in case of something like this, but we didn't expect it to happen so suddenly.'

'Do you know who they are?' asked Katniss. Gale nodded.

'It'll be easier to explain once we're there. We haven't got much time; not after what happened in 13.'

'Wait, what?' Katniss stopped abruptly, searching Gale's eyes for answers.

'Did you not see the news?' he asked her.

'No,' she admitted, 'the electricity on the train kept cutting out due to power shortages, so it was easier to leave the television off. What happened?'

'Catnip, we really need to-'

'What happened?' she insisted, her expression deadly serious.

'Late last night, all of the communications from District 13 went down. Their entire system went haywire: the defences, the surveillance, everything was useless. We think that they took it down to make it easier.'

'Easier...what?' Peeta asked, hearing every thud of his heart against his chest.

'A group of hovercrafts landed in District 13 at around 3am this morning, but not before they had bombed the district into submission first. Hundreds of people got off the crafts, and District 13 had no defences; they had no choice but to surrender.'

'What,' shouted Katniss, her eyes ablaze, 'how could this happen? It's supposed to be safe, guarded; that's why we went there in the first place.'

'They weren't prepared,' Gale explained. 'No-one was expecting an attack this soon, not straight after Paylor; there was nothing any of us could do.'

'We...we have to help them...we have to send people...' stuttered Katniss but Haymitch shook his head.

'If they disabled the defences, then they can reinstate them too, am I right?' Gale nodded sombrely.

'They're sitting on half of Panem's weapons,' he said quietly, 'we wouldn't make it within ten miles of 13 before they shot us down.'

'But there are people in there!' Katniss cried out, trying to make him understand, 'hundreds of innocent people, and if we leave them there then they will die.'

'I know, but what else can we do? We have people trying to disarm District 13's defences using electromagnetic pulses, but so far it hasn't been working. No-one wanted to leave those people there Catnip, but we can't save them; not yet anyway. If the Capitol goes down then all of the districts will fall, so we have to focus our efforts and their isn't much time'

Katniss didn't know how to respond. She was fuming. The thought that Gale was leaving hundreds of people, families and children, to the mercy of those who killed President Paylor was sickening; it reminded her of Prim, of the bombs Gale had helped to design, and it hurt her even more.

'Look, if we get to base then I can explain it properly,' Gale offered.

Xxx

They walked on a little in silence, all avoiding each others' gaze, until they reached a lone concrete building several stories high with only a few small windows and one coded door. Gale punched in several numbers giving them access, and they stepped into a large space divided into sections with a hundred people or more working at computers and over tables. It was all very busy, very frantic, and worryingly desperate.

Gale led them into a small office room where they could talk and closed the door behind them. Haymitch, who had been relatively silent, sat down heavily in one of the chairs and looked Gale over. He knew him from their time in Districts 12 and 13, but not well enough to trust him at once. He had changed. His Seam grey eyes were darker, worn from battle, and his features seemed harsher. In all fairness, Gale had been through a lot since he was a simple miner in District 12 and it had clearly taken its toll.

'What do you know?' asked Haymitch bluntly. Gale knew what he was saying at once.

'As soon as the new government was formed, President Paylor set up this group in District 2 as a contingency plan. She always knew that there would be a risk of counter-rebellion, of those who had been loyal to Snow and the old regime rising up against us, and this place was established to deal with it.'

'Well you're doing a smashing job so far,' snapped Haymitch sarcastically. He was tired of waiting for answers.

'After several months, things were still quiet. The risk was there but it seemed to be less prominent; this new uprising has come from nowhere,' Gale replied rationally, though there was anger in his eyes at Haymitch's criticism.

'We still don't know who 'they' are,' Katniss pointed out.

'From what we can gather, President Snow set up his own contingency strategy long before we did,' Gale told them. 'There's a large military compound not far from the Capitol in an area behind the mountains known as the Wastelands. It is well concealed, but we tracked it down eventually. It appears to be a place where elite guards, Peacekeepers, and soldiers have been trained for decades in case of a rebellion. They have been trained for this their entire lives, to take back Panem and restore the old ways of the Capitol and Snow's regime under a new leader; though who that is supposed to be we are not sure.'

'Wasn't there someone Effie mentioned,' remembered Peeta, 'Gray...Gray something...'

'Freeman?' Gale suggested. Peeta nodded. 'He's head of the offensive forces, a very high ranking Peacekeeper or whatever you want to call them, but he isn't behind it all. We thought at first that they could be setting Snow's granddaughter up for the job. She hasn't been sighted in months, but she's only thirteen and it doesn't seem likely that they would put such a young girl in such an important position. I think they'll most probably use her for propaganda.'

'So...if we take out the base in the Wastelands, won't that wipe them out?' Katniss suggested.

'That's the plan,' Gale explained, 'but it won't be that simple. They have foot soldiers everywhere, plus their new base in 13, but I think if we can eliminate the source then it will work to our advantage.'

'Would they keep prisoners at that place in the Wastelands?' Haymitch thought aloud, looking almost desperately at Gale.

'You mean Effie?' he asked.

'Yes,' Haymitch answered simply. He didn't want to say too much, fearing that his raging emotions would become apparent in his expression.

'Did you see the news footage of Paylor's assassination?' Gale inquired a little condescendingly.

'I did,' spat Haymitch, anger surging through his veins as he tried to keep control, 'what of it?'

'Well...not too many people are exactly keen on finding her, other than to arrest her,' Gale admitted. 'Plutarch contacted us when she was taken, asking what we could do, but after Paylor there has been...reluctance to continue the search.'

'She's a human being!' shouted Haymitch, standing from his chair to loom over Gale even with the boy's considerable height. 'She was forced to do it, an idiot could see that, and she was terrified!'

'I know,' Gale assured him, 'and I don't agree with it either, but you can hardly blame people. Effie is seen as a low priority risk right now.'

'They'll kill her,' Haymitch hissed.

'I don't think so,' Gale countered.

'Or worse,' Haymitch snarled, 'they'll keep her there until she's lost her head, do things to her your little mind couldn't begin to imagine until there's nothing left. If you can find a way to save her, I suggest that you get right on it.'

There was a stony silence, tension bubbling in the air as Haymitch and Gale stood locked in each other's fiery glare.

'I can't promise anything,' Gale said after a while, 'and I can't offer her immunity if we find her, but I'll make sure that there are people looking. That's the best I can do.'

Haymitch didn't say a word. He was thankful, in a way, but he knew that Gale had no desire to help Effie. She was one woman lost in a war, why should he care? But Haymitch cared. He hadn't realised how much until recently, but by God he cared. He stormed out of the room, not wanting the people he left behind to see the tears forming in his eyes.

Xxx

Gray Freeman sat in his office reclining in his chair. He watched the surveillance cameras with lazy eyes, lids half closed; his gaze fell onto the door which he knew led to Effie. Something about her got to him. When he had first seen her, trembling in the corner still wearing her wig and fancy clothes which were slightly torn and muddied, he had liked her. She was scared yes, but she was still strong.

So many others gave in, not even bothering to fight for those they cared about. As soon as someone brought a knife to their throat they sang like morning mockingjays – not Effie. She had lived a reasonably comfortable life, or so she thought anyway, with a fiancé, a steady job and a luxurious lifestyle. The cold dankness of a cell was so very far away from the plush cushions and cashmere blankets that she would have known, and her eyes sparkled with tears whenever he looked at her, but still she refused to tell him anything that she knew.

He wondered how someone could be so fragile and yet remain so loyal. The fight that somehow kept her going was what Gray craved, the way she shuddered as he came near to her yet closed her eyes to bear it because she had to. When someone snapped after a week or a month they had achieved their purpose, but coaxing the truth so terribly from their lips was where the real fun was. Newly broken Effie was a fresh and exciting challenge. He had so longed to see her again.

'Sir?'

Gray turned on his chair to see one of the lower ranked Peacekeepers looking at him nervously. He was already angry.

'What?' snapped Gray. The young man before him gulped.

'We have taken thirteen Sir, with relative ease and little resistance; they had no real defences to our attack.'

'And the girl?' asked Gray.

'She...she wasn't there, Sir.'

Gray's expression turned to fire, his eyes flashing dangerously as he realised why the man was so nervous. The objective of taking thirteen wasn't just to gain control of their weaponry; it was to find Katniss Everdeen.

'How is this possible?' screamed Gray, causing the Peacekeeper to flinch.

'W-we thought she would be there,' he stammered.' When we used Haymitch against Trinket, he said they were still in thirteen and she didn't seem surprised; she all but told us-'

'Well clearly she didn't,' Gray retorted angrily, 'or we would have the dead Mockingjay by now. What about the others, Peeta and Haymitch?'

'They were gone too.'

Standing swiftly, Gray paced the room.

'Do we know where they are?'

The young Peacekeeper shook his head, trying not to allow his body to tremble. He feared that he would not make it out of this room alive.

'We questioned everyone, used as much force as we could without killing them, but they all said the same thing – that they left a few days ago, slipped away quietly, and nobody knows where they went.'

Gray marched out of the room, taking a pistol from his belt and shooting the Peacekeeper in the head as he went without even flinching. He walked straight to Effie's cell, dismissing the two guards standing outside, and burst through the door.

Xxx

Effie's eyes opened slowly as she heard the door slam, the sound of thick metal banging against the concrete wall, and she saw a figure standing over her. The disgusting smell of body odour and fast food filled her nostrils, and she knew exactly who stood before her. Her head was still sore from when she had crashed to the floor after Haymitch had hit her, a little dried blood still lingering beneath her nose and her cheek was swollen, most likely due to a fractured bone; she hadn't the energy to move, but she didn't need to.

Gray grabbed her by the neck, lifting her above the ground and pinning her against the wall so that her feet dangled dangerously and she began to choke.

'We just took over District 13,' he hissed, his eyes glinting with malice as he stared at her struggling form, 'and weren't we taken by surprise.'

'I...I d-don't know...' stuttered Effie, gasping for breath her lungs could never receive.

'See,' continued Gray, 'we expected little resistance, after you so kindly told us that they were not prepared for an attack, but we also assumed that we would find what we wanted. As useful as thirteen is to us, you led us to believe that we would find Katniss, Peeta and your beloved Haymitch there and I was so longing to see their coffins parading through the city centre. Unfortunately, we had no such luck. Can you think why that is?'

A hundred thoughts ran through Effie's mind. Was he being honest? She doubted so many things, her own thoughts now more than ever before, but she was sure that he was telling her that they were safe. Was it too much to hope for? She wouldn't put another trick past him, but this seemed to lack a purpose. No, she was sure that he was informing her that they were alive because he wanted her to tell him where they were now.

She did something which neither of them expected. Instead of crying or begging, screaming or denying that she knew anything of use, Effie smiled. It was weak, her cracked lips barely able to curl on her face, but it was there and Gray could see it. She knew.

He threw her hard across the room, releasing his grip so that she flew into the wall crashing against the hard stone with a helpless cry. She was dizzy and disoriented when Gray took a fistful of her hair in his greasy hand and yanked her head back so that she was forced to look at him.

'Tell me where they are,' he screamed at her, his spittle landing across her face; she didn't even wince.

Effie said nothing. She didn't even smile again, but the look in her eyes told Gray that he was never going to find out what she knew. He knew that she had nothing to lose, and hurting her would do little more than satisfy his rage. Gray lifted her up by her shoulders, his tight grip threatening to break her feeble collar bones, and he drove his fist deep into her stomach with all of the force that he could muster. As his anger raged, searing in his veins, he kept on hurting her until his fist was throbbing in pain and he let her fall to the floor with a whimper.

Gray slammed the door shut, locking her back in her cage and walked away. Effie tried to calm her screaming lungs by taking long, deep breaths but it wasn't enough. Her trembling hand moved to her abdomen, already almost concave from starvation, and she gasped as it hurt just for her fingers to brush against the material covering her stomach. She felt something between her legs, a terrible warm feeling, and when she reached down her fingers came back bloody. Her dress began to soak through, pure white tainted by scarlet, and Effie didn't know what to do.

She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the pain which felt as if it would never cease. It felt ridiculous still to feel scared, but she was. She couldn't trust her own thoughts, her feelings, and as her dress stained red the pain only added to her confusion. Effie couldn't tell what was lies and what was truth anymore, but if there was one thing she knew it was that hope was a very powerful emotion.

Even if it was a lie, even if it was just another trick, the thought that Katniss Peeta and Haymitch were still safe and well gave her hope; not for herself or for the impossibility of her ever escaping this hell, but for them and for all of those who would suffer if this uprising succeeded. It wasn't much, but it would get her through – for now. If she couldn't trust herself then she could trust in them, believe in them, and know that they at least had a chance.

Haymitch. He was out there somewhere, living and breathing as she drifted into a painful darkness. Was he thinking of her? She didn't see why he would be. But alive...they were alive. As she fell deep into a chasm of broken nightmares Effie wished hopelessly that she could see him again, even if it was to hurt and abandon her once more; just seeing his face would be more than enough. She knew that she didn't deserve to.

Xxx

_Haymitch swaggered into the Hall of Justice, not completely sure what he was there for and only knowingly that he was late. A Peacekeeper had knocked on his door too early that morning and told him that he was supposed to meet the Mayor at ten, and by the time he had found some almost clean clothes and downed a glass of whisky it was closer to eleven. _

_One of the government attendants escorted Haymitch up the stairs to one of the meeting rooms in the Justice Building, and when he opened the door he found Mayor Undersee talking animatedly to a young woman dressed in the brightest shade of pink. He turned to acknowledge Haymitch._

'_Ah, Haymitch, glad that you have finally joined us,' he grinned. 'This is the new escort for District 12.'_

_The young woman, who could not have been much older than twenty, stepped towards him with a huge smile brightening her face and held out her hand as greeting. Haymitch looked at her, taking in her startling features. She was small and thin, wearing heels to compensate for her size and a tight fitting dress which pulled in her waist to the point where it looked painful. The wig on top of her head was a pale fuchsia colour with a small purple bow, and her face was powder white, thick with makeup._

_To most she looked like an ordinary, gullible Capitol clone with fancy clothes and over-the-top accessories, but Haymitch looked deeper for a moment. He saw that despite her smile her eyes contained a hint of sadness, glinting with vulnerability, and he wondered why a young rich Capitol girl who should never have had cause to worry in her life looked so lost. _

'_Effie Trinket,' she said brightly, introducing herself, 'it's a pleasure to meet you.'_

_Haymitch stared at Effie, her name ringing through his mind as if it was something other than a title to him. He couldn't help but notice the curve of her body, the shape of her lips; she was beautiful. No, she wasn't beautiful, she was from the Capitol. She was everything that he hated, what he had always despised epitomised before him; he couldn't even like her. He really needed another drink. _

'_Not such a pleasure,' he snapped, moving away from her and ignoring her outstretched hand, 'you are here to pick out the names of children to send them to die, are you not?'_

'_Well...I don't like to see it that way,' Effie stuttered, not quite sure how to react to his angry outburst._

'_No, you wouldn't,' mumbled Haymitch, finding a bottle of liquor and pouring himself a glass. 'To you it's just the fun of the Games, something to keep you entertained and now you get to be a part of it; well good for you sweetheart.'_

'_There's no need to be rude, Mr Abernathy,' she said politely. Haymitch thought that he saw a tear in the corner of her eye for a second, but dismissed the thought at once. _

'_I think there is,' he shot back. 'I'll work with you if I have to, princess, but don't be under any illusions. You're no different from the rest of them.'_

_Effie looked at him, her eyes hurt by his comments and Haymitch wished that he had just stopped talking; all of this because he had thought her pretty? He was about to open his mouth to apologise when three men walked into the room dressed all in black. They grabbed Effie by the arms and dragged her from the room, with her screaming his name. He was paralysed. He couldn't run, couldn't speak, and had to watch as she disappeared from view. She had called to him and he had left her, too fearful for his own safety to go after her. He looked down at the carpet, where her scarlet blood glistened like rubies long after she was gone._

Haymitch woke with a start, almost falling from the sofa where he had been lying before he had the chance to catch himself. He didn't recognise the room he was in, but vaguely recalled Gale directing him to a spare room in the staff quarters on one of the higher floors of the District 2 compound. It was a nice enough space with a single bed, a desk, a sofa and an empty bookshelf, but it seemed too empty.

He remembered every second of his dream. It had been so vivid, the memory of his first encounter with Effie intertwining with what had happened to her since and what he so deeply feared. Haymitch wondered where she was now, though had to stop himself as horrific images flashed through his mind; even so he could not take his thoughts away from her.

Someone knocked on the door and Haymitch grunted as he sat up, encouraging them to enter. It was Gale.

'Haymitch?'

'What do you want?' he asked gruffly.

'I'm sorry about before,' Gale said quietly, 'about Effie. Katniss said that you-'

'That I what?' spat Haymitch angrily, daring him to continue.

'Nothing,' finished Gale quickly, 'but I have a group of people who are back working on trying to find her. They know it wasn't her fault...I know...but it was all a bit of a shock.'

'Yeah, you're not wrong,' replied Haymitch.

'With you, Katniss and Peeta here we are upgrading our efforts,' Gale explained. 'If you are willing to help us, we're planning on attacking the compound in a few days and then moving into the Capitol once it's destroyed. There's not much that we can do for District 13 at the moment, but the sooner we act the sooner we can get it back.'

Haymitch looked at him for a moment, the image of Effie being dragged away and her blood staining the carpet playing over and over in his mind. He could have killed every last one of the bastards that took her there and then without flinching.

'What do you need me to do?'

Xxx

Effie was awake when her door next opened, though she didn't bother to move. She had drifted in and out of consciousness for the past day or so since Gray visited her last, thought the bleeding had thankfully subsided to nothing after a few hours.

She didn't care what they were here to do, or if they were there at all – it was always a possibility. She had seen so many things that she no longer believed her eyes; they were untrustworthy. What she saw now was a group of a few Peacekeepers and beside them...was that a little girl? She looked young, not much older than twelve if that, with white blonde hair in two plaits either side of her head. She looked terrified.

'This is Miss Trinket,' one of the Peacekeeper's explained to the girl. 'She tried, rather foolishly, to trick us with false information and look where it got her.' They were laughing and smiling, but her mouth did not even twitch. To her, it was not funny at all; it was horrific.

'She's bleeding,' the girl said quietly.

'Nothing to worry about Miss Snow,' another Peacekeeper said, 'it won't kill her; we'll make sure of that.'

Had they just called her Snow? Effie looked at the girl again, recognising her vaguely from a very long time ago; it was Snow's granddaughter.

'I've said to call me Elpis,' the girl insisted, 'and shouldn't we get her some help?'

'Sorry, _Elpis_, but she's not worth the help. Not sure why we're keeping her alive really, Gray says she knows something but I don't think she's saying anything.'

Elpis looked at the poor woman before her and wished she could say what was on her mind. She had never been able to speak of what she truly felt, not since she was a little girl. Trinket they had called her...was it Effie Trinket, the District 12 escort? It didn't look like her, but it had to be. Her eyes were so sad, so desperate, and her body was surely failing her; her tattered dress was soaked in bright red blood. Why didn't they just let her die? If she wasn't telling them anything, the least that they could do was put her out of her misery. Elpis felt tears sting her eyes; no-one deserved this.

Effie's head felt heavy, her lids drooping and the darkness beginning to consume her again. Elpis. The thought almost made her laugh; the name Elpis meant 'hope'. She felt sorry for the girl, as she heard the door close and the Peacekeepers escort her elsewhere. Elpis had never asked to be catapulted into this world of torture and bloodshed, but as a descendant of Snow she had no choice. Her voice was compassionate, wise and mature for someone so young, and Effie hoped that she wasn't as unhappy as she had sounded. She was too young to be that miserable.

As the world turned dark again, Effie thought no more of the little girl. She didn't know that she had just met the only person with the power to save her life.

Xxx

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**Sorry Suzanne, sorry Effie, sorry readers for the start xD I am sorry but I couldn't end it that neatly! It would have been too easy. I may have to hide for a few days though after receiving my first ever death threat! xD**

**But as horrible as I was, there is a little genuine hope at the end...that counts for something, right?**

**Anyway long chapter to make up for the cruelty and there will be more soon though if I take a few days I apologise; exams in 2 weeks and I am trying not to die xD**

**As ever thank you sooo so much to those who have reviewed so far, you make my day guys it really means a lot. **

**So thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it and please leave a review; would love to know your thoughts and any suggestions.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello again,**

**Sorry for the length between chapters. Exam season and being unwell has resulted in this chapter taking much longer than thought to publish,as well as the difficulty in making it fit and sound right, so I hope that it is okay...**

**Going away for a few days though so not sure when the next chapter will be up, but I promise it will be a good one. Everything will start to kick off and fortunes will begin to turn!**

**Thank you so so so much for all of your reviews, they mean the world so please keep reviewing as it does spur me on when it is easier just to go to bed! Thanks everyone. Enjoy the chapter!**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

Haymitch ran his hands through his long blond hair as he looked over the map of the Wastelands for what had to be the hundredth time. Every square inch had been pinpointed, every bush or tree co-ordinated so that they knew everything about the area; they couldn't afford for this to go wrong.

'How long have you been sat there?'

Haymitch turned his head slowly to see Katniss standing in the doorway. She was smiling, but her eyes were deadly serious.

'A while,' he answered honestly. The truth was that he had been there all night, going over the plan for the next morning time and time again so that he was certain nothing could go wrong. He had been patient, holding in his anger which seemed to grow stronger and fiercer every day as he forced himself to wait and try to help as much as he could.

Haymitch had proven very useful in strategising for the first attack on Snow's forces, and he had tried to be as calm and co-operative as possible. He knew that shouting would get him nowhere, no matter what he felt inside, so he held it in. Unfortunately for him, keeping his emotions at bay only stirred the horrific thoughts deep within his mind. Whenever he closed his eyes he was haunted by her image, a broken woman bloody and weak slowly slipping away from him as she desperately called his name.

So he didn't sleep. It wasn't ideal; his head felt heavy, his body sluggish, but at least he was safe from his nightmares. Terrible dreams had always been a problem for Haymitch; he was used to seeing images of the Games and the faces of the tributes he sent to their deaths which chilled him to the core, but this was different. With Effie it was personal. He had allowed himself to get close to her, to care for her, and knowing that she was in danger was slowly tearing him apart. He had never felt like this before. Even before she was taken there was something there that had never existed between him and anyone else, a bond stronger than just caring. Haymitch couldn't deny it, he couldn't keep pretending...he-

'Haymitch?'

Katniss broke his train of thought, pulling him back to reality and he looked at her.

'What?'

'I said have you slept at all? You look terrible.'

'Well thanks princess,' Haymitch grumbled, putting the plans down and walking over to the pot of coffee on the side table. He had banned himself from liquor, even though he had bought several bottles on the train and still had some left over; he needed to be alert and sober when morning came.

'Why are you beating yourself up?' asked Katniss.

'Why do you care?' retorted Haymitch, though his tone was not as malicious as it could have been.

'There's not much else to do around here,' she replied wittily, walking towards him, 'and I am sort of stuck with you.'

'Fair enough,' he said, the ghost of a grin passing across his lips.

'Why won't you sleep, Haymitch?' Katniss asked kindly, her voice softer than it had ever been when talking to the older man. He dignified her kindness with honesty.

'Because I can't face her,' he whispered, avoiding her gaze.

'You can't blame yourself,' she insisted.

'But what if I can't save her?' Haymitch said after a while. 'What if she dies thinking that I abandoned her?'

'Effie knows that you were trying to protect her; she knows that there was nothing more you could have done,' Katniss assured him. She wasn't used to seeing him so close to the edge, and it made her uneasy.

'She deserves so much more than this,' he muttered beneath his breath. 'If I had been able to keep her out of the Capitol in the first place then none of this would have happened.'

'Look,' said Katniss finally, 'you feel guilty, I understand, but if you focus on what might have been then you will never get anything done. Think about tomorrow, about finishing this off, and think about finding her because you will. I just know it.'

He scoffed but his eyes were thankful, words which would never pass of his lips glistening in his pupils. Her reassurance, even if it wouldn't keep Effie's screams at bay whenever he closed his eyes, at least gave him hope. He would find her, even if it took everything he had. He would find her.

Xxx

_Effie stepped nervously into the ballroom, scratching her arm subconsciously as she felt every eye turn on her. The music played her favourite waltz, but she chose instead to get a drink and moved gracefully to the bar where she ordered herself a cocktail. Her dress was lilac silk, reaching over one of her shoulders and brushing against the floor as she walked; the only addition to its simple design was a broach of white diamonds pinned to her chest._

'_May I have this dance?' _

_She looked at the man who had addressed her and felt her heart leap as she recognised him. Haymitch was there, his long hair combed back and his suit neither crumpled nor stained; he looked so handsome. He offered her his arm and she was powerless to refuse, wrapping her gloved hand around his muscular shoulder._

_They reached the centre of the ballroom and he put a hand against hers and the other on her waist. They fitted together perfectly, as if they had always belonged in each other's arms, and as they began to move across the room they waltzed in perfect harmony. _

_The rest of the world melted away until there was nothing left but them and the music, lost in each other's eyes as they danced the night away. Haymitch raised his arm and she twirled beneath it, almost falling when her head became dizzy though he caught her before she could fall and dipped her as the music came to its inevitable end._

_The silence soon became unsettling, and Effie looked deep into Haymitch's eyes begging him to protect her, but something was wrong. She blinked, and a second later he was holding a knife. He plunged the blade deep into her stomach as she gasped for breath, the lilac colour of her dress disappearing beneath a sea of red._

'_H-Hay-' she couldn't even say his name as she felt the life drain from her, her entire body trembling; yet still she felt safe in his arms._

_He lowered her gently to the floor, throwing the bloody knife aside, and held her hand as her breathing slowed. Effie coughed, tasting blood in her mouth and she knew that his would be the last face that she got to see. Haymitch leaned over with tears in his eyes and kissed her bloody lips as she drifted away, holding her hand until the end, and she heard him try to whisper something before it all went dark._

Effie choked and spluttered into the waking world, gasping for air with desperation. She forced herself onto her hands and knees; retching, she felt acid rise from her stomach and burn her throat. When it passed she fell back, still breathing heavily and trying to control the way her body trembled.

Her arms ached, and as she looked down at them she could see deep, penetrating scratch marks from her elbows to her wrists bleeding steadily. They couldn't be real, it had just been a dream; yet when she her hand brushed against them she recoiled in pain. No, it was her mind playing tricks on her again. It had to be.

She touched her fingers gently to her throat which throbbed painfully. Effie feared that she had been screaming again, calling out for Haymitch, and she knew that the Peacekeepers would laugh when they next came to her. Curling up in the corner she rested her head lightly against the wall, trying to dip back into unconsciousness; her mind would not let her rest. She tried hitting her head against the wall to force darkness to consume her but it only gave her a thumping headache.

'Don't do that baby.'

Effie stopped, her heart refusing to beat. She knew that voice. Only one person had ever called her baby, only one man in her entire life. She turned to look at the figure standing at the other side of the room, his hair just on the verge of greying and his soft blue eyes kind. Her father.

'D-Daddy?' she whispered, tears welling in her eyes. Her voice cracked, painful after her fit of screams, but it was worth it to say the word after so long. He smiled at her.

'I'm here,' he said reassuringly.

'How...' was all that she could manage, sobs catching in her throat.

'You needed me,' he replied simply, 'I had to come. I had to tell you.'

Effie wanted nothing more than to run up to her father, for him to take her in his arms and hold her close so that she could feel safe again, but she was too weak to move. Her sad eyes begged him to come closer. She could see him a little more clearly in the dim light as he moved a step towards her, but something was different. The hair which had moments ago been on just flecked with grey was now the deep colour of steel wires.

'Oh Effie,' he said quietly, 'my poor baby. I had to tell you how disappointed I am.'

'Wh-what?'

She knew of course what he was referring to, but this was her father. This was the man who had first held her after she was born, who had given her treats every Saturday afternoon and walked her home from school when she was too afraid to go alone. He was supposed to love her unconditionally, to forgive her sins; he wasn't supposed to be like this.

'You once made me so proud,' he continued, 'I thought that you were going to grow up to be such a mature and happy young woman, but you've turned into...this.' His eyes were not cold, not angry, simply void of happiness and his expression made his shame all too clear.

'Please,' whispered Effie,' please, I'm sorry...' He shook his head.

'It will never be enough,' he told her. 'What you did was so terrible I can hardly look at you; you aren't my daughter.'

'No!' screamed Effie, her entire body shaking with her sobs. She looked at him, confused as his posture began to slip. It was almost as if he was changing before her eyes, his face becoming pale and sickly and his eyes growing darker. In minutes he had transformed from the man who had made her feel like a princess to the shadow of her father, riddled with and incurable disease, who she had been forced to say goodbye to far too young.

'Daddy...daddy please...' she begged, reaching out her hand to him desperately. He moved away, a final rejection. When he spoke, his voice was shaky and uneven.

'Effie,' he breathed, his tone bitter with suppressed rage, 'you are nothing to me. It would have been better if you had never been born.'

She closed her eyes to shut him out, screaming despite the pain in her throat and crying tears so fiercely that it hurt her eyes. When Effie opened her eyes again, she was alone. Her body trembled violently. It had been neither a dream nor a trick, of that she was sure. Whatever it was, Effie couldn't bear the thought that her own father, the only one who had ever understood her, would turn away from her. She hated herself. She hated herself for what she had become.

Xxx

Haymitch hadn't felt as alive in days. As the dawn cracked above them Haymitch, Gale, Katniss and Peeta amongst other District 2 soldiers had boarded the hovercraft bound for the Wastelands. They had formed a team which was now head of command for this operation, as it was them who had put the final strategies together, and so they would not deliver the blow themselves. Their job was to co-ordinate the technical team back at base, the other craft flying behind them waiting for orders and the infantry who would take any survivors prisoner as soon as the location had been forced into submission.

Now minutes away from the Capitol mountains where they would remain as the fighting began, Haymitch was becoming restless. Gale came in from one of the side rooms with a smile on his face.

'That was District 2,' he explained.

'And?' pressed Haymitch, his tone eager.

'They did it. They've got a pulse ready to knock out any and every computer or communication device they have.'

'Brilliant,' exclaimed Peeta. Katniss nodded in agreement.

'The soldiers are in place,' she reminded Gale, 'ready for when we give the signal.'

'Good, then we just need to dock here and wait for confirmation from the other ships,' Gale decided, sitting beside Katniss in anticipatory silence.

The craft slowed, taking its place in the sky to watch over the impending battle. When all of the other units had registered their positions, Gale took the phone from its holster on the wall and called General Atkins back at the base in District 2, making sure that they were ready to start a war. Haymitch could feel every frantic beat of his heart as they waited. He didn't know what to expect until everything happened at once.

He heard Gale give the order to Atkins, and within seconds the bombs began to sound. Now it was they who were defenceless, helpless, and being bombed into submission; the fate they had inflicted on District 13 was coming around full circle to bite them where it hurt. Fire crackled below as Haymitch moved to watch on the screens in the surveillance room, his eyes darting to watch the District 2 ships weaving through the air and the extensive compound below burning. Katniss went off to help Gale and manage the soldiers under her command. She did well in a role of leadership. It came naturally to her, unlike some who would never truly earn the respect of their colleagues.

Haymitch watched the building crumble and the guards march up to the front entrance to take any survivors hostage. This was justice. This was vengeance. This was war. As he saw the smoke drift into the sky, a smile crept on his face. For Haymitch, this meant moving one step closer to Effie and he was now more determined than ever.

Xxx

Effie sat in silence, refusing to allow her eyes to close and choosing instead to stare blankly into space. No-one had come to her in days; she couldn't tell if this was a good sign or a bad one. They were keeping her alive, just, but what for? What was the point?

Every now and then the small slit in the door was opened, allowing light to flood into the room scalding Effie's eyes, and someone peered in through the gap. She hated the thought of them watching her, their eyes burning into her skin as she tried to pretend that they were not there – but they were. They didn't need to come to her to hurt her; they could do it quite easily without laying finger on her cold, bruised skin.

It was after the fourth day of silence that Effie looked up to see someone walking into her cell. The curve of the person's body and the length of their blonde hair suggested that it was a woman; no woman had ever come into her room before. Burying her head in her arms, Effie breathed deeply. If she concentrated hard enough, then she would go away whoever she was. She had learned this after the altercation with her father; falling deeper into her illusions only brought further heartbreak and she wasn't strong enough to endure much more.

Flora knelt down beside Effie, her usually bright smile long gone from her face. She looked so different from when Flora had first seen her; broken, bruised and her impossibly thin body trembling either in fear or from the unearthly chill which possessed the room.

'Effie?' she called quietly, lowering her tone.

'Go away,' Effie mumbled almost incoherently. 'If I close my eyes you'll go away.'

Did she think that she was an illusion? A sickening feeling in the pit of Flora's stomach told her that it was most likely. What had they done to her?

'Effie, it's Flora,' she said kindly, 'I...I'm real, I'm not just in your head. I'm here to help you.'

Effie slowly raised her head, her wide panicked eyes finding Flora's and searching them for truth. Flora put a hand on her arm reassuringly, as though to prove that she did in fact exist. She reached behind her and picked up a cup of water she had brought with her, handing it to Effie.

Although suspicious of the unnatural sparkle to the water's glimmering surface, Effie was not about to question it. Her throat was so dry, her lips so parched that as she held the cup to her lips with a quivering hand it was blissful; the feeling of cool liquid sliding down her throat was so amazing that she almost gasped aloud.

'Th-thank you,' stuttered Effie, handing her back the cup. Flora noticed the marks on her forearms, the deep scratches embedded into her skin which seemed to refuse to heal.

'How did you do that?' she asked.

'I don't know...' Effie replied vaguely, as though she was not quite sure how to answer her. The truth of course was that she woke up from horrific nightmares with them already etched into her skin; it terrified her to think that she could have lost control and inflicted the scratched upon herself. It meant that she was slipping further and further away.

'Why are you here?' Effie had been taught when growing up never to look a gift horse in the mouth, but this was the woman who not more than a week or so ago had cleaned and dressed her in front of a pair of observing Peacekeepers with the definitive knowledge that she was about to kill the President; her smile had been so unnerving. Now, however, she didn't seem to have the same look about her. Whoever this woman really was, it didn't make sense for her to suddenly offer such kindness.

'I thought that you might to freshen up a bit,' Flora explained with a weak but assuring smile, 'and perhaps change out of that dress.'

It wasn't the truth, but it wasn't too far off. Gray had come to her that morning and told her to sort Effie out, to clean her up and dress her properly, and when Flora had seen the state that the poor woman had been reduced to then she was eager to do anything that she could to help. Flora knew which side she was on. She knew exactly what she was doing, but she wasn't completely heartless. What they were doing to Effie was wrong, that much she knew, and even if she believed in President Snow's army and the old Capitol ways she did not believe in denying an already shattered woman the right to a dignified death.

Silent tears slipped from Effie's eyes. She didn't say another word, she didn't need to, but she allowed Flora to help her to her unsteady feet and remove the torn and bloodstained rags which had turned from such a beautiful white to a dirty red over the past seven or so days. Seven days...it felt more like a lifetime. Effie knew that she had already lost a considerable amount of weight that she could not really afford to lose, already been beaten to within an inch of her life and scarred by their cruelty...The way that reality seemed to be drifting away from her made her feel more like she had been there for seven years.

Flora helped Effie into a short spring green dress and flat shoes which she had been given by Gray. She was puzzled as to why he had chosen such a tight fitting dress, one which hugged even Effie's thin frame, and had to apologise as she zipped it up causing Effie to wince slightly in pain.

'I'm sorry,' Flora said, 'I will have to speak to Gray, this dress is ridiculous.'

She noticed how Effie flinched at the mere mentioned of his name, her eyes glinting for a second with the essence of pure fear.

'It's okay,' she assured Effie, pinning her tattered red hair back gently, 'I'm sure he won't make too much of a fuss.'

Effie smiled back at Flora, though her eyes were dark. She started to lose her balance, gripping onto Flora's arm and breathing quickly, unable to steady her heart rate.

'Effie, calm down,' Flora coaxed gently, though she watched as Effie began to hyperventilate more desperately. 'Let's sit down.' Effie almost fell to the floor, with only Flora to prevent her from crashing against the stone. She looked up at the unusual woman before her, unable to decide quite whether she was a friend or a foe.

'C-can you help me?' Effie whispered, tears glistening in her eyes. 'Please...'

'Shh,' comforted Flora gently, 'it'll be all right, you just have to keep calm.'

'You...you could get me out of here,' she asked pleadingly. Flora shook her head.

'Sorry, I can't.'

'You could kill me, get me a knife or anything; just please let me die,' she begged.

'It's more than my life's worth,' Flora explained sadly, knowing that it was true. 'I want to help you Effie I do, but-'

'I can't do this anymore,' Effie interrupted, 'I can't live like this; it isn't even living. I don't want to die, I'm so unbelievably scared, but every day I wake up screaming. I know that I don't deserve anyone's pity after what I did, and I know that I am going to hell to burn for eternity, but as long as I am here I am caught in limbo and it's going to kill me. Unless...'

'Unless what?' Flora asked, perplexed.

'Unless this is hell,' whispered Effie vaguely with tears in her eyes. 'My everlasting punishment.'

This was it. This was the side that no-one but the most heartless of Peacekeepers got to see. Flora had known there were prisoners, of course, and that they were treated badly, but this...this was heartbreaking. The woman before her had suffered so greatly that she couldn't tell what was real anymore. She thought that she was living in hell as day after day passed her by with her screaming for help which would never come.

She wanted to say that she could help, that she would speak to Gray or to anybody and do whatever she could, but Flora was interrupted. The door swung open and a group of seven Peacekeepers were standing outside the door.

'Thanks Flora,' the one at the front of the pack said, 'we can take it from here.'

'What...what are you...' she stammered, her eyes darting to the long thin leather whip in the Peacekeeper's hand.

'Like we said,' he repeated harshly, 'we can take it from here.'

Effie didn't let the whimper escape her lips, but inside her heart was sinking. Her hand gripped Flora's arm desperately, begging her not to let them near her. Flora stood up, releasing Effie's grasp but standing in front of her as protection.

'She's too weak,' Flora explained, 'she can't even stand properly. You'll have to...come back later.' They sneered at her.

'Have you developed a soft spot for the little bitch Flora?' one jeered. 'I would have thought you smarter than that. We've been waiting for this all week; you're not going to stand in our way.'

A short balding Peacekeeper emerged from the group and dragged her aside, leaving Effie unprotected and exposed.

'No,' she cried, 'no don't leave me! Please...please don't leave me...'

'Effie I'm sorry,' Flora said as she was pushed away, knowing that there was nothing that she could do. She could have protested, but in truth after seeing what these men could do she was too scared to.

The first Peacekeeper of the group, clearly the leader, moved forward and slashed his whip through the air, catching Effie's arm as she held it up to defend her face. She screamed out in pain, blood dripping down her arm. Flora felt tears prick her eyes. This was horrible. She realised what she had been recruited to do; not to simply give Effie water, not to help her or give her something clean to wear, but to dress her ready for an army of impatient soldiers who enjoyed inflicting pain for their own pleasure. What had he said? They've been waiting for this all week...their reward. Her.

Flora was pulled aside, pushed out of the door as they filed in and the door was closed. The last thing Flora heard as she burst into tears were the sounds of Effie's screams and the crack of the whip against her skin.

Xxx

Haymitch poured himself a whisky, one small indulgence now that it was all over, but as he held the glass it shook in his unsteady hand. He slammed it down, putting his elbow on the desk and running his fingers through his hair. The constant waiting was beginning to drive him crazy.

Ever since they had docked back at the District 2 base he had been sitting around, asking for answers but being told to sit tight while the chaos died down. He had found a room, watched the screens until the images blurred into each other, and was now sitting in silence lost in his thoughts. He hoped that Effie was safe, though the realisation that she most probably was as far from safe as she could be was incredibly painful. Haymitch took the liquor in his hand once more and downed it in one, but he still saw her face when he closed his eyes. A shiver rippled down his spine. Why was she always screaming when he saw her?

'Haymitch?'

Peeta and Katniss came into the room tentatively, as though purposefully walking on egg shells around him. Haymitch noticed but chose to say nothing; it was just another draining conversation which he badly wanted to avoid.

'Am I allowed to know what's going on or is that too much to ask?' he said with a hint of bitterness, pouring himself another whisky and hoping it would quieten the buzz of the thoughts in his head.

'We're sorry,' Katniss apologised.

'No,' shouted Haymitch, 'I have seen far too much in my life to be treated like a worthless kid when it matters. Now I am done with being sidelined, so you are going to tell me what has been going on or-'

'Okay,' she interrupted him, guilt weighing heavy on her heart, 'we...I didn't mean to shut you out.'

'Then why did you?'

'Because you're all over the place,' Katniss told him bluntly. 'You care so much about Effie that...that I suppose I thought that you had enough to worry about. Maybe I was wrong, but there you go.'

Haymitch didn't know quite what to say. He wasn't sure whether he was angry or touched, but to avoid the confusion he knocked back another glass of deep brown liquid; now it was simply a mixture of emotion deep in his gut, too muddled for him to worry about.

'We found thirty five bodies in the wreckage,' Katniss said after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. 'None were left alive to question but at least none got away. Gale is starting work on a plan for District 13 already.'

'Wait,' Haymitch interrupted, 'thirty five?'

'Around that,' Peeta agreed, 'there could have been some that weren't recovered if they were caught in the fire.'

Haymitch stood up, pushing his empty glass aside and gripping the table.

'What is it?' asked Peeta.

'This is bad,' Haymitch thought aloud, muttering as though only to himself.

'I don't see what you mean,' Katniss said.

'Don't you think it's a little odd that there were few more than thirty people found at what is supposed to be the centre of command for the entire rebellion?'

'I suppose so, but what about all of the soldiers at District 13?' Katniss reminded him.

'There couldn't have been more than five hundred people landing in thirteen,' Haymitch replied, 'and an army of that size wouldn't even scratch the surface, even with a weakened Panem. There has to be more of them, thousands possibly tens of thousands, but the question is...'

'Where are they?' finished Peeta.

Xxx

'You have to stop this,' Flora begged, pleading with Gray as they stood in his office.

'Why should I?'

'Because it's wrong,' she spat, 'because she doesn't deserve to be treated like that.'

'Why do you even care?' sneered Gray, moving a little too close to Flora who flinched a little. 'You can hardly claim the moral high ground here. You helped me dress her for murder, you let those Peacekeepers push you aside; what makes you better than I am?'

'Nothing,' Flora answered quietly, knowing that she could never be forgiven for the part she had already played, 'but that doesn't mean that I can't care. You have no reason to keep her alive. Can't you just let her die?'

'I could,' Gray agreed, 'but where's the fun in that?'

Flora moved back, horrified.

'Effie is a human being,' she gasped, 'you can't treat her like...like your personal play-thing.'

'Oh I can,' he corrected her, smiling terribly, 'and I will, you be assured of that. Yes it would be easier to kill her, much easier, but that woman almost cost us this entire operation. She crossed us, betrayed us, and now she will pay for what she did.'

'She has suffered enough! She thinks she is in hell the way you treat her and she's losing her sanity; there isn't much more you can do to hurt her,' Flora tried.

'I have men who need a little something to look forward to,' Gray said darkly. 'I like having her around, it makes things...interesting.'

'I'm asking you, please, to let her go,' Flora whispered, her eyes trying to find any spark of humanity in the emptiness of Gray's; there was nothing there.

'Okay,' he said after a while.

'Really?'

'Yes,' Gray answered, a wicked smile on his face, 'I will kill her, let her die as you so wish, if you take her place.'

'What?'

'You heard me,' he pressed, anger flashing in his eyes amongst a hint of pleasure at her confusion. 'If I kill her, end her suffering, then I need someone to take her place. Would you put yourself in her position to end her pain?'

'I...' She faltered, as he knew that she would. Although her intentions were noble, Flora couldn't put herself through what she had forced others into. She wasn't strong enough to go through the pain, the suffering, the degradation...she simply couldn't do it. Tears pricked at her eyes as she realised how pitiful she must seem.

'I'll take that as a no,' Gray whispered with a grin, walking past her out of his office and leaving her alone.

Flora allowed the tears to fall only when he was long gone, and wondered if she could ever be forgiven.

Xxx

It was another four hours before Flora saw the Peacekeepers leave Effie's room. She had been watching the cameras in Gray's office, waiting in silence as tears slipped down her cheeks, and with all of the courage she could muster she left her seat to find them.

When she walked up to Effie's door they were there, congratulating each other. It made her feel ill.

'I suppose you're satisfied?' she hissed.

'Yes actually,' a tall dark haired Peacekeeper she knew as Damian said, 'it was worth the wait, wasn't it boys?' They jeered in agreement. 'Could take a while for this blood to wash out though.'

Flora saw it, the streaks of blood marring the white uniforms of the Peacekeepers. Damian's torso seemed marked by five perfect streaks, too much like a bloody handprint.

'You're sick,' she whispered. Damian let out a hollow laugh. He leaned into her, whispering in her ear.

'So are you.'

They walked away laughing, and Flora put her hand on the door which separated her from Effie. She wanted to go in and comfort her, to tell her that it would be all right, but she couldn't do it. It would be insulting to assure her of things which could never be true, and after Flora had left her there to her fate it would feel wrong to comfort her. Or perhaps she was just too cowardly to try.

'I'm sorry,' Flora whispered, lowering her hand and walking away. She would not visit Effie again, but she would think of her often. Sympathetic thoughts were not enough to save her, though, and Flora knew that there was more that she could have done. She was not just as bad as Gray, she was worse and she knew it.

Xxx

Haymitch half ran down the corridor towards Gale's office with Peeta and Katniss following him. He barged in through the half open door without waiting for an invitation.

'Gale,' he breathed, 'I think we might have a problem.'

'It's a bit late for that,' Gale answered. Haymitch looked up at the television screens mounted on the wall. Half of the unit had gathered around it, watching as anarchy took hold.

He saw it, but he couldn't quite begin to process what he was looking at. People were screaming, buildings were crumbling to dust and thousands of soldiers were marching through the broken streets of the Capitol. Anyone who stood in their way, be it man woman or child, was arrested on sight or beaten down with a swift clean blow. They had no chance, no defences, no hope. Snow's army had been two steps ahead, letting them take their base as they made their move; the Capitol was theirs for the taking.

It fell before the sun had set, bombs raining down on what was left of the Capitol. A bitter war had started, though it seemed scarily close to ending in the enemy's favour.

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**Sorry that it wasn't the best most exciting chapter, but it does all have significance xD **

**Please leave a review or a comment, something to keep me going whilst I try to sort the next chapter out. **

**Mini hints of what is to come: Haymitch finally makes it to the Capitol, Effie's cage door opens, and Haymitch is itching to confess what he can only say to her...**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello everyone, quick note from me. **

**Really sorry about the delay, was away for a few days and have exams starting Monday :S Not my longest chapter, for which I apologise, but I had to end it where I did otherwise the next chapter wouldn't work; you will see!**

**Thank you so so so much for your reviews and continued support. I am so grateful, and ask that if I take a bit longer to update you please stick with me. Reviews mean so much and keep me going!**

**More soon hopefully, and I know that there isn't much Effie but it will all kick off after the end of this chapter! Thanks and happy reading!**

* * *

**Chapter 14**

'How...' stuttered Katniss, 'how could we let this happen?'

'We didn't think that they could reform so quickly,' Gale answered gruffly, looking down so as not to catch her eye. Very few people were left in the office. Only those of the highest rank had not been dismissed, as they tried to work out what exactly had happened and what they could do about it.

'We need to act quickly,' General Atkins stated, laying out the Capitol maps on the table and weighing down the corners. With a rough black marker she began to outline the areas which had already fallen, which seemed scarily vast for a first attack.

'There are thousands of them,' countered Gale, 'we haven't got our forces mobilised.'

'Well then we need to get them sorted, don't we?' growled Haymitch, moving up to the table and allowing his eyes to dart over the images before him. Somehow, he knew that Effie was there. Somewhere within the fighting, amongst the broken candy coloured streets, she was there waiting for him and it made him even more determined to find her.

'Realistically, when can we go?' asked Katniss.

'30 hours,' Atkins decided immediately.' If we contact the other districts and set off at midnight tomorrow, then we can be in the Capitol by morning. We need to work out where their main strongholds are. Obviously the government building will be their best defended headquarters, but I am guessing that they will have a number of smaller bases around the perimeter of the Capitol.'

'It's too soon,' Gale argued, shaking his head.

'No,' Haymitch said, agreeing with General Atkins, 'if we wait too long, then they will settle and put their defences in place and we won't stand a chance. We just have to go for it.'

'Fine,' muttered Gale through gritted teeth, 'Atkins, get onto the other districts and Katniss and Peeta you can organise our own forces. Haymitch, I need you here.'

'Thirty hours,' Haymitch said quietly, to no-one really but himself. Thirty hours, and he would set off for the Capitol to save Effie; he could only hope that she would hold on for him.

Xxx

The walls shuddered, causing small fragments of cement to fall from the ceiling and cover Effie in a thick layer of grey dust. She had been lying on the floor, unmoving, for almost two days with her arms wrapped around her trembling body. Effie refused to let her eyes close for even a minute. Even as the dust stung her eyes she would not allow herself to do much more than blink in fear that her nightmares would take over her mind and body. The dreams of Haymitch, of her death and of those she loved turning away in disgust; she couldn't bear them anymore.

The room shook again, a distant booming echoing even through the many layers of concrete between her and the Earth's surface. Effie took little notice. Even when the force of it rocked her and the sound rang in her ears, she would not move. It didn't matter – nothing did.

One of the two Peacekeepers posted outside her cell opened the small slit in the door and peered in, looking for any sign of movement. Sighing in frustration, he slammed it shut again. Gray Freeman walked down the corridor looking worn, his uniform dirtied by mud and blood spatters.

'What's she doing?'

'Hasn't moved an inch Sir,' the Peacekeeper replied.

'How long has she been lying there?' hissed Gray.

'Almost two days,' he said, 'we've tried everything we can think of, but we can't get her to move.'

Gray took out his keys and opened the door angrily, slamming it behind him.

'Listen to me you dirty little whore,' he spat, 'you better tell me where the hell that Mockingjay is or so help me I'll turn you black and blue before the bombs have time to blow you to hell.'

Effie didn't say a word. She could hear him clearly, every word which fell from his disgusting lips, but her mind couldn't process them. She shut herself off from him. Whatever he could do to her would not be enough. It wouldn't be close to what she deserved.

'Answer me!' screamed Gray, swinging his foot back and smashing it against her back with all of the energy he could muster. Other than a reaction from the force of the impact, she didn't move a muscle. His tired frustration was growing stronger.

'SAY-SOME-THING!' He kicked harder until he was breathing heavily, taking his anger out on the only person who could never fight back.

It took twenty minutes for him to give up, grunting as he administered one last blow and shutting the door behind him as he left her to bleed.

'Nothing,' he mumbled to the Peacekeepers.

'What would you like us to do, Sir?' one of them asked.

'Give her a day,' Gray said bitterly. 'Tomorrow night, if she hasn't said anything useful then I'll cut her throat myself.'

Xxx

It was late afternoon, less than 12 hours before they were due to leave for the Capitol. Haymitch and Gale pulled the finished plan before them, a map of the Capitol and the surrounding area with every known enemy base marked. They knew which were the most heavily guarded, which were vulnerable to an air attack and which were enemy strongholds. If they were going to regain control of the Capitol, their first few moves were going to be critical.

'We need to decide where to hit first,' Gale started.

'Our best chance is to take out some of the smaller bases with aircraft before we send the soldiers in; we can launch a secondary air attack when we have taken more land,' Haymitch reasoned. Gale nodded in agreement. 'Once the first bomb is dropped they will quickly be able to work out what is happening and organise a counter attack, which is where we have to be prepared.

'Question is...which one first?' Gale asked.

Haymitch looked across the various coloured markers representing buildings where enemy leaders were based. His eyes darted to a two storey compound on the west boundary of the Capitol. It was small, but weakly defended with no aircraft hangars or armouries close-by. Although far from the city centre, it was close enough to make an impact.

'That one,' Haymitch said finally, pointing to the red marker he had decided upon. Gale froze, his face turning a worryingly pale shade of grey. He moved back a step and his eyes were alight with an emotion which was not quite fear, but something deeper.

'What?' snapped Haymitch, angrily.

'I don't think that we should hit there first,' Gale replied weakly, trying to cover up his true motives.

'What are you talking about?' hissed Haymitch, 'it's perfect! Discrete, not heavily guarded; we can make an impact with this place, we can come out fighting.'

Gale ran his fingers through his hair. He wanted nothing more than to agree with Haymitch, to give the order and worry about the consequences later; but he couldn't do it. He couldn't pretend that he didn't know what he did. Gale knew that he could not be responsible for destroying a man he deeply respected.

'Haymitch,' he said quietly, 'trust me, we cannot destroy that building, not yet.'

'Why?' pushed Haymitch.

'You don't need to know,' said Gale evasively. Haymitch moved closer to him, his expression both frustrated and threatening.

'Tell me,' he growled through gritted teeth.

'You won't _want_ to know,' Gale breathed changing his answer, his eyes begging Haymitch not to ask.

'Now,' Haymitch insisted, leaving Gale with no choice.

'We know what that building is used for,' he sighed after a moment. 'It's an enemy containment facility.'

It hit Haymitch full on in the chest, as if a bullet had pierced his flesh and embedded itself in his bleeding heart. He knew what Gale was saying.

'What?' was all that he could muster in way of a reply.

'We know that Snow's forces have taken prisoners there,' Gale continued quietly.

'Is Effie there?' asked Haymitch almost desperately.

'We can't know for su-'

'IS EFFIE THERE?' screamed Haymitch, anger burning in his veins.

'Yes,' Gale said frankly. They could never be completely sure, of course, but it had been unanimously agreed amongst the District 2 commanders that if she was still alive, then this was where she would be.

'How long.'

'Haymitch-'

'How...long...' Haymitch spat.

'A few days.'

'You left her there,' he shouted, 'knowing what she was going through, knowing that we could help her-'

'We didn't have a choice,' Gale tried to explain, 'when we found out where she was, we couldn't...'

It was as if Haymitch was no longer in control of his limbs. He took Gale by the scruff of his shirt and forced him back against the wall, their faces inches apart.

'I...I didn't mean...' choked Gale.

'Not good enough,' snarled Haymitch.

'Haymitch stop!' cried Katniss as she walked into the room to see Gale pinned against the wall by Haymitch's fist, seconds away from a hard punch to the face.

'Get out of here princess,' Haymitch shouted.

'No,' Katniss insisted, walking up to Haymitch and forcing him away from Gale, 'what are you doing?'

'This doesn't concern you!' he said dismissively.

'It does if you want to batter Gale to death; we are all supposed to be working together here,' she argued. 'Now what happened here?'

'He knew,' breathed Haymitch, 'all this time he knew.

'Knew what?'

'He knows where Effie is,' he explained, 'has done for days.'

Katniss wasn't sure how to feel. She could not pretend that Effie was her top priority, but she knew that Gale was in the wrong. However much or little it meant to her to find Effie, it meant so much more to Haymitch. Gale knew how he felt about her, they all did, and he had knowingly kept her whereabouts from him; she knew how hurt and betrayed Haymitch would be feeling and felt for him.

'Why didn't you tell him?' asked Katniss, trying to keep a level head.

'We needed to get the Wastelands attack out of the way,' Gale said, still trying to catch his breath after being released from Haymitch's grip, 'we didn't have time for an expedition to the Capitol just for the sake of one woman.'

Haymitch lunged at Gale again but he was stopped once again by Katniss.

'Don't you ever-' he started but Gale held his hands up.

'Sorry,' he said quickly, 'but you see what I mean.'

'I've waited,' Haymitch mumbled, 'I've done everything you asked, and I can't trust a word that comes out of your mouth.'

'It wasn't personal,' Gale tried, 'but I couldn't afford to lose you, not to someone who you couldn't help.'

'And now?' he replied. 'How can I help her now? She's on her own, suffering God only knows what in the middle of a fucking warzone.'

'We're going in tonight,' Katniss reminded them, 'surely there is some way-'

'I'll go,' Haymitch interrupted, 'just tell me how to get there and I will find her when we land.'

'It's not that simple,' Gale told him.

'Then make it simple,' growled Haymitch threateningly.

'She isn't a high priority Haymitch, she's a Capitol prisoner and we don't even know if she's alive.'

'She is alive,' Haymitch dismissed at once, 'and don't you dare tell me that she doesn't matter. Everyone matters, and by God she matters to me.'

Haymitch stopped himself, as if realising what he had just said, and moved away kicking a chair violently in his anger.

'Can't you give him something?' hissed Katniss to Gale so that Haymitch couldn't hear.

'It's too dangerous,' he argued.

'He won't give up,' she assured him, 'and he won't co-operate. You know how he feels about her, this is tearing him apart. Just...just let him try.'

'Fine,' Gale huffed, 'I can't offer you much, Haymitch, but I can let you go your own way when we land in the Capitol.'

'I'll need medics,' said Haymitch, 'at the very least.'

'I can get you maybe two or three at best, but not much more; we have a war to win. You go your own way, find her, and then they will follow.'

'Where can I get her to a hospital?' Haymitch asked.

'I don't know,' answered Gale honestly, 'but we will definitely have a field hospital set up if we can't get her out of the Capitol altogether. Now if you don't still have a burning desire to kill me, then I have a war to plan.' He turned to Haymitch before he left.

'I can make sure they don't attack it first, but I can't promise anything after that. If you don't get her out in the first hour or so, I don't know if you will be able to.'

With that, Gale left and Katniss and Haymitch stood locked in a tense and foreboding silence. Haymitch took a bottle from the side counter, taking a long swig as he walked to the door.

'I know that you don't care,' he said sombrely, 'but do you understand why I have to do this?'

'I do,' nodded Katniss. 'Just...don't do anything stupid.' Haymitch let out a bitter laugh.

'When have I ever done that?' She smiled back at him.

'It's not that I don't care,' Katniss added as he reached the door, 'I'm just not sure what to believe anymore.'

'I know,' admitted Haymitch, 'and I'm not asking you to forgive her, but I am asking you not to condemn her.'

'After what they did to Peeta I could never condemn someone to them, not even someone I despised.'

'You love him?'

'Yes.'

'Then you know how much it hurts,' he said finally, leaving the room without a second glance.

Xxx

'What am I doing here?'

Elpis Snow was sitting in the front room of her grandfather's old mansion, listening as she heard bombs raining down from the sky above her. Gray had found her early that morning, when the sky was still dark, and taken her to the crumbling mansion which had been abandoned for over a year without an explanation.

'It's started,' he said gruffly, 'and we need to make sure your pretty little head doesn't get damaged before we win.'

'What's started?' she asked, feeling dreadfully misinformed.

'The war,' Gray replied simply. 'You didn't think that they would just let us take the Capitol without a fight?'

The first light of dawn was kept out of the room by heavy black curtains. The aerial attack had begun moments ago at the very beginning of the morning, and Gray was seething. They knew more about their layouts then he had anticipated, and many good bases had gone down. He was sure, however, that wherever they landed they would be met with the full force of his army. They didn't stand a chance.

'Get every soldier we have to the city circle,' Gray barked at the nearest Peacekeeper, 'any man not guarding a stronghold.'

'But Sir,' he replied, 'what about Trinket?'

'Oh yes,' Gray said, smiling grimly. 'Lock her down and leave her there; I was only going to kill her anyway. It's almost kinder to leave her to the mercy of those who never bothered to try and save her.'

'She won't even have a chance,' Elpis whispered, her thoughts running away with her and slipping from her lips.

'No,' spat Gray, 'not that she deserves one. Bitch. Made my life hell one too many times and not worth it for only a half decent fuck. I was looking forward to slitting her throat myself, but there are more important matters at hand. What do you care anyway?'

'I...I don't...' muttered Elpis, putting the mask she was forced to wear back on – Snow's granddaughter, face of the new Panem...it was her idea of hell.

'Get Nooka,' Gray shouted, 'I need to make sure that he knows what is going on.' He turned to Elpis.

'You stay put,' he ordered, before leaving the room. Elpis had no such intention. With the sound of the bombs still ringing in her ears she opened the door, slipping almost silently into the corridor. She wasn't going to be the poster-girl for a regime which she despised, or live up to the reputation of her despicable grandfather. Not while she still had the choice.

Xxx

The Capitol was slowly coming into sight through the aircraft's window, the black smoke like taloned fingers reaching up into the sky.

'You know the route?' asked Gale. Haymitch nodded, unable to take his eyes off the burning ruins which had once been the birthplace of a new and free country. He was armed with only a simple shotgun and a basic uniform which would do little to protect him against attack, but it was all that he would need.

'Hopefully this will be over soon,' Gale continued. 'The heavy attack at dawn has caused their forces to scatter, and if we get to them before they can reform then we stand a good chance. If not...well I don't know, but at least we have our secret weapon.' Gale had spoken of this weapon very little. All they knew was that it was a contingency plan, something which they could use if they were backed into a corner. Haymitch didn't really care. He only had one thing on his mind.

Katniss clutched Peeta's hand in hers for a moment beneath the table where they both sat so that no-one else could see. He was the only one who knew how much she feared going back to war, and he was the only person who ever would. Her expression was flawless, betraying not a glimmer of her underlying fear, but holding Peeta's hand in her own kept her strong. It kept her going.

She had her sheath of arrows and bow ready on her back, and a suit made from thin material but one which was moderately resistant to both fire and bullets. Katniss' orders were to find a high spot and fire when she could, keeping moving and not letting the enemy see her. She was too much of a target to fight out in the open but she didn't mind; it was all she could do not to refuse to go in the first place.

Katniss looked at Haymitch. His eyes were almost as void of emotion as hers, but there was still something lying beneath the steely grey. He had suffered, he had fought, but he had no-one to hold his hand even if he wouldn't admit that he wanted someone. It was clear to her now that he didn't just want Effie to be safe, he needed her in order to feel safe himself. She was something that had been missing for his entire life, and just as he had realised what he could have she had been taken away.

Slipping her hand from Peeta's, Katniss walked over to Haymitch as they landed on the deserted streets of the West Capitol.

'You'll find her,' she whispered assuredly.

'I intend to,' he replied.

'Can I tell you something?'

Haymitch nodded.

'She's always liked you.' He snorted as if to laugh at her suggestion.

'I'm serious,' insisted Katniss, 'I could see it in her eyes every time she talked about you, even when she was telling you off. Even back then, when she worked for the Games and escorted us to the Capitol, she would always watch you when you weren't looking and blush if you held her gaze; little things, but important nonetheless.'

'Why are you telling me this?' he asked.

'Because you need to tell her the truth,' Katniss said as the doors began to open and the soldiers disembarked to the sound of burning buildings and gunshots. 'You need to tell her, in case you never get the chance to again, because I know that Effie has always loved you even if you couldn't see it.'

Without giving him the chance to reply, Katniss reached up and kissed his cheek before running from the open door with Peeta. Haymitch didn't know if it was true, or if it was too much to hope for. Did she love him? No, surely not. They had always done nothing but fight, arguing over every little thing; how could she have had any sort of feelings for him? He remembered what he had said to her, the night when he had come so close to hitting her...he owed her. He owed her everything. And that was all he thought about as he began to run.

He ran through broken streets, past houses where families had once lived without a worry and shops where they used to make their living; everything was little more than dust and rubble now. Haymitch could have worried about them, but he couldn't afford to care. He only had one thing on his mind, and he couldn't waste a second of the precious little time he had.

He would tell her. Even if she turned him away, he would have to. Haymitch would tell Effie how he couldn't live without her, how she made his heart ache with happiness. He would tell her how much he loved her.

Xxx

The world was a blur as Haymitch made his way through the back streets of the Capitol, dipping in and out of alleyways as he tried to avoid the worst of the fighting. He heard the sound of gunfire thick in the air as the bombs became quieter and the true battle began. Once or twice he came close, running past a Peacekeeper who grabbed at his gun a second too late; someone shot him in the back before Haymitch had even realised what was going on.

He was aware that time was running short. Haymitch had been searching for more than half an hour, and even when he quickened his pace his need for caution meant that he was wasting time. It seemed to take forever, but when he turned the final corner and saw the small grey building standing before him he didn't give it a second thought.

The two medics he had ordered to follow him had not yet arrived, but Haymitch could not bear to wait another second longer. Knowing that the building would not be heavily guarded, he took his gun in his hand and ran inside.

There was not a single guard to greet him as he opened the door. Not a soldier, not a Peacekeeper...no-one. Haymitch's heart was thumping in his chest, louder than the sound of shouts and gunfire; if there was nobody here, then had they taken Effie somewhere else? Even so, he had to check.

The offices to his left had only recently been vacated, Haymitch noticed, and the surveillance cameras were still running. He looked at them desperately, though none portrayed images of anything more than long corridors and thick steel doors. Aware of the time he was wasting, Haymitch thought quickly. If she was here, then they would have taken her as far down as the building allowed.

Haymitch quickly found the nearest staircase, a small spiral succession of steps which led to the deep unknown, and ran down two steps at a time. The place was eerily silent, as if inhabited only by the ghosts who had never been given the opportunity to leave, and as chilling as a graveyard at twilight. The concrete walls were damp with condensation, and the entire building smelt of mould and decay; it was the stuff of nightmares.

When he reached the very bottom, two or three floors below where he had entered, Haymitch was met by a very long corridor, which was claustrophobically small with only a few thick metal doors lining either side. To his left was the only office on that floor, one which belonged to Gray Freeman; the name alone made Haymitch's blood boil even in the icy chill.

The first two doors he came to were locked, bolted shut, and when he called out he received no reply. Haymitch saw a spatter of blood on the floor, fresh enough to glisten in the dim light of the flickering bulbs hanging overheard, and would not allow his mind to wonder if it was Effie's. The last door he came to was engraved, two letters carved into the metal by someone who had a lot of time to wait and do nothing. ET.

He knew it. He just knew. He could almost sense her presence, as though his heart knew she was there, and it pounded against his ribcage. Haymitch opened the door with ease, glad to find that it was unlocked, and was met with the stench of death. Blood covered the floor, dried and fresh alike, though it was too dark to see the true horrors which lay within that dreaded room.

'Effie,' he screamed, forcing his way through the smell and stumbling forwards, falling to his knees. He received no reply. He never would. The room was empty.

* * *

**Hope you liked the chapter and please leave a review!**

**Sneak peak: Haymitch and Effie reunite, but something goes very wrong. Nooka returns, and the Capitol is on the brink of falling.**

**Hope it was okay, took me a while to write...many times over! Thanks for all your support.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello again!**

**I am sooo sorry that this chapter has taken so long! Have had to rewrite it as it has been so hard to write plus have had a week of exams every day which have been stressful, so I apologise for the lateness of this but this is the longest, possibly most tragic chapter yet so I hope that makes up for it!**

**Also, I would so love to get to 100 reviews as I have never even come close before so I would really really appreciate it if you left a comment after you read this chapter! You are all so wonderful and amazing and have kept me writing when it would have been so much easier just to do work and give up.**

**This chapter starts a bit before the end of the last, so from Effie's angle of what happened and then goes on to the promised ending...with an obvious twist. Well, it is me!**

**So enjoy reading and please let me know what you think!**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

Effie finally allowed her heavy eyes to close as the building began to rock dangerously on its foundations. It felt like a while since she had been left alone to rot, though it could have been as little as a few minutes; her true concept of time had been lost a long time ago. She had heard them open the door, heard every word that they had spoken when they talked as if she wasn't there and she had pretended to be asleep when they had chained her up like a dog.

'What do we do about...that?'

'Boss said just to leave her here and go straight to the city centre; they're going to bomb the hell out of this place.'

'Do we lock her in?'

'Yeah, Gray was very specific. He said to make sure she's secure and go, shackle her to the wall and everything.'

One of them had moved towards her, taking her ankle roughly in his coarse hands. Effie screwed her eyes tightly shut, trying to stay completely still and not shudder as he touched her. She felt the cold metal against her skin, pressing tightly against her leg as whomever it was made sure that she wasn't going anywhere.

'She doesn't have a chance, does she?'

'Nope. This place will be nothing more than rubble and ash in half an hour or so. We better get out of here.'

'Shame really, she was quite a good little pet.'

They were laughing when they shut the door, sliding the key into the lock to close it one last time. They had sentenced her to death and they were laughing about it.

Every breath of air Effie took seemed to make her chest tighter, as if each one were bringing her closer to her inevitable end. She had just about accepted it now, lying there freezing in the dust and blood listening to her home being destroyed above her; she had accepted that she was going to die.

On some level it should have been a relief. The life she had been forced to lead for the past weeks, even the past two years, was not a true and happy life – it was a curse. Even before she had been caught by Gray that night in her apartment she had not really been living, not properly anyway. Every day was another struggle, a battle against the memories and the fear which had never left her; it wasn't a proper existence.

But for some reason, Effie couldn't find comfort in knowing that soon it would all be over. Being free from the pain, the fear, the shame...it should have been a blessing – but it wasn't. She knew that she would never be rid of the guilt, not even in death. And as petty as it sounded, as ironic and undeserving, she didn't want to die alone.

Her life had been little more than a string of tragedies and disappointments. She was a lonely woman drifting through the world pretending to be so many things that she was expected to be, all of which could not be further from the truth. Her parents were gone, her friend were fake, and the one decent thing that she had in her life had been nothing more than a lie. No-one had ever truly loved her, not since she was a little girl, and with Nooka's betrayal Effie realised that she had always been alone. And she would die, there and then, as she had lived her entire life; with no-one there to hold her hand.

Xxx

Elpis waited in the alleyway until she was sure that the last Peacekeeper had left the building. It had only taken her a few minutes to gather her belongings and slip out of the mansion; the soldiers were too preoccupied with other more important matters to notice her. Fortunately the building where Effie was kept was only a few streets away. The roads were becoming more dangerous by the second as the districts launched their counter attack, and in a few hours she was sure that everything around her would be little more crumbling buildings and broken bodies.

The front entrance to the compound was unlocked, as she had known that it would be, and the entire building was completely empty. As she had done a few days before, Elpis descended the cold dank staircase to the lower floors, stopping every now and then to listen just in case she had been followed.

Standing once again in the long darkened corridor, Elpis felt a shiver run down her spine. She hated the feel of this place, how it chilled her through to the bone to know that people had suffered and died here. Their ghosts would walk these halls forever, chained and still screaming for someone to help them though they would never get their wish.

But she didn't have time to think about such terrible things. Gray's office was the first door she came to, the distinct and revolting smell which followed him around still lingering in the air. Elpis searched the drawers, wading through old food wrappers and crumpled paper until she finally found a set of dirty silver keys. She knew that he wouldn't have been smart enough to take every set, and it had worked in her favour.

Opening the door to his cabinet, she found the other thing that she had been looking for. Elpis had never before held a gun in her hand, and it felt strangely cool beneath her fingers. She made sure that it was loaded before sliding it into the small bag which hung around her neck. It felt wrong to have such a dangerous weapon in her possession, as though she was as bad as those she was choosing to disobey, but she had no choice. She wasn't about to go out into a warzone with nothing to protect herself.

Elpis left the room, hearing her every movement echo down the long corridor. It felt wrong to come into such a place wearing Capitol clothes of ruffled lace and pure white ballet pumps, almost disrespectful to those who had lost everything; how was she any better than them? Why was she more deserving of safety and comfort?

The keys were trembling in her hands by the time she reached the door behind which she knew Effie was lying. Elpis had to hope that she was in no worse state than the last time she had seen her, but a twisting feeling in the pit of her stomach told her that it was unlikely.

The key twisted in the lock, clinking as the cogs moved to open the door, and after a matter of seconds it swung open. Effie was lying on the floor facing the away from her, her body stiff and unmoving and her ankle chained to the wall. The dress which had once shone a bright spring green was now dull and dirtied, little more than tattered shreds spattered with dried blood arranged across a skeletal frame.

For a moment, Elpis was paralysed. Whether in shock or fear, her limbs refused to respond and she was rooted to the spot. Her mind was a blur, thoughts running too fast through her head for her to process; her only thought was how was this allowed to happen? The sight before her eyes was almost too tragic to comprehend, the image of a woman who had once been known for her bright and bubbly demeanour lying broken and battered on the floor. It was terrible, truly horrific, but she had to bear it. If there was any chance of helping the fallen women before her, then Elpis would take it.

'Miss Trinket?' she half whispered, edging a little further into the room. She received no response. Delicately kneeling beside Effie, Elpis tried to see if she was breathing. Her chest didn't seem to be moved, her limbs stiff and cold, and blood rushed to her head making it feel as though it were spinning as she realised that it could already be too late.

'Effie?' she said a little louder, placing a hand gingerly on the woman's bony shoulder.

As soon as their skin made contact, Effie gasped into the waking world causing Elpis to jump back. She was hyperventilating, her body trying to supply oxygen which her screaming lungs so painfully craved. She had stopped breathing mere moments before Elpis had entered the room. A minute or so longer and she would have been dead.

'Effie...Effie it's okay,' whispered Elpis gently, 'I've come to get you out of here.'

Fumbling with the keys which had fallen to the floor, Elpis tried to unlock the shackle which clung so tightly to Effie's ankle. It took her a while, but she found the right one and managed to undo the chain with unsteady hands.

Effie turned a little to look at her, as though trying to work out if everything she was seeing was in fact real. Her eyes were wise with maturity considering the girl's young age, her expression so kind and innocent; no, it was too good to be true. Why would Snow's granddaughter come to help her? She didn't deserve it, she would never have asked for it; why would she come?

'I...I'm sorry,' Elpis said after a moment. 'When I came here last time I wanted to do something, to stop them or help you in some way, but they were watching me. I heard them say that they were going to leave you here, so I came back; sorry it took so long.'

Effie's eyes only searched for truth in hers. Her bluish lips spoke not a word, as they had not for some time, and she had to wonder if this was simply another betrayal, a cruel trick at her expense.

The silence between them was broken by a loud booming from above; the battle was coming towards them as it spread like a vicious virus across the Capitol.

'We have to get out of here,' muttered Elpis, 'we don't have much time. Can you stand?' Effie didn't reply, but accepted the arm Elpis offered her as she stood. With the young girl's help she dragged her aching body to her feet. She leaned heavily on her, with her arm clinging onto her shoulders and Elpis' arm around her impossibly thin waist, but she could just about keep herself upright.

She managed it slowly, a few steps at a time, though she could barely find the energy to keep standing. Elpis held her up, Effie's feeble weight almost nothing to bear, and she was patient and encouraging as they made their way stumbling out of the door and down the corridor.

They had almost made it halfway to the stairs when Effie's head began to pound, making her feel dizzy and nauseous. She tried to hide it, to carry on as if nothing was happening, but it was affecting her vision. A moment later Effie doubled over, a small cry escaping from her lips as her abdomen twisted furiously and she was enveloped by a burning pain. It seared through her veins, as though her blood was boiling, and the tightness in her chest caused her to choke. Before Elpis could catch her Effie fell to the floor, crashing down to her hands and knees coughing blood onto the cold stone slabs.

Elpis bent down, placing a hand comfortingly on Effie's back. She tried to remain calm, though inside she was terrified. Tears pooled in her eyes as she was forced to watch the suffering of a woman who didn't deserve it, reflected all too clearly in the ruby red spatters.

She couldn't ask her to stand and walk again, not so soon, and as Effie ceased coughing and fell silent Elpis told her to sit resting against the wall to recover. She didn't complain. Wiping the blood from her mouth with a shaking hand, Effie lay her head back on the wall and closed her eyes.

It was real. It had to be. This pain felt real, the metallic tang of her blood on her lips felt real, and the kind hand of Snow's granddaughter certainly felt as though it was real...so it had to be. She didn't have time to wonder about the girl's intentions. Effie had nothing to lose, nothing left which could hurt her anymore than _they_ already had, so why not believe that someone was there to help her? Questioning it only brought up things she was not quite ready to face, and they could lie dormant for a little while longer. She could pretend that they weren't there for now, and forget that they would come back to bite her in the end.

Elpis quickly wiped away the tears from her eyes as Effie rested for a moment. She knew that they didn't have time to wait here, but she also knew that Effie was in no state to be moved. Her pallor was as white as a sheet, as pasty as winter's snow, and even when sitting still her hands shook dangerously. Such a skeletal and fragile woman sat before her, and Elpis feared that if she pushed too hard then she would surely break.

It was only when she heard footsteps that she really began to panic. At first she thought that it was just noise from upstairs, from people fighting above them, but Elpis heard the echoes of someone almost running down the stairway only a few metres before them and her heart went cold. She stood, noticing Effie's eyes blink open as she heard someone coming, and grabbed her bag with her right hand ready to pull the gun out if she needed to.

She didn't. The person who turned the corner to face them was the last person she had expected to see – Flora.

Xxx

'Elpis?' Flora asked in a hushed tone, walking quickly towards her, 'what are you doing here?' She saw Effie and her lips pursed, the colour fading from her face.

'I know it's dangerous,' she argued, 'but I wasn't going to leave her here.'

'Do they know you're gone?' Flora whispered.

'No,' Elpis answered, 'and they won't; not for a while anyway, not with everything going on. What are you doing down here?'

'I came to get Gray's spare keys,' she explained. 'I'm supposed to head to the mansion, to work on the outfits for you and Nooka for the victory speech.'

'Victory? They haven't even won yet!'

'I know,' Flora agreed, 'but you know how they are.' Flora's eyes were dark. She had known Elpis since she was a little girl. When her mother and father were sent to prison for their involvement in the war, she looked after Elpis who was quickly moved to the Wastelands compound. They had similar ideas about what was going on, but were both in too difficult of a position to do anything about it; both trapped by those who were supposed to be protecting them.

'Why?' Flora asked simply.

'They said that they were going to leave her here to rot,' Elpis explained, her voice cracking a little as she tried to hold it together. 'I wasn't going to let that happen.'

'If they catch you, they'll kill you,' Flora said bluntly, 'no matter who you are. You're important, but it won't stop them. Effie's...a matter of principle for them. She betrayed them and she was made to pay the price. Don't risk everything you have for this.'

'I couldn't stay there, listening to them talk about how they were going to murder people and destroy the districts; I couldn't take it anymore. I don't want to be part of this, and if I can get out then I will. If I can help Effie in doing so it is no more of a risk; they'll kill me anyway,' Elpis replied reasonably. She didn't seem scared by the prospect of her own death. She was strong. She knew how to control her emotions, even if she was terrified.

'I...I can't help you,' whispered Flora, lowering her head as though in shame. Even now, knowing that she was going back to them, her eyes were fearful.

'I'm not asking you to,' Elpis said wisely. 'All you have to do is forget that you saw us, that's all. They won't ask, they don't even know that I am gone, so you just have to carry on as normal.'

'I don't know,' breathed Flora, knowing how much was at stake if she kept her mouth shut. She looked behind her, as though checking for someone who wasn't there, and turned back.

'Fine,' she whispered, 'I never saw you.'

Elpis gave her the keys which she had stored in her purse and Flora began to walk away.

'Oh,' she added, turning on her heel for a moment, 'there's an apartment across the street, two storeys next to the bakers; it's empty, has been for days. Not ideal for a long stay, but should give you some time. They won't expect anyone to be in there, this area has been evacuated.' She didn't say another word, and Elpis didn't even have time to thank her before she had disappeared. She couldn't blame her for being scared. It took more courage than most had to agree to keep silent; many others would have told the soldiers straight away in fear of their own lives. When this was all over, she would be rewarded for being on the right side.

Turning back to Effie, Elpis breathed deeply.

'She won't say anything,' she assured her, 'I know she won't, but we have to get out of here before it's too late, so I'm afraid I need you to try and stand up again. Is that okay?'

Effie held out her arm, gripping the wall with her other hand, and Elpis helped her to stand. It took time, but they made it to the stairs and began the long walk to an uncertain freedom.

Xxx

The Capitol was raging by the time Effie and Elpis reached the top of the stairs. The smoke from the fires was reaching into the air and the sound of people shouting and open firing was very close, only a few streets away.

Effie was walking a little more steadily now, though without Elpis' arm she was not sure whether she could remain standing. Her breathing was shallow and rasping, but at least she was breathing. Her mind was a sea of confusion. The feel of fresh, clean air filled her lungs which ached with thanks. The sun, something she had not seen in far too long, felt warm against her freezing skin even if it hurt her eyes. It was beautiful, the world she had been cut off from, but it was being destroyed around her.

Elpis saw the place that Flora had referred to, an apartment building of bright neon blue which stood between an abandoned bakery and a boutique with shattered windows. They walked quickly, even given Effie's reluctance; the sound of the fighting was enough to keep them going until they had crossed the street and opened the unlocked door of the apartment.

The first floor was a living and kitchen area, with the bedrooms on the upper floor atop a winding spiral staircase.

Elpis took Effie to the sofa and sat her down where she could rest, seeing the fatigue in her eyes.

'Th-thank you,' Effie whispered, her voice barely audible and hoarse to the point where she hardly recognised it as her own. They were the first words she had spoken since Flora had dressed her for the group of men who used her as a reward for a hard week's work.

'No,' Elpis said gently, 'you don't need to thank me.' She sat across from Effie, collapsing into an armchair. 'I should have done something days ago, but I didn't want to disobey them. I never really had a choice, being born into such a high ranking Capitol family, but I know what's right and wrong and no-one should have been treated the way they treated you.'

Effie wanted to say that she knew how it felt to be born into a world where you didn't belong – it was the story of her life – but she couldn't find the words. It was a story too long and arduous to be told in such circumstances.

'The only question is,' Elpis added, 'where do we go now?' It was somewhat of a conundrum. The soldiers were mere metres away from where they hid, and even if they went undiscovered the risk of the building being attacked were too great.

As Elpis tried to think, something caught her eye. Effie's eyes were closed, her elbow resting on the arm of the sofa and her head resting on her hand; but it wasn't that which she noticed as unusual. The scratches on her arms were deep, only just beginning to heal and a red raw in colour. It didn't take a genius to see that they were self inflicted.

She could see part of the other arm, where there were more of them, and Elpis realised that she could never understand what this woman had gone through. She could ask, of course, but she would never be able to see the full truth even if Effie decided to tell her, and why should she? No, she wouldn't mention it. It would only bring up things that neither of them wanted to discuss.

Elpis rose from the armchair and walked into the kitchen, finding a little food and a water dispenser. She poured Effie a glass and walked back into the living room.

'Here,' she said, handing it to Effie when she opened her eyes, 'you need to drink something. Do you want something to eat?'

Effie shook her head.

'When was the last time you ate?' Elpis asked with concern in her tone.

'I'm f-fine,' lied Effie unconvincingly. She sipped her water in way of compensation, and Elpis was not about to force her to do anything. She had her reasons, and they would be respected.

Xxx

Haymitch stared at the empty room, unable to move. He saw the empty shackle hanging from the wall, the dried blood on the floor and shreds of green material, but wasn't sure what to make of them. She was gone. He was too late.

Walking back into the corridor, he saw the spatters of fresh blood that he had noticed when he walked in. He feared that it was too much to hope that it was blood shed whilst escaping, but he refused to believe that she was dead. In his heart he just knew it; Effie was still alive. The only question was where.

Haymitch knew that there were three possibilities. He considered each as he walked back down the corridors and up the stairs. The first he refused to accept, so dismissed immediately. The second was that they had taken her somewhere else. Somehow it didn't seem likely, moving one prisoner in the midst of civil war. What purpose did it have? It surely wasn't the most important thing on the agenda at a time like this, trying to take control of the Capitol and destroy the districts. Which let the third possibility – that she had escaped.

It was possible. Someone could have helped her, as Haymitch knew that she could not have managed it on her own though he did not like to think why. But even if she had escaped, then she was out there in the middle of a city on the brink of collapse with soldiers everywhere who wouldn't think before they shot.

He had to find her. Walking back though the streets, past the shattered windows of a boutique store and into the surrounding alleyways, Haymitch knew that he had to. She was there somewhere, he just knew it, and he would find her if it took everything that he had. He would make sure that she was safe and tell her what she needed to know, what he had always known himself but never accepted; otherwise Haymitch was certain that she wouldn't stand a chance. If he couldn't protect her, then she was going to die.

Xxx

Katniss strung a flaming arrow in her bow and aimed it at a group of soldiers heading towards the West District Base. It hit the pavement at their feet, causing an explosion which knocked them all back and neutralised the danger. Katniss moved away from the edge of the roof where she was stationed so that no-one could see where the arrow had originated from, dragging Peeta with her until they were in the middle.

The West District Base was where Gale had hastily organised the soldiers and where the offensive commanders, technologists and strategists were based. It was well defended and had quickly become the centre of command, the point of contact for all of the other groups of soldiers scattered around the Capitol. It was also where the main hospital was set up for soldiers wounded in battle, and a landing site for aircraft bringing in supplies or taking away the dead or critically ill.

Katniss had been moving from roof to roof with Peeta who guarded her, making sure that they were not followed and shooting anyone who tried to fire back at them if they were seen. They had stayed close to the base, reporting back to Gale who was co-ordinating all of the various sub-units with General Atkins. They were doing well, better than anticipated, but it wasn't going to be enough. Katniss knew what their contingency plans were, all too well in fact, so she hoped that they could win this fight without resorting to them. Too much was at stake.

'Where to next?' asked Peeta.

'Keep moving west down this road,' Katniss replied, 'for a few buildings at least then we'll have to move streets.' Peeta nodded in agreement and they moved slowly towards the edge of the building, keeping low. There was a fire escape which led them down to the ground, but before Katniss began her descent she noticed something.

'Is that Haymitch?'

Peeta looked to where Katniss was pointing and saw a tall man with blonde hair weaving through the back streets trying to avoid the many groups of soldiers which surrounded him; he was only a few streets away.

Peeta and Katniss reached the ground in a matter of minutes, and headed off on foot going behind the buildings where they had seen Haymitch. It wasn't long before they found him.

'Haymitch?' Katniss shouted when he was just a few metres away, loud enough for him to hear but not so loud that they could be overhead. He looked around and ran over to where Katniss and Peeta were standing.

'Shouldn't you be on a roof or something?'

'We were until we saw you,' Katniss explained. She couldn't help but notice that Effie wasn't with him, and he looked almost frantically desperate. Two hours had now passed since the first air strike had ended, and it was getting on to midday; he had been told that he had little more than an hour.

'Effie?' Peeta asked gently, trying to be as cautious as he could.

'When I got there, she was gone,' breathed Haymitch.

'What?'

'I found her cell, but she wasn't there.'

'Do you think...' started Katniss, but Haymitch cut her off.

'No, she can't be,' he said quickly. 'She had been there recently, there was...look, I just know, okay? Trust me on this. She's out here somewhere and I have to find her.'

'You'll need to do it fast,' whispered Katniss.

'What do you mean?' asked Haymitch.

'We have them pretty much at stalemate, but if they pull out any nuclear weapons then we're done for. We have district 3 working on it, though it may not be enough. People are dying, innocent people; they're killing the Capitol residents let alone our armies. This needs to be over quickly, by which I mean today, and if we can't make enough headway then there are...contingency plans,' she explained.

'What sort of plans,' Haymitch snapped, 'why wasn't I told?'

'I had to force it out of Gale after the explosions in the East nearly killed half of our own men,' she told him, 'but if we can't take the Capitol soon, then the order is for everyone to return to base and retreat-'

'Not much of a fight,' muttered Haymitch.

'-and destroy the Capitol.'

Haymitch was silent.

'Destroy...they're going to destroy the Capitol?'

Katniss nodded.

'What about all of the residents?'

'They'll evacuate as many as possible but the chances are not many will be able to get out,' Peeta added. Haymitch didn't know what to say. It seemed barbaric, even for war, and against everything they had worked for. But Katniss was also saying to him that if he needed to find Effie, he needed to do it before any of these plans came into fruition, otherwise she would be left for dead.

'What happened to the medics that were with you?' asked Peeta.

'Sent them back to base,' growled Haymitch, 'they were slowing me down. I've scoped half of the area already, but she could be trying to hide.'

'We'll keep an eye out,' Katniss assured him, 'don't worry, we'll take the rooftops and help you as much as we can.'

'Thank you,' Haymitch said gratefully, with more genuine feeling than he had shown in a long time. He turned, running with a more determined pace now that he knew what was at stake.

'Good luck,' Katniss called back to him as he disappeared around a corner.

She felt sorry for him, and wasn't ashamed to admit it. The world was crumbling around them and he was left desperately searching for the woman he loved. She felt guilty for not helping him more, for not admitting that she had known about Gale and the others finding out where Effie was and hiding it from him. At least she could try and help him now, though she had the terrible feeling that it could be too late.

Xxx

Effie clung to the arm of the chair for support as she stood up, trying to steady herself. Elpis was finishing off a piece of bread, still sitting in the armchair and watching from across the room.

'You should probably give yourself a little more time,' she suggested gently. Effie sighed.

'I can hardly sit here all day doing nothing,' she reminded her.

'True,' Elpis agreed, wiping crumbs from her lap, 'but that doesn't mean that you should hurt yourself trying.'

'I'm fine,' Effie assured her, though it couldn't be further from the truth. She wasn't fine. She hadn't been for a very long time, and probably never would be again.

Letting go of the chair Effie paced the room a little, slowly at first but quickly gaining confidence. Her leg muscles ached where she hadn't had cause to use them but she was used to ignoring the pain her body suffered, so it did not bother her. Elpis was amazed that she could do anything at all. The state that she had been in when she had found Effie was so terrible that she had seemed beyond hope, yet now she was walking and talking as if nothing had happened to her.

But Effie still had a mask to hide the truth. She had worn it throughout her life; when she was forced to be bright and happy when she picked the names of children at the Reaping or when she talked about the latest fashions with her so called friends. It wasn't true happiness, it was just the front she put on so that they would think her normal, or what they perceived normal to be.

Even when the world was supposed to be free from oppression she still had to pretend as though everything was all right, waiting until she was alone in her apartment to let the tears fall. She hadn't allowed her true self to surface since...she couldn't even think when. The only time Effie could honestly say that she had spoken her mind was when she had talked to Haymitch, telling him about her baby and asking him to let her go. She wished now more than ever that he had agreed to it, though she understood why he hadn't; he was too kind.

When her head began to feel heavy, Effie put a hand on the wall and stopped pacing. Elpis noticed and opened her mouth to ask, but Effie muttered something almost inaudible and walked away to the bathroom to avoid having to lie.

After she had closed the door, she stumbled towards the sink which she gripped desperately to stop herself from falling. Breathing deeply, Effie forced herself to look up at her reflection in the mirror; tears stung her eyes as she saw herself for the first time in a very long while. It wasn't her. It couldn't be. She wasn't that weak, that pathetic and disgusting...she couldn't bear to think that was who she had become.

Her trembling fingers traced the line on her neck where the words had once been scratched into her skin, deep into her flesh – whore. They were gone now, but those words had run deeper simply than flesh. They had been written across her heart, across her soul, until she believed them herself. Effie was acting. She was good at it, even if she was weak.

Elpis had saved her, and of course she was going to be grateful even if inside she was screaming. Effie would never risk the girl's safety for her own selfish reasons, so she accepted her help and decided to pretend that nothing was wrong beyond her body's physical limitations. She would talk, she would thank, and she would go with her until they were safe. Then she would crumble.

The true reality of her situation was blockaded behind a wall. All of her true feelings and emotions, all of her darkest demons and raging anger, were kept behind that wall while she had to be strong for Elpis' sake. When it broke, which would be only a matter of time, then she would remember all of the things she forced herself to forget and she would break. For now she would pretend, but it was only a temporary solution.

Splashing water on her face, Effie tried to calm her frantic heart. It seemed to be beating far too fast, too vigorously, but perhaps it was to be expected; she had been through hell. There was a feeble knock at the door before it opened slowly, Elpis' head peering around the edge.

'Are you okay?'

'Fine,' Effie replied, 'I'll be fine.' Elpis shook her head, opening the door wider and walking in.

'Do you think that I believe you when you say that?'

'Why shouldn't you?'

'I've lived my entire life surrounded by liars,' she said sombrely, 'I can tell.'

Effie turned to look at her, keeping one hand on the sink for support.

'How old are you?'

'Twelve,' Elpis answered, almost self conscious at admitting her vulnerability.

'Well,' Effie remarked gently, 'you are very mature for your age. I have never met someone as young as you are who knows the world so well; better than most adults.'

'Thank you, but I suppose it is because I had to grow up rather quickly. My grandfather taught me how I was supposed to be, and I understood everything that they were doing; fortunately I had the sense to realise how wrong it all was. When my parents were taken away after the war...well I needed to take care of myself.'

'You lost your parents?' Effie asked, feeling a lump rise in her throat. Elpis nodded.

'I'm sorry,' she added. 'I...I know what it's like, and no-one deserves to go through that.'

Effie avoided meeting Elpis' gaze as she began to regret what she had just said. Twelve years old and already braver than she was...this girl really was something.

The silence was broken by an earth-shattering sound, so close and powerful that the entire building shook and Effie was thrown hard against the wall. Elpis stumbled from the bathroom to the nearest window, looking to see what had caused the sound but Effie already knew. A building close by had been hit, no more than ten metres or so away from the front door of the apartment. It was a lucky escape, but they couldn't afford to stay there any longer.

When the world stopped spinning, Effie picked herself up from where she had fallen and made her way out of the bathroom.

'Two doors down,' Elpis said as she came up to her, the small bag she had brought with her already slung around her neck, 'nothing more than dust now. We have to go.'

'Where?' asked Effie.

'I...I don't know,' answered Elpis honestly, faltering. 'Everywhere I would think to go would be more dangerous than here. Is there anyone you know, anyone you trust who could help us?' Only one name came to mind.

'Haymitch,' Effie muttered quietly.

'Abernathy?'

Effie nodded. 'He will be here, I'm sure of it. I told them to make sure they went to District 2, and they would have organised the counter rebellion; he probably came when they did.'

'Do you trust him?'

'With my life,' Effie said certainly.

'Then we'll try and find him.'

'But we don't know where he is,' Effie pointed out.

'No,' Elpis agreed, 'but we can't stay here, and we might as well look.' She noticed how Effie was shaking, her teeth almost chattering with cold.

Elpis moved silently into another room and came out with a long white coat, handing it to Effie who took it appreciatively.

'It's not much,' she admitted sheepishly.

'Thank you,' Effie said gratefully, offering a small smile. As cold as she was, more than anything she wanted to cover the horrific dirty green dress that had been styled for her; it reminded her too much of things she could not afford to remember.

When she had shakily buttoned it, they walked to the door and stepped out into a very dangerous world.

Xxx

Knowing her way around a little better than Effie, Elpis pulled her into the nearest back street between the boutique and the apartment away from the main roads where the gunfire ripped through the air. She was scared, but powered by the adrenalin pumping through her veins.

'If we head this way, through the back streets, we should be able to avoid most of them,' whispered Elpis. Effie nodded and followed her, moving as silently as she could and keeping her mind wary and alert.

They had made it half a mile or so without seeing another soul, when two Peacekeepers dressed all in white emerged in front of them. They seemed to be caught off guard at first, but when they saw Effie and Elpis they reached for their guns.

Elpis pulled the gun from her bag and ran as fast as she could away from the Peacekeepers, turning abruptly left and right to try and lose them, but she found herself on the main road – the most dangerous place to be. There was a large group of soldiers in hand to hand combat a few hundred metres to her left and they were heading her way. She turned to Effie to tell her to turn back, but Effie was gone. That was the last time they would see each other.

Xxx

Effie had lost control of everything when the Peacekeepers had run after her. Elpis was much faster and armed, able to weave between streets in a matter of seconds; but Effie was too slow. One of them caught up with her, grabbing her arm and pulling her back; she reacted instinctively.

Effie's hand curled into a fist and with every ounce of energy she had, she turned to punch the middle aged, balding man in the face. He was caught off guard, not expecting a fight from a small weak looking woman, and stumbled back releasing her from his grip and clutching his bleeding nose. The other Peacekeeper had taken a different route, so Effie took the opportunity and ran until she reached an empty road only a few streets away from the city circle.

The government building glinted gold in the mid afternoon sun, but when it was hit it gave off a light so blinding that Effie had to close her eyes against its brightness. She staggered back until she was pressed against the wall, blinking furiously to regain her vision; that was when she heard the screaming.

The once tall and majestic building was crumbling before her eyes, fire raging at its base and glass from the broken windows falling like raindrops to the ground. Hundreds of people were running towards her, desperate to get away from the fire, screaming in fear as they went.

Effie didn't have time to move before she was caught up in a sea of people, being crushed between them and forced to go wherever it was they were taking her. They didn't disperse until they were back on the main residential road connecting the East and West of the Capitol. They ran to their homes, or wherever they thought was safe, leaving Effie confused and alone trying to catch her breath.

The streets were eerily empty, as though this area was forbidden, except for one man who ran out onto the road with a gun hanging loosely from his hand. It was the only man Effie would have ever wanted to see. Haymitch.

Xxx

Haymitch heard the screaming shortly after the government building was attacked, running out from where he had been skulking just as a mass of people ran into the road and went every which way they could. He couldn't blame them for being scared. It wasn't their fault, they hadn't asked for this or condoned it; they were just more innocent people caught up in terrible circumstances.

One small woman in a long white coat seemed to stay, left behind by the crowds and stumbling as though unsteady on her feet. Her scarlet hair spilled down her back, and Haymitch dared to realise who it was. Effie had escaped. She was there, barely a hundred metres away from him, and she was okay. It was almost too good to be true. Well...it was.

'Effie!' he shouted, not caring who heard. He began to jog towards her, a genuine smile spreading across his face for this first time in weeks. He still couldn't quite believe that she was alive.

Effie looked up with tears in her eyes as Haymitch started coming towards her. It was all that she could ever have wanted, a shred of happiness in this godforsaken world caused just by the sight of his face, and even after everything that had happened she just wanted him to hold her again. She wanted him to tell him that it was all going to be all right.

But she heard another voice behind her.

'Effie,' Nooka said teasingly, 'did you think that you were going to get away that easily?'

She turned around to see him standing behind her, blood trickling down the side of his face and his suit tattered and dirty.

The only thing that she could think to do was run.

Haymitch saw Effie look behind her, and wondered what she was staring at. He stopped as she started to run towards him, the smile fading from his face as he saw the fear in her eyes. She was terrified.

It all happened impossibly quickly. She was so close, metres away from Haymitch, when she felt a sharp pain in her shoulder. Effie literally fell forward into Haymitch's arms, causing him to stumble back a few steps. He held her tightly against him, her skeletal body freezing against his own warmth, and looked at what she had been running from.

A man in a suit was holding a gun, laughing with a sickening insanity as he fired into the air. It was just as he began to feel her blood soak his clothes when Haymitch realised what had happened.

He looked down to see Effie, her face drained of all colour, with her white jacket slowly staining the same scarlet red as her hair. She went limp in his arms as she lost the battle with the darkness surrounding her, barely able to even make out Haymitch's face amongst the haze.

Dropping to his knees with Effie still in his arms, Haymitch held her tightly. He couldn't stop tears from rolling down his cheeks as he brushed her deep red locks from her face; he could see that she was fading.

'H-Hay...Haym...' she tried, but she was too weak to form the words. She broke. Her breathing began to slow, her eyes fluttering closed, and she hated that she couldn't say what she so wanted to.

'No, Effie, no' Haymitch begged, trying to stem the bleeding in her shoulder with his hand. There seemed to be too much blood, far too much, and she didn't have much time.

'Effie don't you dare,' Haymitch said seriously, his tears splashing on the cold ground, 'don't you dare leave me. I never got the chance to tell you, something I should have said a long time ago. I care, Effie, I always have. But more than that...Effie, I love you.'

But she couldn't reply. Her eyes were closed.

* * *

**So...was it okay? Sorry for the ending, bit cruel but necessary! More soon, though 1 more week of exams :S When they are over though it is 2 weeks of party time and doing nothing!**

**Thanks for reading, would really appreciate a review they mean so much, hope you enjoyed it and sorry for the wait! **


	16. Chapter 16

**Hellooo again everybody!**

**I just want to say such a big thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, it really meant a lot to me given how hard that chapter was to write and the stress of exams and everything! Only three to go now, then by Friday it will all be over whoop!**

**And I am also sorry for any mistakes which crop up, as I haven't had time to go back and check everything so please forgive a few things ;)**

**This chapter has been equally hard to write, as I didn't want to make it too boring or too medical (not quite a doctor yet, so don't expect much lol) or too depressing...though that isn't saying much given my history in this story! Anyway I hope that it is okay. The response to the last chapter was so good and I am so pleased that people are reading this story and liking it!**

**Okay so, chapter 16 with hopefully more to come soon. I pretty much know where every chapter is going now though the ending will be hard to write so updates shouldn't be too few and far between! Thank you all so much again and please continue to review; it actually made my day. And over 100 reviews! So happy!**

**Happy reading :)**

* * *

**Chapter 16**

'You have no idea how long I have wanted to do that.'

Haymitch looked up, his eyes burning with rage, to see the man who had just shot Effie swaggering towards him looking sickeningly pleased with himself.

'What?' spat Haymitch, knowing that he was at a disadvantage to the man holding the gun whilst he cradled Effie in his arms.

'Sorry, how rude of me,' he continued, 'Nooka Pleiades, pleased to make your acquaintance. I suppose you should be thanking me.'

'Why in hell would I thank you?' Haymitch growled though gritted teeth, shifting one of his hands subtly to find his gun loosely holstered in his belt.

'I did you a favour,' Nooka explained, 'getting rid of that bitch. Trust me, you don't want to be stuck with her; I should know. She drove me insane for years before I was finally rid of her, and whatever bastard child she was going to produce.'

'Wait, were you-'

'I was her fiancé,' Nooka confirmed with a dark smile. 'Well, she thought I was. More of a business arrangement with the men in power, but it's what she called it anyway. I was just there to keep tabs on her before it got too...messy.'

'How could you do that to her?'

'Oh, very easily indeed. She was so lonely, so naive, that it didn't take her long to fall in love; pathetic really. I was glad when they finally took her in for what they called _questioning_. I was getting rather tired of pretending to care about her.'

Haymitch's blood boiled. How could anyone be so heartless? They had made Effie think that she had someone to love her, to protect her, to be happy with, and then they had taken it all away as if it hadn't meant a thing. He had to wonder if she knew.

'Did she ever find out?' asked Haymitch, unbuckling the strap to his gun with gentle fingers and biding his time. Whoever Nooka really was, he loved talking and seemed to be so full of himself that he was sure that he would react in time to prevent anyone from harming him. Haymitch planned to prove him wrong.

'Oh yes, I made sure of it,' Nooka laughed, 'right after she killed Paylor. Oh it was so much fun! See, she thought that I was in danger because I had been captured by the Capitol; she would have done anything we asked her to. But afterwards it was more enjoyable to simply watch her world fall apart as she realised that she had done it all for nothing.'

The gun was in his hand, but just as he moved to draw it Nooka put the barrel of his own to Haymitch's forehead.

'I don't think so,' he said, his grim expression dark and dangerous. 'I do love a monologue, but I'm not blind Haymitch. I am hardly going to leave a job half finished.'

'You are the world's most unimaginable bastard, you know that?' Nooka laughed.

'Probably,' he grinned, 'but I take that to be a commendation of my character. She cried for you, you know, when she was asleep...or sometimes if she was awake. Kept dreaming you were coming for her, or judging her for what she did. Quite sad really.'

'Just get on with it,' Haymitch muttered. He wasn't scared. He never had been scared of death, and if Effie was going to die then there wasn't much left for him on this Earth anyway.

'I hope that you two are happy together,' Nooka whispered, placing his finger on the trigger. But he never fired the shot. Hearing a soft thud he looked down to see an arrow embedded in his chest – right through the heart. He only had time to smile before blood pooled in his chest and he fell back, dropping his gun; he was dead before he hit the ground.

Katniss ran over with Peeta close behind, dropping to her knees beside Haymitch.

'Oh God,' she whispered, seeing the bright red of Effie's blood glinting in the sunlight, 'Haymitch, what happened?'

'I'd just found her alone in the street, but before I could get to her she...she was shot,' he explained, trying to hide the catch in his voice that betrayed how much he really did care.

Effie was still breathing. As he watched her for a moment, Haymitch felt relief flood his body as he saw the slow rise and fall of her chest; it was weak, but far better than the alternative. Knowing that as she was bleeding her time was running out, Haymitch removed her jacket and ripped the sleeve to form a bandage. He wrapped it tightly but carefully across the deep red wound with enough pressure to slow the flow of blood, noticing how his own hands were shaking as he did so. In a swift movement, he brushed the side of her face just to let her know that he was still there, still protecting her, and that he would not let her die. He couldn't even bear the thought of letting her go.

Peeta took Effie's limp arm, pressing two fingers to her wrist.

'It's a little slow, though her pulse isn't too weak,' he told them. 'But God Haymitch, she's freezing cold.' Her pale skin was icy to the touch, even in the relative warmth of the afternoon.

Katniss couldn't quite take it all in. Seeing Effie so broken, her limbs barely sticks all mottled with bruises and the clothes she wore covered in blood, made her feel guilty for everything that she had said about her, everything that she had thought. There were times when Katniss had wondered whether it was worth going to save her; after all, she had worked with the enemy soldiers and taken a life to further their cause. But now, seeing what they had done to her, Katniss regretted ever thinking ill of Effie. This was a victim, not an enemy.

'Who is he?' she asked, her voice shaking. 'Who was that man?'

'Nooka,' Haymitch grumbled, getting carefully to his feet and lifting Effie into his arms. 'Bastard.'

'Who-'

'Haven't got time,' Haymitch said, cutting Katniss off, 'it's a long story. We need to get her to the medics.'

'The field hospital is at the West District Base,' Peeta said, 'if we keep on down this road it shouldn't take long.'

Haymitch didn't need telling twice. He made sure that Effie was nestled close to his chest, her weight impossibly light in his arms, and started off with such determination that Katniss and Peeta had to jog to keep up with him. They drew their weapons, ready to attack anyone who got in their way, but this road was quiet. Katniss knew that the district soldiers would be retreating back to base leaving the rest of the enemy forces to regroup at their own strongholds, but she wasn't taking any chances.

Xxx

Gale was near the mouth of the tent which was designated to him and the other commanders, though only he and General Atkins remained, looking over the names of evacuated citizens when he saw them coming. The piece of paper in his hands meant so much to so many, yet to him it was just one more piece of a great puzzle.

Although the decision that he would have to make was on behalf of the millions across Panem who would otherwise suffer, it still weighed heavily on his shoulders. Thousands would die, some of them innocent people who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and he would have to live with that. They had all judged Effie's actions when they saw what she had done on the screen, but what Gale would inevitably do was so much worse than taking a life though fear. He could tell himself that it was what happened in wars, that it would ensure their victory and the safety of everyone, but it wouldn't make a difference. He was always going to hate himself for it.

Most of the soldiers had been taken by aircraft back to District 2, and they were just waiting for Haymitch, Katniss and Peeta to allow the final ship to leave the Capitol; but there wasn't time to wait for stragglers.

'We can't wait much longer,' Atkins reminded him.

'I know,' Gale replied, sighing, 'but give them time. They will be here, I am sure of it.'

'If they aren't here in a few minutes then we have no choice but-'

'I am waiting here until they come back,' he cut her off. 'These aren't just some other soldiers, Clara, these are my friends, people I've known since I was little, and decent human beings; so we will wait until they get here.'

She wasn't pleased, muttering as she turned away from him to gather what few things they had left in the tent.

'There, see?' said Gale as he saw Katniss appear around the corner a few metres away. Haymitch and Peeta were with her, but Haymitch was carrying someone in his arms. Gale couldn't believe it. Katniss had told him that Haymitch hadn't been able to find her, that she'd probably been killed or taken somewhere else, yet there she was lying in his arms – Effie. Gale allowed a small smile to flicker across his face. He couldn't deny that he had wanted him to find her, more than he had let on, though his smile faltered when they came up to him and he saw the glistening red.

'Doctor,' panted Haymitch, his eyes begging Gale to help him.

'Of course; this way.'

He led them out of the command tent and across to another hastily erected canvas filled with empty beds. There were only two people left from the original medical team, one doctor and a nurse, who had been packing away supplies when the new casualty came in.

'What happened?' the doctor asked, finding some gloves and putting them over his hands.

'Sh-she was shot,' said Haymitch, lying her down gently on the nearest bed, 'in the shoulder at quite close range, only a few metres or so.'

'I'm sorry sir, you're going to have to move away,' the nurse told him gently, though he barely moved a few inches back; he couldn't bear to leave her.

'Is this Effie?'

Haymitch nodded.

The doctor, whose name was given simply as Charles by the nurse, had seen people in this sort of way before, though if he was being honest they were usually gone by the time they were at this stage. He had been a medic in the war, taking the patients who were freed from captivity and trying to put them back together again. Even after a mere few weeks she was worse than many he had seen come out of the dungeons alive.

As he took the bandage off, Charles tried to keep his expression neutral; he was trying to hide what he was really thinking. _Oh God, she's not going to make it_, he thought. She was too thin, too weak to withstand any rigorous treatment and the bullet had not only hit her back but had travelled right through her body giving an exit wound dangerously close to the top of her lung.

'There's not much I can do here,' he explained quickly as he re-bandaged the wound with surgical dressing 'she needs surgery, scans, tests we don't have. I can try and keep her stable enough to get to the nearest hospital in District 2.'

'Thank you,' croaked Haymitch, not taking his eyes away from Effie as the nurse inserted a cannula into the back of her hand to administer intravenous blood and fluids. She looked too close to the edge for his liking, as if at any moment she could leave him and he wasn't ready for it.

'It'll be okay,' Gale whispered to Katniss, noticing the terror in her eyes which she was so poorly attempting to mask.

'Will it?'

'Yes,' he assured her. 'District 2 built a hospital during the war to deal with casualties, and it's been stocking up ever since we suspected that something might happen so it's the best place for her. I'll make sure she gets there.'

'Oh, I don't think so.'

Gale turned around to see General Atkins at the mouth of the tent shaking her head.

'She's not coming with us.'

'What do you mean?' asked Gale.

'Effie Trinket is a wanted woman,' she explained. 'She killed President Paylor, in case you had so conveniently forgotten, pretty much starting this entire war; I am not having her come with us.'

'We...we can't just leave her here,' Katniss said, astounded by the prospect of leaving her knowingly to die.

'It's against protocol,' Atkins argued. 'We can't protect someone who has committed a crime as serious as she has in favour of others. There are good, innocent people still out there that we cannot save and who are going to die; why does she deserve to live?'

Haymitch turned in an instant, grabbing General Atkins by the throat and catching her off guard. He was harsh enough to make his point though his grip was not enough to cause her pain.

'Who says you get to play God?' he spat.

'I...'

'No,' Haymitch said, cutting her off, 'you don't understand, none of us will, but this woman has been to hell and back. She didn't have a choice, no matter what you think happened, and if you even think about suggesting I leave her here to die then so help me you won't live to see this war end.' He released her, walking away in disgust without another word; she didn't argue.

'I'm sorry Clara,' Gale said quietly, 'but he's right. This isn't black and white, and you know as well as I do that leaving someone to die who we have the ability to help is wrong. Innocent people will get killed, yes, it's a tragedy, but we can't help them – we can help her. I strongly suggest that you stand down.'

'For now,' she answered reluctantly. 'She can go, but you know as we all do that she will be put on trial the moment she opens her eyes...if she opens them at all.' Atkins walked away, one hand gingerly checking her neck as she did so. Not another word was said between them. They heard the aircraft outside, coming in to land by the base, and they tried not to think about what they were leaving behind.

Xxx

Haymitch sat beside Effie, whose face was covered by an oxygen mask, holding her hand in his own and stroking it gently with his thumb. She was holding on, his little fighter, but every time Charles checked her over his brow became more and more furrowed with concern.

'What is it?' Haymitch asked, as they began the approach to District 2.

'I don't know,' he admitted, 'that's the thing. The medication should keep her stable, even with the blood loss, but she keeps slipping. I don't think it's just the gunshot wound causing her problems.'

'What do you mean?'

'I mean that she's been gone for more than two weeks Haymitch, and from what I can see they didn't hold back. We don't know what damage could have been done,' Charles said gently. Haymitch gripped Effie's hand more tightly.

'Come on,' he whispered, 'I'm here, it's okay, I promise you it's going to be okay.'

'She's lucky to have someone like you looking out for her,' Charles smiled weakly.

'No,' Haymitch disagreed, shaking his head, 'she deserves so much better than the likes of me; someone who could have protected her when it mattered, someone who wasn't too drunk to let her know that he cared before it was too late. Atkins can say what she likes, but Effie never meant to hurt anybody, God she probably saved more people than we did; she didn't deserve this.'

'I know,' the doctor replied. 'But whatever wrongs you may have done her, she would not be here if it wasn't for you. I think she is lucky that you were watching over her.'

A sound which could only be described as apocalyptic ripped through the air, even causing the aircraft to wobble for a moment in the aftershock. Katniss leapt from her seat and looked out of the window to see a small mushroom cloud of dust and ash in the distance.

'The Capitol...' she whispered.

'Gone,' Gale confirmed sombrely. 'Even after what it stood for, it seems...' He couldn't quite put it into words.

'I know what you mean,' Katniss agreed, sitting back down. 'All those people...'

'You can't think about that,' Gale warned her, 'it will drive you mad. Think about the future, never about the past or you will end up very much lost.'

'We couldn't have saved them,' Katniss said, more to herself than anyone else.

'No,' Peeta assured her, 'and even if we had tried then more people would have ended up dead. It was the only way to end this.'

Haymitch looked up as he felt the craft hit the ground with a bump. He lifted Effie's hand and placed a gentle kiss on the back of it.

'We're here,' he whispered, 'didn't I promise you we'd make it?'

Before he could even stand the doors opened and three porters dressed in white rushed in, grabbing the stretcher on which Effie was lying. Her hand slipped from Haymitch's grasp as they hurried her away before he had the chance to say a word, Charles following them and talking in a hushed voice.

Haymitch ran after them but was held back by Gale.

'They won't let you in,' he explained 'so there is no use in running after her.'

Katniss looked at Haymitch and noticed how different he looked. The rough exterior had been chipped away, the wall which encircled his heart and soul broken and the facade of strong, uncaring anger long since fallen. He looked frightened. She had never seen him look properly scared before, but he was now. She even saw tears in his eyes.

'Haymitch? Are you okay?' He didn't answer straight away, simply staring after her even though she was gone.

'I told her,' he whispered, knowing that she would understand.

'Good,' Katniss replied simply, 'she needed to know.'

'I don't think she heard,' he rasped, clearing the lump in his throat with a cough, 'she was already...'

'Come on,' said Peeta finally, 'let's see if we can at least find out where to wait.'

Xxx

Despite Haymitch's protests, they were instructed to wait in a room on the bottom floor without being told anything about what was actually going on. Gale had said his goodbyes swiftly and gone with Atkins back to the command base to check on the proceedings of the battle in thirteen. Effectively the war was over. It hadn't been much of a fight, more of a slaughter, though it had always been a case of which side would wipe out the other first. They had won, but it didn't really feel like it.

Haymitch had been pacing the room for almost an hour when he finally gave up and sat down, running his hands nervously through his hair.

'Why haven't they told us anything?'

'They probably don't know,' Peeta suggested. 'I mean, they haven't exactly had that much time; maybe there has just been no change.'

'Maybe.'

'Haymitch?' Katniss said after a while, breaking the tense and cutting silence.

'Yeah?'

'Nooka,' she reminded him, 'you never told us who he is...was...'

Haymitch sighed. He didn't want to go through it, to think about it, but they deserved to know.

'Before all of this crap, before the war and everything, Effie was engaged to Nooka; she was even pregnant with his child, living the goddamn picture perfect life. She thought that he loved her, only he never had any intention of doing so. He was a spy, an informant for Snow of sorts, who was told to keep an eye on her to find out things about her or whatever. When the rebellion happened, she was taken away to prison and they...she lost the baby.'

'Effie thought that he was gone, killed in the war or murdered by the Capitol, only he wasn't. When they captured her again this time, they used him against her. She didn't know he had been lying, and when they threatened him...well she had to give in. That was why she killed Paylor. She thought that they were going to kill Nooka.'

'But he was on their side?' asked Peeta. Haymitch nodded slowly.

'He said to me that they told her afterwards, after she had done it, that it had all been a lie.'

'I can't even imagine what that would do to someone,' Peeta whispered.

Katniss had gone very quiet. She hadn't said a word since Haymitch had started talking, revealing the truth she was not quite ready to hear. Oh God. Poor Effie. She had lost everything, her child and her fiancé, only to discover that all she thought that she'd had was a lie; it was impossibly tragic. And Paylor...Her reluctance to forgive Effie had been more than misplaced. Haymitch had said it before as he had already guessed that they could use someone she cared for against her. The man she still loved, had even thought dead, was suddenly back in her life; of course she wouldn't want to risk losing him again.

But that moment when they told her it had all been a lie...Katniss allowed tears to spill from her eyes just thinking about it. She wanted to go to Effie, to apologise for ever thinking that she was selfish or deceitful; she was the bravest woman Katniss had ever met, and she may never know how sorry she was.

'Hey,' Peeta whispered, slipping his hand in hers, 'it's going to be okay.'

'I never knew...'

'How could you?'

'She was in prison,' Katniss breathed, 'of course she didn't have a choice. Why could I never forgive her? Why did it take all of this to happen for me to realise what was so obvious?'

'It was a shock to all of us,' Peeta assured her, 'there was nothing more that you or anybody could have done.'

'You knew,' she said quietly, 'you never blamed Effie for what she did.'

'I did, for a while,' admitted Peeta, 'but I suppose with everything else going on I didn't think it important to hold a grudge over something which couldn't be changed.'

'Why do you have to be such a good person?' asked Katniss, half seriously.

'Don't say that as if you aren't one,' Peeta told her, 'you cannot blame yourself for any of this. It isn't your fault she was taken, and it isn't your fault that she was shot.'

'If I had just pushed it further with Gale, if I had been more on Haymitch's side-'

'Then it would all have ended the same way,' Peeta cut her off. 'All we can do now is pray that Effie's okay; there is no use in wishing things had been different.'

But Katniss wasn't ready to forgive herself. She couldn't just let it go.

Xxx

It was another two hours before someone walked through the door, one hundred and twenty of the most painstaking minutes of Haymitch's life. With every heartbeat he heard her name, her face was there when he blinked his eyes closed; he could think of nothing else.

Doctor Charles came through the door, and at once Haymitch jumped to his feet. Katniss clung to Peeta's hand even more tightly where they sat.

'How is she?' he asked.

'We're doing all that we can,' Charles replied vaguely. 'Does she have any close family or friends who should be notified?'

It wasn't what Haymitch was expecting to hear. He wanted to know how Effie was, when she would wake up, when he could see her; whatever the doctor was telling him didn't seem to be an answer to his question.

'What? No, no I don't think she does...but what the hell does that have to do with anything?' His tone was becoming dangerously angry.

'It is just in case anything should happen,' Charles tried to explain gently.

'Why would anything happen?' raged Haymitch.

'It may not, but we are just airing on the side of caution.'

'What do you mean?'

'Would you like to sit down for a moment, Haymitch?'

'No, fuck that,' he shouted, 'why won't you tell me anything?'

'Maybe I should come back later, when we know a bit more,' the doctor said, turning to leave.

'Tell me what the hell is happening!' Haymitch growled, his temper reaching the limits of his control.

'Haymitch calm do-'

Haymitch curled his hand into a fist and turned, slamming it into the wall so hard that the plaster cracked and splintered away leaving a large hole. His knuckled was bleeding and he was breathing heavily, but it helped; if only for a moment.

'Just tell me,' he breathed.

'She's dying,' Charles said quietly. Haymitch's heart stopped. Katniss buried her face into Peeta's shoulder, unable to stand it any longer.

'What,' stuttered Haymitch, 'how...no...She can't be...'

'I really am very sorry.'

'Is there nothing you can do? There has to be something,' Katniss chipped in desperately, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Haymitch was just standing there, awestruck, unable to say a word.

'Effie's condition when you brought her to us was very serious,' he began to explain. 'She was weak, even without the gunshot wound, and suffered great blood loss. She went into surgery and we repaired the damaged lung, and replaced the lost fluids, but...but it wasn't that simple.'

'What? What do you mean not that simple?' Katniss pushed.

'Her heart started to fail when we brought her out of surgery, so we had to take her back in. The levels of physical and...and sexual abuse were so great that it caused internal damage; her organs were failing, though we managed to get her back again. The only thing we couldn't repair was the damage to her womb.'

Haymitch had hardly been listening, the word _dying_ hitting him too hard to care what they had done, but when he took a moment to hear what they were saying he snapped back.

'Her...her womb?'

Charles nodded. 'The trauma was so severe, probably due to repeated heavy blows to the stomach, that...well I'm afraid that if she gets through this, the chances of her naturally conceiving are almost nothing.'

'When.'

'I'm sorry?'

'When she gets through this,' Haymitch said gruffly, 'not if. When.'

'Of course,' Charles agreed, though his eyes were not as compliant.

He had heard the doctor say abuse...Images flashed across Haymitch's mind, terrible things that left him feeling breathless. They had hurt her, God they had raped her, and he hadn't been there. He hadn't been there to save her when she so needed him. He couldn't have felt worse.

'But you said that you had repaired everything else,' Katniss reminded him, 'so why...why is she still...'

'I've seen it before,' the doctor explained, 'after the war, in those people who had barely survived captivity. You can physically mend a person, but if they have lost the will to live then nothing will allow them to get better. Effie isn't responding to any of the medication, and she won't wake up.'

'No,' Haymitch protested, 'she wouldn't just give up, not after everything she's been through. She isn't like that.'

'There were some...self inflicted wounds to her arms,' Charles told him gently. 'We don't know what state of mind she was in before she managed to escape.'

'Before,' Katniss added, 'Haymitch, even when she came to District 12 before all of this happened you know she wasn't well. She was taking nightlock...'

'She still wouldn't just...just let go,' argued Haymitch. 'God...' He sat down for a moment and put his head in his hands. It was all too much. She was dying, not responding to treatment, but she was still there. Surely that meant that she could still fight, she could still wake up, right? She wasn't dying, not really, just...He didn't know how to put it without admitting to himself that he could lose her.

Why had he been such an idiot? Why had it taken him until he had lost her to realise how much he loved her? All of those fights, the times he had stumbled into the penthouse drunk and she had helped him to his bed or when he had shouted at her for trying to organise their schedule; they seemed to be such a waste. It had never even entered his mind that she could have been a victim too. He had never thought that she didn't want to be an escort, to see children sent for slaughter. He had always assumed the worst of her and that her life was perfect, when in reality it was as far from perfection as a life could get.

'Can I see her?' Haymitch asked, lifting his head.

'I don't-'

'Please,' said Haymitch, 'just for a minute.' He had given up on his anger. What use was being angry? Where would it get him? No, it was easier just to accept his responsibility and do his best to be there for her when she needed him most. If only she had heard him.

'Fine,' Charles muttered, giving in, 'but just you.'

'I'll let you know,' Haymitch nodded to Peeta and Katniss. At least they had each other, he thought as he walked down the bright white corridors with the doctor to his side.

Xxx

The journey seemed to take a lifetime. Haymitch walked quickly, even though he had no idea of where he was going, and when he came to the ward named only as 'critical', he darkly sensed that he was in the right place.

When they stopped in front of a drawn curtain, Charles turned to Haymitch.

'I know how you care about her,' he said, 'and I know that you want to help her, to believe that she can be helped. It isn't impossible, no, but you may have to prepare yourself for the worst.'

He drew the curtain back, to reveal Effie lying unconscious on a white hospital bed in a grey gown, with wires attached to her hand and chest. She looked so pale, as if her soul had already left her body, and the short sleeves of the gown couldn't cover the scratches on her arm which Haymitch had not noticed earlier. Why would she do that to herself? He couldn't think of a reason, or he didn't want to, but he removed the thought from his mind.

Pulling up a chair, he sat next to her and held her hand in his own. Haymitch kissed it gently. Doctor Charles left when he had checked her blood pressure, allowing them a moment alone.

'I'm sorry,' Haymitch whispered, 'God Effie I'm sorry. All this time I underestimated you, I thought the worst of you, when you didn't deserve any of it. Every time I shouted at you...I didn't mean it, you have to know that. I thought that I was supposed to hate you because you came from the Capitol, and I didn't want to think that even they could hurt their own.'

He wanted so badly to see anything, any flicker of hope in the twitch of her hand, but she lay motionless – as calm and peaceful as a lily floating across a tranquil millpond.

'Please don't go,' he begged. Now that it was just the two of them, he could be honest. 'I can't promise that I will be able to protect you, and I can't say that I'll always be the perfect man, but let me try. Let me take care of you, keep you safe, because you have no idea how much I love you, Effie. I should have said it a long time ago. I've never said it before, did you know that? Not even to my girl back in the Quarter Quell days. I have never felt anything as strong as this, nothing worthy of those words. I love you.'

Nothing. She was still, she was quiet, and she wasn't quite there with him. And Haymitch realised then and there that this could be it. He had to face the possibility that he would never be able to see her eyes again, that holding her hand as machines kept her alive was the only life they could ever lead.

And it was killing him.

* * *

**So, where do you think this will go? I know, of course being the writer, though am always open to suggestions and want to know what people think will happen!**

**Please leave a review, it has been amazing to read what people think, and has got me through tough times. Next chapter should be...well pretty heartbreaking for all involved really and we see someone return who we haven't seen in a while when Atkins won't leave Effie's case alone.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello again everyone! Thank you all so so much for your reviews and comments, they have all helped me so much! Exams finished even if the last one was abominable and have more time now to concentrate on this ;)**

**Certain things which I expected to be in this chapter will end up in other chapters as this one idea turned out to be 5000 words! **

**Now, this is both from Effie and Haymitch's sort of POV and if Effie's seems a bit jumbled, then that is purposeful as she is emotionally and mentally a bit unstable...it will make sense :) **

**Thanks again everyone and more very soon! Please leave a review, they have literally kept me going.**

* * *

**Chapter 17**

She dreamt of the sky. Of all of the things in the world to dream of, she spent most of her time in the limbo of her subconscious just staring at the beauty of its cerulean majesty. Effie had never really appreciated it before, she had never really had the time, but left alone with little else to do she found comfort in watching the sky pass over her like a gentle wave.

A minute could last a lifetime in the unconscious world, so in the many hours during which Effie had been cut off from reality she had lived a thousand lives. It was the strangest sensation. She didn't remember very much at all; it was as though the past few months of her life were a distant blur which her fingers could not quite reach out to grasp. The world was a step too far away, so she remained locked in the prison of her mind to dream; though not all of her dreams would be pleasant.

It was difficult to understand what exactly was real when lost in this unfamiliar world. When you are asleep you dream, even if you cannot remember it, and sometimes these dreams intertwine with memories from your past or childhood; but dreams are not meant to last.

When Effie was plunged into unconsciousness, her mind almost completely detached from her broken body. She was trapped within her own head as her physical condition refused to allow her back into the real world. Effie could wander through different parts of her subconscious, sometimes willingly, though quite often she was thrown into the depths of a memory long forgotten or one of her darkest fears from childhood.

Her fears were what she had to control. Somehow Effie knew that if she became lost in her fears, her darkest memories and most terrible thoughts, then she would succumb to the madness which had already threatened to take control of her. For now they were sealed off, locked away behind closed doors, but they were becoming progressively harder to control as she spent longer and longer away from reality.

Although Effie knew that something was wrong, very wrong, in the real world she could not help but become lost in the brilliance of a new world. When she was free to wander wherever she pleased, she was in complete control and could spend what felt like days just watching butterflies dancing in a midsummer breeze. This luxury was bliss, but nothing good lasts forever.

It was becoming harder to control where she was thrown into, which memories she was forced to watch play over and over again; she supposed this was because it was becoming harder and harder to resist remembering the terrible truths about her immediate past. Effie knew that she had done something bad, something unforgivable, and that her life had taken a dramatic turn; as long as she didn't know what this meant then she would be fine, but she knew that soon she would have to remember.

It was a bright summer morning, Effie's favourite time of year, and she was walking peacefully through a sea of greenery. Birds sang in the distant trees and although she was alone, the peace of it all was so welcoming that it almost didn't matter. She allowed her fingers to brush against the tips of the long grass as she walked, her eyes closed as she took in the sweet smells of summer; but then she felt something cold and wet sticking to her hand.

Stopping for a moment, a sudden chill in the air, Effie looked down to see the bright scarlet red of blood tainting her fingertips. The scene had changed around her. This was no indistinct woodland or field, but the familiar Meadow of District 12; this was somewhere she associated with only one thing. And then she saw it.

She saw a body, her own body, lying mangled in the grass hardly breathing in a pool of blood. The sky darkened to grey. Effie staggered back, her screams being drowned out as the wind whistled loudly and her heart thumping rapidly in her chest. She remembered. She remembered every second of what had led her to that moment, and she couldn't take it any longer. Effie fell back, her body not hitting the soft grass but continuing to fall deep into nothingness.

Xxx

'Haymitch, it's been four days,' Katniss said gently. She had persuaded Peeta to leave her for an important meeting with Gale in the District 2 base, mostly so that she could have a chance to talk to Haymitch alone. He was a mess. Haymitch had not moved from Effie's bedside the entire time, holding her hand every second of the day and only falling asleep when he could not prevent himself from doing so. He didn't eat, he never moved, and he refused to let go of what was starting to seem like a lost cause.

'She's fine,' grumbled Haymitch, 'she'll come back.'

'But Haymitch...what if she doesn't?'

'She will,' he said defiantly. 'She just...needs a little more time.' He clutched her hand tighter, her thin fingers cold against his own, silently begging her to open her eyes – just once. Haymitch had never given up hope. When the doctors had asked him to consider what measures they could take if they needed to resuscitate her, he had almost torn the ward apart; he wasn't ready to even think that way. Every time her blood pressure fell or her heart rate slowed, his own heart stopped. She was keeping him going, but she couldn't go on for much longer.

'At least try and get some sleep,' Katniss tried, sitting in a chair across from him and sighing heavily, 'you look like hell.'

'Well thank you very much,' muttered Haymitch.

'It's not healthy.'

'Tough.'

'Haymitch-'

'No,' he insisted. 'I left her when she needed me the most, she was alone in that godforsaken place; I'm not leaving her now.'

A loud beeping cut through the tense silence as the conversation ended and Haymitch sat up straight, alert to the impending danger. It was Effie's heart monitor. Her heart rate had increased dangerously, and she even moved a little in her sleep as though fighting off a terrible nightmare. The doctors rushed in seconds later, whispering to each other before beginning to take action. One injected something into the cannula in the back of her hand, and they all watched the monitor desperately to see if it had worked.

Haymitch had been pushed back, unable to sit with her as the doctors tried to discover what was wrong. He stood up and backed away, running his long fingers through his hair; he felt a warm hand on his shoulder.

'It will be okay,' Katniss whispered, though her own eyes were filled with tears. She couldn't help but wonder if this was it.

After another very tense minute or so, the beeping stopped and Effie's heart rate returned to normal.

'Thank God,' muttered Haymitch, burying his head in his hands for a moment to compose himself. Katniss sniffed back her tears, though her hands were still trembling.

'You were right,' she said quietly, 'she's not giving up just yet.' One of the doctors came towards them.

'Is she okay?' asked Haymitch at once.

'For now,' the doctor assured him, 'but we aren't sure what exactly caused the episode. There is a risk of some sort of brain damage which we might have missed, which could explain her unprovoked reaction.'

'But she will be all right?'

'I can't say,' apologised the doctor, 'but she is stable for now. We don't know what is going on inside her head, or what state she is in after her captivity; we won't know until she wakes up.'

The doctor made to leave, but Katniss followed him for a private word outside Effie's room.

'Can I ask you something?' she said in a hushed tone.

'Yes,' he replied.

'Be honest with me,' Katniss asked him, 'how is she? I mean...really.' The doctor sighed heavily.

'Not good,' he answered simply.

'Will she wake up?'

'Unlikely, and if by some miracle she does then her failing health isn't going to be the greatest concern,' the doctor explained. 'If she survives, then how she will...be is highly questionable.'

'I don't-'

'From what we know, Effie wasn't coping before she was taken by the soldiers. However unstable she was beforehand, she must have been through a hell of a lot since then and we don't know the effect it will have had. That coupled with her injuries...To be honest we just don't know.'

'Thank you,' croaked Katniss as she held back tears. 'Thank you for being honest.'

She walked back into Effie's room to see Haymitch once again sitting by her side with her hand held tightly in his. It would kill him if she died. They all knew it, even the doctors, which is why they never discussed her condition with him. If what the doctor had just told Katniss was true, then either Effie wouldn't live another few days or could be so mentally scarred that she might never recover. But she wouldn't tell him. He deserved to keep at least a shred of hope to keep him going.

Xxx

The scene changed. Effie felt lost, light headed, as if she wasn't entirely there as she watched a memory play out before her; one she had not had cause to think about in a very long time.

_Effie was sat on a chaise longue in the private District 12 viewing room before dawn had even begun to think of surfacing. No-one was there. Headquarters would be silent until around 8 o'clock in the hours before the Quarter Quell began. Hundreds of influential people would be ready to give their names as sponsors or watch in the rooms reserved for the highest Capitol authorities. For now, though, she was alone and she liked it that way._

_Alone, no-one could hear her cry. She hadn't been allowed to stay to say goodbye to Katniss and Peeta. They had told her to go home, though she had ignored their directions and instead come to the Games Headquarters for somewhere quiet to stay; she didn't plan to sleep a wink._

_It was happening all over again. She had become too attached to them both, especially after the last Hunger Games when they had both managed to get to safety, but now she was going to lose them again. The tears fell silently, tainting her made up face; she didn't care. Her make-up, her wigs, it all seemed so pointless. She knew what was coming, even if she didn't say it aloud. Perhaps if a rebellion did happen then she could stop pretending. That was what she hoped for anyway._

'_How long have you been sat there?'_

_Effie jumped as a calm, soft voice came through the silence. She turned to see Cinna smiling at her from the doorway. Quickly wiping her eyes, she forced a smile._

'_Cinna,' she said brightly, 'you startled me.'_

'_You don't have to pretend you know, I can see you've been crying,' he told her gently. Her smile faded. Effie had known Cinna for a while now, even dared to call him a friend, but he was mysterious; she couldn't quite tell if he was on her side or against her. As he walked over and sat next to her, she sensed that he wasn't a threat though it was becoming harder to tell._

'_I thought they told you to go home?'_

'_I didn't feel like it,' mumbled Effie, 'Nooka's away again and it's so lonely in that apartment without him.'_

'_Disobeying orders, tut tut, what a rebel.'_

_Effie didn't know if it was a slip of the tongue, but as she caught Cinna's gaze she guessed that it was a purposeful term; he was telling her that he knew, and asking her to trust him._

'_Yes, quite,' she smiled weakly. 'I just don't want to have to do this anymore. I'm sick of it, all of it; of seeing people die, of pretending to be happy about it-'_

_Cinna wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into a warm, comforting embrace. She felt safe in his arms._

'_It's going to be okay; very very soon Effie, it will all be okay,' he soothed._

'_Is it safe to talk here?' she whispered_

'_I think so,' Cinna answered, 'though you never really know. I don't see why anyone would be listening in here now.' Effie pulled away, tears sparkling in her eyes._

'_I'm scared,' she said simply._

'_You will be fine,' promised Cinna, 'there's no reason for you to worry.'_

'_No, not scared for me,' she corrected him, 'for them, for Katniss and Peeta and...oh God everyone.'_

'_There are plans in place to help them,' he assured her, 'they are not going to die. I don't have much time, so I will tell you this now; I suggest that you get out of here, and quickly. When it all kicks off, get out while you can. Get back to Nooka and go anywhere but here; do you understand what I'm saying?' Effie nodded. It was all too real, too scary, and it was happening so fast._

'_Haymitch,' Effie thought aloud, 'does he know-'_

'_Yes,' Cinna confirmed, 'he is going to play a very big part in all of this.'_

'_But he will be safe?'_

'_Yes, I know he will.' Cinna chuckled lightly. 'I always wondered you know, about you two.'_

'_What about us?' _

'_Whether you ever...got together,' he grinned. Effie slapped him playfully on the shoulder._

'_No,' she hissed, 'Cinna, I'm engaged!'_

'_You weren't always,' he reminded her._

'_No but...me and him? Really? He's a pig, a drunk, and he hates me more than anything.'_

'_He doesn't hate you,' Cinna told Effie gently but seriously, 'he thinks the world of you.'_

'_Oh don't make me laugh!'_

'_He does,' insisted Cinna, 'even when he's shouting at you, you can see it in his eyes; he cares. Even if he won't admit it, for one reason or another he likes you.'_

'_I think that you are being rather extravagant with the truth,' Effie laughed, nestling into Cinna's chest as her eyes became suddenly heavy._

'_I think that he would surprise you, given the chance,' Cinna answered wisely. He knew, though Effie clearly didn't, how Haymitch felt even if he wouldn't admit it himself. It was all in the eyes when a man was in love, despite the fact that Cinna suspected Haymitch wasn't sure of his own feelings._

_Looking at his watch, Cinna sighed. He knew it was time._

'_I have to go,' he said gently. Effie frowned, sitting up._

'_Do you have to? The Games don't start for another few hours.'_

'_Yes,' he answered sadly, 'there are things that I...have to do first.' He kissed her lightly on the head, and she would never really know how much was meant by that kiss; Cinna knew that he was going to die. He wasn't going to burden Effie with that knowledge._

'_Stay safe,' he added, walking away from her. Effie followed him with her eyes, tears welling. She was alone again, alone with her fears and her slipping mask of fakery. _

'_Oh,' Cinna said as he reached the doorway, 'and congratulations.'_

'_What?' Effie hissed in horror. 'How did you know?'_

'_I work with clothes and body shapes all the time, I can tell when they change.'_

_Effie placed a hand over the small curve of her stomach. Even her specially made clothes could only conceal half of her growing bump. It made her even more fearful of her uncertain future._

'_Don't worry, you're only just showing and I have a keen eye. Your secret is safe with me.'_

'_Thank you,' Effie smiled gratefully. Being pregnant and technically unmarried was frowned upon in the Capitol, and she really didn't need the aggravation at such a busy time._

_Cinna left, for what would be the last time, with a tear in his eye that Effie could not see. She lay down on the sofa and allowed her eyes to close, waking just as dawn broke to fix her image before the big, big, big day. She didn't see much of Haymitch, though he played greatly on her mind. And then, as the Games ended, all hell broke loose._

Xxx

Being thrown back into the past hurt, both mentally and physically. It brought up things that Effie didn't want to think about. She was forced to think of Haymitch, how she had betrayed him and how she felt about him which he might never get the chance to know. Though she tried to avoid the knowledge of what she had done, it kept coming back to her and pulling her in.

After every memory faded, she was given a choice. Every time it was the same. Everything else would fade away, and Effie would be left facing two paths. One went into the light, and the other went into darkness. But she wasn't ready to make the choice. She knew where both paths would lead her, or she hoped that she did, and she did not want to face it; not yet. So she pushed them away, forcing herself into another memory or another scene until she was forced to confront her fears.

Xxx

_Effie was sat in her room, playing with her doll and brushing its silky blonde hair. She wished that she could be as beautiful as the porcelain girl before her. She had often been teased in nursery school for her bright red hair, and the powder pink wig that her mother had bought her didn't feel right on her head. It was heavy, uncomfortable and hot, but everyone else in her class wore them and she knew that she would appear out of place with her natural scarlet curls._

_Even though she was well liked in school, Effie always ended up sitting alone. She had a group of people whom she called friends, but they weren't really close to her. Somehow it just seemed more natural for her to be on her own, despite the aching loneliness which came with it._

'_Effie, dear?'_

_Effie looked up to see her mother standing in the doorway. Though she was smiling her eyes were incredibly sad with the remnants of tears still evident on her pale white face. Effie knew what was coming. She had known it for some time. Though she tried to stay strong, the tears spilled silently like raindrops down her face and her bottom lip quivered._

'_Oh Effie don't cry,' her mother begged, 'it does nothing for your complexion.'_

'_S-sorry,' Effie stuttered, wiping at her tears as though they were contraband. She had never understood why looks were so important, but from a young age she had been told to care for her appearance first and foremost. Everyone told her that she was a pretty young girl, destined for great things; only she didn't want that for her future. She wanted a quiet life, with a husband and a family, but that was not what people wanted for her. Her parents wanted her to be an escort to one of the districts, a great honour for the family; she hadn't exactly had a say in the matter._

_Her mother knelt beside her, placing a gentle arm around her daughter's shoulders._

'_It's okay,' she whispered, 'you know how your father has been unwell for a very long time. He's in a better place now.'_

'_In heaven?'_

'_Yes dear, in heaven.'_

'_Can I...can I say goodbye?' Effie asked, her great sparkling blue eyes pleading with her mother._

'_No, I don't think that would be a very good idea.'_

'_Please Mother, I-'_

'_That's enough,' she said sharply. 'Your father wouldn't want you seeing him as he is. You've said your goodbyes, now we have to move on.'_

_She placed a gentle kiss on Effie's forehead and stood up._

'_Why don't you come and watch the Games darling, the interviews are on tonight and Caesar's hair is the most wonderful purple.'_

'_No thanks,' Effie said quietly, 'I don't really like them much.'_

'_Why ever not?' gasped her mother._

'_I don't know...It's just, they're only a few years older than I am and they're dying. I don't really understand-'_

'_Effie, stop that.'_

'_What?'_

'_The Hunger Games are entertainment, they're a celebration; you are supposed to enjoy them, not question them.'_

'_But-'_

'_No, Effie,' her mother cut her off sharply. 'This isn't something which is up for discussion. If people hear you talking like that...I thought that you wanted to be an escort anyway?'_

'_Yeah...' Effie said sadly._

'_Oh it will be such an honour for our family! Your father would be so proud; now come and watch the Games.'_

_It was as if she had forgotten the sad news she had come to bestow, her face lighting up with an eerie grin when she spoke of the Games as if she had to enjoy them without question. Effie heeded her mother's warning, only speaking of the Hunger Games with a tone of excitement and joy even if it wasn't what she really thought. It wouldn't be for years, when her mother was long gone, that she realised that she was probably just trying to protect her even if she went the wrong way about it._

Xxx

Effie found herself back in the woods, walking through the grass and breathing heavily. It was as if every scenario she relived weakened her, pulling some of her strength from her body and pushing her deeper into darkness. She found her eyes wet with tears, her head spinning painfully; she could feel the loneliness of her childhood as if it was happening all over again, the memories flashing before her too quickly for her to stop them or take control.

She felt a hand slip into hers and hold it tightly. Effie turned to see Haymitch standing beside her, smiling comfortingly without even the faintest hint of alcohol on his breath. As his warm hand intertwined with hers, she felt the pain in her head recede though the tears still fell down her cheeks.

'Haymitch...?'

'It's me princess.'

'How can you...none of this is real,' muttered Effie as they began to walk through a winding woodland path.

'No,' he admitted, 'but that doesn't mean that I'm not here.'

'What do you mean?'

'I'm sitting next to you,' he explained, 'I'm holding your hand out there, in the hospital.'

'Hospital...'

'You don't remember?'

Effie shook her head. 'It's strange, like...I don't know what happened, not for the past month or so, but I can choose not to know. I know that I did something terrible...'

'Nothing is irredeemable,' Haymitch assured her. 'We all make mistakes, and yours wasn't an easy decision to have weighing on your shoulders. Nobody blames you for it.'

'What did I do?' whispered Effie.

'I'm not the person to tell you,' he said, 'but you know that you just have to open the right door. You will never be able to choose your path until you have remembered, until you know what we all know.'

'Cinna,' Effie remembered, 'he said...well it was a long time ago.'

'That I liked you?' She looked confused for a moment.

'I hate to admit it Eff, but I am little more than a figment of your imagination here, a projection from the real world bleeding through; I'm part of your mind.'

'So you know-'

'Yes, I know what he said; and he was right.'

'Isn't that just...me thinking that?' Effie tried to work out, her brain hurting trying to figure what it all meant. Haymitch laughed.

'I suppose so, but you can't always control your subconscious.'

'This is too confusing...' she moaned.

'Then let's make it simple.'

He pulled her close wrapping an arm around her waist and reaching his lips down to hers. Haymitch caressed her softly, his touch gentle but blissfully warm and sweet. It was as if she had never wanted anything else. She let go for him, pulled him closer, and almost allowed tears to fall from her eyes when he moved away.

'I love you,' she whispered. 'I always have, even when I didn't want to admit it. Oh God I love you.'

'Then you have to tell me that,' Haymitch said wisely. 'The...real me.'

Effie realised that they were standing in darkness. The woodland had disappeared, and now there was nothing surrounding them; the only thing that she could see was a door. She knew what was behind it.

'No...'

'Effie, you have to,' Haymitch encouraged her. 'For me, for us, you have to. Otherwise you will be trapped in here trying to fight it and...well it will kill you.'

'Stuck here with you,' Effie smiled weakly, 'not such a bad thing.'

'You can't hang on forever,' he told her. 'I'll fade, and you'll be left on your own. Go, face what you don't want to remember, and then you can kiss me for real.'

'Okay,' Effie agreed reluctantly. She closed her eyes and gave him one more kiss, not caring whether it was real or not; for now it was, and that was enough.

When she opened her eyes he was gone, and she was alone once more. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and stepped into every nightmare she had ever lived through.

Xxx

Eight days had now passed. Eight. It was as though this siege was never ending. They had scanned her brain to check for bleeding, but the results had been inconclusive; Haymitch hadn't liked that. He had shouted at anyone who walked through the door, except for Peeta and Katniss, and demanded another scan, another test – anything.

'It's too early to tell,' they had tried to explain, but to him it just meant that they were being incompetent. Reluctantly, and after much gentle persuasion from Katniss he had begrudgingly left them alone to do their job.

It seemed to be never ending. They had all given up on her, even Katniss who always had such a sad look in her eyes even if she wouldn't admit to it. But Haymitch knew; he knew that she wasn't gone. He would be able to tell if there was no hope. Though there were times when he doubted himself. He wondered if he was too controlled by his faith in her to see the obvious; that she wasn't coming back. He didn't allow himself to think that way. Haymitch wasn't about to give up on her yet, even if everyone else had.

Xxx

Effie stumbled out back into the darkness. Blood. So much blood. Paylor's blood glistened on her fingers, her own was smeared across her body and over her tattered clothes. That room had been everything, not just the truth about what she had done but the memories of the torture, the humiliation and the pain which had absorbed her life for the past year.

She had relived it, every moment, over and over again until the images were fixed before her eyes. Screaming wasn't enough; it hadn't been then and it wasn't now. She had killed her. Effie had killed her. She deserved everything she had gone through. So much pain, so much heartbreak, but still it wasn't enough.

She knew everything now. The wall protecting her fractured mind from the knowledge of what she had done and what she had been through was broken, crumbling to the ground with nothing to hold it back. When Effie was faced with the two paths once more, she knew what she had to do. There was nothing left for her there, not even Haymitch; he couldn't forgive what she had done. She had let so many people down that it was a burden on them to return. Whatever punishment awaited her in hell was the justice for her act.

Walking down the darkened path, she heard the growls of hell hounds in the distance.

Xxx

She moved. Haymitch knew that he had felt it. It had been ten days and he was on the verge of admitting that he was wrong, especially after he had bullied Katniss into telling him the reality of the situation – how unlikely it was for someone in this type of coma to ever recover. But she did move. His head jerked up, staring at Effie as he willed her to move again; his heart had stopped in his chest. It all happened at once.

Effie's body began to shake, lightly at first but then progressively more violently until the metal bedposts rattled. Haymitch's hand stayed intertwined in hers as he called for the doctors who came quickly, accompanied by a terrified Katniss who had been talking to Gale outside.

'She's fitting,' one of them said, and Haymitch's words were lost in his throat. This couldn't be it. She couldn't be dying. He wasn't ready for her to die.

She struggled for a minute or so before her eyes flew open, searching the unfamiliar surroundings desperately as she continued to writhe. The machine monitoring her heart rate was beeping uncontrollably and Haymitch lost his grip on her hand as she tried to use her fists to keep away the doctors who were trying to help her.

'Effie calm down,' Haymitch soothed gently, 'they're trying to help you, just calm down.' She didn't seem to hear him. A nurse was forced to give Effie a sedative to prevent her from hurting herself as her body crashed against the side of the bed and she pulled at the wires attached to her body.

'It's okay Eff, it's okay I promise just keep calm.'

Effie stopped for a moment as the drugs began to weaken her body and her gaze caught Haymitch's. His grey eyes were so sad, yet so hopeful and they locked onto Effie's haunted blue eyes almost desperately. She took one look at Haymitch and silent tears fell down her cheeks. She turned away from him, burying her face in the white pillow as she was plunged back into darkness.

Xxx

Haymitch tried to talk to her, to tell her that she was all right, but she wouldn't listen. As she calmed, she looked at him and began to cry. Despite his desperate pleas, she turned away.

'Effie,' he cried, his voice threatening to break, 'Effie please...'

He tried to touch her shoulder but she flinched and moved away, curling up into an almost foetal position as she was forced back into sleep.

She was back, and he couldn't have been more relieved, but she was lost. Effie had turned away from him, crying, not saying a word, and Haymitch had to wonder if he had been too late to save her completely.

Xxx

She dreamt no more of trees and grass, and she dreamt no more of sky. Her dreams were haunted by her screams, by the screams of others, and by the blood of those she loved running deep. She was broken.

* * *

**So, was it okay? Much more to come in later chapters; Effie and Haymitch have a big chapter coming up next and then it all goes wrong again muhahaha! So cruel!**

**Please leave a review and let me know how it was; pretty mixed up and hard one to right XD **

**Effie is in a bit of a dark place, hope Haymitch can get her out of it...will just have to wait and see! She doesn't even want to look at him so it's not looking good...**

**Thanks to you all, you are really supportive and I love you all! Thanks for reading!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hellooo again everybody! Another chapter before I scoot off in an hour to go out so I better type this A/N quickly lol. **

**Thank you so much to all those who have reviewed. I had a bit of a confidence knock from one review which was a little harsh, but at least told my why they didn't like the story so I have to respect them for that and take it on board. This story is pretty graphic at times and yes a little over the top, as my stories usually are, so if people don't like that then they don't have to read it. **

**The reviewer did point out that there couldn't possibly be now medics in District 12 when Effie was hurt, though my thinking there was the new government would have a lot to deal with in the formation of a new system and after it was destroyed in Mockingjay, only a few would go back there. It was supposed to be a small community not quite recovering yet with a small town not very well equipped, but if it is unrealistic I am sorry.**

**Anyway that is over and done with! This chapter is quite important and then goes on to bigger things coming in the next one or two chapters before we start to see an ending on the horizon. Haven't had much time to proof read so bear with me Corrected a repeated paragraph in the last chapter...woops sorry guys!**

**Please read, enjoy, and leave a review as they do make my day really. Thank you for being so supportive.**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

Haymitch stayed unmoving by her side until she woke again, though when she did her response was no more encouraging. Her eyes fluttered open, and though she was completely wide awake she did not move a muscle. She didn't say anything. None of the doctors could even get her to acknowledge their presence, and as hard as Haymitch tried she refused even to look at him. Effie simply stared into the distance, tears sparkling in her eyes but refusing to fall, as Haymitch begged her to talk to him.

'Effie...Effie please,' he whispered to her when they were alone. She didn't even blink.

'Just talk to me, look at me, anything!'

Katniss walked in, having just been to talk to one of the doctors.

'What did they say?' Haymitch asked almost desperately.

'They don't know,' Katniss said gently, 'they think that Effie might be in some sort of shock.'

'Can she hear me?

Katniss nodded. 'She is completely aware as far as they can tell. She's just refusing to talk; some sort of defence mechanism or something as a result of trauma. Like post traumatic stress, only...'

'Worse,' he muttered.

Katniss sat beside Haymitch, resting her head back on the chair.

'You should get some sleep,' Haymitch mumbled.

'Probably,' she agreed, 'but I don't think that I could sleep anyway.'

Haymitch took Effie's hand in his own again, and rubbed her arm gently. She was still little more than skin and bone, though at least she had a healthier pallor and the scratches on her forearms were beginning to heal. The scars on her face still glowed an eerie red, something which would never fade, but Haymitch thought that she was staggeringly beautiful nonetheless.

He had an idea. Calling a doctor into the room, Haymitch tried and failed not to get his hopes up. Why hadn't he thought of this before?

'Yes, Haymitch?'

'I thought of something,' he started quickly, 'something which could help her.'

'Well...I hate to say it but we are out of ideas, so anything is a possibility.'

'Why don't you erase her memory?'

Katniss looked at him as if he had lost his mind.

'What?'

'I've seen doctors do it,' Haymitch explained, 'after the Games, if victors were too...too distressed by what had happened. It is possible, isn't it?'

'Yes, but-'

'Then let's do it!' Haymitch cut him off. 'If she won't talk because of what happened, then this could help her.'

'It's...not that simple,' the doctor said shaking his head.

'She can't stay like this,' Haymitch insisted, 'but if she didn't remember what happened, then she could start to get through this. Not everything, just...some parts. The worst of it.'

'Tampering with someone's memory is extremely dangerous at the best of times,' he argued, 'and I don't think that it would work.'

'Why not?' shouted Haymitch.

'Because...because she wouldn't survive the procedure,' he answered frankly. 'I doubt that she would even be able to give consent in her state and the risk of her dying during the operation would be too significant. We don't even know if it will help her current mental health issues.' Haymitch stood up. He let go of Effie's hand after giving a gentle squeeze of reassurance and moved towards him. It wasn't because of what he had said which angered him, it was an honest enough answer, but the fact that he had said it so bluntly in front of her; when she was awake. She had heard him say it.

'She's right there,' snarled Haymitch.

'I...'

'She is right there,' he repeated quietly, his face inches from the doctor's, 'and you just told her she might die.'

'I'm s-sorry,' he stuttered.

'Get out,' spat Haymitch, turning away and taking Effie's hand back in his own. Somehow he knew that she had heard every word. The doctor did not protest, but left with a stunned look of guilt marring his expression.

He kissed her hand; it was all that he could do not to cry. He shouldn't have taken it out on the doctor, but containing his anger was becoming harder and harder. She was there, only she wasn't. She was so close and yet so far away and it physically hurt him to see her this way, like a pain in his chest which no medication could ever take away. Haymitch would have traded places with Effie in a heartbeat. He would do anything to help her, anything at all, but knowing that he couldn't made it feel even worse.

Xxx

It was two days later, and Effie had still not improved. Katniss watched sadly as it began to destroy Haymitch. Every day he tried so hard to get her to come around, pretending that he wasn't crumbling beneath his tough exterior and refusing any kind of help. Peeta came in when he could, though he was working with Gale on District 13 where the fight had still been going on. Katniss had declined Gale's offer of a post as commander, choosing instead to stay with Effie and Haymitch. She owed them that much, she thought. She owed it to both of them to stay.

She brought Haymitch a steaming mug of coffee which he accepted with a weak and forced smile. Effie was sleeping soundlessly. She had given them all a scare that morning when she began to tremble uncontrollably, though a strong dose of morphling had eased her back into the safety of unconsciousness.

'You could always go back to District 12 you know,' he said seriously, sipping his drink.

'I'm not going to leave you here am I?'

'You have a life to go back to,' Haymitch argued, 'both you and Peeta. District 13 is nearly back in our hands now, and you should be...I don't know, making babies or something, or getting married; living a normal life.'

'There is plenty of time for all of that,' Katniss assured him, 'I'm not old and grey yet.'

'But if she...' Haymitch started, avoiding her gaze as he cleared his throat, 'it could be a while, is what I mean, and you must be bored stiff just sitting here all day. It's not going to make her any better if you stay.'

'No,' agreed Katniss, 'but you aren't going to leave, not if someone offered you the world, so I am not just going to go and let you stay to pick up the pieces. Besides, I care about Effie too. There are things...things that I need to say, things that she needs to know, which can't wait.'

'But what if she never gets better?'

This surprised Katniss. Haymitch had never talked like this, never said anything which could even suggest that this was it for Effie; was he giving up? Was he losing hope? She couldn't blame him, but it made her even sadder for the poor man before her.

'She will,' Katniss promised, 'you know that she will. She just needs...time. I think she's just beginning to register what has happened to her, and it is going to be a big shock to the system. She'll be fine, you'll see.'

A nurse came into the room.

'Haymitch, there is someone here to see you.'

'Can't you see I'm busy?' he snapped defensively.

'Yes, but-'

'No buts,' Haymitch hissed, not wanting to wake Effie, 'there is a reason I haven't bloody left this spot until now and won't until she is better.'

'I really think that this is someone that you will want to talk to, Mr Abernathy,' she said seriously, before leaving the room rolling her eyes.

'Two minutes,' growled Haymitch, begrudgingly leaving Effie's side. When he went into the corridor, he was soon glad that he did.

'Hello Haymitch.'

'Plutarch?'

Plutarch Heavensbee was standing waiting for him, looking almost exactly the same as he had when Haymitch had last seen him except for a thick cast on his right arm.

'Sorry,' he said, 'I would have come sooner, but it was difficult getting out of thirteen.'

'No need to apologise, you have had enough to deal with,' Haymitch assured him. 'Is it finished in thirteen?'

Plutarch nodded. 'Thereabouts; they're just sorting out what to do with the prisoners now that it's all over.'

'Is it over? All of it I mean...can we say that it is over now?'

'Is it ever?' sighed Plutarch heavily. 'How is Effie?' He could tell by the look which glazed over Haymitch's face for a second that this was a tentative subject.

'Not the best,' he answered honestly. 'I...er...I don't really know what to do.'

'You found her,' Plutarch reminded him, 'like I knew that you would, and you saved her. You got Effie here, and without you she wouldn't have made it this far; so stop blaming yourself for things you cannot control.'

'I know, I know, but...if I'd just got there sooner...'

'The fact that you got there at all should be enough,' Plutarch interrupted. 'Effie's strong, Haymitch. She has made it this far, and she can get through this.'

'But she shouldn't have to,' Haymitch said sadly, something which Plutarch could not argue against.

'They have offered me the top job,' Plutarch stated after a while.

'President?'

'Yes,' Plutarch nodded with a vacant smile, 'not that I deserve it.'

'I couldn't think of anyone who deserves it more,' Haymitch told him honestly, reaching out a hand in congratulations which Plutarch took graciously.

'Thank you,' he said.

'I thought that you should have got it in the first place,' Haymitch smiled, 'you were always a leader.'

'Grudges against the Capitol were still rather fresh, I think,' pondered Plutarch, 'but I am lucky to even have been accepted into this new world. I can't promise much, Haymitch, but I will do as much as I can to help you and Effie; you both deserve to be allowed to get on with your lives, so anything that I can do, don't hesitate to ask.'

'I cannot thank you enough,' Haymitch stuttered, 'that...it means a lot, Plutarch.'

'No problem. Now I am afraid that I will have to leave you; there is rather a lot to do after all, with the Capitol gone. Give Effie my love, and I will come back when I can.'

'I will,' nodded Haymitch, watching Plutarch walk away.

'And thank you,' he called back.

'For what?'

'Not asking about the arm.'

Xxx

That evening Haymitch had persuaded Katniss to spend the night with Peeta in a room they had been offered in the adjoining hospital staff quarters, so that he was left alone with Effie. He was determined to help her, more so now than ever before. Once the doctors had done their final rounds for the evening, knowing that she was awake even if she refused to look at him, Haymitch started talking.

'Effie, you know exactly what I am going to say,' he began, 'but hell I'll say it anyway. I understand what you're doing, I do, but you can't go on like this. I can't watch you live your life refusing to let anyone else in because of what has happened to you. I know what you did Effie, we all know, but it doesn't matter. I don't care. You could have killed a thousand men in cold blood and I wouldn't care. You should not blame yourself for what happened; you couldn't have stopped it.'

'I'm not asking you to forget it all, and I am not asking you to just deal with it straight away; I'm asking you to let me help you. You could cry, you could scream, you could talk to me...anything is better than this. Please...'

She didn't even stir. Haymitch was on his feet now and kicked the chair away in frustration, tears burning his eyes.

'Goddamnit Effie listen to me! I would never judge you, never hurt you, so why won't you let me in? I know I haven't been the best man I could be in the past, and I am sorry...I'm so sorry...but let me make it up to you; because I love you Effie. If you take nothing else that I have said on board, know that I fucking love you with all of my heart. I love you so much that it hurts, it physically hurts me Eff! It tears me apart to see you like this because I just cannot imagine my life without you. I tried, for so long, to pretend that I didn't care. I was so horrible and such a heartless bastard, but I could never take my eyes off of you. If you never believe another word that I say, believe that I am so in love with you that it is all that's left in the world that I care about.'

There was a moment of silence, a moment which seemed to last a lifetime, and then Effie spoke.

'Liar.'

'What?' Haymitch gasped, stunned by her response.

'You are a liar,' she rasped, her tone void of any emotion, 'you don't love me.'

'How can you know that?'

Effie turned in her bed to look at him, her eyes sparkling with vulnerable desperation.

'Because no-one could ever love me.'

Xxx

She closed her eyes, cutting him off though she was never going to sleep.

'Eff Haymitch started, placing a hand on her shoulder and feeling a physical pain in his chest when she pulled away from his touch. He tried not to take it personally, knowing how much she must be going through, but still it hurt for her to turn away from him.

'You can't do that,' he said shaking his head, 'you can't just call me a liar and then switch back off. I want to know why I can't love you, why it is so hard for you to believe.'

Effie's eyes opened reluctantly. She had let him in now, she knew that he was not about to leave her be.

'No-body could ever love me,' she repeated, tears welling in her eyes.

'Of course they could,' Haymitch told her, 'why would you think that?'

'Look at what I've done,' Effie said sadly, 'look at what I am scarred and broken, a pale imitation of a woman who once walked this Earth. I don't deserve to be here.'

'You more than deserve to be here,' he argued, 'you didn't have a choice-'

'Of course I had a choice,' Effie contradicted, 'everyone has a choice. I could have chosen to die instead of murdering someone who cared about me, who had never said a bad word against me even when everyone else talked behind my back.'

'But they had Nooka.'

Effie recoiled at the mention of his name, tears falling unwittingly from her eyes as she remembered the snarl on his face when he had told her that everything worthwhile in her life had been a lie.

'You thought that they were going to kill him.'

'B-but they weren't,' Effie reminded him.

'You couldn't have known that,' Haymitch pointed out.

'She had a family, she had people who cared about her; I took her away from them,' Effie cried, sobs catching in her throat. She was beginning to shake and her heart rate was increasing.

'Hey, Effie, calm down sweetheart,' Haymitch soothed, pulling his seat back and taking her hand.

'I...I can't live w-with myself,' she stuttered through her tears. 'I w-wanted to d-die...'

'Don't say that.'

'I did,' Effie whispered, 'I do... I don't deserve to live when she didn't get the chance to.'

'You can't think like that,' Haymitch told her, 'that is not the way the world works. You deserve to live, Effie, you do. You've made it this far when most people wouldn't, you didn't tell them anything; you are the bravest woman I have ever met.'

'Don't say that like I am someone who should be honoured for what they did,' Effie protested. She was clinging onto Haymitch's hand now, craving the warmth of his fingers between her own. She felt as though if she let him go, then all hope was lost.

'Whether our intentions are good or bad cannot be judged in black and white terms. I've done some things that I am not proud of. I nearly hit you once, and I regret that every day of my life. You can say that you had a choice, Effie, but you didn't, not really. Anyone would have done the same if it was someone that they loved on the line.'

'How can I live with myself?' asked Effie.

'You have to accept that it was out of your control, and know that whatever happens, I am always here. I do love you, truly I do. I think that you're beautiful, even when you cry,' he said, wiping a tear from her eye, 'and that you are strong even though people see you as weak. Your eyes crinkle when you laugh, and even when your life is at stake you choose to protect other people. You are amazing, Effie Trinket, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.'

She burst into tears, but as she did so she held out her arms and allowed Haymitch to pull her close to him so that she was nestled against his chest. He stroked her soft hair and promised that everything would be all right, because with her in his arms he just knew that it would be.

They sat there, together and strong in their weakness, until dawn broke and Effie dared to think that somehow, she might survive another day. Since she had first woken from the dark depths of her subconscious, she had thought that there was nothing; no hope, no justice, nothing to live for. But he had proved her wrong. It wasn't okay, life wasn't that simple, but it was a start. Effie had been in a very dark place for the past two days, and now there was a hand reaching to pull her out.

Xxx

Katniss arrived at six o'clock the next morning with Peeta in tow and coffees for all of them. When she opened the door to Effie's private room, she wasn't quite prepared for what she saw. Effie was wrapped in Haymitch's arms, her tear stained cheek resting against his shirt and her eyes closed. It looked as though they had been there for hours. Katniss dropped the coffee.

'Effie?'

Effie opened her eyes slowly, sitting up straight as she blinked away the remnants of tears and smiled weakly.

'Oh my God are you okay?'

'Sore,' Effie admitted, 'in rather a worrying amount of places...but getting there.'

'We were so worried,' Katniss said as she pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed to Haymitch; Peeta stood behind her.

'I know, I'm sorry,' Effie said avoiding her gaze, 'I just...I don't even know. I wasn't in the right mind to do anything. I just...couldn't handle it. But Haymitch...'

She squeezed his hand tightly and he smiled at her.

'He saved me. In so many ways.'

'We're just glad to have you back,' Peeta told her.

'Effie,' started Katniss, tears welling in her eyes, 'I...I'm really sorry.'

'What do you have to be sorry for?'

'When you...when I saw...I couldn't forgive you for what you did, not at first. I couldn't understand, for one reason or another, why you would agree to-'

'Katniss,' said Haymitch warningly.

'No, it's okay,' Effie assured him, 'go on.'

'I think it was because of what happened with me and President Coin. I made a choice to kill her, even when not in the right mind set, and I couldn't forgive myself for it. Knowing what I did...When I saw that you had killed President Paylor I didn't see the other side of it, I just saw the act. But when I knew the full story, about Nooka and how he lied to you, I realised how wrong I had been.'

Effie shook her head. 'You weren't wrong.'

'No, I was,' Katniss insisted allowing one solitary tear to fall. 'I judged you because of what I did, and I didn't see what they had done and were doing to you. Haymitch told me what had really happened and I don't think I could forgive myself for thinking the worst of you when I should have honoured your courage. Can you ever forgive me?'

Effie beckoned Katniss closer and pulled her into a light but meaningful hug.

'Of course,' she whispered, 'it wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known. I still blame myself, every minute of every day, so I can't ask you to forgive me. I never wanted to hurt anybody, and neither did you, which is why we are both still here; we are innocent people who have been placed in bad situations.'

'How could I ever think you shallow?'

Effie smiled. 'Those pink wigs were hideous.'

Katniss didn't know quite how Effie had done it, but she had made her feel better. Whatever had happened, she knew that it would spoil a rare happy moment to think too much on it so she sat back down and volunteered Peeta to get some more coffee. He was obliging, as always, and disappeared for a moment.

There was almost a minute of undisturbed happiness before one of the doctors came in. He was a tall, grey haired man who had been treating Effie since she came in to the hospital and had assisted on her surgery.

'Effie,' he said warmly, 'I'm glad to see that you're up. How are you feeling?'

'Better,' she replied. There was something about the way he was talking to her which she didn't like, as though the tone in his voice suggested that bad news was on its way. She didn't know if she could take any more bad news.

'Glad to hear it. Perhaps you two could give me and Effie a moment alone?'

Effie looked at Haymitch, fear sparkling in her eyes.

'I'm not going anywhere,' Haymitch warned him, taking Effie's hand.

'I really think-'

'Please,' Effie begged, 'I don't want to be alone.'

'Fine,' he said. 'Katniss?'

'I'll go and help Peeta with the coffee,' she answered, taking the hint. Getting up, she put a hand on Effie's shoulder reassuringly before leaving them alone.

'What do you want?' asked Haymitch directly, already feeling uneasy by the doctor's presence. He stood up and perched on Effie's bed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to prove that he wasn't going anywhere.

'Well,' he started, 'I am Doctor Andrews, and I have been treating you since you came here. When we heard that you had finally come around...properly, then I thought it best to discuss your general condition.'

'Okay,' Effie answered, trying to stop her voice from shaking.

'The bullet wound in your shoulder seems to be healing, though I think it will be sore for a few more days, and the pain from your recent surgery should be manageable. We had to spend a lot of time fixing your internal injuries, particularly trauma to your kidneys and other vital organs which were beginning to fail, so don't be too surprised if you feel weak; it is perfectly natural. Recovery time can range from weeks into months, but given your state of health I would say that it could be a slow process.'

'But you fixed them,' Effie confirmed, 'I mean my kidneys and whatever else...they're okay?' Doctor Andrews nodded.

'As far as we can tell, yes. There are a lot of bruises and lacerations which you will know of that may take longer to heal, and I don't think that you should try walking for at least a few more days, but long term that can all be dealt with. Dilute morphling will help with the pain for as long as you need it.'

Haymitch remembered, and his heart went cold. With everything else he had forgotten, but having this conversation all over again brought it back. He knew what the doctor was going to tell Effie, and it made his hands shake nervously. He didn't know how she was going to react, it was impossible to judge, but he held her all the more tightly.

'There was just...one more thing,' Doctor Andrews added. Effie felt her stomach churn.

'Wh-what is it?'

'When we operated on you, there was some trauma which was beyond repair.'

'Beyond...what?'

'We were trying to keep you alive, and by the time we discovered the bleeding it was too late. Miss Trinket, I am afraid that there was some serious damage to your womb.'

It hit Effie like a hard slap to the face. Her entire body stiffened, her blood running cold. No. Not after everything. Surely life could not be that cruel. She felt tears sting her eyes as she asked him to go on.

'There was some serious bleeding which we just about managed stem but I am afraid that the damage had already been done.'

'Will I...I mean...' stuttered Effie, starting to tremble in Haymitch's arms. He tried to hold her tighter but it wasn't enough. Her entire world was crumbling around her all over again.

'I'm very sorry,' Doctor Andrew said, 'but it is extremely unlikely that you will ever be able to carry a child. I never like to say impossible, but in your case...I'm sorry.'

It was one step too far. She had only just managed to bring herself out of darkness and she was being plunged straight back in. It wasn't as though Effie had planned to go straight out of this hospital and have a child, nor had she planned it for her immediate future, but it was something which she had always seen herself being able to do. She had wanted to be a mother ever since she learnt the true meaning of the word, and after losing her baby in the rebellion it had made her even more determined; now that had been taken away, like everything else in her life. Baron. It made her feel empty inside, and she couldn't quite accept that this was it for her life her, alone.

'Effie?' Haymitch tried, though it was as though she couldn't hear him. She was shaking violently, her skin freezing cold to the touch, and tears were spilling down her cheeks.

'Effie...please...'

She broke down. Screaming through her strangled sobs, Effie pulled at her hair and could only be stopped from hurting herself by Haymitch encircling her in his embrace. She didn't resist, only melted in his arms and allowed him to hold her as she cried. Doctor Andrews came up to her and injected a strong dose of morphling into her arm, even when Haymitch asked him not to.

'It's for her protection,' he insisted.

'She's just scared,' Haymitch argued, 'and sad; there is no reason to drug her!'

'I'm sorry, but it is protocol for unstable patients.'

Haymitch kept Effie in his arms until her breathing slowed and she was forced into sleep. He lay her down gently on the pillows kissing her on the forehead and stroking her cheek.

'Outside,' he whispered to Doctor Andrews who had waited to ensure that his patient was calm, 'now.'

In the corridor, Haymitch lost his temper.

'Why the hell did you have to tell her?' he screamed, so that all of the wards could probably hear.

'She had a right to know,' the doctor stuttered, 'I had to explain her condition while she was alert and awake.'

'She only just came back to us yesterday,' snarled Haymitch, 'she wasn't coping with everything that she had been through, and now you throw that at her; what kind of a doctor are you?'

'Are you saying the I shouldn't have told her? That she should have gone through the rest of her life not knowing the truth?'

'Yes,' Haymitch said simply, 'if that's what would make her happy.'

'Well I couldn't do that,' Doctor Andrews protested.

'But why so soon?' asked Haymitch. 'Why just as she was starting to get better did you have to throw that in her face?'

'Because she had a right to know,' he answered, 'and...and because I was told to do it immediately.'

'By...who...' breathed Haymitch, taking Andrews by the scruff of the neck.

'I can't say,' Andrews mumbled, 'please...I swear I wouldn't have told her but I was ordered to b-by someone higher up than me. They saw the charts and told me to tell Effie as soon as she woke up I...I had no choice.'

'You can tell me who it was, or you can explain a black eye to your colleagues,' scowled Haymitch.

'I can't,' Andrews assured him, 'I would tell you if I could but then she will know that I told you and make it worse for all of us, including Effie. Please...'

Haymitch let Andrews go without another word and ran his fingers through his hair as the greying man scampered away. Who would do that? Who would be so heartless and cruel? Whoever it was, they were holding a grudge and high enough in power to cause problems.

He wished that he had time to think about all of this information, but Effie needed him. Peeta and Katniss came up to him a moment later looking worried.

'What happened?' asked Katniss.

'They told Effie about...about not being able to have children.'

'Why...why now...

'I'll tell you later,' mumbled Haymitch.

'Is she okay?' Peeta said tentatively. Haymitch shook his head.

'She took it very badly,' he explained, 'they had to give her morphling to calm her down. I think she's sleeping now, but when she wakes up...'

'It must have meant a lot to her,' thought Katniss aloud, 'having children. And after losing the baby...oh God.'

'She just needs to concentrate on getting better for now, and then whatever obstacles we come to after that will be the next step.'

Haymitch walked back into Effie's room and took his usual place, kissing her hand lightly. She stirred a little, opening her eyes to look at him. Her face crumpled and silent tears ran down her eyes. He stroked her cheek.

'It's okay Effie,' Haymitch said gently, 'it will be okay.'

'No...no it won't,' Effie whispered.

'It will, somehow, I promise,' he swore to her. 'It isn't the end of the world, even if it feels like it now. Don't cry, please don't cry.'

'I...I'm...so tired,' she muttered as her eyelids became heavy.

'I'll be here,' Haymitch promised, 'I will always stay here for you.'

She was at least peaceful in sleep, and as he had promised Haymitch watched over her the entire day and through the night. The morphling sedated her to the point where she was forced to sleep for almost twelve hours, and though it was a much needed rest she was lost in the dangerous world of dreams again.

Xxx

_Effie was thrown back into a memory when she was plunged into darkness, one which before had meant nothing at all and now meant so much. She saw watched her six year old self, sitting on a bench in the school playground. The other children were re-enacting the second Quarter Quell, fighting over who got to be Haymitch and Maysilee the stars of the Games. It wasn't a game Effie understood or enjoyed, and so the little girl sat alone._

_That morning, her teacher had asked the class to draw a picture to represent their hopes and dreams for the future. It had taken Effie a very long time to think of what to draw, debating whether to be honest or go with her heart. In the end, she had drawn what everyone expected her to an older version of herself in fine Capitol clothes and a bright pink wig as an escort at the Reaping, picking a name from the large glass bowl. Her teacher had been over the moon, though it wasn't the truth._

_Now, with no-one watching her, Effie decided to draw what the truth really was. It was a simple image, not what people would have thought to be her dream, but it was all that she wanted. Effie drew an older version of herself intertwined in the arms of a man, her husband, and sitting in the garden before a large country house. Playing in front of her were her three children, two girls and a boy, all with the same bright red hair as their mother._

_It wasn't asking for much. Effie didn't want fame or wealth or authority; all that she wanted was a family, someone to love her and children of her own to give her love. She had never allowed anyone else to see that drawing, hiding it in the bottom of her bag where her mother wouldn't look and keeping it in a crack in the wall behind her drawers. It had always been a source of hope when things became too much._

_But the end of this memory changed in Effie's mind as she dreamt. Instead of watching the young girl pack her things away and join her friends, she saw the paper burn in her fingers and the images melt before her eyes; a dream which was now nothing more than ash._

_The scene changed. Effie blinked in the bright sunshine, trying to recognise her unusual surroundings; it only took her a second. Effie was sat beneath an apple tree encircled in Haymitch's warm embrace in the garden before a great white house. Three children were playing before her; she even knew their names Belle, Ciro and Alyssa. Her children. Their children. _

_She smiled as she watched them play, laughing as Ciro tried to catch the girls who were much too fast for him. Haymitch kissed the top of her head lightly and held her tighter._

'_Mummy, look at me!'_

_It was all so perfect, until she heard them scream. Effie tried to move but was paralysed, caught in Haymitch's arms unable to get to her screaming children. When she managed to wriggle free from Haymitch's grasp, she ran to them desperately but they faded away before she could reach them. They were gone. _

_Dropping to her knees, tears ran down Effie's face as she held the ashes in her hands; all that remained of her three babies. They were gone. They had never been there. Turning to Haymitch, she realised that he too was gone; he wouldn't stay now that she couldn't give him what he wanted. She was alone; alone and crying with no-one to hold her and tell her that it would all be all right. Perhaps that meant it never would be._

Xxx

Effie woke up screaming. She had been tossing and turning for an hour in her sleep, which had worried Haymitch, but when she finally woke that morning he knew that something was very wrong. Her eyes were wide and scared and there were tears rolling down her cheeks as she sat straight up, breathing heavily.

'Effie, please calm down,' Haymitch begged quietly, getting up from his chair to put an arm around her. The screaming died in her throat, but she was trembling and silently crying.

'What's wrong?'

'I'm f-fine,' Effie lied, trying to calm her racing heart, 'just...just a bad dream, that's all.'

'Are you okay?' he asked, unconvinced by her answer. She nodded and tried to smile, though it did not reach her frightened eyes.

'I'll be all right in a minute,' she insisted, 'it was...just a dream.'

Haymitch helped her to lie back down, adjusting her pillows to ease her pain as the morphling wore off.

'Get some sleep,' he told her seriously, 'just another hour or so, and then Katniss and Peeta will come and visit. I'll be here, I promise you'll be all right. Just don't scare me like that again?'

'I'll try not to,' Effie whispered as she closed her eyes again. It was scary how quickly she was lost to darkness again.

She wouldn't tell him, she couldn't burden him with that after everything he had been through. This was something that she had to deal with herself, her own demons to fight and her own sadness to live with. He couldn't give her a child, no matter what he said. He couldn't take away her memories, nor the scars which marred her flesh; him being there was enough to get her through, but it wasn't enough to heal her.

Haymitch placed a gentle kiss on Effie's forehead and held her hand while she slept. He didn't think that he had ever felt this scared. He was scared of losing her, in so many ways, and he was scared that whatever he could say would not be enough. More than that, though, he was worried about the small voice in the back of his mind warning him that she wasn't safe, and that someone was out to get her.

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**I won't give too much away about next chapter but there as usual is a little more turmoil, though not in the conventional sense...It will all make sense lol.**

**Thank you so much for reading and please please review, I really enjoy reading your comments and thoughts on this story. It may be mad and over the top and cruel to our favourite characters but hey, if you can't write it here than where can you?**

**Rambling again so I will sign off now and say thanks again; you are all brilliant! Hope you liked it...**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hey again everybody,**

**Thanks for all of your brilliant support and reviews, they have really helped me over one of the most difficult weeks of my life. In short, everything went wrong in every way as I ended up rather ill indeed but now I am just about better and thought I better finish this chapter off before I get really busy!**

**I know this chapter isn't my best, but I had to get it out so bear with me. Thanks for your continued support and hopefully I will be able to update soon, though may be a little longer than usual. **

**Please read, enjoy, and leave a review as I love to hear all of your thoughts. Thanks everybody!**

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**Chapter 19**

The nights were the worst. When she was awake Effie knew that Haymitch was by her side, or if he had to leave then she knew that he would still keep her safe; when night came, she couldn't know whether or not he was there at all. She didn't know whether he was protecting her, even when he promised her that he would be, and doubt crept into her mind. When her dreams could roam freely, they would take control of Effie and manipulate her darkest fears to turn her against herself.

On good nights she would wake four or five times, sometimes screaming though often just calling out for Haymitch. On bad nights, even when Effie closed her eyes for a mere second the memories became too much. She had to settle for lying in Haymitch's comforting arms as she could hardly even allow herself to blink. That was why no matter how much he was needed, he never left her when darkness fell.

Haymitch thought that he knew how badly Effie was coping, but he didn't know the half of it. So many people demanded his help, his attention, that every now and then he was forced to leave Effie if only for an hour or two to meet with Gale or Plutarch or whoever wanted to see him. Effie insisted that she didn't mind, that she could use some time to herself and that she wanted him to help in the aftermath of the war; she was a very persuasive liar.

Every time he left the room she missed him. Even if it was just for a minute or two to speak to the doctors, Effie wished that he would come back to her. When he was gone for longer periods of time she often started to panic – she couldn't help it. He never knew, as she never told him, but sometimes when he left she would begin to hyperventilate and suffer terrible flashbacks or delusions.

She would see images of him telling her that he had never loved her, that he was disgusted by her and wanted her to die, and even though Effie knew that it wasn't real it soon became too much. Her past haunted her too, with memories of President Paylor and the abusive hand of Gray Freeman those which visited her the most frequently.

Sometimes the attacks only lasted a few minutes, subtle enough to go unnoticed by the doctors, but sometimes she was so lost that only a light sedative could calm her down. Under different circumstances the professionals would have told Haymitch everything, but with Effie now awake and coherent she had the power to instruct them not to and they were bound by it. So he didn't know. If he had, then he would never leave her side, but it was out of his hands.

Effie had told Katniss and Peeta any number of times that they didn't have to stay for her, and told them to go back to District 12, but they insisted. To keep themselves busy they were both working with Gale and the military to organise District 13 and the Capitol refugees, a job which kept them close and allowed them to visit Effie whenever they needed to.

Katniss knew that whatever she said, no matter how close she and Haymitch were growing, it was nice for Effie to have someone else to talk to. The loneliness was plain to see in her eyes, the longing for people to accept her when she was having difficulty accepting herself, and no matter how many times that she promised that she was fine Katniss knew that she wasn't even close. Haymitch was there most of the time to help her and talk to her so she and Peeta didn't need to be there every minute of every day, but she wanted Effie to know that they were still there for her; that they were still her friends and that they cared for her deeply.

Xxx

It was a week or so after Effie had opened up to Haymitch before she even tried to walk. At first it was hard to even stay awake, despite her nightmares, and she felt so weak half of the time that everything felt as though it drained all of her energy from her body. Most of the time she just talked to Haymitch or sat with him, wrapped in the warmth of his embrace.

'You don't have to do this you know,' he reminded Effie as she slowly moved to sit on the edge of the bed. She smiled at his kindness.

'I do,' she told him, 'I heard what they were saying the other day, how my progress is too slow; I have to try.'

'If you aren't ready-'

'Oh stop fussing and lend me an arm,' Effie stopped him. Haymitch obliged at once, though he was shaking his head, and put an arm around her waist so that she could put hers around his neck. As soon as her feet gingerly touched the floor she had to bite down on her lip to prevent a pained moan escaping her lips. It felt as if a fire was engulfing her body, though she tried to hide it in her expression.

Haymitch could see her face going pale.

'There,' he said,' you did it, now you can get back into bed.'

'No, I...I'm f-fine,' Effie argued, though her tone held no strength. She tried to move forward a little, walking only a few steps before her legs buckled and she gasped as pain radiated through her entire body. Haymitch caught her at once, sweeping her into his arms in a matter of seconds and placing her back on the bed.

'I'm sorry I...' Effie started, though she hadn't the energy to go on. It was so frustrating how something so simple could take so much effort.

'You did brilliantly,' Haymitch said, placing a kiss on her cheek, 'you just need to take it one step at a time.'

Effie could feel herself drifting off, so had to ask him as she always did:

'You'll be here?'

'Always,' he promised, 'I won't move an inch.'

That night she dreamt of the first time she had seen Nooka again in the cell, of the conflicting emotions and terror as she saw him being taken away from her again after just a few moments; if only she had known then what she did now. She dreamt of Gray, of him slamming her against the wall and the feeling of blood trickling down her leg as he ripped her skirt and within the hour she was forced back into the waking world where Haymitch, as promised, was waiting for her.

Xxx

'Haymitch?'

'Yeah?'

'Can you help me onto the chair please? I can't sit properly on this bed and it's causing havoc with my stitches.'

'Of course,' Haymitch said at once. It had taken a few days for Effie to find her feet, and she still needed an arm to lean on, but now she could walk a little way and even if it took all of her strength it was still something. It was easiest for her to walk over to the soft cream armchair which had been moved into the room for her, where she could sit and be supported by the cushions rather than the uncomfortable mattress of the bed.

Swinging her feet over the edge of the bed and taking Haymitch's arm, Effie managed to stand and steady herself before slowly walking the metre or so to the chair. She winced a little as she sat down, but it was less tiring than it had once been and it only took a few minutes for her to regain her composure. They had replaced her stitches and bandaging a day or so ago to reduce the chance of infection, and her abdomen was still tender but it wouldn't, she hoped, be for too long.

Haymitch pulled his simple metal chair beside her.

'Are you meeting Plutarch today?'

Haymitch shook his head. 'He asked, but I said that I had been spending far too much time there as it is so he will have to wait. I don't see why they need me anyway.'

'Because you are so clever,' she smiled weakly, 'and they need strong people to rebuild everything that has been lost. You should have gone.'

'I'd rather be here,' grumbled Haymitch, 'but I better go for an hour or so tomorrow just to keep the peace. You don't mind, do you?'

'Of course not,' Effie lied almost convincingly.

'Do you want some water?'

'Please,' Effie said gratefully, taking the glass Haymitch poured for her from the pitcher on the side table. She was still on nutrient supplements after attempts to get her to eat anything failed. Her initial reluctance to eat was not the only problem, but her body reacted violently to the sudden intake of food and she brought up almost anything that she tried to eat which only drained her depleted energy sources further. As a result she was getting thinner rather than putting on the weight she desperately needed, so there were even other chemicals in the water to boost her immune system and supply her body with some form of energy.

After three small sips Effie put the water down; it made her feel uneasy.

'Can't you drink a little more?' coaxed Haymitch, hating to watch her waste away before his eyes.

'Not really,' Effie mumbled, 'it just makes me feel so tired...everything seems to make me tired...'

'Hey,' Haymitch said, 'it will get better, trust me it will.'

'I do trust you,' Effie assured him. He smiled at her, deciding not to push her further; he could not and would not force her to drink.

Haymitch leant over and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. As he pulled away, he stopped; their faces were only a few inches apart. Her eyes locked onto his, swimming with emotion in pools of the deepest blue, and he couldn't resist. Haymitch slowly moved forward, as though asking her permission, and placed his lips gently against hers.

Effie's eyes closed as she accepted his kiss and returned it, reaching a hand to gently touch his cheek and let him know that this was what she wanted. That moment seemed to last a lifetime, and she soon became lost in it. The feeling of having someone close to her again in that way was blissful, and knowing that Haymitch would never betray her or do her wrong as others had allowed her to feel safe in his arms.

But she had felt safe with Nooka. She had trusted him, loved him with all her heart, and he had betrayed her. He had never even cared. Though Haymitch she could trust, couldn't she? He had saved her, helped her to get better over these past few weeks and had never left her side except when he was needed. How could she know? How could she be sure that this was not just another trick, another hoax, another Nooka?

Effie pulled away swiftly from the kiss as her mind ran into overdrive, her breathing quick and shallow.

'Effie? Are you all right?' Haymitch asked, but she couldn't hear him. She hated having doubts about him, the only man she really trusted, but it was as though her thoughts were beyond her control.

'I...I...' she tried, tears welling in her eyes, but she couldn't get the words out. When he reached for her hand in comfort Effie jumped at his touch, knocking over the water which spilt on the floor.

'Effie come on,' Haymitch begged, trying not to crumble in front of her, 'it's me.' It was almost as if she didn't quite recognise the man before her.

'It's me, I'm not going to hurt you. Eff-'

'Mr Abernathy?'

'What?' Haymitch shouted, spinning around to see someone he didn't want to at the door.

'I'm afraid that we are going to have to ask you to leave,' said General Atkins calmly.

'Can't you see that I'm busy?' he hissed. 'This isn't the time, she needs me.'

'I am sorry, but you don't have a choice,' Atkins told him, stepping aside to allow five armed guards into the room.

Effie looked up, acknowledging the other presences in the room. She was already trembling, but the fear these men struck into her heart was something greater.

'Haymitch...' she whispered, tears falling down her face. One of the men came up to Haymitch and pulled him back.

'No,' he said struggling, 'what the hell...'

'I apologise Haymitch,' Atkins said without a note of regret in her tone, 'but it was only a matter of time after all.'

'Haymitch...please...' Effie begged a little louder, looking to Haymitch with frightened eyes. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I just got scared...I-'

'As touching as this is,' interrupted Atkins harshly, 'we have to take you in, Effie.'

'She can't even walk,' Haymitch snarled as he continued to struggle, 'she isn't ready for this, ask any of the doctors. Effie didn't do anything wrong.'

'Oh but she did,' the General contradicted. 'She killed President Paylor, giving information to the enemy soldiers; she is a traitor as well as a murderess.'

'I...I didn't...' choked Effie, but she couldn't get the words out.

'You did,' Atkins stated, 'and well enough or not there has to be a trial, though I think I can already tell how it is going to turn out. Cuff her.'

'NO!' Haymitch shouted, 'you can't do this! You know that she had no choice; you know that she shouldn't be arrested. God she's not even well enough to stand trial!'

'I believe that she is,' Atkins argued, 'and I have the power to do so, and I will.'

One of the soldiers moved towards Effie who started whimpering in fear. They took her thin bony wrists harshly and handcuffed them together.

'Haymitch!' she screamed, wriggling as they grabbed her arms.

'It will be okay,' Haymitch said, tears falling from his own eyes, 'I'll sort this, I promise; it will all be okay.'

'Please...' she begged as they dragged her to her feet and forced her to walk unsteadily towards the door. She felt dizzy. She was already tired, but the intensity of her emotions and the harsh way they were pushing her to walk was quickly becoming too much. As she reached the doorframe she collapsed, falling to the floor as everything went dark.

'Well that won't do,' Atkins said, 'pick her up.'

'You bitch,' spat Haymitch, 'look at her! Look at what they did to her and you are still saying that she is the one to blame in all of this? How can you do this? How do you sleep at night?'

'Very comfortably,' she smiled. 'Take her away.'

The soldier holding him let go, shoving him back against the wall and delivering a hard punch to the face before leaving with the others. Haymitch looked up just in time to see one of the men manhandling Effie roughly into his arms and walking away with her, though he couldn't run after her. She was gone. He had let her go again when she needed him. Tears were not enough, but they fell regardless. It seemed so hopeless.

Xxx

Katniss and Peeta walked the short way from the hospital canteen to Effie's room with a black coffee in hand for Haymitch; it didn't take them long to realise that something was wrong. There seemed to be soldiers everywhere, walking down the halls and guarding the entrances to the wards.

'Why are there so many of them all of a sudden?' asked Katniss.

'Protection?' shrugged Peeta.

'From who?'

'I don't know,' he said, 'maybe they are just being cautious after the problems in thirteen.'

'Seems unlikely...maybe Haymitch will know.'

Katniss was the first to walk into Effie's room and it only took a second for her to notice.

'Haymitch?'

He was picking himself up from the floor, blood running slowly from his nose. He looked crushed, with the remnants of tears still in his eyes.

'Where's Effie?' As Katniss said the words she felt her throat go dry. Something was wrong, very wrong, and she almost didn't want to know what in fear of how bad it could be.

'Atkins,' breathed Haymitch, reaching out a hand to steady himself on the wall.

'What did she do?' asked Peeta.

'Took her...arrested her...' choked Haymitch, tears stinging his eyes. 'I tried to stop them but they nearly bloody well knocked me out, cuffed her and had to carry her when she fell...'

Katniss went numb. She had guessed that there might be a trial, it had always been a possibility, but it seemed too soon. Her own had been conducted in her absence, given her state of mind and general health, and she had assumed that the same would be done for Effie. The doctors knew of her instability, her weakness and her terror, so how had they allowed this to happen?

'But she's not well enough,' Katniss stated, 'she can't walk properly, she barely eats or sleeps-'

'I know,' Haymitch grumbled, shaking the dizziness from his spinning head, 'they took her anyway. Her. It all comes down to her – Atkins. She was smiling, goddamn smiling; who the hell does that?'

'Do you think that she was the one who ordered Doctor Andrews to tell Effie about her condition?'

'Oh God...'

Haymitch knew that Katniss was right. He hadn't put two and two together; of course it was her. But it didn't make any sense; why would she want her to be even more unstable than she already was? Katniss was clearly thinking the same thing.

'I don't understand,' Peeta said, 'does Atkins have some sort of...vendetta against Effie or something?'

'She served in the last war, saw some people get away with things they shouldn't have,' Haymitch speculated aloud.

'Maybe she can't see past what Effie did,' Peeta thought, 'and thinks that if it is left, then she might walk away untried.'

'It's so stupid,' shouted Haymitch, resisting the urge to punch a hole in the wall, 'she did what she had to do and she's being punished for it. Anyone else would have done the same in her position, anyone, but they just can't let her go.'

'Atkins was from District 2 wasn't she?' Katniss asked, remembering something she had long since put to the back of her mind.

'Yeah,' Haymitch confirmed, 'why?'

'Don't you remember, about...five or six years ago? There was a boy picked as tribute from District 2, Jared Atkins, for the seventy first Hunger Games. He died on the final day – nearly made it home.'

'You think there is some relation?' asked Peeta. Katniss nodded.

'Would explain why she hates Effie. She's the only surviving escort I know of, and a memory of the Games for those too narrow minded to look past it. I that was her family, her son...it makes her dangerous and even more determined.'

'But it doesn't make any sense,' Katniss continued. 'Surely by telling Effie about...about her health to make her more unstable and arresting her now, she weakens the argument to prosecute her for war crimes. If someone who the doctors say is emotionally and physically unwell is accused of cold blooded and thought out murder, then it will work in her favour.'

'Yes,' said Haymitch, 'all true, but the rules have changed since your trial. The evidence against Effie is so weak, given her captivity and circumstances, that in a fair trial which is required by law then she would be acquitted. No jury would convict her.'

'So what's the problem?' Katniss pressed.

'If Atkins breaks her to the point where she can be deemed unfit and a possible danger to herself, then there can be an appeal hearing to have her locked away in a psychiatric facility without a trial. With her records and the doctors notes, even a fair judge would sentence her to that rather than put her through a full trial. She's playing the system and it won't work well for Effie,' explained Haymitch.

'Surely Plutarch can put a stop to this? He's President now, he has control over Atkins and the military and the courts; he could help her,' Katniss pointed out.

'Even the President has to abide by the laws of the courts,' Haymitch sighed. 'He can't just overrule the decision to arrest her, but he might be able to do something; we'll have to see. God this isn't fair. Effie doesn't need this right now. She was just starting to turn a corner.'

'We should speak to the doctors first,' Katniss said, trying to stop the negative thoughts which were creeping into her head from taking over. 'If we know exactly where we stand then...it's a start.' She couldn't help but think that the odds were certainly not in Effie's favour.

Xxx

Effie's eyes opened drowsily as the darkness began to recede. She was still in the arms of a large, broad-shouldered soldier but she was no longer in the hospital. The dull grey walls and dimly lit corridors which rushed passed her were not familiar to her, though as she heard the clanking of keys against metal, she could guess where she was going. The handcuffs were too tight even on her tiny wrists and were beginning to chafe uncomfortably.

Effie was helped roughly back to her feet when they reached their destination, though she could hardly stand. She was still dizzy from her fall, her head spinning wildly. Why her? Why now? Why after everything she had been through could she not have five minutes of peace? Taking note of her surroundings, Effie saw a long corridor with a number of small rooms evenly spaced with doors of metal bars lining the walls.

Her own cell was waiting for her, a room of only a few metres squared if that, with only a padded bench at the back to offer any comfort. She walked in and sat down heavily, tears welling in her eyes as images from her memory flashed before her eyes. The gate separating her from freedom was closed, a series of thick rusting iron bars the only thing between her and General Atkins who seemed to be almost delighting in locking her away.

'I wish I could say that I was sorry,' she sighed, 'but I wouldn't want to be dishonest. You have had this coming a long time Trinket, ever since you were picked to work for those goddamn Games. You never should have been freed after the war. They should have killed you there and then.'

Effie didn't understand, sitting in stunned silence shivering in her thin grey hospital gown.

'I...I don't...'

'Jared Atkins,' the general said with the slightest hint of emotion in her voice, 'District 2. He was eighteen. My son died at eighteen years old thanks to your beloved Games. I bet you enjoyed it, every second of it; I bet you cheered when he died. So, Effie, justice is finally served; the last escort locked up where she belongs. I'd throw away the key if it was up to me.'

Effie wanted to tell her how much she herself hated the Games, how much she had lost thanks to them, but General Atkins had already walked away. Her son... She felt sorry for her, having to lose her child to something so terrible, but Atkins didn't understand. Blinded by rage, by grief and vengeance, Effie feared that she never would.

Xxx

They found Doctor Andrews in his office on the same floor where Effie had been staying for the past few weeks. Haymitch burst through the door, not bothering with common courtesies. Andrews was understandably confused, not sure of what to say at first as he watched Haymitch breathing heavily with rage glistening in his eyes and Peeta and Katniss walking behind him in support.

'Is...something wrong?' he asked cautiously.

'They took her,' breathed Haymitch, 'they took Effie.'

'Oh,' remarked Andrews, putting down the pen he had been holding and interlocking his fingers. He appeared to be rather nervous. 'I told them not to, I did. I said that she wasn't well enough to be moved and that she would never be able to stand trial in her condition, but it seems as though they have ignored me – again.'

'Why the hell did they arrest her now?' asked Haymitch. Andrews shrugged.

'I just do as I'm told,' he said simply, 'it has nothing to do with me.'

'They're going to try and get a psychiatric order taken out against her, have her locked away for the rest of her life in some...some padded white cell. I can't let that happen,' Haymitch insisted, trying not to allow his emotions to bubble over and become dangerously apparent.

'So that's their game,' Andrews realised with a nervous twitch of a smile. 'Clever; I have to hand it to her really. General Atkins is one tough bitch. But I am sorry Haymitch, there's nothing that I can do.'

'They won't have enough, will they?' asked Katniss. 'I mean...I know she hasn't been well, but that is to be expected given what she's gone through. It's just a few nightmares...'

'I'm afraid it is a little more complicated than that,' Andrews muttered.

'What do you mean?' spat Haymitch.

'I can't say,' the doctor apologised. 'She told me not to tell you and I am bound by law to respect her wishes.'

Haymitch slammed a fist against the wall in frustration, causing Andrews to flinch.

'Are you saying that she deserves it?'

'God no,' Andrews insisted in a shaky tone, 'I don't think that at all. I know that Effie...well she's suffered a lot, and she may have some issues that she needs help with but it shouldn't be enough to condemn her. In a fair trial she should be acquitted and helped, but this hasn't exactly been fair so far.'

'How do you mean?' Peeta pressed. Andrews sighed.

'Well telling her about not being able to have children so soon after she woke was designed to make her appear more unstable than she really is. They will use past evidence against her, things that shouldn't be brought up, and although the courts will of course not be rigged, the way Atkins is playing it does not portray Effie in the best light,' he explained.

'I can't help her if I don't know what is going on,' Haymitch said shaking his head. 'I need to know what we're up against.'

Andrews looked behind them, as though expecting someone else to walk in at any moment. He ushered Katniss to close the door behind them so that they were given at least some degree of privacy.

'I didn't tell you this,' he whispered, 'and you can't let anyone else know where you got this information; it will just be worse for everyone involved.'

Haymitch nodded.

'The nightmares are the worst aspect of her condition, yes, and those are indeed to be expected given what Effie has come from. The fact that she hardly eats or sleeps will not work in her favour, making her seem more unstable and fragile and as if she needs alternate care. Her physical health is a part of it, as is the emotional aspect of her being unable to have children, but there is something else which tips the scale against her; the panic attacks.'

'What?' Haymitch snarled.

'She can't be left alone,' Andrews went on, 'she fears it more than anything else. When you had to go Haymitch, not that I am blaming you in the slightest do not be mistaken, she would often simply break down. Sometimes she would just hyperventilate, though sometimes she would have delusions, hallucinations so powerful that she had to be sedated to put them to rest. As a doctor I know that these insecurities can be aided with the help of loved ones, but to others it is not that simple. They make her dependent.'

'Atkins knows all this?' mumbled Haymitch, trying to take it all in.

'She read the notes; it's all in there.'

He had never felt guilt like it. Why had she not told him? It wasn't as if he would love her any less for it; he knew that she suffered, that she wasn't quite as strong as she had once been, but if he had known then he never would have left her side until the day that he died. Hadn't he seen a glimpse earlier? The look in her eyes when she broke away from their kiss, that unbridled terror; it wasn't something she could help, Haymitch was sure of it.

'What do we do?' asked Katniss. 'I mean...God...'

'There won't be much time,' the doctor explained, 'Atkins will want this finished as quickly as possible. Haymitch, you need to see Effie; talk to her, tell her it will be okay and that she cannot panic. If she starts to panic it will only make her situation worse. You'll need Plutarch on your side; I know that he is a friend of yours. He can't influence the fair rulings of the court but he might be able to come up with an alternative deal which will keep Effie out of a facility.'

'Thank you,' Haymitch said sincerely, wishing that he had not judged the doctor as he had earlier.

'Good luck,' Andrews smiled nervously, 'and give Effie my best; no matter what you think of me I do care about her you know. She is one brave woman.'

Xxx

Effie sat with her knees tucked close to her chest, her head buries in her arms. It had taken a lot for her not to cry, but she knew what they were doing; they were trying to break her. General Atkins wanted her to pay for her crimes, and Effie could not deny that she was right to want justice, but this vendetta felt as though it ran deeper than that.

If she was going to spend the rest of her life in prison, then that was something she could learn to accept. For her own sake, however, she didn't want to let her life crumble to nothing. After everything that she had been through, Effie had survived and if she broke now then all of her efforts would have been in vain. She wanted the simple right to be in control of herself, and to live what was left of her life with a little self respect if nothing else.

But it was hard. Haymitch wasn't there, wasn't by her side as he had always been, and it panicked her as it had many times before. No matter how hard she tried not to think of him, he was the only face before her when she closed her eyes to blink. His presence made her feel safe, wanted and even – when she dared to believe it – loved. Now she was alone, alone and frightened, and it was beginning to tear her apart.

Terrible thoughts began to run through Effie's head. It was just too hard to concentrate when sitting freezing cold in a barred cell. The room felt too small, as if the walls were moving closer by the second, and with only the hospital gown to shield her from the biting chill of the underground cells her entire body was shivering.

Running her fingers through her hair, Effie tried to breathe deeply and calm herself but it was no use. Her heart was racing. She didn't know what to do. All that she wanted was to call out to Haymitch, to have him kiss her head and tell her it was all going to be all right as childish as it sounded. She had been wrong to expect so much from him, but Effie had felt something between them and wanted just one thing in her life to be worth living for.

Effie was glad of the distraction when she heard footsteps approaching. Whoever it was, nothing could be worse than sitting there in silence left with her own thoughts – or so she thought.

'Let's put him in this one, across from the escort,' she heard someone say, most likely a guard she didn't know by name. She hated how they still referred to her by a title which she had long since abandoned, associating her even now with the system they all hated even when she despised it as much as they did.

She saw three guards escorting a man in white, though his face was concealed by the shadows. They opened the barred door to the cell across from hers, pushing him in a little more violently than necessary before locking him in. She felt sorry for him for a second, but not a moment longer.

'Be lucky that Plutarch took pity on the prisoners,' one of the guards said, 'I'd have just killed you all.'

'How very civilised are you,' a scarily familiar voice said. It sent a shiver down her spine, and Effie realised at once who it was; only one man talked like that, if he could even be described as such.

'I'd advise shutting that trap of yours,' another guard growled at the prisoner, 'or I'll just have to shut it for you.'

'Come on, let's go,' the first guard said, pulling his colleagues away from the prisoner to prevent any further argument breaking out.

Effie uncurled from her ball and walked slowly to the edge of her cell, putting her hands on the bars and looking at the face of the man who made her life hell from across the corridor. He was sitting very nonchalantly, legs crossed and arms cushioning his head against the wall. Though a little bloodied, he looked almost the same and that made her feel so much worse. When he noticed her, their eyes met and Effie felt her world come crashing down.

'Effie,' Gray Freeman grinned, 'how...enchanting to see you alive. I really thought that you had met your match when I –'

'Left me to die?' Effie finished, her voice shaking with anger. He was alive, somehow, and he was there, right there, haunting her all over again. He laughed. How he could laugh she would never know, but the look in his eyes said it all – he loved seeing how broken and empty she was. He loved seeing what he had made of her.

He loved how she was still his, even when she was free of her cage. He knew that she would never be free of him. And it made him so happy, his grin seemed like it would never fade.

* * *

**Hope that it was okay, and will be more soon. Mini teaser: Effie confronts her worst nightmares, but will she be strong or will it destroy her? And Haymitch does everything in his power to help her even when it looks as if he can't.**

**Thanks for reading and please leave a review!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey again everyone, thank you so much for your reviews and continued support. You all make a real difference and keep me writing when I could have given up a while ago, so thank you!**

**Now, this chapter isn't very long at all so I apologise. It is basically the start to a much longer chapter I had planned, probably four times as long, but with a restricted schedule with everything going on at the minute I saw an hour or so of opportunity and thought that I might as well get something up as I do not know when I will next be able to publish! So short and sweet I am afraid, but the rest to come hopefully very soon.**

**This is entering the last few chapters of this story. This was going to be the penultimate chapter, but as it is only a section there will be two or three more at least after this one to come. Finally thought of an ending, so I know what is going to happen at least!**

**So anyway, read and enjoy and please leave a review. Thanks!**

* * *

**Chapter 20**

'You ruined my life,' Effie said simply. Though she was sure that at any moment she could burst into tears she knew that she wouldn't. For once in her life she was going to be strong. She was not going to give Gray the satisfaction of seeing what he had done to her.

'Yes, I suppose I did,' Gray replied with a sickening grin, 'and I would be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy it.'

'You should be dead,' whispered Effie, shaking her head in disbelief. This wasn't supposed to happen.

'Probably,' he answered.

'You were in the Capitol...'

'Yes, I was, but I was smart enough to get out of there when it all started going south. I knew that there would be some sort of contingency plan, one which would destroy us all, so I went to District Thirteen. I was caught eventually, yes, but I am as you can see, perfectly alive.'

'Good people died,' stammered Effie. 'Innocent people, who deserved so much better, died for the sake of this war and yet you get to live.'

'I suppose that you would see it as unfair,' Gray smiled.

'Of course.'

'Who are you to say who is better than who? You can hardly pass judgement on others given your own circumstances. Would others say to you that you should have died instead of the innocent?'

'I am sure that they would,' she reasoned calmly, 'but however unforgiveable my crimes are, at least I have the courage and decency to admit to them. I know what I did was wrong, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I did not enjoy what happened. If I could go back and change it then I would, but that is not possible so I will live on regretting it and trying to make amends. I am trying, at least, to be a better person. You are nothing more than a monster.'

'I always did love it when you fought back,' Gray said smoothly. He saw Effie's expression harden and took a small victory upon seeing her pain. He knew how to hurt her, and he knew that it would work every time. Effie said nothing.

'You say that I should be dead, but I could say the same of you my dear. Were it not for me, then you would have died a long time ago.'

'What do you mean?' she asked, her voice threatening to give away her deeper emotions.

'I chose you,' Gray explained, standing up and moving as close to the bars of his cell as he could. 'I chose you to live when everyone around you was dying.'

'I don't-'

'It's quite simple really. There were a lot of prisoners during the rebellion, hundreds if not thousands. Some of them had a high priority, like Peeta and Annie, and some were used for information...you were disposable.'

Effie swallowed. He didn't know quite what Gray was telling her, but she didn't like where he was heading with it.

'We tortured and hurt those who knew important things, but it troubled no-one when one of you died. After we had Nooka watching over you, we already knew a lot of what you had to offer us. Of course, with your ties to District 12 you were always going to be a good source of information, but there were only so many cells; someone had to die every so often to make room. It could have been you.'

'Then why am I still alive?' asked Effie strongly.

'Because I made sure that you were,' Gray told her simply. 'After the...messy business with the baby, you were still alive and fighting – I liked that about you. You were...are...a very attractive woman and a strong one too. I made sure that you were kept alive for me, to do with as I pleased. We all had one, each Peacekeeper; we all had our own little whore.'

'Stop it,' whispered Effie, anger bubbling in her veins.

'I own you,' hissed Gray. 'Ever since I instructed the others not to kill you, I have taken ownership of your life. You were mine to do what I wanted with, and you are still mine today.'

'You don't own me,' argued Effie, 'I am not a possession to be passed around. I am in control of my own life.'

'If only that were true.'

The way that Gray said it...it was as if he knew what she was thinking. Effie knew that she was not in control of herself, not even of her own mind which was often plunged deep into darkness. His glistening dark eyes seemed to know – he seemed to know her better than she knew herself.

'I've been watching you ever since you slipped away from me,' Gray said, starting to pace the small cell. 'I was almost jealous when Plutarch and his petty soldiers came and found you, but I had other things to occupy myself with; planning the counter measures, training the President's granddaughter for leadership. You were nothing, and yet still I watched you.'

'You didn't do a very good job,' Effie informed him almost proudly. 'Elpis was the one who helped me. She freed me from my cell and took me to safety.'

'I always knew that she was useless,' spat Gray with a hint of resentment in his tone, 'but no matter. It means that I get to see you again, and that is a reward in itself. A little pale, a little wasted away, but still my Effie.'

'Don't call me that!' Effie shouted, a little louder than she had intended. Gray looked almost surprised.

'Well well the little lion has a mighty roar. I would be impressed if I couldn't see past it all. You know as well as I do, I can see it in your eyes; you know that you can't survive this.'

'I have survived,' Effie pointed out, 'and I will continue to do so. As for you...I cannot say. Many want you dead.'

'I'm sure,' he agreed, 'but you haven't accepted your own fate it seems. It is one thing to survive the pain, the torture, the heartbreak, but it is another to live with it. Can you live with what you have done, Effie?'

'Yes,' she said, less than convincingly.

'Oh I don't think so,' Gray teased. 'I think that one day you will be sitting alone, with no-one to tell you how brave you were and how you had no choice, and then you will realise. You are too good of a person to live with this weight on your shoulders; it's almost a credit to you. You think that you will go to hell, that you should be punished, but nothing will ever be enough. You will be guilty for the rest of your life, in your own eyes and the eyes of others. Haymitch will never look at you in the same way again.'

'Don't you talk to me about Haymitch,' Effie spat, her anger fuelling her confidence. 'He has been the only one to understand; he knows what I am going through, what I've been through, and he understands. He actually cares enough to forgive me, and if he can do it then I can myself.'

'So,' Gray mocked with a laugh, 'little Effie is in love? What do you think will happen if you are freed from your cage, hmm? Do you expect dear Haymitch to take you in his arms and carry you home where you will live happily ever after, getting married and having lots of little babies?'

Effie felt tears sting her eyes. It was the one thing, possibly the only thing that he could have said to make her cry in front of him. She didn't want Gray to see her weakened, not after everything he had put her through, but he had brought up the one thing which hurt her more than anything else. She looked away, no longer able to keep eye contact with him and lowered her hands from the bars.

'Touched a nerve, have I?'

She tried to ignore him, tried so hard that she balled her hands into fists and dug her nails deep into her palms.

'Did I kick you too hard? Did I take away that perfect family you always dreamed of with a hard blow to the stomach? I didn't mean to, I assure you – it's just an added bonus.'

She couldn't help it. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she had to use the wall to support herself, leaning against it as her head became heavy. He loved it. He loved the fact that he had taken away something which meant so much to her, and she hadn't the strength to respond anymore. He had won. Just like that, he had won.

'Well the lion seems to have grown quiet,' jested Gray, sitting back down on the bench. 'Not so mighty after all, perhaps? I have to wish you luck, Miss Trinket. Do you think that anybody, even Haymitch, will want you now?'

Effie was saved by the sound of footsteps down the corridor, though the room seemed to be growing darker around her. Her head fell into her hands as her tears continued to flow, but it was the sound of a familiar voice which caused her to snap back into reality.

'Transfer Mr. Freeman to a different cell,' Plutarch said sternly, 'he should never have been placed here. Take him downstairs.'

'Yes sir,' one of the guards replied.

Effie looked up, her eyes wide and grateful as she watched the guards take Gray away, still smiling at her until he was out of sight. She would never see him again. Plutarch turned to Effie, opening the door to her cell with a key and stepping inside. He opened his arms and she fell into them easily, the warmth of his embrace a comfort after reliving her nightmares with a man she despised.

'Effie I am so sorry,' Plutarch whispered. 'This should never have happened, you weren't meant to stand trial.'

'No, it's okay,' Effie answered as she moved back from his chest, 'I shouldn't be out of reach of the law. I should accept my judgement like everyone else.'

'I admire your courage, but even so it is unfair. You have not had enough time to recover, and that I am afraid will work against you. General Atkins seems to want you to be held accountable, but I do not think that she has a subjective view. She cannot truly understand.'

'But she's right,' insisted Effie. 'I killed someone; I should be punished for it.'

'You are too honest and kind for your own good sometimes,' Plutarch said, smiling a little. 'There are times when people should suffer, and times when they should not. Some people, like Gray, have done what they have through spite and wickedness; some people have no choice. Effie, I know how hard it is. During the rebellion I did...well a lot of things that I am not proud of. But it was for a good cause, for a better world, and though the guilt never really leaves you, you console yourself in knowing that it makes you a better person to feel those emotions. It means that you are a decent human being.'

Effie nodded in understanding.

'I want to help you, but I am not sure of how much I can do,' explained Plutarch. 'I cannot simply tell the judge to dismiss the trial, but I believe that General Atkins will want this over quickly. She will ask for a hearing to be held, and...I'm sorry Effie, but it will call your mental health into question. In a fair trial you would be acquitted, given the circumstances, but she wants you to be committed to a psychiatric facility for the rest of your life.'

'She...why? Who would do something like that?'

'A woman who cannot let go of the past and realise that things have changed,' sighed Plutarch. 'I would discount her if I could, tell the judge that she is unfit to pass judgement but she was already applied for the hearing to be held tomorrow. There's not much that I can do.'

'I...' Effie was lost for words. She knew that justice would have to come to her eventually, but the idea of being locked up in a padded white cell for the rest of her life seemed too much like how her life had already been. Another cell, another captivity, and more time to be alone and for her fractured mind to roam into darkness.

'I have an idea,' Plutarch assured her. 'I can't promise anything, but I do have one thing that I can try to do. Until then, you have to stay strong.'

'I...I'll try,' Effie stuttered.

'No,' Plutarch said a little more sternly, 'you really have to be strong here, Effie. If they see you are weak, weaker than expected, then they will make their decision a lot more quickly. The judge is fair, but he thinks that it will help you; I beg to differ. You can't have an attack, you have to try and keep it together, just for tonight. Can you do that?'

'I don't know,' Effie answered honestly, tears welling in her eyes. Plutarch rested a hand gently on her shoulder.

'I think that you can do it,' he told her. 'One night, and then it will all be over.'

'Do you promise?'

Plutarch swallowed.

'Promise.'

'Thank you,' Effie stammered, 'for everything.'

'There is just one more thing.'

She ushered him to continue.

'I don't think that you should see Haymitch.' Effie was struck by his words.

'Wh-why?'

'You need to prove that you are independent, and I think that having to see him and then have him taken away again will do you more harm than good. There are things that you both must do alone, for now, and then if all goes well you can be together by tomorrow evening.'

'O-okay,' Effie agreed, though inside her heart was fluttering. She didn't know if she could do it, waiting so long to see Haymitch. There were so many things that she wanted to tell him, about the kiss and how she didn't mean to react as she did. She wanted to say it, that she loved him, as she had never been able to before.

'Can you tell him something for me?'

Plutarch nodded.

'Tell him that I'm sorry,' Effie instructed him, 'and that...that I didn't mean...Just tell him that it was wonderful, and I don't regret it for a second.'

Xxx

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**Please pardon any grammatical errors. I did a quick proof read, but I wanted to get this up asap so rushed through a little. **

**Hope it was okay, and please leave a review. Thanks for reading and sorry for the briefness; will make up for it next chapter!**


	21. Chapter 21

**I know that this is the first post in a very long while, for which I can only apologise. A lot has happened with my life and I considered abandoning the end of this story all together; but I decided to complete it, if only for myself.**

**I am well aware that this chapter is not my best, and probably has continuity errors or what have you, but I don't have access to my previous notes so I apologise. **

**I thank everyone who has read and reviewed this story, and can promise that at some point the final chapter will be posted. I have known for months the exact nature and layout, almost word for word, so it won't be hard to write so even if I take a while to get it down it will come. I know that for my own reasons, I want to finish this story so please be kind. I am not claiming that this is as good as usual, and it isn't, but the last chapter will be better. This one has presented a great deal of obstacles so I just made the decision to get it down as best I could.**

**I won't beg for reviews, but I always like to hear what people think as long as it is not unnecessarily critical. **

**I can only say sorry for the wait, and thank anyone who bothers for reading, and whatever anyone says I will finish this for me and for the person who asked me to finish it despite not having posted in months. That person, a guest, spurred me on so thank you very much.**

**Anyway, rant over, so here you go. Last chapter won't be as long but will be up eventually. Soon I hope but I won't promise in case I have to break it. IT WILL GET FINISHED! One day, lol. Hopefully soon xD**

**Thanks,**

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**Chapter 21**

She was alone again. Effie knew that it would be hard even to make it through the night, so she shut herself off; in spite of the cold and the dull ache of her still healing wounds, she felt nothing. Even her emotions, which often seemed to run wilder than the crashing white water of rapids, had been tempered. Besides, she wasn't sure what to feel. The fear of it all – of her uncertain future, of losing Haymitch, of coming to terms with what she had done – all of it meant nothing now, and had simply become too much of a burden to bear.

So she lay down, facing the wall, and trying to take every minute, every second, as it came. Effie heard people enter her cell, heard their words as they tried to speak to her, but she ignored them. The food and water they brought her was left untouched in the corner of the room.

With no way of knowing how long she had been there, Effie felt lost. She tried not to let her mind wander too far but the memories of the past few years were strong and powerful, and difficult to fight against_. Just one night_, she had to tell herself. _One night and then…_

She didn't know what would happen to her. It was one of the many mysteries which surrounded and enveloped her life, suffocating her until she began to drown beneath them.

_One night, and then at least I will know. At least I will know what the rest of my life will come to. At least I will be able to accept my fate…whatever it is._

Xxx

When he left the prison block, Plutarch felt as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders; perhaps he did. It was over, for now, and yet it was all just beginning. He had thought, dared even to hope, that the death of President Snow had ended the troubles of Panem. A year on and nothing had really changed.

Yes, people could say that they were free, but they were almost as powerless as before. Children were no longer taken to fight to the death, but the damage caused by the war and the poverty it left behind meant that many families did not have enough to live on – people were still dying. The country could not be rebuilt fast enough to fulfil the growing requirements of the millions who depended on it. And now this…

The last year of work had been destroyed in a matter of weeks. No-one was happy, few were safe, and there were so many questions left unanswered; this new beginning was almost worse than what it had left behind. There was little hope of a world where things were better, as there had been in the last seventy seven years – this was the supposedly 'better' world.

Effie had been one of the very few Capitol citizens who had fought against the oppressors during the war, and it had cost her everything. By the time they had pulled her from her cell, she was almost gone. Some had said she should be left for dead; after all, there was a war still raging above them and there wasn't a lot left to save. She had been a big part of what they were rising up against, some thought, and they didn't even want to try.

But Plutarch had insisted. He had not known Effie well, but he had known her enough to be able to see that she had only been doing what she had to in order to stay alive. Her position was not given to her as a reward, but as a duty and had she not fulfilled it well then she would already be dead. Her gentle heart, beneath the wigs and makeup everyone else saw, had given her the courage to stand up and say no – and this had led her to where she was today.

He felt partially responsible for what had happened to her since they saved her from that cell. Plutarch had ensured that she was looked after, that she had a job and the means to start a new life, but he had assumed that she would be safe in the Capitol. There had been rumours before of a resistance to the new order, and he knew that Gray Freeman had never been captured as much as he knew that he had been the one to implement Effie's torture, yet he had never considered that they would come after her.

Now, Plutarch was left wondering if there was anything that he could even do to help her. She was fragile, a danger to herself but not to others, and the walls were closing in on her. He knew that if Effie lost the chance to recover from this, lost the rest of her life because of something she had no control over, then he would not be able to forgive himself.

It was just outside the entrance to the prison where Plutarch met with Haymitch.

'Haymitch,' Plutarch started gently, knowing that he would have to remain calm when the inevitable occurred.

'Where is she?'

'I don't think-'

'WHERE IS SHE?'

'Effie has been confined to a cell,' Plutarch explained, 'as I am sure you could have guessed.'

'I need to see her,' Haymitch insisted, trying to push past him. Plutarch stopped him in his tracks, noticing how drawn and tired he looked in a crumpled suit which seemed to have been slept in.

'I am afraid that won't be possible,' he told Haymitch gently.

'If you think for one moment that I am going to just leave her alone in there, then you don't know me at all.'

'You can't see her,' repeated Plutarch, 'but I assure you that she's okay.'

'How can you say that?' Haymitch hissed. 'She couldn't even stand when they carried her out of the hospital.'

'I know, but the fact is that you will do more harm than good if you were to visit Effie tonight.'

'What do you-'

'I mean,' Plutarch continued, 'that she has a hearing tomorrow, one which will decide whether she is tried in court or admitted to a psychiatric facility as General Atkins has suggested. Trust me when I say that she needs you elsewhere.'

'She…she's not strong enough,' Haymitch croaked, clearing his throat. 'She needs me in there, I know it.'

'And the general knows it too, which is why she will use it against Effie. Look, a trial will last a day at most if it comes to that; no judge would convict her when presented with the evidence, the case will just be dismissed. If we can get through this hearing, then in a week or two you can both be free to do whatever you want and get the hell out of this place.'

Haymitch breathed heavily. He knew that Effie needed him, he could almost feel her reaching out to him, but he also didn't want to admit that he needed her too.

'Did you see her?'

Plutarch nodded.

'Only briefly, but I told her how what she needed to know about tomorrow and made sure that she was in no immediate danger. She had a message for you.'

'She did?' Haymitch felt his heart skip a beat.

'She said that she was sorry,' Plutarch recalled, 'and that she doesn't regret it. Do you know what she means?'

'Yes,' mumbled Haymitch, though he shook his head, 'but she has nothing to be sorry about. I wish that I could go through all of this for her. Does she have to be present tomorrow?'

'I tried to persuade the judge to hear the evidence without the need to disturb her, but he would not listen. I don't think he realises the extent of her recent illness.'

'It's going to be too much for her, after everything; it'll break her,' Haymitch said mournfully.

'Give her a chance,' Plutarch assured him, 'she might be stronger than you think.'

Xxx

Haymitch didn't sleep a wink that night. He lay in bed alone, staring at the ceiling and wishing that he could feel Effie's warmth beside him. It had all happened too late. There was probably a time when they could have been comfortable, even happy together, but it seemed to have long past. If he had confessed his feelings earlier, if she had never become engaged to that horrific man…but then, he had needed what had happened to her, to them both, to occur in order to realise what he felt. It was a circle which never ended. She would have been better off had she never had the misfortune of meeting him, that was for sure.

He had been told that the hearing would be a simple matter. General Atkins would state her case, and the judge would ask her questions. Plutarch had promised that he would be there to argue against Atkins, though he had warned that it was likely the judge would want to question Effie himself before making a decision. It was mostly informal, though Haymitch had been ordered to keep quiet to avoid being in contempt of a courtroom.

When morning broke, Plutarch knocked on his door and escorted him to a car which would take them to the justice department in District 2. They rode in silence; neither wanted to say anything, knowing that it was pointless. Arriving an hour later, Haymitch walked into the tall white building with an emotionless face. He could hear his own heart pounding against his ribcage.

Both men were led into a room with a head judge's table on an elevated platform at the front. Before it were two benches, one for each party, at equal distances from the judge's table at opposite sides of the room. There was no jury, nor anywhere for spectators to sit as the hearing was not open to the public.

The only other thing in there was a small glass box at the back of the room, containing a small chair with a few steps leading up to it. It was not quite a box, with an open top and wooden flooring, but the glass walls made it seem more like a place to confine the person who would stand there, the accused – Effie. Haymitch hated to think of her standing there, knowing how much she hated to be locked in anywhere after what had happened to her. She had spent all night in a cage, he remembered, and swallowed heavily at the thought.

An officer came in and whispered something into Plutarch's ear.

'She's here,' he said to Haymitch once the officer had left. 'I'm going to go and make sure that she's all right before they bring her in, okay?'

He barely had the energy to nod, but somehow he managed it. Watching Plutarch walk away, Haymitch knew that he would have given anything to be in his place, going to her side when she needed him the most.

Xxx

Effie barely remembered anything before the courtroom appeared before her. She must have slipped into some form of light sleep, as she didn't even hear the guards entering her room; she only realised that they were there when they began shaking her lightly by the shoulder.

She remembered falling, though it felt as if this memory was little more than a dream she could not quite recall. Effie was still unsteady on her feet, but these guards were kinder than those who had brought her there. They did not force her forwards, never pushing her faster than she was able to go, and allowed her the dignity of making her own way supported rather than carrying her in their arms.

Someone must have helped her out of the drab grey hospital gown and into a loose fitting long black dress witch sleeves to cover her scars. She didn't say a word as everything was going on around her. Getting lost in her own little world was easy, almost too easy, and becoming a habit she knew that she would have to kick.

Effie remembered a time when she wore clothes of the finest silk, so bright that she could light up a room when she walked in. No-one had ever really told her that she was pretty, so she had felt the need to make herself into a walking statement with her fashion. It was not quite as radical as some of the other Capitol residents but her clothes were always radiant, uplifting in a manner which matched the sparkling personality she showed the world every day.

Part of her wished that she could go back there, to that world where everything was ugly and treacherous but simpler. The world was a darker place, but she had never had any hope that it would get better so she had survived. It was the hope of something more once Snow had finally died which had hurt her the most – the hope which died, taking part of her with it.

Effie Trinket wasn't really who she was anymore. If she looked in a mirror, she would see a sullen and distant woman with pale skin and thin hair trying to shy away from the world. That wasn't Effie. Effie was someone whose skin shone, accented with makeup of purple or green and with clothes to match. She walked into a room exuding confidence and all eyes rested upon her. Effie was gone. Who she was now…was anyone's guess.

The scratches on her arms, inflicted by her own hand though she could not remember how, were a reminder of this, of the fact that she was no longer the woman she had once been. No-one asked about them, not even Haymitch, and she wasn't sure whether she could have answered if he had. It was a sign of her weakness, she knew, as well as her guilt. She feared that they would never fade.

Her hands were not bound as she rode in the back of a black car to the justice building. She was no danger, everyone knew, and there were enough people surrounding her within the vehicle and in surrounding cars to stop her if she tried to run. Why would she run? It seemed ridiculous to her. What was the point in running away when there was nothing and no-one to run to? Haymitch, perhaps, but he didn't need the hassle. Effie knew that he deserved better than her, and it only made her sad to think that he couldn't see it himself.

When she arrived, Effie was helped slowly into the building though her strength was enough that she could walk a fair way with someone to lean on. She sat down outside the room where her fate would be decided, breathing deeply to try and get enough oxygen into her system. It was only a few seconds later that Plutarch came out with a gentle smile on his lips to see her.

'How are you?'

'Alive,' she replied. It was the only honest answer she could give.

'They said you hadn't eaten anything.'

'I wasn't hungry.'

Plutarch ushered the guards back, so that they could talk with a little more privacy, and knelt before her so that their eyes were level.

'You have to get it out of your head that you are not worthy of life,' he whispered calmly. They both knew he spoke the truth. 'You have nothing to feel guilty about, nothing to fear, and I swear to you that there will be a life for you outside of this place, wherever you wish to go.'

'Thank you,' Effie answered dryly, though her eyes could not quite meet Plutarch's.

'We all have our burdens to bear, and yours I cannot deny is greater than all of ours, but that's what makes you human. That is what makes you better than them, because you care enough to bear that burden.' He took her hand and squeezed it lightly in his own. 'Don't let them win.'

Xxx

Haymitch felt his heart skip a beat when he saw Effie walk slowly into the room with Plutarch Heavensbee. He came and sat beside Haymitch, but the older man's eyes were only on her. She ascended the few steps into the glass box, and supported herself on the wooden side as she was forced to remain standing.

'Could they not get her a chair?' hissed Haymitch.

'I asked, but clearly they did not listen,' Plutarch assured him.

General Atkins entered with the judge and Doctor Andrews, each of whom took their seats. Haymitch felt his heart sink a little as the doctor sat beside the general, looking almost apologetically at him as he did so. The judge was a tall, elderly man with greying hair and a kind look in his eyes. He seemed as unconvinced by the whole situation as they all were, but Haymitch hoped that wasn't because he had already made up his mind.

'I hereby begin the hearing concerning Miss Effie Trinket,' he announced as if he had said it a thousand times before.

'We are here to ascertain whether she is mentally fit enough to stand trial, not whether she is in fact guilty of her alleged crimes though it is likely there will be questions pertaining to their nature and origins. This hearing will be informal, though I do expect compliance and order from every party in the court. Now, General Atkins will make her opening statement.'

The general stood and gestured thanks to the judge, taking out a small piece of paper.

'Effie Trinket is a woman who stands accused of a very serious crime; the crime of taking a life, and nonetheless the life of the President of Panem.

'It is easy to see that Miss Trinket has been through a great deal of hardship since the beginning of the war which shook us all. She attempted to rebel within the Capitol, despite being with child, and was, due to this, arrested by the authorities which resulted in the loss of her unborn baby. After her rescue and recovery in hospital, Effie then suffered from severe bouts of depression and post-traumatic stress, which resulted in her taking a mild form of nightlock over an extended period.

'Gray Freeman, a man known for his part in the war and the more recent rebellion, then attacked and eventually took Miss Trinket captive which led to her being charged with killing the President. Since her freedom was acquired, her health has taken a dramatic downturn and I submit to this court that as a result of her experiences Miss Trinket is not fit to make decisions, and is not only too frail to stand trial but has been so damaged by her experiences that she requires long term care in a psychiatric facility where she can be kept under the justice system's watchful eye in place of a formal sentence.'

Haymitch felt his hands curl into fists. Most of what she had said was true, he could not deny, but the way she had said it made Effie seem like someone who simply broke. It wasn't as if she was asking for Effie to be helped by a mental health professional, Atkins was trying to have her sentenced without the help of the courts who would not hear such a weak case. She was using psychiatric care as a form of imprisonment, he could see it in her eyes.

'Very interesting,' the judge pondered for a moment. 'Why do you think it is, General Atkins, that Effie committed the crimes she is accused of? Is it because of her mental health issues?'

'In a way, your honour, 'she said smoothly. 'I believe that because of the stress caused by her previous experiences, and the pressure which was weighing heavily on her shoulders, that she chose to work with her captors due to her lack of clear judgement.'

'LIAR!' Haymitch screamed, getting to his feet. Plutarch tried to drag him back into his seat, but he was having none of it.

'You knew about Nooka, you knew she had no choice!'

Effie watched him with tears in his eyes, the name of the man she had once worshipped bringing back those most painful of memories.

'Calm down Mr. Abernathy or I will have you removed from the room,' the judge warned. Reluctantly, he returned to his seat.

'President Heavensbee, would you like to explain what was meant by Mr. Abernathy's statement?'

'Yes your honour.'

'As it is now widely known, the man to whom Miss Trinket was once engaged was always working very closely with Gray Freeman and President Snow. His relationship with her was, to him at least, more of an assignment to keep an eye on her, which led to her capture. When Effie was taken again by Freeman, he needed her access to Paylor in order for her assassination to be carried out. Therefore, he and Nooka formed a plot to convince her that his life as well as her own was endangered by her lack of participation in the scheme.'

'And Miss Trinket had no idea that he was working with them?' the judge asked.

'No your honour,' Plutarch replied. 'She had assumed that he had died in the war, that he himself had been arrested as she was and killed, so when she saw him again she assumed that he had never been released and was still at their mercy. It was revealed to her afterwards the extent of his lies.'

'What has this to do with General Atkins' point?'

'It means that Effie did not make this decision using some warped lack of judgement, or because she was impaired mentally from her past experiences. She feared for a loved one, someone she thought was in danger and had no reason to believe otherwise, and made a rational decision as we all would in that situation. If the entire case is built on the assumption that her actions were caused by impediment rather than impossible circumstances, then I see that the case is closed.' Plutarch took his seat once more and gave a reassuring look to Effie, who half smiled back at him.

'Well, General Atkins?' the judge responded, turning to the general who was looking suitably irritated.

'I of course accept the facts Mr. Heavensbee has stated,' she said graciously, though through gritted teeth, 'but the fact remains that since those experiences mentioned by him and her treatment at the District 2 hospital, her mental health has been assessed and called into serious question.'

Effie's heart sank again as the smile flickered from her face. She wasn't going to let this go. She could see it, hear it in the general's tone of voice; she had more, and she wasn't giving up without a fight.

'Go on,' the judge invited.

'After the traumatic events of the shooting of President Paylor, as well as the dreadful revelation that her engagement had been a façade, Miss Trinket must have suffered mentally to some degree. This combined with her incarceration in poor conditions and the wounds inflicted upon her by those guarding her meant that she was very vulnerable. After a difficult escape, resulting in her being shot, she was taken to hospital and told that as a result of her injuries she could no longer bear children. The health evaluations after these facts came to light, observed by Doctor Andrews, show the extent of her psychiatric problems.'

'You are the doctor?'

'Y-yes,' stuttered Doctor Andrews nervously as he stood from his seat.

'And is it correct that you took responsibility for Miss Trinket's care whilst she was in hospital?'

'Yes, but-'

'Please Mr Andrews, just answer simply,' the judge pressed. 'Can you describe the degree of injuries she presented when she arrived?'

'Well the gunshot wound to her shoulder meant that she lost a lot of blood,' Andrews explained, 'but there were signs of severe abuse over an extended period. The internal damage, caused by beating and kicking I assume, was so great that her heart failed at one point and her womb was too badly damaged to save. Effie also had a number of scars and contusions from wounds old and new, most of which attributed to the great loss of fluids.'

It was as if she was reliving every second of it in a flash. Every kick, every punch, every time they had held her down as she screamed for them to stop – she went through it all again as the doctor described it. Effie felt the cold metal of the knife against her bare skin and heard the thud as her bones cracked beneath the pressure of a fist. She closed her eyes, gripping tightly to the wooden side to steady herself. Dizziness clouded her vision, making her head spin, but no-one seemed to notice. She was just the pathetic little woman, probably crazy as well as broken, and nobody cared.

'It says here,' the judge said, looking at the notes before him, 'that there was evidence of self-inflicted injuries. Is that true?'

'Yes, your honour,' the doctor admitted, 'but we cannot gather how she got them, and Effie herself can't remember. To say they are self-inflicted is not to say that they weren't gathered fighting off an attacker or during an escape attempt. The evidence there is inconclusive.'

'Regardless of this, your honour, the facts on which this appeal was made are based during her recent recovery from these injuries, as the doctor well knows,' Atkins interrupted.

'Did you observe some degree of traumatic stress or a mental illness, when you assessed her progress Doctor Andrews?' asked the judge, leaning forwards slightly in his chair.

'I…yes, I suppose,' he mumbled.

'Can you please elaborate?'

'Well I do not think that these particular afflictions are such that they cannot be fixed with a light course of medication or some form of therapy-'

'The facts please, Mr Andrews,' the judge insisted.

'As is to be expected, Effie suffers from night terrors. Her nightmares, whenever she sleeps, are so deep and real that she relives her past experiences in her sleep. This means that she does not often rest at all, and when she does she has to wake after a few hours, but this is something commonly associated with typical post-traumatic stress.'

'There are…only a few other problems I see with Effie's mentality. She cannot be left alone. When she is alone, particularly without the care of Haymitch to whom she has grown close, she panics and cannot handle the situation. It is somewhat more than a simple panic attack, however. Within minutes, Effie can break down to the point here she sees hallucinations, images of the dead and people who cannot possibly be there, and becomes somewhat of a danger to herself.'

'Is she violent in these outbursts?'

'She can be difficult to manage,' Andrews agreed, 'but she does not try to harm others. The more dangerous aspect of her rage and confusion when she is in this state is that she is liable to hurt herself, which she has been known to do.'

'Thank you, Mr. Andrews,' the judge said, allowing Andrews to sit down. 'I feel that this case is simpler than it first seemed. I cannot think why this poor woman should endure a full trial, as it is clear at least to me that she meant no harm. The fact that after everything she has been through she is not coping is unsurprising, but I fear that her dependency on others and the threat to herself untreated is far greater than can simply be dealt with alone.'

Effie's heart stopped. She knew what he was saying; that it was over. She was not being blamed, as far as she could tell, for what she had done but the judge was sentencing her to life in a padded cell. Because she had not had a trial, she could not simply be released if she got better. It could be years before they thought about letting her go, and how would she live until then? It wasn't a life she wanted to lead.

'Please, your honour, let us explain a different side to this story,' pleaded Plutarch, standing up in protest. Haymitch stood up with him.

'She just needs some help, that's all,' Haymitch insisted. 'I can help her, we can all help her; she doesn't need to be carted off to some nuthouse, it's not where she belongs. It'll kill her!'

'I understand your concerns but this matter-'

The judge stopped in his tracks as he watched Effie falter. She stepped back a pace, her legs dangerously wobbling beneath her as her head became heavier and heavier. She heard the sound of screaming, though whether it was from her own lips or the dark corners of her mind she could not say. All she remembered after that was the thud as her broken body hit the floor.

Xxx

Haymitch ran to her as the judge called a recess and Plutarch took him to the side for a word. He pushed passed the guards and knelt beside her, making sure that she was still breathing before allowing a little relief to take over.

'She's cold,' he realised, taking her hand in his own, 'get her a blanket.' Guards ran in all directions at once.

It was seconds before Effie's eyes flickered open, glistening as though riddled with tears.

'H-Hay-'

'Shh, it's okay someone has gone to get help.' The doctor had moved around him to take Effie's pulse and check that she was not in any immediate danger.

'D-don't n-need,' Effie managed feebly before pausing to take a deep breath. 'J-just tired.'

Haymitch rubbed the soft skin of her hand with his thumb, kissing it gently.

'You never needed to say that you were sorry,' he whispered. 'I'm sorry. I've let you down. I should have done more…'

'Y-you…' started Effie before coughing violently, 'y-you saved me. S-so many w-ways. N-never be sorry.'

'I think that she's just in shock,' Andrews explained.

'From what?' asked Haymitch.

'The fall. She probably just fainted given her lack of food, water and sleep; she'll be all right in a few minutes.'

'She should never have been brought here,' muttered Haymitch. 'She should never have had to go through all of this.'

Xxx

Plutarch came over a few minutes later. They had decided not to move Effie until she felt a little stronger, allowing her to get up at her own pace.

'How is she?'

'Okay, we think,' Haymitch told him. 'This hearing should never have been held. She wasn't ready.'

'I know, and I've explained as much to the judge. I've persuaded him to question her, when she's ready of course, before he makes his decision.'

'I…I don't think that she's up to it,' Haymitch admitted.

'He'll be gentle, I've warned him,' Plutarch said, betraying a hint of a smirk. 'Trust me, we have one shot. I've had an idea and it can only work if he speaks to her.'

'I'm ready,' Effie said weakly, pushing herself into a sitting position slowly.

'Woah, you shouldn't sit up too quickly,' Doctor Andrews warned her.

'I'm fine,' she lied, 'I…I need this to be over with.'

'Can she sit down, somewhere next to us?' asked Haymitch. 'I need to make sure she's okay and she can't stand in here any longer.' Plutarch looked almost too pleased with his suggestion.

'Of course.'

Xxx

Effie sat beside Haymitch, trying to give the illusion of strength whilst holding Haymitch's hand beneath the table. She would indulge in his comfort for now; she needed it more than ever before. General Atkins seemed frustrated by the slowing of events, even daring to suggest that Effie had faked her collapse in order to prolong the trial. After that statement, she had been ordered by the judge to sit down and be quiet or leave the court room.

Her heart was racing, pummelling against her ribs with vigour like a drum. She gripped Haymitch's hand tighter as the room settled, and the judge turned to her. He seemed far less intimidating when Effie herself wasn't looking from behind the glass.

'So, Effie,' the judge said gently, as if speaking to her alone would cause her to break, 'do you understand why this hearing has to be held?'

'Yes,' she replied simply.

'I have heard from different sources what you have had to endure; can you put it into your owns words for me?'

'It's…like nothing else. I can't bear to think about the memories, because that means I have to admit that it all happened. I don't know how I survived, in all honesty. I don't know what I'm still doing here.'

'How do you feel now?'

It was a question that she had feared, as she didn't quite know the answer herself. Effie felt tears sting her eyes.

'I'm not sure how to feel,' she tried to explain. 'I…I suppose that I am lucky to be alive, but I…I don't… I feel like I don't quite deserve to be here. I blame myself for President Paylor's death, of course, and I'm not sure how to move on from it. I'm not sure who I am anymore.'

'What do you mean by that?'

'I'm not the person I used to be. I'm not the Effie who ferried tributes or wore pink because she needed to prove who she was…I need to figure out who I am now.'

'I see; I think that is something we can all relate to in a way,' the judge smiled sympathetically. 'Do you accept the things Doctor Andrews has said, about your recent panic attacks?'

'I do,' Effie accepted. 'I…I won't pretend that I'm okay, because I'm not. I can't just forget everything that has happened to me, and I don't think that I ever will. But I have someone, someone who can keep me strong and even if I depend on him this is just the beginning. He can help me survive. I don't deserve your sympathy, I don't want my sins to be forgotten, but I don't think locking problems away can solve them.'

'Well said,' agreed the judge. Effie couldn't help but let a tear slide from the corner of her eye. Haymitch wiped it away with a gentle hand.

'I think that this hearing has run its course,' he said eventually. 'I have taken what you have all said on board, and although I do not feel that Effie should be punished for the last traumatic two years of her life, the question of her continued wellbeing must be considered.'

Haymitch put his arm around Effie and pulled her close, feeling her body trembling beneath his touch.

'In order to ensure that Effie has the best care in the company of the people who care for her, I charge Doctor Andrews to oversee her progress for at least the next two years. During this time, Effie will be cared for by Haymitch Abernathy, her primary carer, and they will be free to go wherever they please. I do not think that a trial should be held, and will have the charges formally dismissed. Effie Trinket, you are free to go.'

She couldn't quite believe it. Her body was numb, her mind even more so, and it took a deep embrace from Haymitch to bring her around. She found herself clinging to him, never wanting to let go, and starting to cry. Atkins stormed out, not saying a word. She had lost.

'Plutarch, thank you,' Haymitch said as the president made to leave. 'You suggested this, didn't you? When you talked to the judge?'

'You won't ever need to thank me; I owe it to you both. Just…be happy, on my behalf will you?'

Xxx

Haymitch and Effie took a car back to the hospital, as he was concerned how pale she was after the day's events. She was unsteady on her feet now, and struggling to keep her breathing steady.

'I'm fine, Haymitch,' she insisted as he gently helped her onto a bed in a private room.

'I know, I just want to make sure.' She looked so tired, barely able to keep her eyes open as her head hit the pillow.

Before he could move away, Effie reached up and kissed him softly.

'I love you,' she whispered, 'I can finally say it. I love you.'

'I love you too sweetheart. We're free, we can do anything.'

Effie looked up at him with sad, distant eyes as if she was puzzled.

'Can we?' she asked, her lower lip wobbling. For whatever reason, she still couldn't believe that it was possible; was that because it wasn't?

Haymitch had no time to answer before Effie's eyes closed. He pulled a blanket over her fragile body, pulled up a chair, and held her hand throughout the night.

Surely now, they could find something. They could do anything; go back to District 12 and live a simple life never having to want for anything. They could be happy.

Couldn't they?

* * *

**So there we go, hope it wasn't too painful to read. Thanks for your time and if you want to leave a comment go ahead. I wasn't pleased with it entirely, given the format of the trial and everything, but I had to go with what I had.**

**Thanks**


	22. Chapter 22

**I told you I would finish it ;)**

**Not pleased with all of it but it is done and I nearly cried at the end writing it which I have never done. So, we've finished! It was a pretty random obsession of a fic finished around 9 months after it started but there we go. It is done and thank you for everyone who has read it.**

* * *

**Chapter 22 **

It was a beautiful day, one of the first of a new spring. The sky was the most brilliant cerulean blue with barely a cloud to deface its beauty and the sun was warm but gentle as it caressed her face. Effie didn't know how long she had been sitting there. This spot at the edge of the woods had become one of her favourites; somewhere she could go and not have to think about anything that had happened. When she was there, the rest of the world didn't matter.

The grass was soft beneath her, and the small pool of glistening water cool and refreshing as soothed her feet. It was becoming harder to walk long distances, but it was worth it to come here. Effie sighed, a sound which was neither contented nor melancholy, as she realised that the day was wearing on. Haymitch would begin to worry, as he always did.

The change in him since she had first met him was astonishing, and now she often wondered what on Earth she had done to deserve him. There were still days, one too many for her liking, when she woke up and couldn't stop the flood of memories which came back to haunt her. On those days she needed him more than ever just to keep her calm, but it was becoming a less frequent occurrence for which Effie was glad. She didn't want to be helpless anymore. She had spent most of her life being dictated to by other people, but it was time for a change. Time for a new Effie.

As she made her way slowly back through District 12, a few people waved at her. There were those who still knew her for who she had been before the rebellion, but most had heard at least parts of her story and had accepted her into the community; Effie had a feeling Haymitch and Katniss had something to do with that. It was a nice place to live, much nicer than the Capitol where she had sworn never to return to. The thought of it still made her cringe – too many memories.

In a moment, she was back at the modest house she shared with Haymitch. He was waiting when she got in, as she had known he would be.

'You were gone when I got up,' he said, handing her a cup of tea.

'Yes, sorry, I just needed some fresh air and I didn't want to wake you.'

'By God you're getting big,' he smiled, putting a hand on her swollen stomach. 'He's going to be a right bruiser when he's born.'

'He?' smiled Effie. She loved how Haymitch had automatically assumed that she was carrying their son.

'Yes, he,' Haymitch insisted playfully, kissing her lightly on the lips. 'I'm sure of it.'

'Oh really? And what if it's a girl?'

'Then...then we may need to re-paint the nursery.'

'You didn't!'

Haymitch laughed, a sound which made her heart skip a beat every time she heard it.

'I wouldn't do that without you, but I could have!' he assured her with a mischievous grin.

'You are terrible,' scolded Effie, still not able to wipe the smile from her face.

'Am I?'

'Yes,' she said, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close to steal another kiss. 'Absolutely terrible.'

At that moment, the baby growing inside of her kicked and she jumped in surprise.

'I think she agrees.'

'He does.'

'Oh Haymitch!'

'Hello?'

Effie turned to see Peeta standing in the doorway, carrying a baby's crib carved from oak and by the look of it made by hand.

'Peeta that's beautiful!'

'Well me and Haymitch have both been working on it for a while, and I thought I'd bring it over,' he said, putting it down by the door. Effie ambled over and gave him a hug, to which the baby added a kick.

'Thank you, both of you,' she said, knowing that her eyes were welling up with tears.

'Sorry,' she added, wiping her eyes, 'hormones.'

'I'll leave you two to it but I'll see you tomorrow for dinner?'

'Of course,' Effie smiled, watching as he left.

'Should you not be resting?' Haymitch asked, wrapping his arms around her from behind and holding her close.

'No, I'm okay. I didn't think that we could do it.'

'What?'

'This,' she admitted, 'living like normal people, being happy…I didn't think it would be possible.'

'But it is,' he assured her, kissing her head. 'You've defied everything just be being here, more-so with our baby, an impossible miracle. We did it, Effie, and we are going to be fine.'

'Promise?'

'I promise.'

She smiled and a tear ran down her cheek, though she didn't know why. The world around her seemed to blur, the edges of her vision turning dark and she wondered why she felt as if she was falling.

Xxx

'I…I don't know what to say,' Katniss stuttered as she came to sit beside Haymitch.

'Neither do I,' he admitted. He had been lost for words ever since they had told him.

'I am so sorry, Haymitch.'

He looked at her, as beautiful as she had ever been, and couldn't believe it. He didn't want to.

'She asked me,' he told her in a quiet voice filled with sorrow, 'she asked me if we would be happy. If we were really free. If it was all over…I told her that we would be fine.'

'You couldn't have known, nobody could. There's nothing that you could have done,' she assured him.

'I keep telling myself that; why don't I believe it?'

Katniss felt tears stinging her eyes, but she knew that she could not let them fall for Haymitch's sake. She had never seen him so broken. In truth, they were all struggling to come to terms with what had happened, but no-one more than Haymitch. He wouldn't leave her side for anything, no matter what anybody said.

There was a soft knock on the door, and Plutarch poked his head around looking both solemn and confused. Katniss stood up and went to him, closing the door to the room behind them so they could speak in the corridor.

'I…I don't…what's happening Katniss?' he asked. 'I just got a phone call, but no-one has told me anything.'

'It's Effie,' she started, trying to stop her voice from cracking, 'she…she's gone.'

'Gone? What do you mean gone? How can she be gone?' He ran his fingers through his hair, more emotion showing on his face than Katniss had ever seen before. Usually Plutarch managed to keep calm in spite of anything, but not now. She wasn't surprised.

'The doctors said it was some kind of stroke, but they can't be sure,' she explained. 'There was nothing that anyone could have done.'

'Is she-'

'No,' Katniss interrupted, unable to cope with the word they all feared, 'but it's a matter of hours. She hasn't responded to anything so far and she won't wake up with the damage that has been done. Effie…'

Saying her name forced the tears to flow from her eyes despite her efforts to stop them, a salted river of sorrow which seemed never ending. Plutarch put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

'I know.'

'I never really got a chance to tell her, not properly, you know? All those years…I hated her, Plutarch, down to the core because I thought she was something she wasn't. I never got to thank her for what she did for us, and I never got to say how sorry I was, I am…'

'She knows, Katniss, she does. There are things in all of our pasts which we are not proud of, but she never judged you for hating her. She understood how many people did after what happened and what she had done. Trust me on this, she had forgiven you without a thought a long time ago.'

'She deserved a second chance,' Katniss complained, as if somehow it could make a difference. 'She deserved to be happy.'

'That is very true,' nodded Plutarch, wiping his own sparkling eyes, 'but I'm not sure if she could be.'

'What do you mean?'

'I think that if a person suffers as much as she did, it's often more difficult to survive than to let go. This couldn't be helped Katniss, it's nobody's fault, but wherever she is now, wherever she goes, she will be free and maybe she can be happy.'

Xxx

Haymitch took Effie's hand and held it in his own; it was so cold it made him shiver. She was as white as winter's snow but her face was expressionless, at peace.

'Do you think that she's dreaming?' he asked, as Katniss came back to sit next to him.

'I don't know,' she admitted. 'I hope so.'

'We never got a chance,' Haymitch said sadly, 'not really. I hated her for so long I didn't realise how much I…All I wanted was to keep her safe.'

'You did.'

'Not safe enough, clearly,' he shook his head. 'What do I do now? How can I go back and live my life when she doesn't get that chance? Why do I deserve it more than she does?'

'You don't deserve it more than she does,' Katniss told him honestly, 'no-one is more deserving of life than anyone else, it doesn't work that way. You can love her, mourn her, and maybe one day you'll see her again.'

'How can one night change so much? Yesterday was the end of the trial, the start of a new life, and now it's the end all over again.'

'With every ending comes a beginning I suppose.'

'What does that mean?'

'I don't know,' Katniss admitted, 'I read it in a book once. But there is something for you to do.'

'What?'

Katniss took a small photograph from her jacket pocket, unfolded it and handed it to Haymitch. He took it with a shaking hand and it took him a moment to comprehend.

'You're…'

'Yes. I didn't want to say anything before, but there never will be a good time.'

'Con-congratulations.'

'Thank you, but I can't feel happy about it – not yet. I know what I'm going to call her though, that's a given.' Katniss placed a hand on the small curve of her stomach.

As she did so, the monitors began to beep. The line which had been spiking to show Effie's heart rate became flat, and Haymitch felt his heart breaking. He knew that it had to happen, there was no preventing it, yet still it felt as if a thousand knives had pierced his chest and taken his heart. A nurse came in and turned off the monitor, leaving just as quickly. Nothing could be done. She really was gone.

Haymitch felt tears rolling down his cheeks, though he bore them in silence.

'Do you want a minute alone?' Katniss asked. He nodded silently. She walked slowly to the door where Plutarch was waiting.

'I would be honoured if you would be her godfather, Haymitch. She needs someone like you in her life,' she said as she left, though Haymitch couldn't think clearly enough to respond.

He took Effie's hand and kissed it lightly. He stood and kissed her forehead, and her lips one last time as his entire body shook.

'Why?' he whispered, to no-one in particular. Haymitch stroked Effie's cheek with the back of his hand, and wondered how he had never realised in all those years how incredibly beautiful she was. She was perfect, even now, even after everything. She would always have his heart.

'I hope that you're happy,' he croaked, his voice breaking as he began to sob, 'wherever you are. I'll be there one day, I'll find you. But for now, sweet dreams, forever and eternity.'

'I love you.'

Xxx


End file.
